he was patient with me. let me draw on everything, break things, scream at everything and everyone. even at him. but he never yelled back. he was always so calm with me no matter what mood i was in.
when i screwed up, he did what u use to. tell me that its okay and made me feel im not... worthless. i use to hide underneath his desk but he never pulled me out or ask me to get out of his office. he let me stay there while he worked. let me draw, read books, or build my shitty bombs. when i wouldn't come out during meals, he brought them to me. he gave me a pillow and blanket in case i wanted to sleep there and i did for the first few nights. and he didnt leave my side then either. he slept in his chair until i finally decided to crawl out on my own.
i know dealing with me like that was a pain in the ass, but he never complained. not once. like u, he believed all my gadgets would work and that i was strong. no matter what that ogre sevika would say, no matter how many times she called me a brat and that it was a mistake to take me in.
i know he lied. i know hes done crap. i know he didnt tell me u were around looking for me when he found out. and i know he never wanted us to see each other and he purposely wanted us be separated. i get all that.
but u ALSO told me that i was ready but then said i WASNT. i get it that marcus took u and maybe u were coming back for me. but u still WALKED AWAY and made me THINK u WERENT coming back. i was crying and SCREAMING OUT to u, vi. and u just kept walking.
both of u have been good to me. both of u have done harm to me. neither of u are better or worst than the other. and u and silco really need to get that thru your skulls.
Vi honestly and truly doesn't know how to feel. but she knows she's crying on her end of the line, and she's glad that no one can see her right now. everything hurts so much... and she's so frustrated. why could nothing just be simple? while she's glad that Jinx had been taken care of to some degree all those years... why did it have to be him? the person who ruined their entire family...
god, she hates this.
finally, she gets control of herself long enough to use the voice-to-text again:]
i know. i know i did wrong that day. there was just so much...
[no more excuses, she thinks.]
if i could go back and change it, i would. i never should've...
[goddammit she hates crying like this. another pause.]
i'm glad that you were taken care of. i just need some time to wrap my head around it. i don't know that i can forgive Silco for what happened, and i don't know that i like you hanging around him, but i need to also get it through my head i can't make you do anything.
i know. u dont have to forgive him and im not expecting him to accept u w open arms either. anyone w eyes can see that wont happen.
i know u two will hate each other. maybe forever. but lets just... i dont know. maybe this time, can we not have anyone else die? i dont know if i can handle another... person im close to or who i consider as family die again.
and hes not going to poison me, vi. he knows not to lie to me ever again. he doesnt like im in contact w u, but hes going to have to get over it and deal w it. im not going to stop being around u, talk to u, or see u as my big sis bc it makes him feel some kind of way. especially when we agreed we are going to start over. i know ive been... shitty. but... ill try a lil harder this time ok?
if he runs his mouth i can't make any promises right now. him showing up is like ripping off a goddamn scab.
[she's trying to work through her own trauma too, so. every time she looks at him, she sees Vander dying in front of her. struggling to speak his last words.]
we've all been shitty. it's not really much of a contest. but i'm going to try, too. for you... and only for you.
i get it. hes a talker. he use to yank my ear off with lectures, ha ha.
( now she doesn't mind them so much. knowing he died by her hands, she would sit and listen to him for hours just so she knows he is breathing still. )
i know im suppose to say sorry about breaking ur stuff. but i dont know, i like breaking things so its hard to say sorry hahaha!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
grappler) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
expiationlogs2023-08-09 08:37 pm
no subject
it doesn't matter if she's in love with me or not, she's my friend. and she hasn't tried to get the stone here, has she? do you even have it?
[why does everyone think that they're A Thing!!]
you claim that we're strangers now and don't know anything about me anymore too, so.
no subject
well.
( and she has no comment for that because she did say that to her, didn't she? )
i wasnt going to let him bleed to death and die. not again.
not him.
and not u either.
no subject
[the thing with Silco -- but the way that hangs in the air, it might be implied.]
was he really that good to you?
no subject
when i screwed up, he did what u use to. tell me that its okay and made me feel im not... worthless. i use to hide underneath his desk but he never pulled me out or ask me to get out of his office. he let me stay there while he worked. let me draw, read books, or build my shitty bombs. when i wouldn't come out during meals, he brought them to me. he gave me a pillow and blanket in case i wanted to sleep there and i did for the first few nights. and he didnt leave my side then either. he slept in his chair until i finally decided to crawl out on my own.
i know dealing with me like that was a pain in the ass, but he never complained. not once. like u, he believed all my gadgets would work and that i was strong. no matter what that ogre sevika would say, no matter how many times she called me a brat and that it was a mistake to take me in.
i know he lied. i know hes done crap. i know he didnt tell me u were around looking for me when he found out. and i know he never wanted us to see each other and he purposely wanted us be separated. i get all that.
but u ALSO told me that i was ready but then said i WASNT. i get it that marcus took u and maybe u were coming back for me. but u still WALKED AWAY and made me THINK u WERENT coming back. i was crying and SCREAMING OUT to u, vi. and u just kept walking.
both of u have been good to me. both of u have done harm to me. neither of u are better or worst than the other. and u and silco really need to get that thru your skulls.
no subject
Vi honestly and truly doesn't know how to feel. but she knows she's crying on her end of the line, and she's glad that no one can see her right now. everything hurts so much... and she's so frustrated. why could nothing just be simple? while she's glad that Jinx had been taken care of to some degree all those years... why did it have to be him? the person who ruined their entire family...
god, she hates this.
finally, she gets control of herself long enough to use the voice-to-text again:]
i know. i know i did wrong that day. there was just so much...
[no more excuses, she thinks.]
if i could go back and change it, i would. i never should've...
[goddammit she hates crying like this. another pause.]
i'm glad that you were taken care of. i just need some time to wrap my head around it. i don't know that i can forgive Silco for what happened, and i don't know that i like you hanging around him, but i need to also get it through my head i can't make you do anything.
just... promise me that he won't poison you.
no subject
i know u two will hate each other. maybe forever. but lets just... i dont know. maybe this time, can we not have anyone else die? i dont know if i can handle another... person im close to or who i consider as family die again.
and hes not going to poison me, vi. he knows not to lie to me ever again. he doesnt like im in contact w u, but hes going to have to get over it and deal w it. im not going to stop being around u, talk to u, or see u as my big sis bc it makes him feel some kind of way. especially when we agreed we are going to start over. i know ive been... shitty. but... ill try a lil harder this time ok?
no subject
[she's trying to work through her own trauma too, so. every time she looks at him, she sees Vander dying in front of her. struggling to speak his last words.]
we've all been shitty. it's not really much of a contest. but i'm going to try, too. for you... and only for you.
no subject
( now she doesn't mind them so much. knowing he died by her hands, she would sit and listen to him for hours just so she knows he is breathing still. )
i know im suppose to say sorry about breaking ur stuff. but i dont know, i like breaking things so its hard to say sorry hahaha!
( she has a bizarre kink. )
no subject
you don't have to do that next time you need something, you know. just let me know. i'll let you have it.
no subject
no subject
no subject
im. kidding. heh. trying to bring in the laughs ha ha.
no subject
just remember what i said, okay?
no subject
love u.
no subject