( open ) if we're all just cynics come undone

[nilhilistic]

Who: Rafal + You
Where: Around
What: Day in the life + Test Drive prompts
Warnings: N/A


( i. fun house )

[ rafal had wandered aimlessly through the carnival. the sweets and treats were fine, grabbing his attention but the rest seemed rather trivial. he didn't understand the enjoyment people received from activities like these. but then again, rafal knows he doesn't have the best sense of humour. he deadened those feelings long ago.

he pauses at his reflection. he looks the same as ever. thousands of years and he feels nothing has changed in his heart. he's still —

but the reflection warps. just slightly. the rafal that stands in the mirror is a softer version. smiles in his eyes, a cowardly bent to his posture. hands that rubbed together anxiously as he struggled to make eye contact. rafal's own eyes widened as he steps back in shock. ]

Nil?

[ at the sound of his name, "nil" looks back at rafal. his face takes on a mournful cast, tears running down his face. rafal swallows tightly at the sight of him, his brother and he nearly reaches out to touch him. but nil's next words freeze him in place. ]

Why, Rafal? I let you take my place. I saved your life. All I asked is that you protected my sister. Why?

[ rafal flinches openly, his expression turning into a snarl before he throttles it. ]

Shut up. You don't — You weren't there. I did the best I could. Living that lie for centuries.

[ nil shakes his head slowly, his gaze not leaving rafal. ]

That lie was the only thing that gave meaning to your life. You knew your worth. You knew. And yet you hurt her. Manipulated her. You got her killed. You think a thousand years of silence and heartbreak is enough? You think simply because you brought her back that you would change your fate?

[ those words hit him squarely in the chest. rafal struggles to speak, the grief and rage cloying his throat. ]

Don't — Don't do this, Nil. I — I loved you. I tried.

[ he turns on his heel, attempting to leave. but the reflection of nil pursues him throughout until rafal gasps, going on his knees. ]

Stop. Stop!

( ii. fortune telling )

[ this was not an art he ever gave much thought to.

seadall did fortune telling at night for the residents of the somniel, but rafal never attended those sessions. he generally kept his distance from the rest of the army. after all, it wasn't too long ago when he was their enemy. when he made them fight amalgations of themselves. destroyed a world in his wake. he rather not push his goodwill while he has it. curiousity pulled him to visit a fortune teller this time though. here in this artificial world, he's less sure of his oath. his direction. before, it was easy. he could follow alear. trusted alear.

here . . . who could he trust? especially when he cannot trust himself.

rafal wanders away from the tent, turning the tarot card he received. the card of justice. it was explained to him that he represented this card. upright, truth, clarity. reversed, it was dishonesty, unaccountability. was that his fate? in time, would he discard his truths?

he bumps into someone and the card falls to the ground. rafal sighs, bending down to grip it. ]

My apologies.

[ he picks up the card, still frowning. on a whim, he asks out loud. ]

Do you believe in fate?

( iii. flying around — dragon style )

[ there's nothing rafal enjoys more than flying.

finally having his own dragonstone, it's impossible to resist the siren call of retreating into his draconic form and take to the air. to beat his large wings and tower over the city as an omen of doom. it makes him chuckle a little. reformed he may be, rafal still believes in striking some terror in people's hearts. it affords him power.

he circles around the city, the beach and other areas of aldrip before landing in a field outside the city. rafal sits down, his tail swaying idly as he watches the scenery content. if you are brave enough, you can bother him for a conversation. ]

( iv. cafe time )

[ rafal doesn't care for bars and nightlife. the only thing he deeply enjoys are bakeries and cafes. he can always be found in one somewhere, with a mountain of sugar packets along with plates of desserts and drinks.

you can watch in horror as he dumps packet upon packet of sugar on his food, takes a bite and grimaces. ]

Not sweet enough. Not yet.

[ judge his eating habits. ]

Comments

( closed to vash ) MOVIE DATE

[nilhilistic]

[ finally everything was in order. movies were found. snacks were procured. a date was picked. now all rafal had to do was wait for vash to arrive. he's still surprised the man is choosing to go through with it. considering rafal's tastes in movies.

but then again, they'll be picking one of vash's choices and rafal is sure it'll be absolutely saccharine. either way, he can bear it. a knock on the door and he goes to open it, welcoming vash in. ]

You made it.

[skelters]

[ it's an easy thing for vash to agree - it's something that rafal likes to watch, so what if he gets scared of it or doesn't like it? there is in all possibility (even though the chances of that are fairly slim) that he might end up liking it too?

in any case - he makes his way to the market right before the time when he's supposed to turn up at rafal's doorstep, timing it so that when the door opens with the knocking (with his elbow, his arms are too full) rafal would be greeted with the smell of freshly made popcorn and other sickly-sweet baked goods. ]

Hello!!! [ poking his head out from behind the bags, vash smiles brightly enough that his eyes crinkle up. ] Of course, I wouldn't miss this at all!

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal huffs, shaking his head. ]

You might be making a bigger deal of this than I am.

[ but he politely lets vash in. rafal's house is basic. not much in the way of decoration or furniture save for the basics. he's not used to living on his own and it shows. if nel was here, he would have bothered. he knew what she liked and she in turn would have seen to his needs.

he pushes that away with a quiet pang in his heart. to be separated from nel so soon . . . it still feels like an open wound. ]

[skelters]

[ don't shut him out, rafal ... 🥺🥺🥺 ]

[ vash steps in cheerfully as he steps back, refraining from looking around because it's rude to be snoopy, right? even though he's curious about how he lives ... but it seems pretty basic, quite similar to how he keeps his own place, actually ...

well! i'm sure there's nothing wrong or trauma related about it!!!!! ]

But isn't it a big deal? You've invited me over, that's exciting!

[ vash makes a beeline straight for a table surface, starting to put down the stack of all the things he'd brought. ]

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal shakes his head. ]

It is not much in terms of lodging. The Somniel would have been a more fascinating location. A floating island overlooking the world.

[ he finds that he misses it now. how odd. ]

And of course, I was the one to invite you. After all, you are bearing the brunt of watching a movie you dislike.

[skelters]

I don't dislike it - [ he HATES it, just kidding! ]

Let's just say, I haven't had much of a chance to watch them?

[ that sounds much better, right?

from the bags he was carrying, out comes an assortment of carefully packed smoothie bottles - as well as the popcorn, of course, a pack of donuts encrusted with sprinkles, and other various sweets. it looks like he has grabbed anything that looked like it will rot your teeth off immediately. ]

A floating island? How high was that? Could you move it around, like a ship?

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal gives him a pointed look, but leaves vash to his delusions. he can't counter all of them after all. ]

No. It remained above the country of Lythos. It belonged to the Divine Dragon and only his power allowed others to reside there. It had a pond, stables, a place to train. A garden and a pool.

2!

[demonicbookworm]

[Ruca isn't really looking where he's going, so the moment someone bumps into him, he's quick to bow his head and apologize.]

Ah, n-no, it's all my fault! I'm sorry!

[But then there's a question.]

Fate...? [He looks up, then his expression quickly shifts into that of deep pondering.] I think... the future is something we build ourselves. If there is some predetermined fate in the world, then who decides it? And is it really set in stone?

[He can go on.]

On the other hand, it's nice to believe that some things are fate-- Ah, sorry. I'm talking too much!

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal purses his lips. he agrees but . . . he is a fell dragon. he's visited alternate worlds that resembled his own. seen the patterns that befall them. so he's not entirely convinced.

he waves off the apology flippantly. ]

Think nothing of it.

So your future has never been influenced? Manipulated?

[demonicbookworm]

[Ruca takes a moment to think.]

In my case... it was mostly influenced by past events.

[A lot has happened because of the incomplete memories of his past life. If he remembered it all from the start, perhaps some events would be different, others never happened.]

People can also manipulate someone else's future by hiding information, deceiving or scheming.

[nilhilistic]

And fate is not involved?

In bringing you to those points?

[ he's manipulated plenty of people. brought a world to its knees. he won. and he lost what is that if not fate? ]

[demonicbookworm]

I think... it's the choices made that are mainly responsible for bringing you to specific points.

[There's a small "hmm" noise from him, before he smiles.]

Oh, let's take my best friend. We were attending the same school, but we never met there because he was always skipping classes. We only met later, when we um... got into trouble. [Ended up in a prison cell, but shh.]

I sometimes wonder what if he didn't skip classes. Would we become friends much earlier? I guess there's no way of knowing that. In a way, the fact that we met each other in the end could also be "fate" but then again, I'd like to believe that you always have a choice.

[nilhilistic]

[ hrff. he agrees completely. he would never stop being accountable for his own actions. but rafal's not sure it gives him the clarity he needs. ]

That seems like a minor thing.

Is there nothing bigger in your life?

1

[theskyaccepts]

[Now that he has clocked what kind of Funhouse this is turning out to be (the not-very-fun kind), Tsuna has made his priority getting out. Especially since every single mirror seems to show him some sort of dark alternative to the person he wants to be. (And he would love to drown out Mukuro's laughter).

All this to say that it leads to Tsuna nearly tripping over Rafal in his mad dash for a way out. At the very least he stumbles, but amazingly manages to stay on his feet.]

Hey...Rafal? Are you okay?

cw: video contains stabbing

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal shakes his head. nil's voice rings in his ears. you know your worth.. not nil. he can't hear that from nil. the only one he loved, the only one who knew him.

nil looks at them with somber eyes. the reflection switches to a scene with rafal kneeling on the ground, "All my life I have sought to be valued . . . only to discover I was truly worthless". nel, confessing she knew the truth. rafal, waiting for the end.

except. the end was not what he expected. ]

[theskyaccepts]

[For his part, Tsuna has been trying not to look at others' mirrors. That stuff, those memories, they're private and it's weird to have them on display like this. It's hard not to look though. And maybe, Tsuna understands some things now.

Of course, Rafal's not okay. But there are ways to at least change some of that.]

C'mon, we need to get out of here. This place kinda sucks.

[nilhilistic]

I — I can't. I can't leave him.

[ it's nil. the only one he ever loved. his brother, his other half. and rafal failed him. nil is allowed to say it. nil is allowed to punish him.

but it hurts. it hurts to see him look at rafal like this.

[theskyaccepts]

[Tsuna nods. There's a weird sense of understanding. He'd probably be the same way if he saw his guardians.]

The thing is...it's just a reflection. It's not real.

[At least, that is the mantra he's been repeating.]

Would he want you to stay?

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal knows the answer. nil was never cruel. he lacked the ability and feeling to retaliate cruelly. he hated himself and his weakness, but he never directed that at his siblings.

unlike rafal, who did both in equal measure. hating his siblings for making him fear for his life each day. and hating himself for never having enough worth to matter to anyone. ]

. . . No. He would . . . never hurt me.

iv

[entreats]

[ Ange was just here to get a coffee to go. Maybe a little sweet treat to take along with it.

But when she's in the cafe, she really can't help but notice what's going on with Rafal over there. If he'd just be eating and drinking in a normal way, she likely wouldn't pay much mind to it, but.. that's a criminal amount of sweet packets there. She blinks a few times, like the girl has to make sure this really is what she's seeing. ]

Are you trying to kill yourself or something? [ She finally speaks up once she's realizing that yes, she really is seeing this. Is this some weird effect this place is having on Rafal? She wouldn't put it past this place.. ] That's enough sugar to give anyone diabetes.

[nilhilistic]

[ his nose wrinkles at her comment. he dumps another packet of sugar into his drink. ]

I don't know what that is, but it means nothing to a dragon.

[entreats]

[ .. can dragons get diabetes?

It's a good question, actually. The thought alone makes her somewhat curious, but she's also pretty sure that's the sort of thing you couldn't find in a book even if you'd try to.. Then again, he might be living proof that it's impossible, especially if-- ]

So this is normal for you? [ She instead asks, apparently not bothering to explain the diabetes thing. If he's really curious, he'll ask, she figures. Otherwise it's better to not bother. ] Eating this much sugar?

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal nods. ]

Dragons have stronger tastes than most. Normal human food is rather bland for me.

[entreats]

So even when you're in a human form, you still retain all other dragon things?

[ Like senses. Or appetite, apparently. ]

That's got to be a pain in some ways. Though hopefully that also means that you can't get the usual trouble in that body that humans would get if they were to eat this much sugar at once.

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal rolls his eyes a little, though it's not directed at her. ]

This is still the form of a dragon. It merely mimics the one humans also have. Not all dragons have the capability to transform as I do.

[ not that he always had it either. he purses his lips. adds more sugar in. ]

So it is unlikely for me to suffer the pitfalls of a human body.