Silco (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
conflictresolution) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
expiationlogs2024-06-29 12:02 pm
conflictresolution) wrote in expiationlogs2024-06-29 12:02 pm
All my reasons cut like knives (Open)
Who: Silco
Where: Multiple Locations around Aldrip
What: A nightmare-induced jaunt through the streets of Aldrip thanks to recent events from the Tower.
Warnings: PTSD, anxiety, mention of strangulation
i. On the run
It was the same reoccurring nightmare which stole any restfulness away from him. Even as he sat bolt upright, the images clouded his vision and his breath caught in this throat without anywhere to go but choke him. Suddenly, his silk tie was too tight, feeling like the slow pressure of fingers closing around his throat, and his fingers tore at the material in an uncharacteristic panic.
His vest felt too constricting, hugging his chest so that his ribs couldn’t expand. The illusion sensation of knees on his chest holding him down drew him from his seat and had him frantically removing the vest to fall on the floor next to white tie.
Logic had been overridden by a sense of internal alarm and panic, and Silco was opening a window to the office of the Last Drop. Within seconds of the cold night hair hitting him, he was out the window and scrambling down the two storeys to the ground; physicality was never his strong suit but he was a born and raised fissure folk and moving around – including up and down – was not actually difficult for him and the Lanes buildings were built with outcroppings.
He took off running the moment his socked feet touch the ground, sliding through the narrow alley and out on the streets. Chased by the nightmare, of the frantic old pain to just survive, he sprinted away with no mindful thoughts to combat the adrenaline as he tore through the streets and heading towards the edge of town.
He slipped across streets, jammed himself through almost impossibly narrow alleys and hopped fences. He was barefoot and disheveled within a few blocks, and his gaze was unfocused with a panicked need to flee as if he were being chased.
ii. Drop in the bucket
The salt in the air hung thick, and it was the only thing that stopped his careening mad panicked run but not until he felt the water roll over his bare cut up feet. He took a moment to draw a long shaky breath into his lungs, and almost mindlessly, Silco walked into the gently rolling waves while silhouetted by the moon hanging in the sky.
To his knees then his waist and out further until he was chest deep in the ocean, which took him quite far out given the gentle decline of the portion of beach he had ended up in. His fingers traced over the surface of the water as he bobbed before he simply sank under the surface and stayed there.
There was a comfort in the reminder of a place similar to this was where he had once let his weakness die, where he had stepped out from the shadow of someone he had once trusted. It was time to do that again, just basking in the embrace of the water even as his lungs began to burn from being submerged for minutes.
Have you had enough?
iii. Beach contemplations
He found himself sitting on the beach staring out at the waves gently lapping at the shore. Even with his legs drawn up towards his chest, the water still rolled over his feet. His forearms rested on his raised knees, fingers entwined together to keep them from potentially falling into motion. His soaked clothing clung to his frame, though it was starting to dry stiff from the salt of the water.
The moon hung low on the horizon, providing an indication of time having passed. It would be dawn within a few hours, and the reasonable part of his brain knew that he couldn’t be out here on the beach when the town began to come awake. This was not a scene he wanted to be caught staring at, not when there was the safety of any one of his businesses or the empty home waiting for him.
Slowly, he reached up and pushed drying stiff hair from falling his face then drew his fingers down over the yellowed bruises on his throat where he had been throttled. Like father, like daughter… it was a legacy he doubted Vander would want to be known for. The girl? He expected such a situation to go down as a point of pride; that was the differences of a generation.
And what would be his legacy? Zaun would survive, and that was enough. As for Aldrip? He was still building his legacy, but to what point and purpose? He knew why; his reasons had been lined up since he had arrived, and he knew they hadn’t changed. The question still lingered like a bitter pill to be swallowed.
He bowed his head towards his knees and sighed, lingering in the moment alone on the beach.
iv. Walk of shame
Well, now that that shameful incident was over, it was time to walk back home like some self-aware drunk knowing they had made a fool of themselves in public. As he had come with nothing more than his shirt and pants, Silco simply dusted off sand from his clothing and began to trek along the streets of Aldrip.
It was early enough in the morning that he knew few would be awake. So he took the most direct route towards his house. Within the first block, he began to leave faint bloodied footprints and his head was bowed down in an effort to ignore anyone who might actually be heading to their destination that may notice him in his current disheveled state.
"I’m not interested in escort."
Where: Multiple Locations around Aldrip
What: A nightmare-induced jaunt through the streets of Aldrip thanks to recent events from the Tower.
Warnings: PTSD, anxiety, mention of strangulation
i. On the run
It was the same reoccurring nightmare which stole any restfulness away from him. Even as he sat bolt upright, the images clouded his vision and his breath caught in this throat without anywhere to go but choke him. Suddenly, his silk tie was too tight, feeling like the slow pressure of fingers closing around his throat, and his fingers tore at the material in an uncharacteristic panic.
His vest felt too constricting, hugging his chest so that his ribs couldn’t expand. The illusion sensation of knees on his chest holding him down drew him from his seat and had him frantically removing the vest to fall on the floor next to white tie.
Logic had been overridden by a sense of internal alarm and panic, and Silco was opening a window to the office of the Last Drop. Within seconds of the cold night hair hitting him, he was out the window and scrambling down the two storeys to the ground; physicality was never his strong suit but he was a born and raised fissure folk and moving around – including up and down – was not actually difficult for him and the Lanes buildings were built with outcroppings.
He took off running the moment his socked feet touch the ground, sliding through the narrow alley and out on the streets. Chased by the nightmare, of the frantic old pain to just survive, he sprinted away with no mindful thoughts to combat the adrenaline as he tore through the streets and heading towards the edge of town.
He slipped across streets, jammed himself through almost impossibly narrow alleys and hopped fences. He was barefoot and disheveled within a few blocks, and his gaze was unfocused with a panicked need to flee as if he were being chased.
ii. Drop in the bucket
The salt in the air hung thick, and it was the only thing that stopped his careening mad panicked run but not until he felt the water roll over his bare cut up feet. He took a moment to draw a long shaky breath into his lungs, and almost mindlessly, Silco walked into the gently rolling waves while silhouetted by the moon hanging in the sky.
To his knees then his waist and out further until he was chest deep in the ocean, which took him quite far out given the gentle decline of the portion of beach he had ended up in. His fingers traced over the surface of the water as he bobbed before he simply sank under the surface and stayed there.
There was a comfort in the reminder of a place similar to this was where he had once let his weakness die, where he had stepped out from the shadow of someone he had once trusted. It was time to do that again, just basking in the embrace of the water even as his lungs began to burn from being submerged for minutes.
Have you had enough?
iii. Beach contemplations
He found himself sitting on the beach staring out at the waves gently lapping at the shore. Even with his legs drawn up towards his chest, the water still rolled over his feet. His forearms rested on his raised knees, fingers entwined together to keep them from potentially falling into motion. His soaked clothing clung to his frame, though it was starting to dry stiff from the salt of the water.
The moon hung low on the horizon, providing an indication of time having passed. It would be dawn within a few hours, and the reasonable part of his brain knew that he couldn’t be out here on the beach when the town began to come awake. This was not a scene he wanted to be caught staring at, not when there was the safety of any one of his businesses or the empty home waiting for him.
Slowly, he reached up and pushed drying stiff hair from falling his face then drew his fingers down over the yellowed bruises on his throat where he had been throttled. Like father, like daughter… it was a legacy he doubted Vander would want to be known for. The girl? He expected such a situation to go down as a point of pride; that was the differences of a generation.
And what would be his legacy? Zaun would survive, and that was enough. As for Aldrip? He was still building his legacy, but to what point and purpose? He knew why; his reasons had been lined up since he had arrived, and he knew they hadn’t changed. The question still lingered like a bitter pill to be swallowed.
He bowed his head towards his knees and sighed, lingering in the moment alone on the beach.
iv. Walk of shame
Well, now that that shameful incident was over, it was time to walk back home like some self-aware drunk knowing they had made a fool of themselves in public. As he had come with nothing more than his shirt and pants, Silco simply dusted off sand from his clothing and began to trek along the streets of Aldrip.
It was early enough in the morning that he knew few would be awake. So he took the most direct route towards his house. Within the first block, he began to leave faint bloodied footprints and his head was bowed down in an effort to ignore anyone who might actually be heading to their destination that may notice him in his current disheveled state.
"I’m not interested in escort."
no subject
You've got to be friggin' kidding me. You're not going back to work, and I've already told you that I'm home. Whatever you've gotta do, let me handle it. You're grounded, Mister.
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It'd be dawn in two hours or so he reasoned. There was plenty still yet to do.]
Are you? You should check on your sister. [He meant to take the wind out of her argument.] I'm fully capable of finishing my tasks for the day. [Even if that decidedly wasn't true with how empty and drained he felt. Still, he knew he needed to get himself back in order and quickly.]
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[ dropping the sarcasm, she waves a hand in the air. ]
'Sides, she's living with the Enforcer. Preeettty sure she's in gross hands. So nice try, Pops. You're not going to squeeze your way out of this one.
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[There may have been a pseudotruce in play, but he wasn't at a point to consider even hearing her voice at this point. Once was enough to last him a few months while he dealt with the fall out of the Tower.
He was still staring at Jinx, rare skepticism on his expression.]
You were talking to the enforcer not that long ago at your cafe. Practically friends.
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but the shock leaves as quickly as it came, because well... this is her father she is speaking to. and then in a childish manner, jinx wraps an arm around her stomach as she slaps her other hand over her mouth -- pretending to fall suddenly extremely ill and making gagging noises. ]
Uuuughhhh, don't make me barf.
[ she says, after showing off her real distaste of the thought of them being... "friends". ]
Like I would ever be friends with that dirty tramp. We had a chat, and that's it.
[ his daughter extends out her hand to him, offering him the help pull himself up to his feet. ]
Come on, let's blow this ice stand and go home.
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I see.
[That's all he had to say about that, but he intended to watch their interactions ongoing a touch closer. Whoever Jinx made allies with was her business, but he would keep things closer to the chest if there was closeness developing.
He stared at her hand for a long moment before finally accepting the offer and allowing her to help him to his feet. He was cold and sore, and the emotions that had driven him out here had dulled to a deep ache he could ignore for awhile.]
I'm going to the Last Drop. I left some work unfinished. [And half his attire.]
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if her father wants to finish incomplete work, then... fine. she isn't going to argue anymore if it'll just lead into a dead end. now jinx could easily be rotten child and rush in the office before him somehow, then hide all of his papers. but... that will only aggravate the situation, despite the strong urge of doing it anyhow. she won't, though. so for now, she will pace with him off the beach. ]
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Once he had made up on the pavement, he paused to wait for his daughter. He would be the slow one, but once he was in motion, he simply put one foot in front of the other. Within half a block, he was leaving some blood tinged foot prints.]
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given it is late in the evening, the bar might be in its roughhousing swing as per usual — but jinx will need to have a quick chat with the barkeep into making something soothing to drink for the two of them that isn't alcohol. although, that will come after they've dried off and slip in something warm to wear.
she feels he is well enough to undress himself without any assistance, but if he needs it, his daughter won't mind nor would it disturb her any. nudity of all ages was common back in zaun, especially to those who were extremely down on their luck, and needed to bathe in open waters or with a hose. anyway, she picks up the pace a little to now hike beside him than behind him — keeping an eye out for any lurkers or... her gang. not that they will attempt to loot her father, they know who he is. but some can be morons, and right now, she can't stop them verbally even if she tried. ]
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He kept his eyes forward, letting the numbness of his mind to compete with the growing soreness of his body. He was reminded that he wasn't a young man anymore, and he certainly wouldn't be getting any younger. That ship had sailed, so to speak. Now it was time to refocus, to be reborn as it were.
His attention shifted when Jinx moved from behind him to be at his elbow instead. That move alone told him that she was intent on guarding him.]
So, are we back on speaking terms, or is this a short stop for you?
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W-We're speaking. ... If you wanna keep talking to me. Or something.
[ she chews on her lower lip in a way to prevent herself from saying anything stupid, but her teeth aren't strong enough to halt the words from flowing through. ]
I'm... fine with you, punishing me or... grounding me, you know. I'll do more work around your shops or do better with cleaning up.
[ it feels like forever ago, but she remembers having to do that under her real parent's care, and even vander's once or twice. but the punishing, restrictions, and chore duties fell more on vi than her. ]
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He hadn't expected to go to the water either, but it seemed everyone was disappointed on some level with the overall situation.]
Or something?
[He was too tired and numb to read between the lines in the early hours of the morning, so he expected clarification was in order. A side comment, who knew. She was still a teenager and they tossed extra words in to draw things out and he found it didn't have to make sense to him for it to do so for them.]
Why would I punish you? [He stopped walking. It was probably mistake because it meant he'd have to get back in motion again.] In what world have I punished you aside from giving you structure and certain verbal restrictions?
[It wasn't his style with Jinx. She had been too traumatized for normal punishments, so he had had to be creative and direct her fear of abandonment and backlash towards something more productive. He had had to gain her trust that he would be in her corner regardless of the times she drove him to a temper or annoyance.
He sighed heavily, shaking his head and awkwardly forcing his feet back into motion so they could keep walking. It was a long walk back to The Last Drop.]
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[ she blurts it out accidentally while combing her slick bangs away from her forehead. when he pauses with his steps, so does she as she folds her arms around her body again in a clumsy-like stance. her gaze exchange from him to down to her feet, rolling a rock underneath her toes just to give her something to do. ]
This is... not like when I blew up something you didn't want me to. Or I drew boobs on Sevika's forehead, and she whined to you about it. This is... different and, I-I don't know if you want to keep talking to me, or I'm supposed to do something to show how sorry I am.
I've never... screwed up this bad before. With you. I-I mean, besides the... other thing.
[ after all, she did kill him, too, and she still feels she hadn't pled herself to him correctly for that like she said she would, either. ]
no subject
He was not in a position where she could shame her for saying what was on her mind. Part of their trust was that she could say anything to him, and he would correct her on the misconceptions but never shun her for how she felt.]
You are my daughter. There will always be a place in my life for you no matter what you do and say.
[It didn't surprise him that she needed direction. It also wasn't a shock that he was put in the position to have to comfort her; that was their dynamic and he had never particularly set a standard that he might need her to reciprocate. After all, Silco was supposed to be the strong one emotionally, the guiding hand to allow her to heal and be her authentic self, even if with destructed him, her and everyone around them.]
I needed you, Jinx. You are the only one in this city I could trust, and when I needed you, the decision was made to walk away. I have to wonder how long it would have gone on for.
[That whole taking a trip into the ocean wasn't supposed to be something she caught him at. Yet, here they were.]
That's done now. I don't hold it against you, but I want you to know that I did need you back then. The other party in this unfortunate event has support; you are my support.
[Perhaps it was a lot to put on her, but he was tired and sore. He wasn't here for diplomacy at the moment. If Jinx took it badly and left again, he would respect the decision even if he didn't agree with it.]
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he said he won't hold it against her, not like he needs to when her mind and the dead will take care of that for him. but when he finishes, jinx says nothing nor looks at him in the eye. way too ashamed to. instead, she remains still as she pinches her forearms with her nails. although she is putting on her solider front, she blinks rapidly to fight back the tears and sniffs away so no snot bubbles will form.]
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Jinx. You don't have to hide how you feel from me.
[He knew she was because her expectation that she needed to be strong in front of him. He'd seen her at some of her worst moments, and he loved her despite it all. He would continue to do so.]
1/2
...
2/2
Come on, slowpoke!! The Last Drop is waiting for us...! I don't want to miss out any dummies busting their drunk heads open!
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It took him a few tender steps to urge himself back into motion again, wincing at the pain in his feet after being stopped for a minute or so. Oh what he wouldn't do to lay down somewhere and let a few hours pass him by.]
That's what security is for. [He eased back into a slow pace, yet he was in motion and that's all he could expect of himself.]
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[ keep up with the persona, keep up with the persona. she waits for him patiently with hands now behind her back. the smile still shine on her face, but there's some wavers to it if he stares at it long enough.]
... Would you like for me to help you the rest of the way? I can help.
['let me help, let me help, i can still help you. i'm still useful.' ]
Then I can take care of your feet a-and, uh. whatever else you need help with tonight. Like tell everyone to pipe down, downstairs!
no subject
He waved her off with a hand. His ninety-pound daughter was not carrying him back to the Last Drop. He had his pride.]
I'll be alright walking, Jinx. This is my punishment for running without shoes.
[He hadn't meant to, of course. His one comfort was taking his shoes off, but this time it had unintended consequences. He was not in the right head space to detail how he had gotten from a second story window and to the beach in the first place, but he expected Jinx could and would put two-and-two together.]
They probably just need to soak. If you could get some water, I think that will suffice when we return. I'll finish a few tasks for the night.
[Maybe fall asleep at his desk.]
no subject
Sure, yeah! I can do that. Easy. Whatever you want.
[ whatever he wants, whatever he needs. she will do whatever he suggests as long as he's content. she can't steal the gemstone again to prove her worth, but maybe if she tries extremely hard, she won't get shelfed. especially when there's so much potential here in aldrip.
maybe deleting her okcindr profile can be one of those first steps, no more chasing after boys and falling into their alluring charms. or if he needs more people in his corner, she can shove her followers his way -- have them empty all of their pockets and give to him. they're all nobodies anyway, so who truly cares if they go to bed with empty bellies? if she comes across shimmer, she'll hand it to him instead keeping it for herself. her body can figure out how to produce more on its own. somehow.]
Tomorrow, I'll start checking around the other businesses. Make sure everyone's doing what they're supposed to.
no subject
He hoped this situation wasn't going to result in a building being blown up. Jerry currently seemed to have his thumb on her, and he wouldn't want a second month of sentencing to deprive her of getting her business off the ground.]
Everything will be running smoothly. I've had no issues with the staff thus far. I'm not rejecting you over this, Jinx.
[They were making slow progress back to the Last Drop, and he was doing his best to hide his limping. He couldn't risk showing weakness now.]
Do you need assistance with your café?
no subject
I-I know!
[ half-truth. she knows, but her thoughts are speeding off course than it should. jinx looks around their surroundings to once again avoid eye contact. ]
It's just... I really am sorry, a-and I... want to make it up to you. Saying, "Sorry" isn't enough. And I had this apology speech ready, and I-I rehearsed it over and over in my head. But now... I can't remember anything after the "I'm sorry" part.
no subject
How does saying sorry not make it up to me?
[There was a thread of amusement to the idea that she had a speech ready. That wouldn't be her first rehearsed and abandoned speech; it was the thought that counted.]
Perhaps now there will be more awareness, and that's all that matters. You are my world, and I would build it up or burn it down for you depending on what you needed.
[He came to a stop again, as much as it pained him to do it knowing he was heading closer and closer to simple collapse. He still did. He reached out a hand towards Jinx to take.]
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cw: oh yeah, probably should have said there's nudity in this lel.
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cw: description of lacerations
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cw: drugs
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cw: more drugs
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