expiationlogs | (closed) how the most dangerous thing is to love

shit. okay, sure.

i'm in the kitchen.

[ ✅ Read. ]

[Yu arrives promptly about ten minutes later, and knocks lightly on the doorframe to announce his presence. Then, he steps inside.

... It's not lost on him, what happened the last time he was here, in this doorway. His body's refusal to cross the threshold. Have things changed so much in the weeks since that moment? Is it the urgency of this situation that has pushed the experience out of his mind? He can't say for sure; he may never be able to sort it out. But there's no hesitation.]

You're alright?

[Yu certainly is, at least physically. His expression is markedly worried, though, as he looks Mikey over.]

(uncertainty is strange, but what is stranger is this newfound honesty they're growing. even if he was the one who suggested that they hide nothing, part of him still gets a little perplexed when he sees that face on yu. the tea he had been brewing is poured in two yunomi, because it seems like yu could use some comforting.)

I'm fine, (he says as he hands one of the cups, taking a sip of his own,) what's going on? Where's Yos?

[The expression fixed on his face speaks to the seriousness of the situation; Yu can handle a lot, and he can tackle it all with a certain amount of calm. This is clearly something that's rattled him deeply. He takes the cup, but doesn't move to drink it, thoughtfully tracing the rim with a thumb instead. The hardest part of this might be how to explain it, after all.]

He's... [Here, Yu hesitates, searching for the words.] Have you seen anyone affected by this "infection?"

[There's some reluctance in his tone as he continues, not because he's afraid to speak but because he deeply, desperately doesn't want to be right:] ... I think Yosuke has it.

No, I haven't seen it yet.

(whether yosuke does have it or not - the sheer idea would definitely cause that look on yu's face. the quietness in his voice. he worries, too - not only physically, but if the thing is as bad as the whole thing sounds, yosuke might find himself filling shoes he definitely doesn't want to fill.

lack of control is a bitch, after all, and he knows that after everything that they've all been through, thanks to yours truly, it leaves a scar that is too deep to heal completely. he sips as he paces, taking yu by the hand so he can come and sit down for a second.)

First of all, I'm a Doctor, whatever the fuck that means. So, we can somehow-- god knows how, heal Yosuke, if it really is like that. Calm down and talk to me. Where is he?

[He's wordless as he allows himself to be tugged to a chair, quietly sitting, thinking. If. If Yosuke is infected. It's a comforting thought. And if he's being really honest, Yu doesn't have any evidence that this is the case at all; a few strange looks when Yosuke thought he wasn't looking, a strange, restless energy in the way he moves... It's little more than a theory.

But his gut has been right about things like this before.]

He's at home. I didn't want him to know I suspected something.

(he doesn't know, of course. he hasn't seen yosuke, he's been... hesitant, in a way. all this time, he has wanted to make sure yu was fine, first. knowing how attached yosuke is, he's well within his rights to not want to look at manjiro in the face as is.

perhaps he should have waited a little less, so he could either ease or confirm yu's theories.)

That's fair. What did you get on your tablet?

... And do you have... Any clues on how am I supposed to heal anyone? As far as me and this place are concerned, I'm very much the opposite.

"Guardian Angel."

[At least the names are fairly straightforward, even if nothing else about this situation is. He's strung tight with worry; between their inability to leave the city and the strange turn some people have taken, it doesn't seem like anything good is happening, here.

His eyebrows lift at the question, though, and he finds himself looking at Mikey as he shakes his head.]

Maybe it's some sort of...instinct. It's hard to explain, but... Even though I don't know how I'd do it, I feel confident I'd be able to protect someone, if they were about to get hurt.

Guess we'll find out.

(if it's instict, it means he will know when he sees it. he hopes the subcontext is clear enough - yu is not facing anything alone. he finishes his tea, noticing yu hasn't even touched his, but he'll wait to put the dishes away.

and then, the last sentence doesn't sit just right. large eyes squint, and well, they promised honesty.)

I should let you know now, that if you protect me at the expense of you or anyone else, I'm going to be really furious at you.

[We, huh...? Yu doesn't miss that part; in his expression is a spark of gratitude, relief, maybe even affection. No matter what happens, they'll face it together -- and that makes it easier to do so.

Knowing what --who-- they might be facing...he's going to need that.

The reaction isn't unexpected, though. Protection, sacrifice...even before the tower, each of them has had a complicated history with the idea. Or-- in Yu's case, maybe a bit oversimplified. It had felt wrong, Yosuke sacrificing his life for Yu. But on the other side of that argument...it's painful, standing aside while your friends get hurt. He doesn't want to feel that again. So when he nods at Mikey, it's with understanding and acceptance of the consequences.]

I can't guarantee I won't do it anyway.

[Maybe the others were right. Sometimes, it's worth it.]

Unbelievable.

(there's a soft scoff, simply because there's an acceptance that they're both incredibly stubborn. they're not easily bendable, and they would rather apologize than ask for permission.

perhaps this is why they can understand each other, but also the reason why they can't help some of the conflict.

he stands, putting the long hair in a ponytail and moving towards the living room to grab the hand wraps before he returns, already performing the motion.)

Drink your tea. Do you need anything before we go check on him?

Mhm, [a soft agreement. Mikey must have suspected that would be his response, right? It's just how he is, and sometimes, you have to act first. Apologizing can come later. And besides -- there's a feeling, a compulsion, nudging him to make that choice. Is it tied to this weird "guardian" role? He has no idea, but he knows he'd regret not listening to it.

Yu watches Mikey rise, moving out of the room, his eyebrows lifted as he finally brings the cup to his lips.]

Check on him? You really think we should engage without a plan?

(the first thing that comes into his mind is

NERD)

(right now, all he's doing is pacing, wrapping and pacing, wrapping and pacing... mostly so that yu has time to drink the tea before it grows cold, his mind is not as fast as yu's, analytical... he shows up, he kicks ass, he calls it a day, he puts his pants one leg at a time.

he has his own smart people to be smart. that's not mikey's role.)

Plan. What for? If he's Gnosia, some shit we ain't ever seen before, then what good planning does?

[... This is hard to talk about. It's hard to even think about, but he has to -- if something is happening to Yosuke, then going in without a plan could be catastrophic.]

Even if he is, he's also a Persona user. I can still feel my Personas, so I'm sure he can still use his if he needs to.

[Even though it's making his stomach twist into knots, he needs to do whatever he can to make sure they're both prepared, just in case.]

... Susano-o uses wind attacks. He's fast, and can also heal damage. It might be worth it to wear him out a bit before we go in with heavy attacks.

And so are you.

(like, he isn't part of your persona club, yu!!! aren't you supposed to be master persona 3000, he has fought you and he is alive!!!!

either way, he's keeping he commentary to himself. mostly for yu's benefit, because his brain is not taking this well.)

Then what do you need me to do? -- Did you just say Susano-o.

(why can't you be like minato and shinji with personas he never heard about)

Some of mine are weak to wind. [Strengths, weaknesses -- it's part of his job as Leader to know as many as he can, to commit them to memory just in case he needs them.

He just...never pictured needing them like this.]

... I did. It's like me with Izanagi. A lot of Personas are based on deities.

[Wait til he sees Kotone with Helel, man. Either way, his expression flickers briefly into a smile, slightly apologetic. Yeah, it's nuts. Personas tend to be a little whack. But they are what they are. He thinks about the issue of strategy for a moment, working it out in his head. His response comes as a Leader, issuing a strategic command to his team.] You said your role is "Doctor," right? The sooner you figure out how to heal the infection, the better. I can try to draw his attention while you do it.

Some.

(which must mean, some aren't, or some might have an advantage? he has never gotten the persona thing. he doesn't think he ever will, nor will he try. must be a good thing that he has a few wildcards on his sleeve, for moments like these.

his hands are fully wrapped, and he sits again to listen to a command. strange, to sit on the other side of it, but manjiro has been the leader of no one for a while. it doesn't bother him.)

And if it hurts?

(it's almost like he's asking - would yu be okay if harm comes their ways, will yu be able to overcome it, or will it be another cloud looming over their heads?)

Edited 2024-07-19 21:16 (UTC)

[A short nod. None of his Personas are strong against wind, he thinks, but...some of them are neutral, at least.

Maybe it should be alarming, how easily these two teenagers slide into violent roles like this, but it feels natural, doesn't it? Planning a battle like this...it feels very familiar. Maybe that's why his voice is so heavy when he responds:]

It already does.

[That much is just a fact. They're here, and whatever is going on with Yosuke... thinking about it hurts.

And yet.]

... It wouldn't be the first time I faced off against my team like this. I can take it.

[After all, Namatame and Kunino-Sagiri had taken control of his friends, one by one, turning them against him... this feels so similar in ways. As if it was inevitable for it to happen again.]

(his stomach comes into a knot with those words. even if it isn't what manjiro had meant when he said it, he knows. none of these things are ever easy, and it seems like both can feel it from experience just how bad it is. concern, for both of them, fills his mind, makes his heart heavy - can't any of them catch a little break, a moment to rest and heal?

yu said he still loved him. he doesn't know if his touch still frightens and bubbles trauma to the surface, but all he can do is pull his chair next to the man, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, pressing a kiss to his temple. there are few words that can comfort, but he knows that being there can sometimes be enough.)

We'll get him back if it did happen, Yuchin. Promise you.

[Yu exhales, and the shape of the changes over the past few months makes itself known in that small gesture. Before, he lingered in the doorway; now, sits within the room. Before, he recoiled at a touch; now, he leans in, drawn in by warmth and comfort and a familiarity he's not allowed himself in recent times.

He'll be okay. He always is; always knows it.

Now, he dares to think, maybe they'll be okay.

His hand goes over the other boy's as it rests on his shoulder, squeezing gently. It's a show of gratitude, and an assurance that this is a hurt they'll be able to move past.]

You're right. I refuse to lose anyone today.

[Another faint squeeze of his hand indicates who is included in "anyone."]

(something so serene washes over. manjiro, ever water-like, has been flowing from a drizzle of gloom to the gentle run of a stream. at times, anxiety pulls, he retreats a little, listening to the thoughts that knock on the windows of his mind - until they make their way down the sea of thoughts and he can take things on his own pace.

right this moment? he feels like a lake. calm, serene, awaiting for the storm he sees in the horizon, but nevertheless still.

he too squeezes the hand, laughs a low chuckle at the thought. it's a nice one, even if manjiro feels like this place has a tendency to want to prove them wrong.

he hopes the feeling of reaching the ocean after fighting current doesn't leave him.)

You won't. We'll go there, you distract him, and I'll help as I figure out how this 'Doctor' thing works. Does he have that insufferable thing that you don't get hit when I hit you?

[It's a solid plan. Even the best-laid plans can go awry, so he can't quite breathe easily just yet, but having a starting point helps. This is much closer to familiar territory, for Yu...but there's still the looming oppression overhead. The thought that he's walking into a battle, instead of into his home. He is aware, too, that his suspicions about Yosuke are far from confirmed. Anything could happen.

Anything.

So, it's with a shaky breath that he stands up, nodding to Mikey.]

We should go. Ready?

I'm figuring that he's still pissed off at me - I would think you told him the whole thing. I can try to bait him out, and you take it from there.

(he nods back, intent. part of him has to wonder if this place and, well, his own reality made him a little colder, a little more put together. whatever happens will happen, and it will continue happening until a cycle is broken - in this place, it just means until they leave, these sorts of things will keep happening.

they shouldn't. they do.

he'll fight, it will hurt - he's very tired of fighting loved ones. he might wound yosuke, it will hurt - he did just kill yu. it is-- what it is. all he can do is support this time around, go blindly, do his best. he can't turn back time just like that.

he stands, fixing the chair at the table. his knuckles press against his jaw thereafter, cracking the joints of each hand before he hops off the dojo by the open door.)

I did, [is an easy admission to make. He doesn't keep things from Yosuke, as a general rule -- especially not important things like that. But his guess is correct; there is still no love there.

Maybe in this case it'll be to their benefit.

It's a morbid thought, but naturally it's on his mind. If there really is something wrong with Yosuke, maybe the sight of Mikey will bring it out of him. Honestly, Yu would prefer that outcome over anything. Better to get it out in the open, better to be done with the mystery of it.

The thought doesn't make his skin feel like it's vibrating any less, lightning coursing through his veins as they make their way to the house. He hovers by the entryway before he opens the door; a moment of hesitation before he cracks it open and takes the smallest of looks inside. Then, another step.]

Yosuke? Are you here?

Edited 2024-07-22 21:11 (UTC)

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