dead to the power of two | OPEN

[runeing]

Who: celen's boys (aka charles and viktor), you?
Where: viktor's lab, lupin, the farm
What: viktor finally loses the battle against his illness and comes back. meanwhile, charles is learning magic (badly).
Warnings: death and dying, mentions of child abuse



PROMPTS IN COMMENTS.

▷ charles.
▷ viktor.

Comments

[incorrigibles]

[ the arms around him are the only thing steadying him, right now — he leans back against junpei slowly, carefully, despite how desperate he is for as much contact with him right now as possible. he places his hands on top of junpei's, looks at the way their fingers entwine like just the sight of them is enough to tether him into this moment, instead of letting all his memories whisk him away with them.

and he has to swallow back the initial urge to defend his mum; because, truly, deep down... ]

Yeah. I know. [ the words are quiet, like it pains him to say them. ]

And I can think that and still... get it, you know? I was always glad it was me and not her.

[coolerjunpei]

[Junpei squeezes his hands automatically, out of the desperate, clawing urge to make Charles feel even a single iota better about any of this, to reassure him that Junpei at least is here for him— and, a bit deeper down, to stop himself from flipping out. Flipping out won't help anyone, won't undo what's been done to Charles, but the way it kills him to hear Charles say things like that...

Well, it does. He sighs.]

You shouldn't've had to. I mean like, in general, right? But... you were the kid. Not her.

[Delicate, as much as he can be; one cannot simply say "your mom sucks" about this situation, but she still kind of sucked. Objectively, as a person responsible for the safety of a child.]

Do you get that, too? You were a kid. Kids aren't responsible for anybody else.

[incorrigibles]

[ for a brief moment, he thinks that he really should have just kept quiet — that as he'd said, he's only managed to upset junpei. it's not like talking about this will really change anything... except junpei's understanding, the fact that there will be one person in all the worlds who now knows about it, and that means something.

means a lot, in fact.

and as difficult as it is, to speak of the things he's held back literally all his life and death... for this, it's worth it. for him, it's worth it.

so, with a sigh, he nods. ] Yeah, I get it. Didn't stop me from wanting to protect her.

[ for a moment, he's quiet; trying to muster up the resolve to say this thing, too, until finally, ] Just... I never told you I check in on them, did I? I can make the mirror show them. So I check, every week. The last time I did that, Mum had a cold. Dad made her chicken soup.

[ and this, more than anything else, is what makes his voice go so terribly empty, like he's felt all the things in the world about this in particular and no longer has the capacity for any of it. ] They're fine. He's... good. She's good.

[ and he should be happy about this — and a part of him certainly is! has not stopped being so ever since he realised the state of things! and yet. and yet, there is also a part of him that wants to punch the mirror every single time and ask why it is that he found it in himself to be good only after it all? to see that the capacity was always there, had always been there... but that whatever charles had been, then, it had never once been enough for his dad to reach for that capacity.

he'd only done so after he was already dead. ]

[coolerjunpei]

He's not good.

[That's immediate, not snapped or stern, but pretty much instantaneous. Junpei's met, well, a facsimile, but he's met a faithful enough recreation of Mr. Rowland to want to break his nose a few more times for what he's done to his family, so— no, he's not good.

Still, he knows why Charles would say that; why he would want to believe it, as much as it must also sting down to the bone at the same time. For his mother's sake, surely, but what about his own? Shouldn't Charles be allowed, at this point, to feel some fucking anger?

Junpei shrugs and shifts a bit, to press his cheek against Charles' shoulder.]

You can't un-ring a bell, right? So... You know. I don't want to argue about it, so that's, uh, just what I think.

[Sooooo yeah! That's how that's going, as best as it can.]

[incorrigibles]

I know, [ he says, because his dad deciding to be a decent human being now doesn't erase him having been very much not decent at all for so long... nor does it earn him charles' forgiveness.

all it does it make him some kind of amalgamation of exhausted, angry and defeated, like it's the final stroke of paint on the canvas depicting just how inadequate he is. how much of a disappointment, in every way. ]

Sorry, [ he says after a moment, ] I knew it'd just upset you. And it's all over and done, anyway... it's not worth you being upset.

[ he's supposed to make junpei happy, not make him sad, or angry, or upset, certainly not over something that happened literal decades ago. ]

[coolerjunpei]

Hey, come on. You're doing the thing.

[The Thing, their mutual bad habit, deprioritizing himself because of something difficult to hear. They both know this one, so Junpei leaves it at the thing and squeezes Charles tighter, for emphasis. None of that, sir. No thing.

That and, well, on the tail end of this conversation in particular, in which Charles has admitted to protecting himself less for someone else's sake, well! Junpei would rather he not have to do that, or feel like he has to do that, ever again.]

You know I just... want to know where you're coming from. About stuff. And it's pretty fucking terrible stuff, but... thanks for telling me.

[That's what counts! He asked in the first place knowing full well it might be dreadful, like all of his own stuff is dreadful, so— he's fine. Harrowed, maybe. But fine.]

Would it help if I took my shirt off too...? Uh, not in a sexy way. Like an in-this-together way. [it made sense to him—]

[incorrigibles]

Sorry, [ he says automatically, and grimaces immediately after at that very reflex. at least he can recognise it, now, even if shaking it entirely is proving to be something far more challenging. but it's something they're both trying to fight, so at least they're together in this.

still. he thinks back to their conversation around the new year, to how terrible that had been, too, and yet how necessary. ]

Yeah. And I do want you to know. I don't like talking about it, but I... you're the first one, ever, who I actually want to tell this to.

[ and though the telling it part is still so, so hard for him — that doesn't mean he doesn't want junpei to know him, all of him, the terrible, horrible parts, too.

the offer, once again, is so uniquely junpei logic that it startles a laugh out of him, a breath of air more than anything else, and then he's shuffling them around so he can just pull junpei to him, hold him close to his chest. ]

God, I love you. [ if he sounds a little choked up, over this of all things in this conversation, well! surely he's allowed.

and then, softly, ]

Sure. I mean, I don't want you to feel cold, but we can get a blanket.

[ and they can wrap the blanket around them and cuddle and it really makes no difference if junpei is shirtless, too, except the offer is so sweet and charles truly loves him so, so much, so that's going to be what they're doing. ]