expiationlogs | ( open ) if we're all just cynics come undone

Entry tags:

( open ) if we're all just cynics come undone

Who: Rafal + You
Where: Around
What: Day in the life + Test Drive prompts
Warnings: N/A

( i. fun house )

[ rafal had wandered aimlessly through the carnival. the sweets and treats were fine, grabbing his attention but the rest seemed rather trivial. he didn't understand the enjoyment people received from activities like these. but then again, rafal knows he doesn't have the best sense of humour. he deadened those feelings long ago.

he pauses at his reflection. he looks the same as ever. thousands of years and he feels nothing has changed in his heart. he's still —

but the reflection warps. just slightly. the rafal that stands in the mirror is a softer version. smiles in his eyes, a cowardly bent to his posture. hands that rubbed together anxiously as he struggled to make eye contact. rafal's own eyes widened as he steps back in shock. ]

Nil?

[ at the sound of his name, "nil" looks back at rafal. his face takes on a mournful cast, tears running down his face. rafal swallows tightly at the sight of him, his brother and he nearly reaches out to touch him. but nil's next words freeze him in place. ]

Why, Rafal? I let you take my place. I saved your life. All I asked is that you protected my sister. Why?

[ rafal flinches openly, his expression turning into a snarl before he throttles it. ]

Shut up. You don't — You weren't there. I did the best I could. Living that lie for centuries.

[ nil shakes his head slowly, his gaze not leaving rafal. ]

That lie was the only thing that gave meaning to your life. You knew your worth. You knew. And yet you hurt her. Manipulated her. You got her killed. You think a thousand years of silence and heartbreak is enough? You think simply because you brought her back that you would change your fate?

[ those words hit him squarely in the chest. rafal struggles to speak, the grief and rage cloying his throat. ]

Don't — Don't do this, Nil. I — I loved you. I tried.

[ he turns on his heel, attempting to leave. but the reflection of nil pursues him throughout until rafal gasps, going on his knees. ]

Stop. Stop!

( ii. fortune telling )

[ this was not an art he ever gave much thought to.

seadall did fortune telling at night for the residents of the somniel, but rafal never attended those sessions. he generally kept his distance from the rest of the army. after all, it wasn't too long ago when he was their enemy. when he made them fight amalgations of themselves. destroyed a world in his wake. he rather not push his goodwill while he has it. curiousity pulled him to visit a fortune teller this time though. here in this artificial world, he's less sure of his oath. his direction. before, it was easy. he could follow alear. trusted alear.

here . . . who could he trust? especially when he cannot trust himself.

rafal wanders away from the tent, turning the tarot card he received. the card of justice. it was explained to him that he represented this card. upright, truth, clarity. reversed, it was dishonesty, unaccountability. was that his fate? in time, would he discard his truths?

he bumps into someone and the card falls to the ground. rafal sighs, bending down to grip it. ]

My apologies.

[ he picks up the card, still frowning. on a whim, he asks out loud. ]

Do you believe in fate?

( iii. flying around — dragon style )

[ there's nothing rafal enjoys more than flying.

finally having his own dragonstone, it's impossible to resist the siren call of retreating into his draconic form and take to the air. to beat his large wings and tower over the city as an omen of doom. it makes him chuckle a little. reformed he may be, rafal still believes in striking some terror in people's hearts. it affords him power.

he circles around the city, the beach and other areas of aldrip before landing in a field outside the city. rafal sits down, his tail swaying idly as he watches the scenery content. if you are brave enough, you can bother him for a conversation. ]

( iv. cafe time )

[ rafal doesn't care for bars and nightlife. the only thing he deeply enjoys are bakeries and cafes. he can always be found in one somewhere, with a mountain of sugar packets along with plates of desserts and drinks.

you can watch in horror as he dumps packet upon packet of sugar on his food, takes a bite and grimaces. ]

Not sweet enough. Not yet.

[ judge his eating habits. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ it's an easy thing for vash to agree - it's something that rafal likes to watch, so what if he gets scared of it or doesn't like it? there is in all possibility (even though the chances of that are fairly slim) that he might end up liking it too?

in any case - he makes his way to the market right before the time when he's supposed to turn up at rafal's doorstep, timing it so that when the door opens with the knocking (with his elbow, his arms are too full) rafal would be greeted with the smell of freshly made popcorn and other sickly-sweet baked goods. ]

Hello!!! [ poking his head out from behind the bags, vash smiles brightly enough that his eyes crinkle up. ] Of course, I wouldn't miss this at all!

[ rafal huffs, shaking his head. ]

You might be making a bigger deal of this than I am.

[ but he politely lets vash in. rafal's house is basic. not much in the way of decoration or furniture save for the basics. he's not used to living on his own and it shows. if nel was here, he would have bothered. he knew what she liked and she in turn would have seen to his needs.

he pushes that away with a quiet pang in his heart. to be separated from nel so soon . . . it still feels like an open wound. ]

[ don't shut him out, rafal ... 🥺🥺🥺 ]

[ vash steps in cheerfully as he steps back, refraining from looking around because it's rude to be snoopy, right? even though he's curious about how he lives ... but it seems pretty basic, quite similar to how he keeps his own place, actually ...

well! i'm sure there's nothing wrong or trauma related about it!!!!! ]

But isn't it a big deal? You've invited me over, that's exciting!

[ vash makes a beeline straight for a table surface, starting to put down the stack of all the things he'd brought. ]

[ rafal shakes his head. ]

It is not much in terms of lodging. The Somniel would have been a more fascinating location. A floating island overlooking the world.

[ he finds that he misses it now. how odd. ]

And of course, I was the one to invite you. After all, you are bearing the brunt of watching a movie you dislike.

I don't dislike it - [ he HATES it, just kidding! ]

Let's just say, I haven't had much of a chance to watch them?

[ that sounds much better, right?

from the bags he was carrying, out comes an assortment of carefully packed smoothie bottles - as well as the popcorn, of course, a pack of donuts encrusted with sprinkles, and other various sweets. it looks like he has grabbed anything that looked like it will rot your teeth off immediately. ]

A floating island? How high was that? Could you move it around, like a ship?

[ rafal gives him a pointed look, but leaves vash to his delusions. he can't counter all of them after all. ]

No. It remained above the country of Lythos. It belonged to the Divine Dragon and only his power allowed others to reside there. It had a pond, stables, a place to train. A garden and a pool.

[ stop introducing so many wacky ideas then???? ]

That sounds more like a big castle then, rather than an island! Must have been really relaxing ...

Well, it's not like your place is as fancy as that, but it's still nice! I could maybe get you something to liven it up a little though ....

[ would rafal like to have some potted flowers??? ]

It was . . . a nice place.

[ he didn't think he'd miss it. back in his elyos, the somnius was destroyed. crashed down to earth once his divine dragon died. nel had avoided the place but rafal would wander the broken stones. stare at the shambles of the once great castle in the sky.

this is on you, he remembered thinking, this is the price you will pay.

he shakes his head out of his reverie, glancing at vash. ]

Why?

[ a nice place. it's a little lacking in description compared to earlier, but ... maybe vash understands, just a little bit. were he to ever be asked, he'd be able to rattle off all the different places of his old 'home' - the piano room, the greenhouse with its dome of stars, the kitchens, the library, their bedroom - but any more than that? it's like recalling all of their secret hiding places trying to dodge rem's lessons - all the right words keep hiding out of reach.

what could he say? how could he ever talk about it?

rafal's question seems to break him out of the thoughts and he'd see vash's shoulders draw in sporadically, like a snail encountering something unexpected, and he busies himself once more with carefully unpacking all the drinks from the bags. ]

Well, I think getting gifts from your friends are always nice!

[ not exactly answering the question, sorry, but his voice sounds just like usual - brainlessly chirpy. ]

If you're worried about it, I can get you something that you don't need to water too often! There's lots that you could forget about for a few weeks and they're still fine!

[ rafal's eyes narrow for a moment. he saw that. and he's going to hone in on it. vash leaves too much unsaid, too much unburied. it's a recipe for disaster and rafal would prefer to deal with those first-hand instead of waiting for the end. ]

A fair point.

But now I wonder if this is a distraction for you. What do you do when you don't have someone to occupy your time with? Is that why you're so insistent to be here?

Out of a fear of being alone?

[ he is full of it, you know - the void between what he says and what he doesn't say gapes wide, trying to bridge over it would be an impossible task for most.

by now, he's gotten a little used to rafal's unerringly sharp questions - so he doesn't quite flinch when one inevitably gets thrown his way, but there is a little pause - a little cover up of a laugh - before he parrots it back, being irritatingly vague again. ]

Now, I don't think that's fair on you - you're not a distraction from anything!

[ dryly. ]

Yes, because I'm imbued with a charming and lovable personality. So I think it's quite fair.

You're dodging. Again.

[ that's sarcasm, right? at least nobody could accuse rafal of not having a sense of (odd) humour at least, or of not having self awareness ... admittedly it is a little bit funny, even though vash is the sort of person who'd argue against such honest and negative self assessment. even if it's true, you shouldn't say it like that!

but as always, rafal is too honest to a fault - and too direct; not that vash would ever say anything against it, choosing instead to retreat further into his metaphorical shell. ]

Now, that's not really nice - is it? You are fun to be around.

[ rafal pauses. his expression is guarded. if that were true, then it wouldn't have been so hard. all of it. there would have been siblings who would have loved him. friends who would have cared. someone who thought his life mattered.

if it weren't for nel, there would be no point to any of this. but nel isn't here. it's just rafal. worthless, worthless rafal. ]

It's just the truth. Nothing more.

Haha, I guess ... we can just agree to disagree, then!

[ like they have on many many other issues - but it doesn't sound like vash minds at all, not from his overly chirpy tone. but more importantly? ]

Here- try this one first! They said this one is the sweetest!

[ have a ... violently purple drink in a takeaway cup, rafal. it's got a fun little straw in it, at least - vash's attempt at making things a little cheery. it's green, and has a little watermelon-shaped decoration stuck through the straw. i'll leave the flavour up to you!!!! ]

[ rafal eyes it skeptically but he has no reason to doubt vash, so he takes it obediently without a hint of concern. ]

Do you know what it is called?

[ if it is good, rafal would like to remember it for later. he takes a sip. ]

Um ... Butterfly ... something? Maybe?

[ very unhelpful. ]

Sorry ... if it helps, that's the only one in that colour!

[ he is, also, watching the other's reaction closely to see how rafal likes it. ]

Try it! If it isn't good, don't worry! I have lots of others!!!

[ he does like it. the extreme sugar taste is lovely. it's rare for anything to register like this. he finishes off with a snap. ]

That was satisfying. I will have more.

[ the shopkeep said that one isn't very popular except to young kids (sorry for all the sugar high) and selective people ... so vash had high hopes! he did try a little bit of it before, and while he can probably learn to enjoy it, the sugary taste really was very strong ... ]

Oh!

[ vash sounds surprised at how quick rafal finishes it off, but also ... happy? but also a little panicked? ]

Do you want to try the other flavours?

[ why panic? rafal narrows his eyes on vash for a moment, trying to assess him. ]

Yes.

Unless there's a problem?

No- no! Not at all! There's no problem! Haha - why would you think that??

[ totally not suspicious at all ... ]

Just ... what if you don't like the others as much?

[ rafal gives him a flat look. ]

Then I don't. I fail to see how that is a reflection on you.

I just want you to enjoy yourself!

[ is that a crime????? to be responsible???? ]

Well ... what colour do you want to try next?

[ hmm. ]

I am. This is the ideal activity. You need not worry.

I will try a pink one. And then we should start our movie.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( open ) if we're all just cynics come undone

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject