( open/catch-all ) what comes after the rain?

[luneminary]

Who: Ryoji...and you!
Where: Various locations in Aldrip.
What: September catch-all, aka Ryoji's No Good Very bad Month(s)
Warnings: Discussions of Bad Things That Happened in the gnosia event, such as violence and death-related warnings.



i. ...everything begins in silence
[Were one to find Ryoji, they would be perplexed to see him like this: sullen and melancholic, shoulders drooping by his lonesome. Even strangers would find it out of place, when joyful smiles seem to be his natural expression. His mood does not match the brightness of his scarf, a yellow fabric fraying at the edges. It’s in a better condition than he thought it would be, considering his prior death, but it is clear that it too has been through a lot.

Were one to find Ryoji — well, that means he’s doing a poor job of isolating himself, actually. It’s why he hasn’t been around his usual haunts, like the club building or the inn or any of the usual public spaces. As much as he loves humans and company, he prefers to dwell by his lonesome. He doesn’t want anyone see him like this, let alone burden anybody else by his troubles.

A shame that he couldn’t just disappear: not even death would give him that comfort. He doesn’t feel like staying by his residence either, not when too many of his friends know where he lives. It is only inevitable that one would stumble upon him in the lesser travelled spaces: small spaces, quiet corners, or even by the edge of the city.]

ii. face the sun, with —
[But one cannot sulk forever, no matter how much Ryoji wants for time to stop. And he knows, deep down, that he is merely delaying the inevitable.

Mustering his courage is the easy part — figuring out how to atone for his crimes is another. After all, what he has done is considered to be unforgivable, regardless of whether they were all revived from death or not. Still, he does want to do something, such that he can move forward.

He has learned that in Japan, one expresses the depths of their guilt by how deeply one bows to the bereaved. The lowest one can do is to have your forehead touch the floor — but at that point, wouldn’t he just embarrass the other? He’s here to apologize, not to make himself feel better with grand dramatic gestures.

He opts for a bow that reaches ninety degrees instead.]

I’m really, really sorry! I don’t know how to make it up to you, but I’ll find a way!


iii. tender is the night.
[In here, the moon is always full.

It is a fact that Ryoji was delighted to hear. Of all the faces that the celestial object could wear, it is what he considers to be the most beautiful. A soft glow that illuminates the night, revealing all the beauty that lies underneath. That is why Ryoji has come to love going on walks out at night, if only he could admire it a little bit longer.

And yet, this peace has also given him some discomfort: isn’t this serenity similar to what he has felt when the gnosia has stuffed his head with all these ideas? The moon, which was once his closest confidant, suddenly feels more sinister. Perhaps that is why he doesn’t bask in its light anymore.

And yet, the moon is still beautiful. Ryoji could not help but to continue gazing at it, his conflicting emotions hardly a blemish on its enigmatic surface.]

iv. wildcard!
[Feel free to approach Ryoji in any other way!]

Comments

gimme the moon

[orphne]

[When Kotone had first arrived in Aldrip, the sight of the full moon had been cause for concern. As days turned into months turned into more than a year, she'd gotten used to the perpetual light that bathed first the town, then the city, in its radiant light. Akechi had said the stars didn't match the ones from Earth a long time ago, but the full moon... well, maybe it's because even if she'd fought so many battles that had taken place during one, the memories of the time with her friends were still some of her most cherished.

Even the painful ones.

She'd wanted to go find Ryoji immediately after waking up from death, but Scott had been in such anguish right in front of her that she hadn't made it past the living room before being pulled into an embrace that she truthfully hadn't wanted to leave. She still feels a little bit guilty for not going to find him until now, but... better late than never, right? The sight of a scarfed figure in the moonlight doesn't fill her with dread or fear -- it never has, not with him. So she's quiet as she comes up beside him, hands clasped behind her back and the faintest of melancholy smiles on her face.]

Beautiful night, huh?

[It's a quiet observation, more to break the silence than any genuine desire to comment on the atmosphere around them. When she'd lost control of her Persona last year, she'd been scared people would hate her for it. Does Ryoji feel that same fear? If only she'd been stronger, or faster, or been able to save him before he had to feel this kind of suffering, but... well, there's no changing the past. Only affecting the future.]

hello it's me the moon

[luneminary]

[It’s always easy for him to notice Kotone’s presence, and this time is no different. He doesn’t even need to glance back to make sure it’s her. It’s been such a long time since they met in person like this, all no thanks to him — he has been actively avoiding her this entire time, and the fact that she has other matters to deal with before only helped him out.

In fact, he wouldn’t have blamed her if Kotone never wanted to see him again. Even though so many days have passed by, the memories of what he has done still live fresh in his mind. The blood in his hands, the warmth leaving her corpse: it would have been a blessing to be able to claim that he wasn’t himself when it all happened. Alas, he remembers each detail as if he was of sound mind.

A part of him is scared he might do it again, even if the threat has passed.

Were this be any other person, Ryoji would have made an attempt of false bravado. But Kotone knows him too well to be fooled by such a thing. Easier for him to relent, shoulders drooping down with the entire weight of his guilt. He has been carrying it for far too long.]

Despite everything, the night is still beautiful.

[orphne]

Mmhm.

[Just a quiet hum of acknowledgement as she steps in a little closer, just enough to lightly bump her shoulder against his. It's a tangible reminder as much meant for her as it is for him; they're both still here, despite everything.

It had been more than a year ago now that she'd lost control of Thanatos thanks to that stupid cult and their brainwashing, but she stills remembers how she'd felt after that. Like her friends would think she was weak, or she was dangerous, or they wouldn't want to spend time with her ever again. She'd hurt people, almost killed them, but nobody had died.

After seeing what the killing of Ken's mom had done to her Shinjiro, she doesn't want to see the same guilt eat at Ryoji. So after a breath, she bumps a hand against his in clear offer that he can hold it if he wants.]

...I'm not mad at you. For what happened.

[It seems like something that's so obvious that she shouldn't have to say it, but when it had been her in Ryoji's place, it's something she'd needed to hear. Sometimes she and Ryoji can be so similar it hurts, so maybe it'll be good for him to hear, too. A little more softly, she adds,]

I'm really glad you're still here.

cw: suicide ideation

[luneminary]

You should be. What I’ve done to you…to Scott-san, and to many others…

[Ryoji can’t stop his own voice from cracking, the vessel so full of so much emotion — surprise, indignation, regret, guilt. It’s like he has to be angry at himself for both of them because despite everything, despite all of that, Kotone still find the courage and strength to be so kind to the very person that killed her.

He practically collapses then and there — knees bending but not collapsing to the floor, yet he covers his complexion with both of his hands. If there are tears that come out of it, he doesn’t let Kotone see them. Why would he, when he doesn’t deserve to be the one to be in pain?]

It was terrible. I can’t believe I was even capable of such things! You know how I used to feel before, back when we were in our world? That someday I would disappear, that everything I have is so fragile?

[His laugh comes out as a choke, a barrier that he places between them.]

Maybe that’s right. Maybe there’s a reason why I have to fade away.

i

[endcaller]

[For all that he loves an audience, Fandaniel is a creature of solitude. He stays in the Research Facility most evenings, toiling away on his projects with single-minded intensity. Burying himself in his work helps him feel like he is doing something, like maybe there is a reason he's here, present in this world instead of existing only as motes of flame-blasted dust.

When he does go out he ventures into town to people-watch for a while then wanders along side roads and dark corners as he turns back for his laboratorium. He could always teleport but a quiet stroll gives him time to think dark thoughts.

He is passing through the outskirts of the city when he notices Ryoji's hunched figure. The boy is clearly burdened by something, he knows the look well, has seen it in the mirror many times. At first, Fandaniel merely tilts his head before continuing his walk but it doesn't take long for his restless curiosity to get the better of him, turning him back to Ryoji once more.]

Are you here to brood on your lonesome or would you mind company?

[luneminary]

[Ah, he knows that face. Perhaps an expected one, even — Fandaniel seemed to prefer the unlikeliest of places. And this place suits someone like him more than Ryoji, one who usually thrives being at the center of attention.

…At the very least, this was a friend that he did not end up killing during that terrible week. It’s one of the reasons why he can face him without flinching, even though his smile doesn’t reach his eyes at all.]

It’s been a while, Fandaniel-san. [It’s not like Fandaniel is one to search out parties, and Ryoji has been keeping much to himself as of late.] You look like you’re in high spirits.

[endcaller]

[Fandaniel arches a dark brow at this.]

Do I now?

[He steps forward and half-sits half-lands beside Ryoji with a childish, graceless bounce. A hand curls beneath his chin as he eyes the boy.]

Just pondering on our AI friend, I suppose. I do so enjoy a puzzle.

[As much as he is capable of enjoying anything. Beneath his playful exterior, the Ascian is never having fun.]

But what of you, hmm? Why all the gloom?

( ii )

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal crosses his arms, irritated. ]

I don't recall asking.

[luneminary]

[He expected that kind of response from Rafal - at least this is better than his friend wanting to do nothing with me after all that, right? So he doubles down, rising up from his bow to approach him with a sharper brand of his usual forcefulness.]

But still - !! What I've done is something truly horrible, I can't just pretend nothing happened after all of that.

[nilhilistic]

The only horrible thing was me falling for it.

[ which rankles at him still. all those centuries of meticulous manoeuvring, of keeping his distance and he dies within his first few months ago. ludicrous. ]

And it wasn't you, was it? Not in essence.

iii;

[laserguy]

[.......

He's not ready for this confrontation. But also, would there ever be a time when Scott's ready to talk to Ryoji? Probably not. Maybe that's why destiny has practically created a scenario where the two of them cross paths without anyone else nearby. Of course, Scott still has the time to leave, escape this conversation and continue on his walk, but despite one part of him yearning for that route, his legs don't turn away.

This also means he doesn't have a speech prepared or much of anything, really. Scott just knows that he's sorry for what happened. Whether or not it's fully his fault doesn't change the fact that he-- Phoenix killed Ryoji without mercy. In fact, that burning cosmic force hated the quiet boy in front of him so much that he (or she, it??) wished that he wouldn't come back. The mutant has to suck in a slow breath just thinking about that and all those overwhelming feelings, maybe stop himself from expelling the contents of his stomach.

Honestly, the only reason why he's made it this far is because Kotone is alive. Or at the very least, he knows that she'd want him to talk with Ryoji. The boy that is also death is so important to her and after everything that's happened, no ping of jealousy even comes up at the thought. It's the thought of her that helps push Scott to cross those final doubts until he's walking up to the other teen.

It's nice to see him back to normal, honestly. The gentle figure underneath the moonlight instead of that infected form he and Kotone faced. It's nice to have this image in his mind instead of the other one and the burning one]

...Ryoji?

[His voice comes out quiet, soft, very unlike the teen in other situations. He almost sounds hesitant and nervous. Honestly, if Ryoji told him that he didn't want his company, he'd put up no argument.]

sad boi hours!!

[luneminary]

[If Scott isn’t ready to meet Ryoji again…well, it’s hard to pit such anguish against one another, but one thing is for sure: mix it together, and you will have a darkness strong enough to swallow stars.

Ryoji never blamed Scott for his death, no matter how violent it was. It wasn’t even painful on his end — he remembers a sharp rise in heat, a brightness unlike any other, but death came swiftly for him in the end. It was better than what he deserved, Ryoji thinks. He deserved something slow and torturous, considering that he killed the person he loved right in front of his eyes.

Perhaps that is part of his punishment, too. Ryoji’s love for Kotone is different than the one that Scott harbors for her, but it doesn’t change the fact that they both cared for the same person very much. And yet he easily stole her life, as easy as crushing paper in one’s hand.

It leaves an ugly smile on his face, one filled with bitterness aimed at himself, before a familiar voice breaks through his thoughts. It’s so weird to hear him like this, when Scott has usually talked to him with a confident snark to his tone.]

Ah. It’s been a while!

[He smiles, because that is what Ryoji Mochizuki does. He smiles, because it’s the only thing keeping him from breaking down into a mess.]

u_u x2

[laserguy]

[Ryoji's really putting on a front. Maybe for himself, maybe for Scott, maybe a little bit of both, but it's clearly obvious. After all, no one can be okay after what happened. He probably feels just as bad as Scott, if not worse, so that forced smile only makes the mutant frown more in response. He... he doesn't need Ryoji to fake it, not for him, even if it's a little nice to see (even if he wants to commit this Ryoji to memory, replace those prior images). Like it's tempting to take the bait, pretend that everything's normal between them, but that sort of façade would only quickly fade.]

...Yeah, it's been a while.

[Guess he can acknowledge that much. His tone's still quiet, somber, one hand in the pocket of his jacket while the other lies motionless by his side. He's not sure where to start, not when thoughts are pulled in multiple directions. It doesn't help that a very small part of Scott is upset at Ryoji, but it feels like an unfair emotion to have. Ryoji didn't want to do any of that, he knows this. It's just hard to forget that horrible moment. It'd just be easy to blame Phoenix for leaving that emotion in him and maybe she is responsible for some of it, but he hates it.

What else can he do but the push it down, because even if a small aspect of him feels that way, he's far more weighed down by what he did to his friend afterward. And isn't that a major point? He brutally murdered a friend, someone that Scott likes on a normal day.]

I...

[Come on, Summers. Say the rest. It just feels ridiculous to say 'sorry for killing you.' It's more than just that. He didn't want that, he didn't want to hurt Ryoji. He's sorry for not saving him. His jaw clenches, halfway trembling even though he wanted to be better than this.]

i

[valiantarms]

[Sora had mostly learnt her way around the city now. Mostly... The glitches kinda messed her up occasionally.

Like now, she's been on one of her daily jogs. It'd been fine. She'd been mentally naming the shops she'd run by to make sure she remembered them, then there'd been that crackling noise. Then something flickered.

Then the whole chunk of pavement she was on teleported, taking her with it. It reappeared out in... A park? She wasn't sure.

But hey, there was a guy. She approached, scratching her cheek.]

Um... Excuse me?

[luneminary]

[Ryoji himself has yet to be subjected again to the glitches ever since his scarf incident, but he's familiar with its effects. Perhaps that is why he isn't surprised on how such a young and simple stranger was able to find him out here. Anything can happen in this world.

That, and well. He's kinda too busy moping to care about the specifics. He does try to smile for her sake, regardless.]

Hello there! Is there anything you need?

[If this were his normal self, he would have been flirting. But he is not his normal self, and perhaps he never will be again.]

[valiantarms]

[Sora was in her tracksuit. The path she'd been running on had been paved slabs, it didn't match the street she'd been taken to.

She took it in stride though, mostly. It wasn't the first time, she'd had worse teleports. So he just got a bashful smile.]

It's a bit of an odd question. But do you know where I am?... I'm still in Aldrip right?

1

[startraveler]

[Aether is fond of less travelled paths, since you never know when you find something interesting where no one is looking. This time it's no different. He can be found by the edge of the city, curiously glancing around and taking a stroll far away from any people.

That's when he spots Ryoji.

He may not know the other that long, but after their little date, he can recognize the stark difference in Ryoji's behaviour even from the distance. He seemed so bright back then and now... that light is dimmed.

Aether doesn't hesitate to approach the other, wondering what could have happened.]

Hey there, Ryoji. It's good to see you.

[He gives a small wave and looks the other over as if searching for answers in his appearance.]

[luneminary]

[Oh, he quite remembers Aether very well! Their date was one of his more pleasant times during his stay in here. Alas, such a time seems so feel so far away with everything that has happened.

Hearing Aether feels like a switch flick up in Ryoji's mood: one moment he is gloomy and sullen. Now he smiles back, but his grin is too wide and the brightness is too artificial.

Ryoji tries, regardless.]

Good to see you too, Aether-san! How are you doing?

[startraveler]

[The sudden change and the fake nature of the smile presented to him makes Aether pause. He's observing Ryoji and it's obvious to the traveler that he's trying to hide his true feelings. Aether decides not to say anything for now.]

Well enough, I guess.

[Considering everything that has happened.]

I wanted to take a walk around these parts. Would you like to join me?

ii.

[memori3s]

[ Minato blinks, momentarily stunned by the gesture. He'd like to shake his head, reassure Ryoji that the apology wasn't necessary. Could Ryoji really be held accountable for acting according to his "true" nature? It's because Minato knows Ryoji that he's aware he shouldn't give life to that thought. Those words -- they'd surely be soul crushing to him.

After all, on that December night, he'd already made that decision for himself: Mochizuki Ryoji is a person, an identity distinct from Death, an identity born not from despair, but from someone the two of them cherished. And that person, bless her heart, would surely be disappointed in Minato if he ever forgot that. ]

...it's all right. There were... a lot of things that went wrong that week.

[ Truly the understatement of a century as Minato offers Ryoji a gentle smile, opting for offering him reassurance. ]

You'll fall over if you bow like that.

[luneminary]

[Trust Minato to downplay everything that has happened, really. Even if he did not end up in Ryoji’s long list of victims, he still hurt him. Ryoji could help but chuckle at such a terrible joke, even though there is still pain in his eyes and smile.]

You really should take care of yourself more, Minato. I know what I did hurt you, even if you pretend that it doesn’t.

[Regardless, the fact that his apology was accepted is a weight of his shoulders. It’s what gives him strength to to meet his eyes.]

If anything, I feel like I should be bowing my head even lower.

[memori3s]

You're... not the first person to tell me that.

[ It's said with a sheepish smile, for Minato's long lost count of how many people have chided him for that very same thing.

He's not too worse for wear though. Shortly after the week concluded and after a bit of rest, he'd been able to heal himself from the worst of his wounds. The dark bruises are gone, and his voice has lost the hoarse quality in it too.

Minato lifts one of his hands, index finger curling over the collar of his shirt to tug it down slightly, revealing unmarred skin, as though nothing had happened between the two of them at all. ]

It's gone now. You're back as well. That's... enough for me.

i.

[cartridgerefill]

[The entire matter of the gnosia is irrelevant to Bondrewd now other than it is of scientific interest -- but nothing personal. It's fascinating what can transpire and in turn have an effect on the simulation of Aldrip, and it does make him curious to know what other factors could be triggered.

Something to explore in the future. For now, Bondrewd isn't shy about carrying on like it'd just been another day, busy examining the plant life on the edge of Aldrip to see if anything new has sprouted.

That's about when he catches Ryoji out of the corner of his gaze.]

Oh? [Fingers pull away from a leaf he'd been looking at.] Young Ryoji, do be careful. There are all manner of creatures out here. It'd be unfortunate if harm came to you.

[luneminary]

Oh. It's you, Bonedrewd-san.

[The stranged armored scientist has always been kind to Ryoji, so seeing him should have been a relief. However, with the gloom and guilt that has settled in as a result of his actions, he can't gather himself to perform his usual cheerful greetings.

Instead he curls further into himself, drawing his knees closer as he covers part of his face behind them.]

I'm going to be fine. If they do manage to hurt me, I...I'd probably deserve it.

[He's the most dangerous person in here, anyway.]

[cartridgerefill]

[There's a tilt of his head, Bondrewd clearly curious. Yet, without fear, he approaches to kneel down at Ryoji's side.]

Ryoji, why would you ever deserve it?

[A hand rests on top of Ryoji's head, gently giving his hair an affectionate ruffle. It's meant to be a genuine gesture of friendliness. Does Ryoji need his space? Maybe so, but Bondrewd has no fear. He's nothing but honest about his fondness for the boy.]