Silco (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
conflictresolution) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
expiationlogs2024-06-29 12:02 pm
conflictresolution) wrote in expiationlogs2024-06-29 12:02 pm
All my reasons cut like knives (Open)
Who: Silco
Where: Multiple Locations around Aldrip
What: A nightmare-induced jaunt through the streets of Aldrip thanks to recent events from the Tower.
Warnings: PTSD, anxiety, mention of strangulation
i. On the run
It was the same reoccurring nightmare which stole any restfulness away from him. Even as he sat bolt upright, the images clouded his vision and his breath caught in this throat without anywhere to go but choke him. Suddenly, his silk tie was too tight, feeling like the slow pressure of fingers closing around his throat, and his fingers tore at the material in an uncharacteristic panic.
His vest felt too constricting, hugging his chest so that his ribs couldn’t expand. The illusion sensation of knees on his chest holding him down drew him from his seat and had him frantically removing the vest to fall on the floor next to white tie.
Logic had been overridden by a sense of internal alarm and panic, and Silco was opening a window to the office of the Last Drop. Within seconds of the cold night hair hitting him, he was out the window and scrambling down the two storeys to the ground; physicality was never his strong suit but he was a born and raised fissure folk and moving around – including up and down – was not actually difficult for him and the Lanes buildings were built with outcroppings.
He took off running the moment his socked feet touch the ground, sliding through the narrow alley and out on the streets. Chased by the nightmare, of the frantic old pain to just survive, he sprinted away with no mindful thoughts to combat the adrenaline as he tore through the streets and heading towards the edge of town.
He slipped across streets, jammed himself through almost impossibly narrow alleys and hopped fences. He was barefoot and disheveled within a few blocks, and his gaze was unfocused with a panicked need to flee as if he were being chased.
ii. Drop in the bucket
The salt in the air hung thick, and it was the only thing that stopped his careening mad panicked run but not until he felt the water roll over his bare cut up feet. He took a moment to draw a long shaky breath into his lungs, and almost mindlessly, Silco walked into the gently rolling waves while silhouetted by the moon hanging in the sky.
To his knees then his waist and out further until he was chest deep in the ocean, which took him quite far out given the gentle decline of the portion of beach he had ended up in. His fingers traced over the surface of the water as he bobbed before he simply sank under the surface and stayed there.
There was a comfort in the reminder of a place similar to this was where he had once let his weakness die, where he had stepped out from the shadow of someone he had once trusted. It was time to do that again, just basking in the embrace of the water even as his lungs began to burn from being submerged for minutes.
Have you had enough?
iii. Beach contemplations
He found himself sitting on the beach staring out at the waves gently lapping at the shore. Even with his legs drawn up towards his chest, the water still rolled over his feet. His forearms rested on his raised knees, fingers entwined together to keep them from potentially falling into motion. His soaked clothing clung to his frame, though it was starting to dry stiff from the salt of the water.
The moon hung low on the horizon, providing an indication of time having passed. It would be dawn within a few hours, and the reasonable part of his brain knew that he couldn’t be out here on the beach when the town began to come awake. This was not a scene he wanted to be caught staring at, not when there was the safety of any one of his businesses or the empty home waiting for him.
Slowly, he reached up and pushed drying stiff hair from falling his face then drew his fingers down over the yellowed bruises on his throat where he had been throttled. Like father, like daughter… it was a legacy he doubted Vander would want to be known for. The girl? He expected such a situation to go down as a point of pride; that was the differences of a generation.
And what would be his legacy? Zaun would survive, and that was enough. As for Aldrip? He was still building his legacy, but to what point and purpose? He knew why; his reasons had been lined up since he had arrived, and he knew they hadn’t changed. The question still lingered like a bitter pill to be swallowed.
He bowed his head towards his knees and sighed, lingering in the moment alone on the beach.
iv. Walk of shame
Well, now that that shameful incident was over, it was time to walk back home like some self-aware drunk knowing they had made a fool of themselves in public. As he had come with nothing more than his shirt and pants, Silco simply dusted off sand from his clothing and began to trek along the streets of Aldrip.
It was early enough in the morning that he knew few would be awake. So he took the most direct route towards his house. Within the first block, he began to leave faint bloodied footprints and his head was bowed down in an effort to ignore anyone who might actually be heading to their destination that may notice him in his current disheveled state.
"I’m not interested in escort."
Where: Multiple Locations around Aldrip
What: A nightmare-induced jaunt through the streets of Aldrip thanks to recent events from the Tower.
Warnings: PTSD, anxiety, mention of strangulation
i. On the run
It was the same reoccurring nightmare which stole any restfulness away from him. Even as he sat bolt upright, the images clouded his vision and his breath caught in this throat without anywhere to go but choke him. Suddenly, his silk tie was too tight, feeling like the slow pressure of fingers closing around his throat, and his fingers tore at the material in an uncharacteristic panic.
His vest felt too constricting, hugging his chest so that his ribs couldn’t expand. The illusion sensation of knees on his chest holding him down drew him from his seat and had him frantically removing the vest to fall on the floor next to white tie.
Logic had been overridden by a sense of internal alarm and panic, and Silco was opening a window to the office of the Last Drop. Within seconds of the cold night hair hitting him, he was out the window and scrambling down the two storeys to the ground; physicality was never his strong suit but he was a born and raised fissure folk and moving around – including up and down – was not actually difficult for him and the Lanes buildings were built with outcroppings.
He took off running the moment his socked feet touch the ground, sliding through the narrow alley and out on the streets. Chased by the nightmare, of the frantic old pain to just survive, he sprinted away with no mindful thoughts to combat the adrenaline as he tore through the streets and heading towards the edge of town.
He slipped across streets, jammed himself through almost impossibly narrow alleys and hopped fences. He was barefoot and disheveled within a few blocks, and his gaze was unfocused with a panicked need to flee as if he were being chased.
ii. Drop in the bucket
The salt in the air hung thick, and it was the only thing that stopped his careening mad panicked run but not until he felt the water roll over his bare cut up feet. He took a moment to draw a long shaky breath into his lungs, and almost mindlessly, Silco walked into the gently rolling waves while silhouetted by the moon hanging in the sky.
To his knees then his waist and out further until he was chest deep in the ocean, which took him quite far out given the gentle decline of the portion of beach he had ended up in. His fingers traced over the surface of the water as he bobbed before he simply sank under the surface and stayed there.
There was a comfort in the reminder of a place similar to this was where he had once let his weakness die, where he had stepped out from the shadow of someone he had once trusted. It was time to do that again, just basking in the embrace of the water even as his lungs began to burn from being submerged for minutes.
Have you had enough?
iii. Beach contemplations
He found himself sitting on the beach staring out at the waves gently lapping at the shore. Even with his legs drawn up towards his chest, the water still rolled over his feet. His forearms rested on his raised knees, fingers entwined together to keep them from potentially falling into motion. His soaked clothing clung to his frame, though it was starting to dry stiff from the salt of the water.
The moon hung low on the horizon, providing an indication of time having passed. It would be dawn within a few hours, and the reasonable part of his brain knew that he couldn’t be out here on the beach when the town began to come awake. This was not a scene he wanted to be caught staring at, not when there was the safety of any one of his businesses or the empty home waiting for him.
Slowly, he reached up and pushed drying stiff hair from falling his face then drew his fingers down over the yellowed bruises on his throat where he had been throttled. Like father, like daughter… it was a legacy he doubted Vander would want to be known for. The girl? He expected such a situation to go down as a point of pride; that was the differences of a generation.
And what would be his legacy? Zaun would survive, and that was enough. As for Aldrip? He was still building his legacy, but to what point and purpose? He knew why; his reasons had been lined up since he had arrived, and he knew they hadn’t changed. The question still lingered like a bitter pill to be swallowed.
He bowed his head towards his knees and sighed, lingering in the moment alone on the beach.
iv. Walk of shame
Well, now that that shameful incident was over, it was time to walk back home like some self-aware drunk knowing they had made a fool of themselves in public. As he had come with nothing more than his shirt and pants, Silco simply dusted off sand from his clothing and began to trek along the streets of Aldrip.
It was early enough in the morning that he knew few would be awake. So he took the most direct route towards his house. Within the first block, he began to leave faint bloodied footprints and his head was bowed down in an effort to ignore anyone who might actually be heading to their destination that may notice him in his current disheveled state.
"I’m not interested in escort."
no subject
He hoped this situation wasn't going to result in a building being blown up. Jerry currently seemed to have his thumb on her, and he wouldn't want a second month of sentencing to deprive her of getting her business off the ground.]
Everything will be running smoothly. I've had no issues with the staff thus far. I'm not rejecting you over this, Jinx.
[They were making slow progress back to the Last Drop, and he was doing his best to hide his limping. He couldn't risk showing weakness now.]
Do you need assistance with your café?
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I-I know!
[ half-truth. she knows, but her thoughts are speeding off course than it should. jinx looks around their surroundings to once again avoid eye contact. ]
It's just... I really am sorry, a-and I... want to make it up to you. Saying, "Sorry" isn't enough. And I had this apology speech ready, and I-I rehearsed it over and over in my head. But now... I can't remember anything after the "I'm sorry" part.
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How does saying sorry not make it up to me?
[There was a thread of amusement to the idea that she had a speech ready. That wouldn't be her first rehearsed and abandoned speech; it was the thought that counted.]
Perhaps now there will be more awareness, and that's all that matters. You are my world, and I would build it up or burn it down for you depending on what you needed.
[He came to a stop again, as much as it pained him to do it knowing he was heading closer and closer to simple collapse. He still did. He reached out a hand towards Jinx to take.]
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You say that's all that matters, but... I feel I have to do something, I need to do something to make this up. Steal for you, blow something up, shoot something, kill someone, whatever you want me to do, I-I'll do it a million times better than some schmuck around here.
[ jinx can hear mylo somewhere groaning in disgust over her groveling, and for once, she's ignoring his bellyaching. because she has to prove that her loyalty to him hadn't changed in the slightest, and he is just as important as she is to him. she has to be good for the cause, and she can't let sevika's words become truth. ]
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The hired help is not something I utilize for those tasks. [Well, maybe Levi, but he wanted to know he could trust Jinx for those.] Don't walk away. That's what I need; I can offer you a million small tasks that might fill that void, but I need you to not walk away.
[When he needed her most. It was a hard ask. She was, in many ways, still a child, and she was also old enough to walk her own path. His role was to provide opportunities to be self-sufficient without him. It was a thin line to walk.]
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'don't walk away.'
her free hand stretches to cup the side of his cheek, amd she stands on her toes to lean over, and then presses a deep kiss on the other. she lets her lips linger there, maybe a good solid thirty seconds, so her father can sense how strong and how serious she is to his request. no, not a request, but what he needs from her, and only her. when her lips finally part from his skin, she murmurs gently enough for him to hear and not the ominous streets around them: ]
I won't. ... Never again.
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He should correct her. He knew she would pick one part, latch on and run with it until one or both of them went down in flames. He did not, instead closing his blue eye to linger on the sensation of her lips against his cheek. He nodded his head subtly to her words.]
I know. We have each other, Jinx.
[Even when there was competition for her attention. That was fine; she had her own life here, could build her own empire. As intended.]
I suggest we continue otherwise I may not make it back to the office.
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[ fast-forwarding this thread, the duo make it to the last drop and make it back to his office without any of the patrons or staff questioning their appearance. they know not to, of course, if they wish to value their lives.
but once all tucked in the room alone, jinx picks up a sign she had scribbled and doodled back when the establishment first opened, then hung it on the opposite side of the door. the color words spelled, "DO NOT DISTURB!!" on it, and she shuts it tight — locking for good measure. ]
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He hobbled around the office while she set everything up by locking the doors and put up her signage. He grabbed his discarded tie and vest from the floor, dusting them off and folding them as he eased himself down on the couch with a faint groan. He set them aside next to him and leaned back then pushed his fingers through his hair as he stretched his legs out.]
Could you bring the change of clothing from the cupboard?
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gingerly, she places the outfit beside them than on the coffee table (so he wouldn't have to move so much), then turns her back to him for privacy. in truth, jinx doesn't mind whether he strips entirely in front of her or not, but she figured he would prefer for her to not see him in that state. as for her, however, his daughter carries no shame as she removes her top over her head, and tosses it negligently to where her boots rest. back bare, the blueberry haired girl strolls to a different cupboard to seek for her own, humming a little diddy as she rummages. ]
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He unbuttoned his collared shirt and worked his way out of the wet clingy material, perhaps noting for the first time that he had shed noticeable weight. His bullet scars stood out pink with brown edges, completely healed. Ignoring the weight issue for another day, he folded up the shirt and used it to wipe sand from his arms and hands before setting it aside. He picked up and slid into a dry shirt, his fingers fumbling with the buttons until the more pressing matter of pants forced him to abandon the top four buttons for now.
With effort, he pushed himself back to his feet so he could unbutton his pants and shuck them down his legs with his underwear. The button of his shirt offered some decency but again, Zaun was not a place where people grew up with body image modesty. He slowly seated himself so he could work his way out of the pant legs, wincing as the damp rough material passed over his damaged feet.]
cw: oh yeah, probably should have said there's nudity in this lel.
returning to the cupboard, jinx decides to go with an oversize shirt to wear than her usual sleepwear, and slips it over her thin frame in one easy swoop. her fingers twist along with the rubber band to free her locks as she heads to her father's desk. once there (and her hair open and wild), she opens a drawer to reach for his cigar case, his lighter, a writing pen, and his work folder. easily, she places the items on the coffee table for her father to begin his work or smoke while she disappears to their half bathroom to fetch for towels, a bowl, and a medical kit to help tend to his wounds. ]
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He leaned forward and sorted through the other items, but he realized as he leafed through the papers that he was in no head space to actually continue. It wasn't a first, but it was rare enough that it forced him to reconsider playing at sleeping habits his teenage daughter did. Instead, he leaned his head back on the couch back and ran his fingers through his hair to try to wrangle it into some semblance of order, listening and half-watching Jinx bustle around.]
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despite it, a sigh leaves her lips and carefully climbs on the furniture, then using all her strength to take a leap. the good news, she makes it okay, but not without some grunting and groaning along the way. his prodigy isn't gone for too long, maybe a thirty seconds or so until she is back on ground level -- with a vial of shimmer in one hand and a gas mask in the other. now finally satisfied, she can now get to work as she paces back to her father, and planting herself on the floor cross-legged. jinx stretches over to his left foot first, inspecting the sole with deep concentration. ]
cw: description of lacerations
Perhaps an oversite on his part putting such necessities to his daughter all the time. He might consider relearning them in time, but that was a stray thought to consider when his thoughts were like stuck cotton in his head.
He had put one foot up on the coffee table beside the papers and his cigar case, noting Jinx seemed intent to use Shimmer tonight. He noted her inspection of his foot.] I assume it needs a wash and dry mostly?
[So he wished. He had torn up the soles of both feet in his run. There were many small cuts and a few larger gashes, but the area as caked with blood, sand, dirt and stripped skin. He had some smaller lacerations on the top of his feet and a few on his ankles.]
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Sorry, dad, but you're going to be out for a day or so. With cuts like these, you'll need to be off your feet and let them heal.
[ his daughter reaches for a cloth and plops it in the bowl, ringing out any excess water. ]
— I'll help with making phone calls to have the stand-ins take over the shops and junk.
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Of course, he knew it wasn't good if she was calling him 'dad'.]
So I can still work just not walk. It can't be so bad as to require stand-ins.
[He could pick a spot a day and remain there; he had plenty of places to settle into, though the whole 'getting to and from' was something he would have to work out. Vehicle it might have to be.]
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[ she hums to his plan while lifting his foot delicately again. this time, she dabs the wet cloth against his wounds to gingerly clean. and occasionally, her tongue peeks out of the corner of her lips while doing so, like she's working on her many forgotten projects back home in her room. ]
The cream might sting a little when I apply it. I'll let you know when I do it, 'kay?
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His feet twitched in discomfort as she worked on them. He leaned his head back against the couch and stared at the ceiling, and he hummed in acknowledgement to her words. Everything hurt anyway so what was a sting?]
When are you opening that bakery of yours?
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I dunno. [ she answers at first, shrugging one shoulder while unscrewing the cap.] — There's a lot of stuff I gotta do. Paint, get new furniture, change the building name, get people, who knows.
[ it make take her a while to get started, but nevertheless, she doesn't sound impatient or disappointed about the possibility of delaying the pastry shop. ]
no subject
Will you be bringing your little gang in to help out there now and again?
[At least Levi would have a better place to hang out when following Jinx around. The kid probably needed a break from the docks.]
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[ she applies the cream onto the cushion part of one band-aid and then carefully holds the sticky ends with the padding of her fingertips. ]
Alright, Silco, incoming. Going to put this bad boy on your biggest cut.
[ giving him the heads-up, jinx gingerly sets the band-aid on the gash while carefully patting it to the skin to ensure it'll stay secured. and it's unfortunate that she will need to do this a few more times until his foot is completely covered. ]
no subject
[He lifted his head from where it rested at her warning, peering down the length of his own body to where she was about to apply the first bandages. He winced as the sting made itself known, arching a little where he sat.
He was back to being rather awake, and it was not a state that he was currently enjoying even if the entirety of his suffering was his own fault. Perhaps he would have to stay off of his feet for a day or two.]
How often will the bandages require changing?
no subject
[ she continues with the repetition, applying the cream, placing it in various areas on his foot until all the cuts are covered. but jinx doesn't stop there as she uncoils bandages, so she can wrap the foot next. ]
no subject
If he stayed off his feet more than he currently did, he could just air the injuries out and let them scab over. Bandages overnight… ow. He winced as she applied more of the cream, his feet twitching away with each successive application. Yet, he sat for it without any other complaint, knowing this was a type of olive branch.]
This shouldn’t require a doctor unless infection sets in, but neither of us are going to let that occur. [He sighed and moved an arm up and over his eyes.] This is not an inconvenience that you should have to deal with.
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cw: drugs
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cw: more drugs
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