expiationlogs | (closed) how the most dangerous thing is to love

[We, huh...? Yu doesn't miss that part; in his expression is a spark of gratitude, relief, maybe even affection. No matter what happens, they'll face it together -- and that makes it easier to do so.

Knowing what --who-- they might be facing...he's going to need that.

The reaction isn't unexpected, though. Protection, sacrifice...even before the tower, each of them has had a complicated history with the idea. Or-- in Yu's case, maybe a bit oversimplified. It had felt wrong, Yosuke sacrificing his life for Yu. But on the other side of that argument...it's painful, standing aside while your friends get hurt. He doesn't want to feel that again. So when he nods at Mikey, it's with understanding and acceptance of the consequences.]

I can't guarantee I won't do it anyway.

[Maybe the others were right. Sometimes, it's worth it.]

Unbelievable.

(there's a soft scoff, simply because there's an acceptance that they're both incredibly stubborn. they're not easily bendable, and they would rather apologize than ask for permission.

perhaps this is why they can understand each other, but also the reason why they can't help some of the conflict.

he stands, putting the long hair in a ponytail and moving towards the living room to grab the hand wraps before he returns, already performing the motion.)

Drink your tea. Do you need anything before we go check on him?

Mhm, [a soft agreement. Mikey must have suspected that would be his response, right? It's just how he is, and sometimes, you have to act first. Apologizing can come later. And besides -- there's a feeling, a compulsion, nudging him to make that choice. Is it tied to this weird "guardian" role? He has no idea, but he knows he'd regret not listening to it.

Yu watches Mikey rise, moving out of the room, his eyebrows lifted as he finally brings the cup to his lips.]

Check on him? You really think we should engage without a plan?

(the first thing that comes into his mind is

NERD)

(right now, all he's doing is pacing, wrapping and pacing, wrapping and pacing... mostly so that yu has time to drink the tea before it grows cold, his mind is not as fast as yu's, analytical... he shows up, he kicks ass, he calls it a day, he puts his pants one leg at a time.

he has his own smart people to be smart. that's not mikey's role.)

Plan. What for? If he's Gnosia, some shit we ain't ever seen before, then what good planning does?

[... This is hard to talk about. It's hard to even think about, but he has to -- if something is happening to Yosuke, then going in without a plan could be catastrophic.]

Even if he is, he's also a Persona user. I can still feel my Personas, so I'm sure he can still use his if he needs to.

[Even though it's making his stomach twist into knots, he needs to do whatever he can to make sure they're both prepared, just in case.]

... Susano-o uses wind attacks. He's fast, and can also heal damage. It might be worth it to wear him out a bit before we go in with heavy attacks.

And so are you.

(like, he isn't part of your persona club, yu!!! aren't you supposed to be master persona 3000, he has fought you and he is alive!!!!

either way, he's keeping he commentary to himself. mostly for yu's benefit, because his brain is not taking this well.)

Then what do you need me to do? -- Did you just say Susano-o.

(why can't you be like minato and shinji with personas he never heard about)

Some of mine are weak to wind. [Strengths, weaknesses -- it's part of his job as Leader to know as many as he can, to commit them to memory just in case he needs them.

He just...never pictured needing them like this.]

... I did. It's like me with Izanagi. A lot of Personas are based on deities.

[Wait til he sees Kotone with Helel, man. Either way, his expression flickers briefly into a smile, slightly apologetic. Yeah, it's nuts. Personas tend to be a little whack. But they are what they are. He thinks about the issue of strategy for a moment, working it out in his head. His response comes as a Leader, issuing a strategic command to his team.] You said your role is "Doctor," right? The sooner you figure out how to heal the infection, the better. I can try to draw his attention while you do it.

Some.

(which must mean, some aren't, or some might have an advantage? he has never gotten the persona thing. he doesn't think he ever will, nor will he try. must be a good thing that he has a few wildcards on his sleeve, for moments like these.

his hands are fully wrapped, and he sits again to listen to a command. strange, to sit on the other side of it, but manjiro has been the leader of no one for a while. it doesn't bother him.)

And if it hurts?

(it's almost like he's asking - would yu be okay if harm comes their ways, will yu be able to overcome it, or will it be another cloud looming over their heads?)

Edited 2024-07-19 21:16 (UTC)

[A short nod. None of his Personas are strong against wind, he thinks, but...some of them are neutral, at least.

Maybe it should be alarming, how easily these two teenagers slide into violent roles like this, but it feels natural, doesn't it? Planning a battle like this...it feels very familiar. Maybe that's why his voice is so heavy when he responds:]

It already does.

[That much is just a fact. They're here, and whatever is going on with Yosuke... thinking about it hurts.

And yet.]

... It wouldn't be the first time I faced off against my team like this. I can take it.

[After all, Namatame and Kunino-Sagiri had taken control of his friends, one by one, turning them against him... this feels so similar in ways. As if it was inevitable for it to happen again.]

(his stomach comes into a knot with those words. even if it isn't what manjiro had meant when he said it, he knows. none of these things are ever easy, and it seems like both can feel it from experience just how bad it is. concern, for both of them, fills his mind, makes his heart heavy - can't any of them catch a little break, a moment to rest and heal?

yu said he still loved him. he doesn't know if his touch still frightens and bubbles trauma to the surface, but all he can do is pull his chair next to the man, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, pressing a kiss to his temple. there are few words that can comfort, but he knows that being there can sometimes be enough.)

We'll get him back if it did happen, Yuchin. Promise you.

[Yu exhales, and the shape of the changes over the past few months makes itself known in that small gesture. Before, he lingered in the doorway; now, sits within the room. Before, he recoiled at a touch; now, he leans in, drawn in by warmth and comfort and a familiarity he's not allowed himself in recent times.

He'll be okay. He always is; always knows it.

Now, he dares to think, maybe they'll be okay.

His hand goes over the other boy's as it rests on his shoulder, squeezing gently. It's a show of gratitude, and an assurance that this is a hurt they'll be able to move past.]

You're right. I refuse to lose anyone today.

[Another faint squeeze of his hand indicates who is included in "anyone."]

(something so serene washes over. manjiro, ever water-like, has been flowing from a drizzle of gloom to the gentle run of a stream. at times, anxiety pulls, he retreats a little, listening to the thoughts that knock on the windows of his mind - until they make their way down the sea of thoughts and he can take things on his own pace.

right this moment? he feels like a lake. calm, serene, awaiting for the storm he sees in the horizon, but nevertheless still.

he too squeezes the hand, laughs a low chuckle at the thought. it's a nice one, even if manjiro feels like this place has a tendency to want to prove them wrong.

he hopes the feeling of reaching the ocean after fighting current doesn't leave him.)

You won't. We'll go there, you distract him, and I'll help as I figure out how this 'Doctor' thing works. Does he have that insufferable thing that you don't get hit when I hit you?

[It's a solid plan. Even the best-laid plans can go awry, so he can't quite breathe easily just yet, but having a starting point helps. This is much closer to familiar territory, for Yu...but there's still the looming oppression overhead. The thought that he's walking into a battle, instead of into his home. He is aware, too, that his suspicions about Yosuke are far from confirmed. Anything could happen.

Anything.

So, it's with a shaky breath that he stands up, nodding to Mikey.]

We should go. Ready?

I'm figuring that he's still pissed off at me - I would think you told him the whole thing. I can try to bait him out, and you take it from there.

(he nods back, intent. part of him has to wonder if this place and, well, his own reality made him a little colder, a little more put together. whatever happens will happen, and it will continue happening until a cycle is broken - in this place, it just means until they leave, these sorts of things will keep happening.

they shouldn't. they do.

he'll fight, it will hurt - he's very tired of fighting loved ones. he might wound yosuke, it will hurt - he did just kill yu. it is-- what it is. all he can do is support this time around, go blindly, do his best. he can't turn back time just like that.

he stands, fixing the chair at the table. his knuckles press against his jaw thereafter, cracking the joints of each hand before he hops off the dojo by the open door.)

I did, [is an easy admission to make. He doesn't keep things from Yosuke, as a general rule -- especially not important things like that. But his guess is correct; there is still no love there.

Maybe in this case it'll be to their benefit.

It's a morbid thought, but naturally it's on his mind. If there really is something wrong with Yosuke, maybe the sight of Mikey will bring it out of him. Honestly, Yu would prefer that outcome over anything. Better to get it out in the open, better to be done with the mystery of it.

The thought doesn't make his skin feel like it's vibrating any less, lightning coursing through his veins as they make their way to the house. He hovers by the entryway before he opens the door; a moment of hesitation before he cracks it open and takes the smallest of looks inside. Then, another step.]

Yosuke? Are you here?

Edited 2024-07-22 21:11 (UTC)

[of course Yosuke's there. he'd been out and about a few times today to varying results (bc the threads are still tba LMFAO), but he's been home for a little while. he'd fought the voice in his head long enough to do that much, because since Yu wasn't here, he could be safe. where was he? who knew. he just hoped he was safe.

but then he hears the sound of the door opening and Yu's voice. his gut sinks, and he realizes that Yu's home.

he needs to get out of here. there was still that broken window... but if he saw him cross their small living space to get there, he'd ask questions.

killing him would shut him up.

no. no it wouldn't. he'd never forgive himself if he hurt Yu.

so he forces his feet to move, moving towards the living area of the house as he makes himself smile a bit.]

Yeah, I am. What's up?

(if the plan was to lure yosuke out, manjiro isn't coming in. yu's tall enough he can hide behind as they approach, and once there's confirmation that yosuke is in the house, manjiro drags his sharpest accent, irreverent, criminal, as he calls out.)

Yo, Yos', been missin' me?

(whether yosuke can see him or not - inconclusive. he stands tall, a smile on his face, eyes closed as if he wasn't provoking him out of the house in the first place.)

[.... ???????????

there's a glance, almost a panicked one as he looks over at Yu. he heard Mikey's voice, right? that's definitely what he heard, right?]

You didn't--

[it's like some other being has taken hold of him now, automatically going towards the front door and pushing Yu aside.

he had.

he'd brought Mikey here.

Mikey. the one that'd killed Yu.

why did he bring Mikey here???]

You...

[kill him, kill him KILL HIM

his hands tremble on the doorframe, eyes wide as he makes himself drag his gaze away from Mikey and back at Yu.]

Why?

[Mikey's announcement is inelegant, but not unexpectedly so. Yu exhales softly, manages to keep his expression impartial through the declaration, through Yosuke's steady march toward the door-- It's only when his partner shoves him aside that the crease in his brow shows at all, concern laced with concentration as his eyes flick between the two of them.

Why?

What a question.]

Because something strange is going on, and I want to make sure you both stay safe.

[It's not a lie so much as a selective truth, but it's still hard to meet Yosuke's eyes when he offers up the explanation. He steels himself for this next part, finally meeting his partner's gaze for the follow-up.]

How are you feeling, Yosuke?

[There's something pointed in the way he asks that, as if he has an idea of what the answer will be already. It's alarmingly similar to their confrontation with Adachi, to the moment they realized they had the man cornered in his own deception, seconds before he dropped his affable facade.]

(he pushed yu, that already tells him that this is not normal. yosuke is not violent in his essence, and there's no thought in his mind that comes with harm towards the man they both love.

so, pretty much confirmed every theory they cooked back in the dojo, and by the tone yu employs with yosuke, he knows that he too would figure the same.)

Why don't you come over here and ask me to my face, love?

[why? why is Mikey trying to bait him?

he's trying to fight it. he doesn't want to hurt anyone. but that feeling of hatred towards Mikey is completely unreasonable right now...

he flinches as he fights internally, and he forces himself to face Yu.]

I'm... a little under the weather. But that's all.

[a little under the weather. killing people isn't just under the weather, but y'know.]

I was just going to sleep it off.

[or something.

he's trying... so hard to not acknowledge Mikey.]

[Yu's eyes turn from Mikey to Yosuke and back, assessing the situation, thinking through the plan, contingencies. Mikey is very clearly trying to antagonize Yosuke, and in a way, Yu is grateful to him for that; it'd be hard to get any of this uncovered if he wasn't here. But something is clearly wrong, and it's both a relief and a painful realization at the same time.]

"Under the weather." You sure that's all it is? [From his tone, Yu doesn't sound like he believes any of it. He shifts a bit, moving back away from the door. If Mikey's trying to get Yosuke outside, then he doesn't want to be in the way.

Plus -- if he can make it impossible not to acknowledge Mikey, then maybe they'll be able to push him into a corner.]

(from that initial reaction, there's no space in his mind for taking his words as true - that wasn't normal, he's afraid. as per usual, mikey has no quarrels in playing the villain, being the villain. not unlike yu, he too is grateful that he is here. if someone is to break yosuke's heart, may it be mikey, considering it seems to be more of the same.

which is the reason why he walks decidedly, taking yu's hand into his own, pulling just a little bit as if he was asking him to come along.

then it comes from mikey, not from yu, after all. he's already preparing a kick in his mind when he speaks,)

Then let's go home, we can leave him be 'under the weather'.

[there's uncharacteristic anger as Yosuke makes the attempt to grab Mikey and shove him away from Yu.]

Don't touch him!!

[the monster in his mind is screaming for him to kill him, and the normal, more rational side of himself is getting pushed further and further back.]

I will kill you!

[there, he'd said it. the monster, which had stuck into his mind at seeing the person he was currently so angry at, had completely tossed away his rationale at this point.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject