Kurama doesn't respond right away. Instead, after a pause, he shifts to hop up and sit on the counter where Hiei is perched rather than continue standing around. Perhaps a shocking twist, considering his penchant for standing or leaning with at least two limbs crossed at every opportunity. He does take another bite of the egg, but that doesn't occupy him for long before he's finished with it, hands lowering to rest on the counter as if to support his weight there.
“Regaining power can be much easier the second time around.” Spoken from experience. He glances sideways at Hiei from his new position, seeming to inch a little closer as his legs cross against the cabinet.
“I got to where I was by finding challenging ways to alleviate my boredom at every opportunity. It wasn't exactly an interest in rising to power, not at first, just a way to pass the time. It annoys you, doesn't it? The way I am always puzzling things out.”
Hiei notes Kurama’s deviation from the norm with a little tip of his head in curiosity. It’s different than his usual leaning, but not so much so that the fire demon thinks he ought to ask.
Besides, it’s just the two of them here having a sometimes casual conversation in the kitchen. He thinks this is just the level of familiarity and comfort they’ve reached.
“Not as quickly as I would have liked with the Jagan as a factor.” But he’d been the one to opt for the surgery - there is no one to blame for his slower ascent other than himself.
“Yes.” That’s an easy answer at least. Red eyes slide to regard Kurama again, his proximity paired with that casual and yet different body language. He is suspicious, but can’t find the correct way to voice it.
“It’s like you do not know how to rest.” A thing that Hiei has had to learn in spades, now, with both the jagan and the dragon pulling on his energy. He does remember in his childhood that he did not really have to sleep, or rest much at all, and yet it still annoys him when it comes to Kurama.
“Beyond that, picking at the same knot will not always untangle it.”
Kurama is not all that interested in the topic of power. That hadn't been what started the conversation in the first place, rather that his seeming inability to take a break continues to be a conflict between them, even now. His eyebrows lift curiously at the accusation he doesn't know how to rest, but it's the latter point he responds to first.
“Perhaps not, but any prize worth having should require some effort.” He's only interested in picking at one knot right now, and Hiei might find himself regretting those particular words soon enough. “That said, if I do not know how to rest, what would you have me do differently?”
"The ones you've sought out since we've known one another have come with quite a bit of danger in return." Or, you know. Kurama attempting to exchange his life but Hiei is not one in a good position to talk about that. Beyond that, mentioning it would bring about his own attempts to leave them all behind without a word, and that will no doubt start a fight that Hiei does not want to deal with now or ever.
The fire demon's nose wrinkles as Kurama asks him what he would have him do differently, as is he doesn't know what to do with the question at all. His answer flies out predictably hot-headed, of course -
"What am I, your mother?" He isn't here to give solutions, only to bitch, obviously. The fire demon huffs as if he is much put upon in the aftermath, regretting that he has already finished his chocolate egg for the caramel to give him a reason to shut up. "I've told you my piece."
"The ones I've sought out since we met have been mild in comparison to the lives both of us led before our meeting.” The you're a suicidal idiot jab may have gone straight over his head, or he might be pointedly ignoring the implication. Hard to say. His head tilts with the fire apparition's outburst, momentarily wishing he still had something to occupy himself with, as well. Rather than finishing the egg off in short order simply to avoid Hiei's further prodding about it.
"Far from it, she actually trusts me to make decisions for myself." Unlike Hiei, who would rather nag him over every move, apparently.
“Have you?” No, he is not letting this go. “You have said that quite a bit recently, but I don't recall exactly how I am meant to be resting. Or what I must have done to make something as simple as a kiss such a miserable experience for you to endure.” That part he was not intending to say, green eyes widening just slightly once the words are out of his mouth.
As he'd said to the others, it was not something he wanted to keep pushing with how the fire apparition reacted to it every time it came up, but now that he's said it there's a nagging sort of urge to double down and not let it go until he gets to the bottom of it. He'd spent months pretending it wasn't bothering him, because that has been easier than trying to pry a straight answer out of the fire demon. Recently, he'd told Yukina that Kurama said he wasn't interested and it wasn't worth losing him over, but the spirit fox did not recall ever having such a conversation, and wouldn't it be better to clear the air, finally? Especially after both of them have been made to feel exactly what Hiei was going through during the wish seed transformation. Still clearly impacted by it all, despite his protests.
"How would you even know how I had lived prior to meeting you?" Not as well as now is probably fairly obvious, but it does not escape Hiei that he has not shared much about his life prior to meeting the fox, and does not plan to further share if he is not influenced to in some way.
Thankfully, they veer away from that subject fairly easily as the fire demon rolls his eyes in response to Kurama's assertion about Shiori trusting him to make decisions for himself. Hiei would contend that she is ignorant to just what decisions Kurama was making daily in their own world, but is thankfully diverted from an ill-advised commentary on Kurama's mother by his next series of words.
For a moment, Hiei simply stares, clearly chewing over what he wants to say and trying to bite back what he does not but.. thanks to the eggs he is wholly unsuccessful despite telling himself what he wants to say in his own mind. The fire demon is thoroughly called out at the moment, and he very much hates it, but if Kurama is going to pick at that knot in particular -
"Why does that subject keep coming up?" If he wasn't such a softy on Yukina he could strangle her, right now.
"You were quite clear on your feelings about that when I asked you to return Yukina's hirui." Asking is pushing it as a descriptor, but, anyway - he's on a roll now whether he likes it or not. "Just because we are in this ... simulation and these things come up as ways to escape does not mean I appreciate being the subject of one of your games. Or having my nose rubbed in it incessantly afterward."
Give him too long to think about it, and he is definitely going to try to leave, with the way his eyes linger on that tree at the center of their home as he finishes, adjusting how he's perched on the counter as he debates his trajectory. He had not intended to go that deep and the realization is incredibly uncomfortable, sparking Hiei's immediate need to be gone as soon as possible.
He doesn't need a direct line of sight to know what Hiei is planning, the way his gaze fixates toward the center of the house, posture shifting in anticipation. Of course, the fire apparition can outpace him easily enough, but there is not a whole lot of room on this countertop, and the fox moves reflexively before Hiei even finishes that thought. Twisting to block his exit as one hand closes around an arm for good measure in case the other demon thinks to bolt around him.
“Not this time.” Green eyes narrow with a flash of gold, “You have evaded me long enough.”
Hiei does, of course, rock back on his heels as Kurama comes toward him, already coiling to leave. It isn’t that he thinks the fox will attack him outright, more that he knows the intention to keep him in place.
But of course Kurama has calculated that move, already grabbing hold of his arm and positioning in front of him. He debates how much damage will be caused if he launches off anyway for a moment, until Kurama’s eyes flash gold.
All at once the want to get out of the situation leaves, instead inspiring a thrill Hiei would never admit to, a smirk spreading across his face as he looks back at his partner. That feral edge creeps back in to his eyes, as always when there is a hint of threat, already far too close to one another for anything good to come of it.
Kurama is already reaching for Hiei's other arm while he's debating just how much damage is worth causing over this, moving in to press him back against the wall under the cabinet, leaning forward until there's barely a few inches between them with a low growl. That smirk is doing absolutely nothing to improve his mood or inspire any leniency from the fox. So much for the peaceful break from work he was supposed to be taking.
“I have respected your wishes to not talk about this for months, no more. You seem to take no issue rubbing my nose in whatever fabricated slight you have imagined on my behalf.” Not the most charitable take of Hiei's argument, but he's past caring about side stepping this whole ordeal politely. Giving an inch of understanding will completely derail the anger motivating him and he isn't about to let it go for the sake of being amicable when Hiei has not extended the same courtesy back on this subject any time it has come up before now.
Hiei's unfortunate immediate reaction to being under some sort of threat, added in the fact it's Kurama? Means he just continues even as Kurama presses him backward, even with the growl. This would be a very embarrassing situation for any of the others to walk in on, if only because it could look very different from what it was, but Hiei is far from caring.
Had he thought this is where they'd end up by offering to share his hoarded candy? No. Is he regretful? Also no.
"There is nothing fabricated about it." Is he taking Kurama's joke too seriously? Absolutely and irrefutably. But Hiei is also not the type that is generally very good at discerning when Kurama is joking, sometimes, and when it comes to things like rejection, his mind is all too willing to take the easiest explanation and run with it. Clearly, Kurama did not see him that way. Of course he did not, it made perfect sense. Who was he to think that he would, in fact?
It takes him a moment to respond, as if trying to follow what Hiei means before snapping his retort. “It was a joke! I clarified immediately, quite succinctly, actually. Regardless, you seem to have chosen to hold onto it for all this time. For what purpose? Even if it wasn't, at the time- ”
He falters, seeming to run out of steam to maintain that anger, even if his grip only tightens as if Hiei will think to slip away once his guard is down enough. His body language relaxes a fraction, not that he pulls back at all. The urge to keep going now that this is out, to follow through and finally make sense of this whole mess of tension, is distractingly overwhelming. When he speaks again, he sounds completely out of patience, clipped with irritation.
“Things change. Even if your opinion of me has not.”
Hiei growls as Kurama's grip tightens, irritated that the redhead has again anticipated what he will try. The fact that he cannot seem to keep the truth to himself, or at the very least finely veil it as he is so apt to do sends his mind spiraling faster than he would like to admit. They could have had this discussion a thousand times over if Hiei was not so compelled to protect himself from even a perceived slight of Kurama's rejection.
"My opinion of you!?" Hiei's turn to be confused it would seem, teeth bared in irritation as much as threat. It is also a convenient excuse to not discuss why he's clung to some stupid little joking rejection from years ago, so of course Hiei will jump at it. How quickly they could go from sharing candy to baring their teeth at one another in irritation, shooting accusations back and forth like arrows.
Kurama does not seem to register the fire demon's reaction as a threat, or at the very least is not moved by the implication.
“This is not the first time you have accused me of making a game of your feelings, Hiei. You had told me to drop it months ago and I have left the matter alone, as you asked. Even when I no longer had a choice but to be exposed directly to your feelings. Do you truly think so low of me? That I would gain anything-”
The fox cuts himself off, gaze lowering. Not for the first time, he's reminded of how much effort Hiei put into ensuring he didn't behave in a way that he'd later regret, only for an invasion of his own privacy to be the payoff.
“If you had not spent all that time trying to protect me from my own destruction, I would still not know the truth. I'm afraid it is far too late to ask me to continue to ignore it, however, I do not appreciate you treating any of this as if it is a source of entertainment for me.”
Confirmation out of kurama’s mouth that he had, in fact, felt and comprehended the mixing of Hiei’s feelings versus his own winds him for a moment. Sure, he had known that there was very little chance that Kurama had not known or felt what he had tried to keep to himself for who knew how long now … but with it unconfirmed it had been relatively easy to simply push forward and not complicate things.
But pushing forward and not complicating or addressing things had landed them here, hadn’t it?
Still, that obnoxious part of his brain that thinks so lowly of himself spits out, again, before he can stop it : “You have always liked to collect rare things.”
Like a forbidden child who had lived, despite all efforts against him. Clearly that had to be a factor, here. At least so far as Hiei’s mind will accept.
It still has not really sunk in that Kurama has admitted that he does return Hiei’s feelings, amid the way his mind spirals and his gut feels cold at the acknowledgment that Kurama knows, and has known. That he has been actively pushing the fox away to shield not only himself but also Kurama, in his own strange way.
He’s always been good at destruction, hasn’t he?
“If I had not, there would be an even bigger mess to clean up.” He doesn’t regret it, even if in the end it had been his own undoing. An exposure he had not intended to allow … ever … and yet here they are.
“Fine. You know, and I know, and we can all go back to … whatever normal this place allows.” And he can go back to self-flagellation about ever allowing himself to think of Kurama fondly just about as soon as he recovers from.. whatever the hell this has been.
Hiei retorts that the fox likes to collect rarities and Kurama pauses with uncertainty. The comment seems to come out of nowhere, unrelated to all of this, and he can't comprehend why it entered the discussion at all. He does not take time to dwell on it, simply because it seems unrelated to the topic at hand - the subject he so desperately needed to address for reasons outside of even his own understanding at the moment. As far as he's concerned, he was simply fed up and past the point of patiently dodging this particular subject, still - unlike Hiei - oblivious to the eggs' effects on them coming into play here.
“I am aware, but that would not be your responsibility-”
Then Hiei says that things can go back to normal, and Kurama freezes in place. He could kill Kuwabara right now. “Is that truly what you want? Are you simply going to forget this conversation ever happened, go back to the way things were?”
"It doesn't matter that it isn't my responsibility, Kurama." His priority had been to make sure Kurama was alright and, as a by-product, make sure that nothing happened that he would not want. It seemed... easy, at the time. A task that he did not imagine would last a month and test not only his resolve but his control of the Jagan. Obviously, some lapses had occurred with what was shared between them, but it was too late to turn back now. Far too late, so far as he can tell, actually.
"I do that often enough, don't I?" What was one more thing? And beyond that - "We don't have a choice, in this place, anyway. We are stuck here and so we will have to make due."
Because no, he has not really considered that Kurama basically confirmed his feelings for him. In fact he is quite sure that the fox has simply confirmed that he had already thought. "This was why I didn't want to say anything in the first place."
“Then... It seems Kuwabara is right, after all.” Not that he's about to elaborate on what, exactly, he's right about.
”I suppose we will.”
His head tilts when Hiei elaborates that this was why he didn't want to talk about it. His grip loosens slightly, as if considering letting him go finally - not that he does - sitting back on his heels and seeming to take a moment to consider the fire apparition's words before prompting him for an explanation.
“What the hell does Kuwabara have to do with anything?” Hiei is snarling immediately at even the idea that the teen has anything to do with this. The last thing he needed was Kuwabara interfering with anything going on between them. Or, even worse, knowing any details about what if anything was going on for them.
He might die if he has to hear any jokes about his feelings for Kurama if he’s honest.
The fire demon already feels like he is between rock and a hard place, and then Kurama has to go and ask him to elaborate. Why he hadn’t wanted to discuss it is .. easy and yet not. Already he feels the itch to find a way to escape almost as keenly as he feels the rising urge to just spit it out.
“It … is not worth losing your companionship over.” Hiei pauses, violently crushing down the urge to over share about his issues with abandonment despite the effects of the chocolate.
“It isn’t as though nothing changing will harm either of us.”
“Nothing, really. He simply said if you are not interested there is nothing to be done about it.”
Hiei says it's not worth losing him over, which is close enough to not worth trying when things can just stay the same between them, from the redhead's position. Nothing changing is better than taking the risk to him, and it's not a mentality Kurama has ever particularly agreed with. Reward requires risk a good deal of the time, he's never believed otherwise. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, apparently debating what to do next. Hiei is not wrong, at least, neither one of them will suffer if nothing changes here. They could continue on as they have been as if none of this ever happened.
“When we first met you were still recovering from your recent surgery, if you recall.” It may seem to come out of nowhere, doubling back to the question about Hiei's life before they knew each other, how he'd claimed to have an idea of what it was like. “Hard to believe this is where you draw the line. However-”
The decision comes easily enough, and the fox leans forward without giving him a chance to respond - grip tightening on the fire apparition's arms as he holds them out of his way - instead, closing the distance between them in the limited space beneath the cabinet. The kiss is nowhere near as chaste as it had been on the Solstice, pushing him back against the wall with the force of it, demanding and aggressive. It is also not as brief, but after a moment Kurama releases his grip on Hiei's arms finally, teeth dragging over his bottom lip almost pointedly when the fox pulls away.
“If that is truly what you wish, I will not bring it up again.”
"What would he know about my interest -" Switching to irritation about Kuwabara is, practically, an easy escape for the fire demon. Of course he will take the excuse to bitch about the teen not knowing what it is he wants or how he'd like to handle it rather than move on to the fact that he is very much interested. They both know that already, though, whether he says it or not. Hiei simply thinks that, of all beings, he will do little more than make a mess of things to even attempt a relationship with the fox.
Kurama moves on to his jagan surgery before Hiei has the chance to interject with any of that, leaving the fire demon blinking as he continues, a little blind sided by the change in subject. Fair play, considering he had been doing the same, but what follows throws him even further in a loop.
If Kurama hadn't been holding his arms out of his way he would have gladly clutched them in the fox's clothes, made a bid for a bit more leverage if Kurama would allow it - This aggressive kiss is far more up his alley than their fleeting affection before, the realization fast and furious as the way Kurama's teeth on his lip sends his heart fluttering.
For a long moment Hiei simply blinks back at Kurama, as if trying to get his head back in order, gather himself up somehow, but, finally he manages to form words, as quiet as they are (regrettably) honest.
Hiei doesn't immediately flee, taking a moment to recover before speaking and Kurama- does not immediately know what to do with that. Fully expecting the fire demon to bolt once he was given the chance, only for him to remain and continue the conversation.
“He knows as much as everyone else. The app is not exactly private, as I know you're aware. You can't fault anyone for believing what you've said.”
Hiei still has it within himself to look like a petulant child the moment Kurama mentions the app not being private. He had not been aware at first, but with that knowledge gained at some point along the way he'd done his usual, reflexive habit of projecting what he wanted to be seen. He feels like he can't be blamed for that, really, when the app itself seemed to be geared toward exposing every little thing that he did not, in fact, want to share in any sense of the word.
"So you meant to say in public that you took me on a date and did not explain it as such?" It could have cleared up so much, actually, even if he'd have to ask what the hell made a date different from any other dinner.
He's surprised to find Hiei not doubling down on the matter of Kuwabara, but this line of questioning feels almost delayed in a way. His head tilts curiously, as if seriously considering his response before speaking.
"Would it have made a difference if I had? Dinner is dinner, and you are not exactly interested in human customs."
"It would have made things a little clearer!" The fire demon huffs, brows tilting slightly with his annoyance. He hadn't thought for a moment that the chicken was anything more than a little secret dinner meant for just the two of them without the others. Maybe he should have drawn the conclusion the moment Kuwabara explained what a date was, but the dinner had been well behind them by now for the fire demon to draw the conclusion.
"And now Kuwabara will never shut up about the fact I did not know it was a date!"
The fox remains unbothered by Hiei's offense, tone cool despite the fire apparition's blatant annoyance.
“As I said, you asked me to drop it. Would clarifying at the time have done anything more than feel like a mockery to you? You are still accusing me of rubbing your nose in things, all these months later. I was simply... Trying not to complicate matters further.”
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expiationlogs2025-04-13 10:48 pm
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“Regaining power can be much easier the second time around.” Spoken from experience. He glances sideways at Hiei from his new position, seeming to inch a little closer as his legs cross against the cabinet.
“I got to where I was by finding challenging ways to alleviate my boredom at every opportunity. It wasn't exactly an interest in rising to power, not at first, just a way to pass the time. It annoys you, doesn't it? The way I am always puzzling things out.”
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Hiei notes Kurama’s deviation from the norm with a little tip of his head in curiosity. It’s different than his usual leaning, but not so much so that the fire demon thinks he ought to ask.
Besides, it’s just the two of them here having a sometimes casual conversation in the kitchen. He thinks this is just the level of familiarity and comfort they’ve reached.
“Not as quickly as I would have liked with the Jagan as a factor.” But he’d been the one to opt for the surgery - there is no one to blame for his slower ascent other than himself.
“Yes.” That’s an easy answer at least. Red eyes slide to regard Kurama again, his proximity paired with that casual and yet different body language. He is suspicious, but can’t find the correct way to voice it.
“It’s like you do not know how to rest.” A thing that Hiei has had to learn in spades, now, with both the jagan and the dragon pulling on his energy. He does remember in his childhood that he did not really have to sleep, or rest much at all, and yet it still annoys him when it comes to Kurama.
“Beyond that, picking at the same knot will not always untangle it.”
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“Perhaps not, but any prize worth having should require some effort.” He's only interested in picking at one knot right now, and Hiei might find himself regretting those particular words soon enough. “That said, if I do not know how to rest, what would you have me do differently?”
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"The ones you've sought out since we've known one another have come with quite a bit of danger in return." Or, you know. Kurama attempting to exchange his life but Hiei is not one in a good position to talk about that. Beyond that, mentioning it would bring about his own attempts to leave them all behind without a word, and that will no doubt start a fight that Hiei does not want to deal with now or ever.
The fire demon's nose wrinkles as Kurama asks him what he would have him do differently, as is he doesn't know what to do with the question at all. His answer flies out predictably hot-headed, of course -
"What am I, your mother?" He isn't here to give solutions, only to bitch, obviously. The fire demon huffs as if he is much put upon in the aftermath, regretting that he has already finished his chocolate egg for the caramel to give him a reason to shut up. "I've told you my piece."
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"Far from it, she actually trusts me to make decisions for myself." Unlike Hiei, who would rather nag him over every move, apparently.
“Have you?” No, he is not letting this go. “You have said that quite a bit recently, but I don't recall exactly how I am meant to be resting. Or what I must have done to make something as simple as a kiss such a miserable experience for you to endure.” That part he was not intending to say, green eyes widening just slightly once the words are out of his mouth.
As he'd said to the others, it was not something he wanted to keep pushing with how the fire apparition reacted to it every time it came up, but now that he's said it there's a nagging sort of urge to double down and not let it go until he gets to the bottom of it. He'd spent months pretending it wasn't bothering him, because that has been easier than trying to pry a straight answer out of the fire demon. Recently, he'd told Yukina that Kurama said he wasn't interested and it wasn't worth losing him over, but the spirit fox did not recall ever having such a conversation, and wouldn't it be better to clear the air, finally? Especially after both of them have been made to feel exactly what Hiei was going through during the wish seed transformation. Still clearly impacted by it all, despite his protests.
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"How would you even know how I had lived prior to meeting you?" Not as well as now is probably fairly obvious, but it does not escape Hiei that he has not shared much about his life prior to meeting the fox, and does not plan to further share if he is not influenced to in some way.
Thankfully, they veer away from that subject fairly easily as the fire demon rolls his eyes in response to Kurama's assertion about Shiori trusting him to make decisions for himself. Hiei would contend that she is ignorant to just what decisions Kurama was making daily in their own world, but is thankfully diverted from an ill-advised commentary on Kurama's mother by his next series of words.
For a moment, Hiei simply stares, clearly chewing over what he wants to say and trying to bite back what he does not but.. thanks to the eggs he is wholly unsuccessful despite telling himself what he wants to say in his own mind. The fire demon is thoroughly called out at the moment, and he very much hates it, but if Kurama is going to pick at that knot in particular -
"Why does that subject keep coming up?" If he wasn't such a softy on Yukina he could strangle her, right now.
"You were quite clear on your feelings about that when I asked you to return Yukina's hirui." Asking is pushing it as a descriptor, but, anyway - he's on a roll now whether he likes it or not. "Just because we are in this ... simulation and these things come up as ways to escape does not mean I appreciate being the subject of one of your games. Or having my nose rubbed in it incessantly afterward."
Give him too long to think about it, and he is definitely going to try to leave, with the way his eyes linger on that tree at the center of their home as he finishes, adjusting how he's perched on the counter as he debates his trajectory. He had not intended to go that deep and the realization is incredibly uncomfortable, sparking Hiei's immediate need to be gone as soon as possible.
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“Not this time.” Green eyes narrow with a flash of gold, “You have evaded me long enough.”
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Hiei does, of course, rock back on his heels as Kurama comes toward him, already coiling to leave. It isn’t that he thinks the fox will attack him outright, more that he knows the intention to keep him in place.
But of course Kurama has calculated that move, already grabbing hold of his arm and positioning in front of him. He debates how much damage will be caused if he launches off anyway for a moment, until Kurama’s eyes flash gold.
All at once the want to get out of the situation leaves, instead inspiring a thrill Hiei would never admit to, a smirk spreading across his face as he looks back at his partner. That feral edge creeps back in to his eyes, as always when there is a hint of threat, already far too close to one another for anything good to come of it.
“And how, exactly, do you plan to make me stay?”
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“I have respected your wishes to not talk about this for months, no more. You seem to take no issue rubbing my nose in whatever fabricated slight you have imagined on my behalf.” Not the most charitable take of Hiei's argument, but he's past caring about side stepping this whole ordeal politely. Giving an inch of understanding will completely derail the anger motivating him and he isn't about to let it go for the sake of being amicable when Hiei has not extended the same courtesy back on this subject any time it has come up before now.
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Hiei's unfortunate immediate reaction to being under some sort of threat, added in the fact it's Kurama? Means he just continues even as Kurama presses him backward, even with the growl. This would be a very embarrassing situation for any of the others to walk in on, if only because it could look very different from what it was, but Hiei is far from caring.
Had he thought this is where they'd end up by offering to share his hoarded candy? No. Is he regretful? Also no.
"There is nothing fabricated about it." Is he taking Kurama's joke too seriously? Absolutely and irrefutably. But Hiei is also not the type that is generally very good at discerning when Kurama is joking, sometimes, and when it comes to things like rejection, his mind is all too willing to take the easiest explanation and run with it. Clearly, Kurama did not see him that way. Of course he did not, it made perfect sense. Who was he to think that he would, in fact?
"You said it. Quite succinctly in fact."
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He falters, seeming to run out of steam to maintain that anger, even if his grip only tightens as if Hiei will think to slip away once his guard is down enough. His body language relaxes a fraction, not that he pulls back at all. The urge to keep going now that this is out, to follow through and finally make sense of this whole mess of tension, is distractingly overwhelming. When he speaks again, he sounds completely out of patience, clipped with irritation.
“Things change. Even if your opinion of me has not.”
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Hiei growls as Kurama's grip tightens, irritated that the redhead has again anticipated what he will try. The fact that he cannot seem to keep the truth to himself, or at the very least finely veil it as he is so apt to do sends his mind spiraling faster than he would like to admit. They could have had this discussion a thousand times over if Hiei was not so compelled to protect himself from even a perceived slight of Kurama's rejection.
"My opinion of you!?" Hiei's turn to be confused it would seem, teeth bared in irritation as much as threat. It is also a convenient excuse to not discuss why he's clung to some stupid little joking rejection from years ago, so of course Hiei will jump at it. How quickly they could go from sharing candy to baring their teeth at one another in irritation, shooting accusations back and forth like arrows.
"What in the hell does that even mean?"
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“This is not the first time you have accused me of making a game of your feelings, Hiei. You had told me to drop it months ago and I have left the matter alone, as you asked. Even when I no longer had a choice but to be exposed directly to your feelings. Do you truly think so low of me? That I would gain anything-”
The fox cuts himself off, gaze lowering. Not for the first time, he's reminded of how much effort Hiei put into ensuring he didn't behave in a way that he'd later regret, only for an invasion of his own privacy to be the payoff.
“If you had not spent all that time trying to protect me from my own destruction, I would still not know the truth. I'm afraid it is far too late to ask me to continue to ignore it, however, I do not appreciate you treating any of this as if it is a source of entertainment for me.”
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Confirmation out of kurama’s mouth that he had, in fact, felt and comprehended the mixing of Hiei’s feelings versus his own winds him for a moment. Sure, he had known that there was very little chance that Kurama had not known or felt what he had tried to keep to himself for who knew how long now … but with it unconfirmed it had been relatively easy to simply push forward and not complicate things.
But pushing forward and not complicating or addressing things had landed them here, hadn’t it?
Still, that obnoxious part of his brain that thinks so lowly of himself spits out, again, before he can stop it : “You have always liked to collect rare things.”
Like a forbidden child who had lived, despite all efforts against him. Clearly that had to be a factor, here. At least so far as Hiei’s mind will accept.
It still has not really sunk in that Kurama has admitted that he does return Hiei’s feelings, amid the way his mind spirals and his gut feels cold at the acknowledgment that Kurama knows, and has known. That he has been actively pushing the fox away to shield not only himself but also Kurama, in his own strange way.
He’s always been good at destruction, hasn’t he?
“If I had not, there would be an even bigger mess to clean up.” He doesn’t regret it, even if in the end it had been his own undoing. An exposure he had not intended to allow … ever … and yet here they are.
“Fine. You know, and I know, and we can all go back to … whatever normal this place allows.” And he can go back to self-flagellation about ever allowing himself to think of Kurama fondly just about as soon as he recovers from.. whatever the hell this has been.
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“I am aware, but that would not be your responsibility-”
Then Hiei says that things can go back to normal, and Kurama freezes in place. He could kill Kuwabara right now. “Is that truly what you want? Are you simply going to forget this conversation ever happened, go back to the way things were?”
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"It doesn't matter that it isn't my responsibility, Kurama." His priority had been to make sure Kurama was alright and, as a by-product, make sure that nothing happened that he would not want. It seemed... easy, at the time. A task that he did not imagine would last a month and test not only his resolve but his control of the Jagan. Obviously, some lapses had occurred with what was shared between them, but it was too late to turn back now. Far too late, so far as he can tell, actually.
"I do that often enough, don't I?" What was one more thing? And beyond that - "We don't have a choice, in this place, anyway. We are stuck here and so we will have to make due."
Because no, he has not really considered that Kurama basically confirmed his feelings for him. In fact he is quite sure that the fox has simply confirmed that he had already thought. "This was why I didn't want to say anything in the first place."
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”I suppose we will.”
His head tilts when Hiei elaborates that this was why he didn't want to talk about it. His grip loosens slightly, as if considering letting him go finally - not that he does - sitting back on his heels and seeming to take a moment to consider the fire apparition's words before prompting him for an explanation.
How many topics had they addressed here?
“... Why is that?”
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“What the hell does Kuwabara have to do with anything?” Hiei is snarling immediately at even the idea that the teen has anything to do with this. The last thing he needed was Kuwabara interfering with anything going on between them. Or, even worse, knowing any details about what if anything was going on for them.
He might die if he has to hear any jokes about his feelings for Kurama if he’s honest.
The fire demon already feels like he is between rock and a hard place, and then Kurama has to go and ask him to elaborate. Why he hadn’t wanted to discuss it is .. easy and yet not. Already he feels the itch to find a way to escape almost as keenly as he feels the rising urge to just spit it out.
“It … is not worth losing your companionship over.” Hiei pauses, violently crushing down the urge to over share about his issues with abandonment despite the effects of the chocolate.
“It isn’t as though nothing changing will harm either of us.”
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Hiei says it's not worth losing him over, which is close enough to not worth trying when things can just stay the same between them, from the redhead's position. Nothing changing is better than taking the risk to him, and it's not a mentality Kurama has ever particularly agreed with. Reward requires risk a good deal of the time, he's never believed otherwise. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, apparently debating what to do next. Hiei is not wrong, at least, neither one of them will suffer if nothing changes here. They could continue on as they have been as if none of this ever happened.
“When we first met you were still recovering from your recent surgery, if you recall.” It may seem to come out of nowhere, doubling back to the question about Hiei's life before they knew each other, how he'd claimed to have an idea of what it was like. “Hard to believe this is where you draw the line. However-”
The decision comes easily enough, and the fox leans forward without giving him a chance to respond - grip tightening on the fire apparition's arms as he holds them out of his way - instead, closing the distance between them in the limited space beneath the cabinet. The kiss is nowhere near as chaste as it had been on the Solstice, pushing him back against the wall with the force of it, demanding and aggressive. It is also not as brief, but after a moment Kurama releases his grip on Hiei's arms finally, teeth dragging over his bottom lip almost pointedly when the fox pulls away.
“If that is truly what you wish, I will not bring it up again.”
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"What would he know about my interest -" Switching to irritation about Kuwabara is, practically, an easy escape for the fire demon. Of course he will take the excuse to bitch about the teen not knowing what it is he wants or how he'd like to handle it rather than move on to the fact that he is very much interested. They both know that already, though, whether he says it or not. Hiei simply thinks that, of all beings, he will do little more than make a mess of things to even attempt a relationship with the fox.
Kurama moves on to his jagan surgery before Hiei has the chance to interject with any of that, leaving the fire demon blinking as he continues, a little blind sided by the change in subject. Fair play, considering he had been doing the same, but what follows throws him even further in a loop.
If Kurama hadn't been holding his arms out of his way he would have gladly clutched them in the fox's clothes, made a bid for a bit more leverage if Kurama would allow it - This aggressive kiss is far more up his alley than their fleeting affection before, the realization fast and furious as the way Kurama's teeth on his lip sends his heart fluttering.
For a long moment Hiei simply blinks back at Kurama, as if trying to get his head back in order, gather himself up somehow, but, finally he manages to form words, as quiet as they are (regrettably) honest.
"It isn't a matter of not.. wanting..."
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“He knows as much as everyone else. The app is not exactly private, as I know you're aware. You can't fault anyone for believing what you've said.”
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Hiei still has it within himself to look like a petulant child the moment Kurama mentions the app not being private. He had not been aware at first, but with that knowledge gained at some point along the way he'd done his usual, reflexive habit of projecting what he wanted to be seen. He feels like he can't be blamed for that, really, when the app itself seemed to be geared toward exposing every little thing that he did not, in fact, want to share in any sense of the word.
"So you meant to say in public that you took me on a date and did not explain it as such?" It could have cleared up so much, actually, even if he'd have to ask what the hell made a date different from any other dinner.
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"Would it have made a difference if I had? Dinner is dinner, and you are not exactly interested in human customs."
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"It would have made things a little clearer!" The fire demon huffs, brows tilting slightly with his annoyance. He hadn't thought for a moment that the chicken was anything more than a little secret dinner meant for just the two of them without the others. Maybe he should have drawn the conclusion the moment Kuwabara explained what a date was, but the dinner had been well behind them by now for the fire demon to draw the conclusion.
"And now Kuwabara will never shut up about the fact I did not know it was a date!"
Clearly the larger offense, here.
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“As I said, you asked me to drop it. Would clarifying at the time have done anything more than feel like a mockery to you? You are still accusing me of rubbing your nose in things, all these months later. I was simply... Trying not to complicate matters further.”
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