(after event chill out lil mingle) let's understand it

[nullificates]

(cw depression)

(he hasn't exactly been doing great - much to the opposite. he spent the week in bed, he hasn't taken care of himself whatsoever, and he's exhausted. either way, it hardly matters how he feels, does it ever?

so. let's go. a text message arrives to everyone's charms and tablets, and it reads:)

this is, you guessed it, osamu dazai. it's been a week since that stupid maze, so here is what we have:

1. i need copious amounts of alcohol and food. i'll bring some to the beach in 30, i suggest we all do the same.
2. i'd like to hear what your experiences were. it's important for data building - we have a few detectives in this place, some smartpants, and some go-getters. we need to take advantage of our only resource, which is ourselves. meet me at the beach, or send me anonymously. i don't care about your shit per se.

see you, or don't see you.

many words that mean absolutely nothing here,
dazai.

(to those that come to the beach, they'll see several cocktail possibilities laid in front of dazai, as well as a good number of the food they serve in lupin - mixed nuts, pistachio, cheese tables, chocolate, dried figs, potato chips, chicken snacks, boiled sausage, asparagus with sauces, and dried fruit. a bonfire warms his hands in the chilly breeze of the night - this feels awfully needed.)

Comments

[nullificates]

Your eyes are silver-y greenish, purplish. Very pretty.

(it's a comment that he drops with a gentle smile. he saw what he wished to see - a much more vibrant person, honest, and not hiding, however tired from the ordeals they had to endure. it's understandable.

he drops the hand only to ruffle his hair, eyes closing in their faked joy.)

Ah, here I thought you'd run away from me from now on!

[chemex]

[His ears go pink, mostly hidden by the mop of curls he calls hair, and his face wrinkles up in faux-annoyance at the ruffling. It does absolutely nothing to change the state of his hair, somehow.] I hear they kind of reflect the colors around me, I don't really look at them that much. [Clearly, from the frizzy mess that is his hair.]

[He reaches up to swat the hand from his hair, finally, and directs it to the martini, instead, grinning in a tired way that wrinkles the outer corners of his eyes.] Why would I do that? You're my friend.

[nullificates]

I'll break your glasses so we'll all be blessed by them! Where are they?

(what a cute kid! there are moments he reminds dazai of atsushi, just a little bit, with those little faces. still, he'll grab the martini for a little sip, and a hum of appreciation.)

Ah, if you still think so. Other kids are very mad at me for having been-- well, you seen!

[chemex]

Nooo, they're sentimental! [And back in his house/apartment/whatever it is he and Goro live in at this point, probably lost because he has absolutely no concept of object permanence when he isn't sick. But he did intentionally leave without them, this time. For the symbolism.]

[He echoes that hum, shrugging his shoulders and sitting a little closer to bump their arms together gently.] I'm in no place to judge anyone for how they were in that maze.

[nullificates]

Is it because you were sniffing everyone out instead of dealing with your own shit?

(just going to drop that bit there, bumping their arms right back, another sip, a sigh. he can't blame akira. some people definitely deal with their issues by focusing on literally anything else.)

[chemex]

[He chokes, leaning away to summarily cough a lung into his lap with the surprise of being boldly Called The Fuck Out like that, and shoots him a somewhat mortified frown when he can breathe again.] 's anyone ever told you you're a little too brutally honest, sometimes? Jeez. [But he doesn't deny it, either.]

[nullificates]

Only when the situation calls for it. If I am not like that to you, you will try to change the subject. I know your type.

[chemex]

[He grumbles softly, ducking his chin against his collarbones. Petulant.] Damn, okay! Not so loud.

[A beat, and he lets his shoulders relax, smiling ruefully.] ...guess I'm not as good at hiding it as I think, huh.

[nullificates]

No, you never asked for lying lessons, or else you'd be much better at it.

(because he is King Of Lies, after all... and he does teach...)

[chemex]

[He tsks softly, sticking out his tongue.] My bad.

[A beat.] Wait, you teach people to lie?

[nullificates]

Mmmm, not really! I'm just great at it! Ah, either way, let's not talk about me. How about you be honest for once and let me hear about you?

this icon is never not hilarious

[chemex]

[Squint.]

Rude. [But he smiles a little anyway, shuffling his drink things to make himself a little coffee. He doesn't put alcohol in his own cup.] Mmm, you're gonna have to ask me something, though. I'm not good at just talking about me.

[nullificates]

Fine. What are you running from, kiddo?

(RIGHT FOR THE JUGULAR.)

[chemex]

[His eyes glaze over for a minute and he considers the question. He respects Dazai, so he wants to answer, and answer sincerely, but... What is he running from?]

[He changes his mind and tosses a shot of a coffee liqueur into his cup, swirling it and taking a solid swig. It burns, but it helps him find his tongue.] Myself, I think, for as vague of an answer as that is.

[nullificates]

More valid than you think. We all do this to some extent.

(some more, some less. being a person is a complicated ordeal, one that takes a lot of courage, a lot of introspection - or the hiding so one doesn't have to do that last one.)

What about you?

[chemex]

[His expression pinches and he shakes his head.]

I. Learned a lot about myself in the maze, and I'm kind of my own worst enemy, I think.

[nullificates]

Are you being self-destructive, my dear kiddo? I think your taste in men sucks, but other than that, I think you're great.

[chemex]

[He chuckles, the sound rounding off into a cough, but once he gets his breathing back under control he polishes off his drink in another chugged swig.]

That's... kind of the problem. I have a really hard time with self-worth when it's not directly attached to how useful I am to others.

[nullificates]

Oh. Well. I can fix that, but you will not like it.

(at least he's telling him instead of doing it.)

[chemex]

[He gives him a bland frown of a look, but his eyebrows suggest he wants to be told anyway.]

[nullificates]

Oh? I'll never tell you. When kiddos like you end up with me, it's potential that I see, and what I work with, that's how I end up with mentees. What I see on you is something rather beautiful, but it hardly matters if I say it, it has to be you who sees it. I can make you see it, but it's never easy!

[chemex]

[He rolls his eyes slightly, but smiles anyway.]

I made that drink for you to drink, by the way, not just sit in your hand and look pretty. [A beat.] ...thanks, though. I don't know why so many people think I'm so great, but... It really means a lot.

[nullificates]

First of all! My hands are very pretty, and you have no idea how magical they are!

(sex comment, or a real comment, who knows? but he'll lift his drink before a sip. ah, it's good, but the conversation is so distracting!)

Woa-- I never said 'so great'. I said 'something beautiful'. You kiddos all look to me like little rocks! Gotta be polished! You have something good in you, but as long as you think like that for yourself, about yourself, you'll still be raw.

[chemex]

[If his eyelashes are a little bit damp when he smiles enough that his eyes crease nearly closed, don't worry about it.]

[Also keep your magical pretty hands out of this conversation, Dazai, Akira would love to know exactly how magical they are but he's got wretched taste in boys and his preferred boy would have a catatonic meltdown and break up with him the instant he learned of such a betrayal. Despite Akira betraying him in any way being quite ironic, actually.]

Y'said great the first time, but I did add the "so". [He reaches up to fiddle with the centermost lock of his curls.] ...I definitely feel raw, most of the time.

[nullificates]

(oh, important to see. it's fine to make whatever expression he wants, but he sees the tears, and if he wants to cry, he can cry. so many of the teens have cried on him, because for some reason-- he brings that out. his not-currently-magical-hand wrap around the boy's wrist, so they can move somewhere more private. a feeling tells him there's nothing akira would like than to show this part of him to everyone. come on, kid. somewhere more private.)