(after event chill out lil mingle) let's understand it

[nullificates]

(cw depression)

(he hasn't exactly been doing great - much to the opposite. he spent the week in bed, he hasn't taken care of himself whatsoever, and he's exhausted. either way, it hardly matters how he feels, does it ever?

so. let's go. a text message arrives to everyone's charms and tablets, and it reads:)

this is, you guessed it, osamu dazai. it's been a week since that stupid maze, so here is what we have:

1. i need copious amounts of alcohol and food. i'll bring some to the beach in 30, i suggest we all do the same.
2. i'd like to hear what your experiences were. it's important for data building - we have a few detectives in this place, some smartpants, and some go-getters. we need to take advantage of our only resource, which is ourselves. meet me at the beach, or send me anonymously. i don't care about your shit per se.

see you, or don't see you.

many words that mean absolutely nothing here,
dazai.

(to those that come to the beach, they'll see several cocktail possibilities laid in front of dazai, as well as a good number of the food they serve in lupin - mixed nuts, pistachio, cheese tables, chocolate, dried figs, potato chips, chicken snacks, boiled sausage, asparagus with sauces, and dried fruit. a bonfire warms his hands in the chilly breeze of the night - this feels awfully needed.)

Comments

depression hours

[orphne]

[Dazai might be sitting alone on the beach, but not for long. He'd given them thirty minutes' notice to come to the beach, which meant she had juuuust enough time to heat up some of the pizzas she'd made the other day with Chuuya. They get added to the plethora of food on offer, and it's with two plates precariously balanced in hand and her shoes gripped in the other that she drops down to sit beside him.

She doesn't say anything at all at first, just sets her shoes out of harm's way of the waves and places a plate in his lap for him to eat or ignore at his leisure. She didn't have enough hands to get a drink of her own, so she just holds out her hand. Stop distracting yourself with that bottle and let her have some! It means he'll have a free hand for eating with.

Then she just drops her head to rest against his shoulder. Hey, buddy.]

[nullificates]

(he just watches her at first. partly why he said he was hungry is because it'd lure out the nice ones such as kotone, who would always come to aid when it came to things like that. how many times has she come around with food, anyway?

ah. pizza? he isn't sure if his stomach can handle pizza. he'll give it small bites as they come. the bottle is passed to her, and instead of using that free hand to eat further, he wraps it around her shoulders, nose nuzzling a little against the top of her head.

it's almost like this is their unspoken affection display at this point.)

[orphne]

[It's chicken and broccoli! She brought that kind over on purpose so he can pick off either the meat or the veggies if his stomach is bothering him and eat just those instead.

She sets the bottle down beside them without taking a drink of her own yet. It's not like she really needs it; the idea was more to take it from Dazai, at least temporarily. Closing her eyes as he nuzzles the top of her head, she exhales softly and scoots that little bit closer.]

Talk to me?

[It's a quiet request. He can choose the topic, as serious or as silly as he wants.]

[nullificates]

(he knows. he's taught her so well. what a good kid.)

Ah, you should have brought a one-week-sober chip! Where is it? Where!!

(which was true as of like, two minutes ago.)

[orphne]

You would've had to have told me!

[A little chiding! But she bonks the side of her head against his, summoning one of her brighter smiles more for his sake than any genuine emotion. She's at least making the effort, and that has to count for something, right?]

I'll make you something nice tomorrow, okay?

[nullificates]

(as if duplicity were a crime exclusive to her, he smiles just as brightly, both known the show of teeth is empty in real intent.)

Why do you think I'll be around tomorrow! Maybe I'll be off to fight God.

[orphne]

Have you fought a god before? You should take someone with experience!

[She nudges his shoulder. Smile even when things are hard -- especially when things are hard. They're the same bitch, more often than not.]

I could put together a whole team of god-slayers now.

[nullificates]

(dazai would never have children, he's got no siblings, but if he had either, he's sure they'd be much like kotone. they're too awfully similar, and it makes him laugh when he brings a kiss to her forehead. he sees you, girl.)

Not yet! I've fought a bunch of stuff, but not God, yet! I do argue with his disciple sometimes, though. Ah, if I did kill God, I'd make him have a heart attack, his health is really fragile. I think we can simply sue.

[orphne]

Oooh, yeah, Fyodor-san is religious, isn't he?

[She vaguely remembers Dazai mentioning that. Also-]

Tell him about my Personas if you want to give him a heart attack. [She laughs a little, not at all serious. Dazai had already warned her not to tell Fyodor, and she has no intention to.]

[nullificates]

Very much so! Ah, no, thank you, he'd get... Overinvested! He calls Chuuya 'godling', which to me? Hilarious!

(you know? -ling? because he's tiny! aha!)

[orphne]

Bleh.

[She sticks her tongue out. No thanks! Being called godling sounds like so much pressure. So much work! Nope!!]

How're you two doing, though?

[Leadingly. C'mon, buddy, spill the tea. What's been happening lately on your weird-romance front?]

[nullificates]

Ah. Not good in general. The clown's dead, Fyodor has been a little paranoid, and I was mean to Chuuya - it's getting better, though.

(a general idea. it's not just the maze, after all.)

[orphne]

[Hm. She heard about it a little from Chuuya, but-]

Someone killed Gogol-san?

[It's hard to know how to feel about that. Like, she doesn't know Gogol very well, other than knowing that he's a weirdo, but it's not like she wanted him dead. That... really can't be good where they're involved, huh?]

[nullificates]

(fyodor did. accidentally. he's never told kotone about 'crime and punishment' - and he doesn't intend to. he doesn't completely understand it, but he's seen what it does, imploding and exploding a person through mere touch. fyodor said it was an accident, and dazai believes it. he won't touch him ever since, in fear 'no longer human' doesn't bypass it.

complicated.)

He didn't survive the maze.

[orphne]

Oh. Sorry.

["Sorry," at once isn't the right thing to say, nor is it remotely strong enough to encompass everything involved with losing someone, but it's the social norm. Not an apology, but sympathy.

She doesn't ask how he's doing. She doesn't have to. She just reaches across and picks a piece of broccoli off his pizza to eat herself, hoping to get him to mimic the motion either out of habit or pettiness.]

Should we do something for him?

[Like a service or a funeral. She assumes if it was as a result of the maze, there's nothing to bury or cremate, but the ceremony is never for the dead, anyway. Just the ones who are left behind.]

[nullificates]

You've never spoken to him, have you? Since he's dead, I'll tell you myself. Nikolai's whole thing is that he values free will, and he believes attachments and humanity keeps people from achieving that, like we are all birds in a little cage. He'd laugh at me very hard from wherever he is if we went there.

(therefore, just a hand waves in response. he wouldn't do that, it's not his thing either way, and isn't that precious by itself?)

[orphne]

[At least he'd be laughing, she doesn't say, because again, these kinds of ceremonies aren't for the dead, really, and if Dazai doesn't see a point, then it won't help him.

She picks a piece of chicken off her pizza and puts it in his waving hand. Eat it!]

Tell me more about him?

[nullificates]

(FINE, m'aam. he'll eat, but he squints his eyes to her, as a way do say 'don't push it, he'll do it!!')

About Nikols? He's very close to Fyodor. He just wants to be free, you see. I guess, now he is? Who knows! He's probably the most complicated of all of us!

[orphne]

Hmmm...

[That's saying a lot, if he's the most complicated! But she just shrugs, unable to really comment on it without having met him herself. But she seems satisfied with him eating, taking her own bite of pizza and chewing thoughtfully.]

...Do you know why everyone in town is mad at us, Dazai-san?

[nullificates]

If I were to guess-- maybe they are mad at some behaviors they've heard about from the maze, or before that. Perhaps they've finally realized we are here because we are criminals? Have you thought about asking them?

[orphne]

Uh-uh.

[She shakes her head immediately. Asking why they're angry seems like an awful idea, because what if asking makes them more mad? It's just easier to work around them as much as possible.

It just hurts her feelings. :( ]

It was weird how they were so nice to us to begin with, but now everyone is suddenly different.

[nullificates]

I do think that's because a lot of us have been a little naughty. They either realized why we're here or seen things, heard things, so on, so on. Keep close to the Chosen, don't pay too much mind.

(or do, and report everything to him. up to her.)

[orphne]

[She crunches her way through the crust of her pizza, still frowning. That doesn't sound like a solution to her, nor does it help her understand why the change of opinion was so fast. And yet, if that's the best Dazai has for her, it's the best they can both do.

So she just knocks her head lightly against his shoulder.]

I'm glad you're still here with me, Dazai-san.

[nullificates]

Did you think I was going to die?! I can't! It's not so easy!

(he shoves the entire pizza into his mouth, solely to bring her into a hug, to keep her against his chest. there, there, kotone, see?)

[orphne]

Eek!

[She doesn't resist his hug, though, managing a little laugh as she lets herself be dragged in and wrapping her own arms around him tightly.]

...Thanks, Dazai-san.