It takes him a moment to respond, as if trying to follow what Hiei means before snapping his retort. “It was a joke! I clarified immediately, quite succinctly, actually. Regardless, you seem to have chosen to hold onto it for all this time. For what purpose? Even if it wasn't, at the time- ”
He falters, seeming to run out of steam to maintain that anger, even if his grip only tightens as if Hiei will think to slip away once his guard is down enough. His body language relaxes a fraction, not that he pulls back at all. The urge to keep going now that this is out, to follow through and finally make sense of this whole mess of tension, is distractingly overwhelming. When he speaks again, he sounds completely out of patience, clipped with irritation.
“Things change. Even if your opinion of me has not.”
Hiei growls as Kurama's grip tightens, irritated that the redhead has again anticipated what he will try. The fact that he cannot seem to keep the truth to himself, or at the very least finely veil it as he is so apt to do sends his mind spiraling faster than he would like to admit. They could have had this discussion a thousand times over if Hiei was not so compelled to protect himself from even a perceived slight of Kurama's rejection.
"My opinion of you!?" Hiei's turn to be confused it would seem, teeth bared in irritation as much as threat. It is also a convenient excuse to not discuss why he's clung to some stupid little joking rejection from years ago, so of course Hiei will jump at it. How quickly they could go from sharing candy to baring their teeth at one another in irritation, shooting accusations back and forth like arrows.
Kurama does not seem to register the fire demon's reaction as a threat, or at the very least is not moved by the implication.
“This is not the first time you have accused me of making a game of your feelings, Hiei. You had told me to drop it months ago and I have left the matter alone, as you asked. Even when I no longer had a choice but to be exposed directly to your feelings. Do you truly think so low of me? That I would gain anything-”
The fox cuts himself off, gaze lowering. Not for the first time, he's reminded of how much effort Hiei put into ensuring he didn't behave in a way that he'd later regret, only for an invasion of his own privacy to be the payoff.
“If you had not spent all that time trying to protect me from my own destruction, I would still not know the truth. I'm afraid it is far too late to ask me to continue to ignore it, however, I do not appreciate you treating any of this as if it is a source of entertainment for me.”
Confirmation out of kurama’s mouth that he had, in fact, felt and comprehended the mixing of Hiei’s feelings versus his own winds him for a moment. Sure, he had known that there was very little chance that Kurama had not known or felt what he had tried to keep to himself for who knew how long now … but with it unconfirmed it had been relatively easy to simply push forward and not complicate things.
But pushing forward and not complicating or addressing things had landed them here, hadn’t it?
Still, that obnoxious part of his brain that thinks so lowly of himself spits out, again, before he can stop it : “You have always liked to collect rare things.”
Like a forbidden child who had lived, despite all efforts against him. Clearly that had to be a factor, here. At least so far as Hiei’s mind will accept.
It still has not really sunk in that Kurama has admitted that he does return Hiei’s feelings, amid the way his mind spirals and his gut feels cold at the acknowledgment that Kurama knows, and has known. That he has been actively pushing the fox away to shield not only himself but also Kurama, in his own strange way.
He’s always been good at destruction, hasn’t he?
“If I had not, there would be an even bigger mess to clean up.” He doesn’t regret it, even if in the end it had been his own undoing. An exposure he had not intended to allow … ever … and yet here they are.
“Fine. You know, and I know, and we can all go back to … whatever normal this place allows.” And he can go back to self-flagellation about ever allowing himself to think of Kurama fondly just about as soon as he recovers from.. whatever the hell this has been.
Hiei retorts that the fox likes to collect rarities and Kurama pauses with uncertainty. The comment seems to come out of nowhere, unrelated to all of this, and he can't comprehend why it entered the discussion at all. He does not take time to dwell on it, simply because it seems unrelated to the topic at hand - the subject he so desperately needed to address for reasons outside of even his own understanding at the moment. As far as he's concerned, he was simply fed up and past the point of patiently dodging this particular subject, still - unlike Hiei - oblivious to the eggs' effects on them coming into play here.
“I am aware, but that would not be your responsibility-”
Then Hiei says that things can go back to normal, and Kurama freezes in place. He could kill Kuwabara right now. “Is that truly what you want? Are you simply going to forget this conversation ever happened, go back to the way things were?”
"It doesn't matter that it isn't my responsibility, Kurama." His priority had been to make sure Kurama was alright and, as a by-product, make sure that nothing happened that he would not want. It seemed... easy, at the time. A task that he did not imagine would last a month and test not only his resolve but his control of the Jagan. Obviously, some lapses had occurred with what was shared between them, but it was too late to turn back now. Far too late, so far as he can tell, actually.
"I do that often enough, don't I?" What was one more thing? And beyond that - "We don't have a choice, in this place, anyway. We are stuck here and so we will have to make due."
Because no, he has not really considered that Kurama basically confirmed his feelings for him. In fact he is quite sure that the fox has simply confirmed that he had already thought. "This was why I didn't want to say anything in the first place."
“Then... It seems Kuwabara is right, after all.” Not that he's about to elaborate on what, exactly, he's right about.
”I suppose we will.”
His head tilts when Hiei elaborates that this was why he didn't want to talk about it. His grip loosens slightly, as if considering letting him go finally - not that he does - sitting back on his heels and seeming to take a moment to consider the fire apparition's words before prompting him for an explanation.
“What the hell does Kuwabara have to do with anything?” Hiei is snarling immediately at even the idea that the teen has anything to do with this. The last thing he needed was Kuwabara interfering with anything going on between them. Or, even worse, knowing any details about what if anything was going on for them.
He might die if he has to hear any jokes about his feelings for Kurama if he’s honest.
The fire demon already feels like he is between rock and a hard place, and then Kurama has to go and ask him to elaborate. Why he hadn’t wanted to discuss it is .. easy and yet not. Already he feels the itch to find a way to escape almost as keenly as he feels the rising urge to just spit it out.
“It … is not worth losing your companionship over.” Hiei pauses, violently crushing down the urge to over share about his issues with abandonment despite the effects of the chocolate.
“It isn’t as though nothing changing will harm either of us.”
“Nothing, really. He simply said if you are not interested there is nothing to be done about it.”
Hiei says it's not worth losing him over, which is close enough to not worth trying when things can just stay the same between them, from the redhead's position. Nothing changing is better than taking the risk to him, and it's not a mentality Kurama has ever particularly agreed with. Reward requires risk a good deal of the time, he's never believed otherwise. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, apparently debating what to do next. Hiei is not wrong, at least, neither one of them will suffer if nothing changes here. They could continue on as they have been as if none of this ever happened.
“When we first met you were still recovering from your recent surgery, if you recall.” It may seem to come out of nowhere, doubling back to the question about Hiei's life before they knew each other, how he'd claimed to have an idea of what it was like. “Hard to believe this is where you draw the line. However-”
The decision comes easily enough, and the fox leans forward without giving him a chance to respond - grip tightening on the fire apparition's arms as he holds them out of his way - instead, closing the distance between them in the limited space beneath the cabinet. The kiss is nowhere near as chaste as it had been on the Solstice, pushing him back against the wall with the force of it, demanding and aggressive. It is also not as brief, but after a moment Kurama releases his grip on Hiei's arms finally, teeth dragging over his bottom lip almost pointedly when the fox pulls away.
“If that is truly what you wish, I will not bring it up again.”
"What would he know about my interest -" Switching to irritation about Kuwabara is, practically, an easy escape for the fire demon. Of course he will take the excuse to bitch about the teen not knowing what it is he wants or how he'd like to handle it rather than move on to the fact that he is very much interested. They both know that already, though, whether he says it or not. Hiei simply thinks that, of all beings, he will do little more than make a mess of things to even attempt a relationship with the fox.
Kurama moves on to his jagan surgery before Hiei has the chance to interject with any of that, leaving the fire demon blinking as he continues, a little blind sided by the change in subject. Fair play, considering he had been doing the same, but what follows throws him even further in a loop.
If Kurama hadn't been holding his arms out of his way he would have gladly clutched them in the fox's clothes, made a bid for a bit more leverage if Kurama would allow it - This aggressive kiss is far more up his alley than their fleeting affection before, the realization fast and furious as the way Kurama's teeth on his lip sends his heart fluttering.
For a long moment Hiei simply blinks back at Kurama, as if trying to get his head back in order, gather himself up somehow, but, finally he manages to form words, as quiet as they are (regrettably) honest.
Hiei doesn't immediately flee, taking a moment to recover before speaking and Kurama- does not immediately know what to do with that. Fully expecting the fire demon to bolt once he was given the chance, only for him to remain and continue the conversation.
“He knows as much as everyone else. The app is not exactly private, as I know you're aware. You can't fault anyone for believing what you've said.”
Hiei still has it within himself to look like a petulant child the moment Kurama mentions the app not being private. He had not been aware at first, but with that knowledge gained at some point along the way he'd done his usual, reflexive habit of projecting what he wanted to be seen. He feels like he can't be blamed for that, really, when the app itself seemed to be geared toward exposing every little thing that he did not, in fact, want to share in any sense of the word.
"So you meant to say in public that you took me on a date and did not explain it as such?" It could have cleared up so much, actually, even if he'd have to ask what the hell made a date different from any other dinner.
He's surprised to find Hiei not doubling down on the matter of Kuwabara, but this line of questioning feels almost delayed in a way. His head tilts curiously, as if seriously considering his response before speaking.
"Would it have made a difference if I had? Dinner is dinner, and you are not exactly interested in human customs."
"It would have made things a little clearer!" The fire demon huffs, brows tilting slightly with his annoyance. He hadn't thought for a moment that the chicken was anything more than a little secret dinner meant for just the two of them without the others. Maybe he should have drawn the conclusion the moment Kuwabara explained what a date was, but the dinner had been well behind them by now for the fire demon to draw the conclusion.
"And now Kuwabara will never shut up about the fact I did not know it was a date!"
The fox remains unbothered by Hiei's offense, tone cool despite the fire apparition's blatant annoyance.
“As I said, you asked me to drop it. Would clarifying at the time have done anything more than feel like a mockery to you? You are still accusing me of rubbing your nose in things, all these months later. I was simply... Trying not to complicate matters further.”
“Kurama-” Yes, he had asked Kurama to drop it. That much he knew and now realized was a somewhat shot in his own foot. Fumbling through things for the first time like this included many missteps, apparently, though most had been aimed at protecting himself.
After all of this he is still a little shocked to understand that Kurama feels the same.
“You know you are more -“ A pause where Hiei struggles to work out the right word. “- more well versed with things like this.”
And, actually, now that he thinks about it -
“How is bringing me somewhere for a date dropping it, anyway?” Squinting, obviously not willing to stop worrying at that particular bone to pick just yet.
Hiei doubles back to demand how that counts as dropping it and Kurama shifts to sit on the counter once more without responding.
“You have not answered my question.” He's not about to let that slide and enable the fire apparition dodging whatever he wants, if they're going to get anywhere with this discussion that will only slow their progress.
“What harm did it cause, exactly? You were unaware that it could be interpreted as a date.”
Hiei’s eyes narrow as Kurama pushes him to answer the question. The answer is… so simple and yet so embarrassing at the same time. His own inexperience crushed together with his barely concealed lack of self worth complicating things.
The fire demon trusts Kurama with his life, and yet admitting things that may make him look weak remain very difficult to do.
“It’s confusing.” He finally growls out as he comes back to a normal sitting position not leaned back under the cabinets, still annoyed about this entire episode. Even knowing that Kurama was interested likely would not have changed a thing, though.
“I thought you could not possibly feel the same and it was this place interfering mixed up with -“ Hiei growls again, frustrated at his lack of vocabulary to describe.
“- With wanting to keep close, with the unknown threats this place could have.”
“I admit, I was not quite sure, myself. When it came up originally, I thought better of examining any feelings, since you... seemed to prefer it that way.”
He glances away as if studying the kitchen idly, before adding cautiously, “Christmas was... dinner. I merely wanted you to enjoy it, it never had to mean anything beyond that.” Not that it stopped him from feeling a certain way about Hiei interpreting the event as transactional, even now, but they didn't need to rehash that part.
“As Kuwabara said, a date sometimes is meant to feel things out. If an opening had come up, perhaps- but it did not. You had made it clear that you were not interested in discussing it, I did not wish to press the issue.”
Hiei grumbles lowly to himself despite it making sense - sort of. For a moment, he is frustrated at his own inability to recognize or acknowledge the signs, and then irritated that so much time has been whittled away in the meantime. How long now could they have resolved all of this and been moving toward something other than annoying each other and generally being.. well.
Bickering without being a couple, though Hiei is not quite sure what the hell being a couple really means.
Though.. with this sort of out of the way, Hiei leans closer, deciding to be bold.
Hiei grumbles and Kurama anticipates another round of frustrated complaint, visibly surprised by the response he gets instead. The fox smiles slowly at the question, curious.
“If you'd like, but perhaps, first, we should go somewhere more comfortable.” The kitchen counters weren't exactly his first choice for a place to unwind, whether the house was empty or not. He does lean forward to punctuate his point with a quick kiss, mostly in acknowledgement of the request so as not to leave the fire apparition hanging in his effort to close the distance between them.
“Unless you were planning to have more snacks, first.”
Hiei's head tips, slightly, as Kurama says they should go somewhere more comfortable. Of course even this tight area is comfortable for him, as small as he is, and so it hasn't occurred to him that tucked in here between the cabinets is not the best spot for Kurama. He is still not the best with thinking beyond himself, but maybe with time and effort, he can become some measure of 'better.'
He thinks, for a moment, that he ought to say something contrite before Kurama leans in for a kiss, which properly smashes down anything that might have been like 'resistance' in him.
"They can wait." Hiei slides off of the counter easily enough, hands tucked into his pockets.
Kurama isn't just worried about how limited the space is for both of them to be crammed into at once, but if one of the others happened to show up right now, especially after that particular request. Hiei had made enough of a fuss about Kuwabara being in their business, he wasn't about to risk a chance encounter in their very public kitchen now that things seemed to be smoothing over.
The fox watches Hiei slide from the counter before hopping off himself, humming thoughtfully at the fire demon's words. “I'm sure the clearing where we spent all that time during the glitches should be private enough. It shouldn't take too long to clean up, if it's overgrown since then.”
It can also be conveniently reached through the back door in the kitchen, but he doesn't point that out, simply tilting his head in that direction to indicate his intention. “Unless you'd prefer somewhere that I didn't take you on a date without permission.”
“If you want to go there.” Hiei isn’t really sure of where they would go, or why Kurama is insistent on privacy at the moment. His mind can only go so far when he’s fixated on getting more of those biting kisses. Or quite simply on enjoying some time alone now that there isn’t so much unspoken tension going on
For the moment, anyway.
He is aware enough of the fact that their time in said clearing recently had not been all that kind to either of them, though his inkling toward concern disappears in a growl as Kurama leans in to his more usual teasing.
Of course, Kurama is more prone to thinking of every possibility. That Hiei's previous griping about Kuwabara would only be justified if they remained somewhere the human was likely to show up without thinking much about it. That the corner of the kitchen was practically out of sight, but also a dead-end should someone walk in, and those reasons are enough to keep the fox from being comfortable there.
His head tips once more at the growl, that faint smile never wavering. “I'm afraid that would defeat the purpose. Being with you is what made it enjoyable.”
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expiationlogs2025-04-13 10:48 pm
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He falters, seeming to run out of steam to maintain that anger, even if his grip only tightens as if Hiei will think to slip away once his guard is down enough. His body language relaxes a fraction, not that he pulls back at all. The urge to keep going now that this is out, to follow through and finally make sense of this whole mess of tension, is distractingly overwhelming. When he speaks again, he sounds completely out of patience, clipped with irritation.
“Things change. Even if your opinion of me has not.”
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Hiei growls as Kurama's grip tightens, irritated that the redhead has again anticipated what he will try. The fact that he cannot seem to keep the truth to himself, or at the very least finely veil it as he is so apt to do sends his mind spiraling faster than he would like to admit. They could have had this discussion a thousand times over if Hiei was not so compelled to protect himself from even a perceived slight of Kurama's rejection.
"My opinion of you!?" Hiei's turn to be confused it would seem, teeth bared in irritation as much as threat. It is also a convenient excuse to not discuss why he's clung to some stupid little joking rejection from years ago, so of course Hiei will jump at it. How quickly they could go from sharing candy to baring their teeth at one another in irritation, shooting accusations back and forth like arrows.
"What in the hell does that even mean?"
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“This is not the first time you have accused me of making a game of your feelings, Hiei. You had told me to drop it months ago and I have left the matter alone, as you asked. Even when I no longer had a choice but to be exposed directly to your feelings. Do you truly think so low of me? That I would gain anything-”
The fox cuts himself off, gaze lowering. Not for the first time, he's reminded of how much effort Hiei put into ensuring he didn't behave in a way that he'd later regret, only for an invasion of his own privacy to be the payoff.
“If you had not spent all that time trying to protect me from my own destruction, I would still not know the truth. I'm afraid it is far too late to ask me to continue to ignore it, however, I do not appreciate you treating any of this as if it is a source of entertainment for me.”
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Confirmation out of kurama’s mouth that he had, in fact, felt and comprehended the mixing of Hiei’s feelings versus his own winds him for a moment. Sure, he had known that there was very little chance that Kurama had not known or felt what he had tried to keep to himself for who knew how long now … but with it unconfirmed it had been relatively easy to simply push forward and not complicate things.
But pushing forward and not complicating or addressing things had landed them here, hadn’t it?
Still, that obnoxious part of his brain that thinks so lowly of himself spits out, again, before he can stop it : “You have always liked to collect rare things.”
Like a forbidden child who had lived, despite all efforts against him. Clearly that had to be a factor, here. At least so far as Hiei’s mind will accept.
It still has not really sunk in that Kurama has admitted that he does return Hiei’s feelings, amid the way his mind spirals and his gut feels cold at the acknowledgment that Kurama knows, and has known. That he has been actively pushing the fox away to shield not only himself but also Kurama, in his own strange way.
He’s always been good at destruction, hasn’t he?
“If I had not, there would be an even bigger mess to clean up.” He doesn’t regret it, even if in the end it had been his own undoing. An exposure he had not intended to allow … ever … and yet here they are.
“Fine. You know, and I know, and we can all go back to … whatever normal this place allows.” And he can go back to self-flagellation about ever allowing himself to think of Kurama fondly just about as soon as he recovers from.. whatever the hell this has been.
no subject
“I am aware, but that would not be your responsibility-”
Then Hiei says that things can go back to normal, and Kurama freezes in place. He could kill Kuwabara right now. “Is that truly what you want? Are you simply going to forget this conversation ever happened, go back to the way things were?”
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"It doesn't matter that it isn't my responsibility, Kurama." His priority had been to make sure Kurama was alright and, as a by-product, make sure that nothing happened that he would not want. It seemed... easy, at the time. A task that he did not imagine would last a month and test not only his resolve but his control of the Jagan. Obviously, some lapses had occurred with what was shared between them, but it was too late to turn back now. Far too late, so far as he can tell, actually.
"I do that often enough, don't I?" What was one more thing? And beyond that - "We don't have a choice, in this place, anyway. We are stuck here and so we will have to make due."
Because no, he has not really considered that Kurama basically confirmed his feelings for him. In fact he is quite sure that the fox has simply confirmed that he had already thought. "This was why I didn't want to say anything in the first place."
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”I suppose we will.”
His head tilts when Hiei elaborates that this was why he didn't want to talk about it. His grip loosens slightly, as if considering letting him go finally - not that he does - sitting back on his heels and seeming to take a moment to consider the fire apparition's words before prompting him for an explanation.
How many topics had they addressed here?
“... Why is that?”
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“What the hell does Kuwabara have to do with anything?” Hiei is snarling immediately at even the idea that the teen has anything to do with this. The last thing he needed was Kuwabara interfering with anything going on between them. Or, even worse, knowing any details about what if anything was going on for them.
He might die if he has to hear any jokes about his feelings for Kurama if he’s honest.
The fire demon already feels like he is between rock and a hard place, and then Kurama has to go and ask him to elaborate. Why he hadn’t wanted to discuss it is .. easy and yet not. Already he feels the itch to find a way to escape almost as keenly as he feels the rising urge to just spit it out.
“It … is not worth losing your companionship over.” Hiei pauses, violently crushing down the urge to over share about his issues with abandonment despite the effects of the chocolate.
“It isn’t as though nothing changing will harm either of us.”
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Hiei says it's not worth losing him over, which is close enough to not worth trying when things can just stay the same between them, from the redhead's position. Nothing changing is better than taking the risk to him, and it's not a mentality Kurama has ever particularly agreed with. Reward requires risk a good deal of the time, he's never believed otherwise. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, apparently debating what to do next. Hiei is not wrong, at least, neither one of them will suffer if nothing changes here. They could continue on as they have been as if none of this ever happened.
“When we first met you were still recovering from your recent surgery, if you recall.” It may seem to come out of nowhere, doubling back to the question about Hiei's life before they knew each other, how he'd claimed to have an idea of what it was like. “Hard to believe this is where you draw the line. However-”
The decision comes easily enough, and the fox leans forward without giving him a chance to respond - grip tightening on the fire apparition's arms as he holds them out of his way - instead, closing the distance between them in the limited space beneath the cabinet. The kiss is nowhere near as chaste as it had been on the Solstice, pushing him back against the wall with the force of it, demanding and aggressive. It is also not as brief, but after a moment Kurama releases his grip on Hiei's arms finally, teeth dragging over his bottom lip almost pointedly when the fox pulls away.
“If that is truly what you wish, I will not bring it up again.”
no subject
"What would he know about my interest -" Switching to irritation about Kuwabara is, practically, an easy escape for the fire demon. Of course he will take the excuse to bitch about the teen not knowing what it is he wants or how he'd like to handle it rather than move on to the fact that he is very much interested. They both know that already, though, whether he says it or not. Hiei simply thinks that, of all beings, he will do little more than make a mess of things to even attempt a relationship with the fox.
Kurama moves on to his jagan surgery before Hiei has the chance to interject with any of that, leaving the fire demon blinking as he continues, a little blind sided by the change in subject. Fair play, considering he had been doing the same, but what follows throws him even further in a loop.
If Kurama hadn't been holding his arms out of his way he would have gladly clutched them in the fox's clothes, made a bid for a bit more leverage if Kurama would allow it - This aggressive kiss is far more up his alley than their fleeting affection before, the realization fast and furious as the way Kurama's teeth on his lip sends his heart fluttering.
For a long moment Hiei simply blinks back at Kurama, as if trying to get his head back in order, gather himself up somehow, but, finally he manages to form words, as quiet as they are (regrettably) honest.
"It isn't a matter of not.. wanting..."
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“He knows as much as everyone else. The app is not exactly private, as I know you're aware. You can't fault anyone for believing what you've said.”
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Hiei still has it within himself to look like a petulant child the moment Kurama mentions the app not being private. He had not been aware at first, but with that knowledge gained at some point along the way he'd done his usual, reflexive habit of projecting what he wanted to be seen. He feels like he can't be blamed for that, really, when the app itself seemed to be geared toward exposing every little thing that he did not, in fact, want to share in any sense of the word.
"So you meant to say in public that you took me on a date and did not explain it as such?" It could have cleared up so much, actually, even if he'd have to ask what the hell made a date different from any other dinner.
no subject
"Would it have made a difference if I had? Dinner is dinner, and you are not exactly interested in human customs."
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"It would have made things a little clearer!" The fire demon huffs, brows tilting slightly with his annoyance. He hadn't thought for a moment that the chicken was anything more than a little secret dinner meant for just the two of them without the others. Maybe he should have drawn the conclusion the moment Kuwabara explained what a date was, but the dinner had been well behind them by now for the fire demon to draw the conclusion.
"And now Kuwabara will never shut up about the fact I did not know it was a date!"
Clearly the larger offense, here.
no subject
“As I said, you asked me to drop it. Would clarifying at the time have done anything more than feel like a mockery to you? You are still accusing me of rubbing your nose in things, all these months later. I was simply... Trying not to complicate matters further.”
no subject
“Kurama-” Yes, he had asked Kurama to drop it. That much he knew and now realized was a somewhat shot in his own foot. Fumbling through things for the first time like this included many missteps, apparently, though most had been aimed at protecting himself.
After all of this he is still a little shocked to understand that Kurama feels the same.
“You know you are more -“ A pause where Hiei struggles to work out the right word. “- more well versed with things like this.”
And, actually, now that he thinks about it -
“How is bringing me somewhere for a date dropping it, anyway?” Squinting, obviously not willing to stop worrying at that particular bone to pick just yet.
no subject
“You have not answered my question.” He's not about to let that slide and enable the fire apparition dodging whatever he wants, if they're going to get anywhere with this discussion that will only slow their progress.
“What harm did it cause, exactly? You were unaware that it could be interpreted as a date.”
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Hiei’s eyes narrow as Kurama pushes him to answer the question. The answer is… so simple and yet so embarrassing at the same time. His own inexperience crushed together with his barely concealed lack of self worth complicating things.
The fire demon trusts Kurama with his life, and yet admitting things that may make him look weak remain very difficult to do.
“It’s confusing.” He finally growls out as he comes back to a normal sitting position not leaned back under the cabinets, still annoyed about this entire episode. Even knowing that Kurama was interested likely would not have changed a thing, though.
“I thought you could not possibly feel the same and it was this place interfering mixed up with -“ Hiei growls again, frustrated at his lack of vocabulary to describe.
“- With wanting to keep close, with the unknown threats this place could have.”
no subject
He glances away as if studying the kitchen idly, before adding cautiously, “Christmas was... dinner. I merely wanted you to enjoy it, it never had to mean anything beyond that.” Not that it stopped him from feeling a certain way about Hiei interpreting the event as transactional, even now, but they didn't need to rehash that part.
“As Kuwabara said, a date sometimes is meant to feel things out. If an opening had come up, perhaps- but it did not. You had made it clear that you were not interested in discussing it, I did not wish to press the issue.”
no subject
Hiei grumbles lowly to himself despite it making sense - sort of. For a moment, he is frustrated at his own inability to recognize or acknowledge the signs, and then irritated that so much time has been whittled away in the meantime. How long now could they have resolved all of this and been moving toward something other than annoying each other and generally being.. well.
Bickering without being a couple, though Hiei is not quite sure what the hell being a couple really means.
Though.. with this sort of out of the way, Hiei leans closer, deciding to be bold.
"Can we... do that again?"
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“If you'd like, but perhaps, first, we should go somewhere more comfortable.” The kitchen counters weren't exactly his first choice for a place to unwind, whether the house was empty or not. He does lean forward to punctuate his point with a quick kiss, mostly in acknowledgement of the request so as not to leave the fire apparition hanging in his effort to close the distance between them.
“Unless you were planning to have more snacks, first.”
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Hiei's head tips, slightly, as Kurama says they should go somewhere more comfortable. Of course even this tight area is comfortable for him, as small as he is, and so it hasn't occurred to him that tucked in here between the cabinets is not the best spot for Kurama. He is still not the best with thinking beyond himself, but maybe with time and effort, he can become some measure of 'better.'
He thinks, for a moment, that he ought to say something contrite before Kurama leans in for a kiss, which properly smashes down anything that might have been like 'resistance' in him.
"They can wait." Hiei slides off of the counter easily enough, hands tucked into his pockets.
"Your choice, I was comfortable where we were."
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The fox watches Hiei slide from the counter before hopping off himself, humming thoughtfully at the fire demon's words. “I'm sure the clearing where we spent all that time during the glitches should be private enough. It shouldn't take too long to clean up, if it's overgrown since then.”
It can also be conveniently reached through the back door in the kitchen, but he doesn't point that out, simply tilting his head in that direction to indicate his intention. “Unless you'd prefer somewhere that I didn't take you on a date without permission.”
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“If you want to go there.” Hiei isn’t really sure of where they would go, or why Kurama is insistent on privacy at the moment. His mind can only go so far when he’s fixated on getting more of those biting kisses. Or quite simply on enjoying some time alone now that there isn’t so much unspoken tension going on
For the moment, anyway.
He is aware enough of the fact that their time in said clearing recently had not been all that kind to either of them, though his inkling toward concern disappears in a growl as Kurama leans in to his more usual teasing.
“Keep carrying on and you can go by yourself.”
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His head tips once more at the growl, that faint smile never wavering. “I'm afraid that would defeat the purpose. Being with you is what made it enjoyable.”
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