dead to the power of two | OPEN

[runeing]

Who: celen's boys (aka charles and viktor), you?
Where: viktor's lab, lupin, the farm
What: viktor finally loses the battle against his illness and comes back. meanwhile, charles is learning magic (badly).
Warnings: death and dying, mentions of child abuse



PROMPTS IN COMMENTS.

▷ charles.
▷ viktor.

Comments

post-death ▷ OTA ▷ cw: mentions of suffocation

[runeing]

i. laboratory

[ viktor dies, and on the seventh day after, he awakes in his bed, almost as if it is all a distant dream, about to fade away as the day dawns.

viktor dies, and wakes, and the dread that seeps in is worse than the cold air on a winter's day in the undercity, settling inside his chest and bones as he takes one breath after another, tries to reassure himself that his lungs still work, that they are not slowly filling with blood and suffocating him once more.

and then he gets up.

and though for the rest of that day, his laboratory and workspace are quiet and abandoned, the next day they are once again lit up, signaling to any possible passerby that he is there and back at work. ]

ii. lupin

[ late that week, one may find him sitting in a table at the back of lupin, staring into his glass of liquor (vodka, with a dash of licorice extract added in for flavour) contemplatively. ]

I thought it would feel... different.

[ he mutters this, quietly, watching the liquid swirl as he turns the glass around once, and again, and again. what meaning is there in death, if it means nothing? he should be dead. here, back home — both, neither. none of it seems to matter much.

and if it doesn't... then does it matter, if he abandons his guilt and wants to avoid the experience of slowly suffocating on his own blood for the second time? he will not touch the hexcore, no, never again — but the hexcore is not the only available avenue, here. back home, his course is certain, his fate sealed for him; here, not so much. and if none of it truly matters, then perhaps... perhaps. ]

ii

[solitarysoul]

[Levi was often found at The Last Drop, since he worked for Silco and sometimes in the bar itself, but Lupin was really more his speed. Calmer and quieter, almost but not quite like the jazz club he occasionally snuck into when he still lived in Prehevil. So he's gotten himself a beer and is headed to find his own table in the back when he passes by just as Viktor muses.]

Hm? Did you say something?

[runeing]

[ he's not used to too many others occupying the tables at the back, where it is most isolated — and so levi speaking makes him blink as he lifts his head and then say, dry and quiet, ]

Just talking to myself.

[ which, hm, if that doesn't say a lot about his state of being right now, he's not sure what does. in any case; his mind isn't doing him a lot of favours right now, so maybe something else will. ] What do you think of death?

[solitarysoul]

Oh, s-sorry.

[He probably broke this guy's chain of thought or something. Levi is ready to slink away when Viktor speaks again.]

What do you mean? Death is...just death. Its a part of life. Everyone dies someday...uh, well, I guess its not the same here.

[Coming back from death was still wrong and weird.]

[runeing]

"Just" death, [ he repeats, with a tone that's somehow amused and desperate at once. if it could be like that, that'd be easy, wouldn't it? just death. yes, death happens to everyone, and yet it's hardly equal. ]

No, it is not the same, here. And what do you think of that?

[solitarysoul]

No...its, um. I-i dunno. Its weird. It doesn't seem right that people come back.

[He'd lost so many people without that chance so something about it happening here kind of stung in a weird way. He doesn't think anyone he's close to here had died and returned, at least not that he was aware of, so he's not really sure how he'd feel if they did. It was weird enough when it happened to him.]

...I guess its good, though, to get another chance. I-i don't really know how to explain it.

ii

[mysophobic]

[ A semi-quiet respite is what Shigeru needs after he goes about his night at one of the clinics or hospitals. He tries to keep himself busy with work, with anything honestly, but the dreams and nightmares tend to keep him up regardless of how exhausted he makes him. So he finds himself at Lupin cradling his half-empty glass in black-gloved hands. But he does overhear Viktor's words pausing as he walks by. Did he mean the dreams or something?? ] Thought what would?

[ It comes out even before he has a chance to stop himself. ]

[runeing]

[ oh, there's someone else here — viktor spends a whole five seconds trying to think of a possible way to get out of this conversation, but then again... hadn't he just been contemplating how it seems none of it really matters, here or back home? what he thinks about things certainly doesn't seem to, so maybe picking the brain of someone else over this might prove fruitful.

his own brain is definitely not being fruitful in any capacity except the depressing kind, right now.

and so... ]

Dying, [ he says, wry and blunt. ]

[mysophobic]

[ He thought it would be...oh. Shigeru's frown is evident as is his worry he might just take a seat there and then? Sorry, Viktor, this is a heavy topic but one that he's not unfamiliar with. ] I guess everyone has different thoughts of what it might feel like. So-so you're not wrong to wonder about it.

[ He looks away rubbing at his gloved hands momentarily. ] I've heard some people think it'll be terrifying and painful, but then others think it'll be a relief. I-I guess it just depends on the person's circumstances and how they've approached the subject, really. But I mean...it's terrifying, regardless. For the one suffering and for the people who knew them. Especially if they had things they still wanted to accomplish in life.

[ Those were always the worst cases in his opinion, but he doesn't say it. He takes a small sip of his drink looking back at the other before his eyes look elsewhere. Considering what was said this man before him had definitely died. Here or back home it doesn't matter. He probably doesn't want to hear sorry's either, possibly trying to process it still, so Shigeru will just let that silence between them linger. ]

[runeing]

[ oh, he's sitting down — not what he intended, but it doesn't look like he's getting out of this conversation now, either. so he sighs, and listens, and takes a sip of his drink to avoid having to say anything for a moment.

he thought he knew how he feels about death — thought he knew it once, then thought he knew it again... only to find out, here, that none of it means anything at all. that whatever he feels — there is always a choice, he'd told jayce once, except it now seems that he doesn't have one; not here, not back home. ]

You could say that about everything, [ he says finally, ] That it depends on the person. On their circumstances. And yet, death is the same for everyone. You're gone, whether you want to or not, and all that's left is whatever imprint you've left behind, deep or shallow.

[ a pause. ] Or so it should be. Not so here. [ or even back home, but he's trying not to think about that — ]

[mysophobic]

[ Shigeru is sorry but this is such a heavy topic!! He frowns and shakes his head. ] I guess the result will always be the same. But what's left behind isn't just an imprint. It's proof that you lived and mattered to people too. Deep or shallow, the people who care will remember you at your best and your worst. [ Shigeru stares at his glass for a second or two. ]

I know here it's...not permanent, people come back, but that doesn't mean people should have to go through it at all if-if something can be done about it. I can't imagine dying over and over again just to-to get brought back. [ He grips his glass his gloves creaking with the action. ]

It's just too cruel.

[ An unending cycle of living in the moment until you die again? Shigeru can't imagine. ]

i.

[donger]

[ Heimerdinger has been making use of the laboratories at the STEM club facilities, and has yet to spend much time in Viktor's lab. Since they parted ways, he's given his former pupils a bit of a wide berth, even if their divisions mean little now that they are all here together in Aldrip. But, when he receives word from Jayce that Viktor has died and subsequently returned to life, well. He's not about to let that news pass by without some further investigation.

He stops by the lab on the seventh day, and continues on his way once he sees that the lights are out. But he swings back around on the eighth day, and upon seeing signs of life inside, lets himself in. ]

Ahem.

[ A small clearing of his throat is all he will do to get Viktor's attention before continuing on. ]

I'm glad to see you up and about once more, my boy.

[runeing]

[ in hindsight, perhaps he should have been expecting this. oh, he expects jayce, of course, and caitlyn and vi — two people he never had the time or possibility to get to know properly back home, but who he counts as important to him, now. but this? no, he doesn't think heimerdinger is here out of concern for him.

and honestly? after the emotional exhaustion after trying to process his death and all the feelings attached to it, the idea that he might be asked to talk about it not through how he feels but rather through logic and only logic — well. that's a nicer thought. ]

Professor Heimerdinger, [ he says in greeting, nodding his head as he works on something that seems like an intricate metal paneling. ]

I assume Jayce told you. [ there is no thank you for the, hm, well-wishing; this is the state of affairs, and it all happened the way it did, whether he wanted it to or not. ]

ii

[grappler]

[Vi hadn't been the one to initially serve Viktor, but she'd known he'd come in. but she'd been trying to fix the faucet in the sink that had been incessantly dripping onto the floor. after some work and a little bit of materials to patch it up, she's successful.

and, she's going to reward herself with a drink.

she walks out from the back as Viktor speaks, her hair a little mussed and a mildly dirty hand-towel over her shoulder. despite how cold it is outside, she's got a tanktop on too, but cleaning and fixing things had made her hot. her sweatshirt is stuffed in the back somewhere for when she cools back off. she'd known that he'd died, and... there was something about him coming without her invitation was a bit of a comfort. even if she might be a bad influence on him with the drinking, at least he felt like he had somewhere else to go. right?

she pours her own drink on the rocks, straight vodka with just a bit of soda water to curb it. she stirs it with her finger (what? it's her own drink), before she speaks to him.]

What would feel different?

[even if she... wonders if she knows what he's talking about.]

[runeing]

[ his plan had been to change nothing — continue on as if nothing had happened, pick up his projects from where they'd been left... only, he looks at the side of the room where some of his blood has permanently stained the leg of the table closest to where he collapsed, and the small space seems almost suffocating —

and so here he is.

here he is, and he's lifting his gaze from his drink up to vi when she speaks; his tone is painfully dry when he says, ]

Death.

[grappler]

[yep, she knew it.

she takes her own drink and leans on the table, shifting the glass a bit so that it sloshes in a circular pattern inside.]

Mmm. I don't think it's meant to be like anything we've ever experienced before... because we only experience it once.

[she tilts her head a bit, and shrugs.]

Well. Supposed to only experience it once. It can happen multiple times, here.

[runeing]

Yes, the only constant of life.

[ the fact that all of them inevitably hurtle towards one, single end — whether it comes sooner or later, well. the singular gift and curse of humanity, that.

become bigger than death, octavian had told him, and perhaps he can. perhaps he will. he will not let this place continue to play with him; and he will not let anyone else choose for him. not anymore. ]

Supposed to... isn't it funny? How we accept things, terrible things, simply because we believe they are supposed to happen. We call them a tragedy and refuse to try and change anything, to choose differently. [ to choose, yes. always. ] That no one has done it before does not mean it cannot be done.

i

[bulleting]

[Aldrip is nothing in not consistent. While there were irregularities from time to time, it's cycles stayed almost constant. While the time Vi died had been different, her appearing back in their bed, bloody and unharmed, almost immediately, when Caitlyn died, it was a different story. Like when people disappeared and returned home, she had been gone an entire week. Seven days was how long she was missing, her information still in the contact list for Vi to fret over, and then it was like nothing happened. Considering the context in which Viktor died, Caitlyn assumed it would be more like her situation, and sure enough, it seemed to be.

She checked in frequently, wanting to see if her hypothesis was correct, but also, she worried about leaving Jayce alone. Trying to distract him wasn't easy, but she tried. She knew he would be struggling with this. They all were, in one way or another, but Jayce was definitely taking it the worst.

Only on day seven, Viktor's lab is still dark. There's still no answer at the door when she knocks, and she begins to second guess everything. Was she wrong? Was he not going to come back? His death was different than what she experienced, so maybe he would come back differently?? She wasn't sure, but it left her uneasy for the rest of the day.

Needless to say, she was back on day eight, antsy to check in again just in case, and was flooded with relief to see the lights on once again.

Thank all the gods.

She just hoped it was actually Viktor inside, as she approached the door and knocked eagerly.]

[runeing]

[ he can't in good conscience say he wasn't expecting this — leaving the day before had, after all, been partly to avoid it all, the sympathies, the questions, the talking of all of it.

oh, it doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate it, being cared for; but he had felt... so, so much upon waking up again, and the thought of anyone poking at those feelings had had him feeling like he might just break into pieces, like a vase glued together very badly, ready to shatter from the seams.

he feels a little less like shattering, now.

and so, as he makes his way to the door, leaning onto his crutch, he takes one breath before opening it and meeting caitlyn's eyes. and he manages to look almost sheepish as he says, ] I wasn't sure if it would be you, or Jayce.

[bulleting]

[Caitlyn is flooded with relief when the door opens and she sees Viktor. He looks...good. Well, good for him, maybe? No worse than he had been, when he first arrived in this cursed simulation.

She has to fight every cell in her body not to rush forward and throw her arms around him. She settles for crossing her arms, keeping her hands to herself as she looks him over, finally snorting at his sheepish quip.]

I'm surprised Jayce isn't sleeping on your floor in wait.

[A slight tease, and yet, still something very Jayce. He's been beside himself, of course, since Viktor died. She's glad she was able to be more present this time, unlike how it was when he was in stasis back home. She regrets leaving Jayce alone then, but she had...other things, occupying her mind at the time.

But that's as much as she's going to say regarding that. She's not going to ask him how he's handling it. She's not going to ask him if he's alright. She has one question on her mind, and she has a feeling she knows the answer.]

Have you eaten?

[runeing]

[ her teasing words make him make a face, a little embarrassed — jayce had been there in the morning when he'd gotten back, of course, and knowing just how badly he'd handled things... well. it does make him feel quite terrible about it all.

that caitlyn, at least, can smile at him like this is a relief.

to the question, then, ]

Last night. [ which is better than nothing!! octavian cooked him noodles, but it had, quite frankly, only been noodles and butter, since that had been all he'd had — still very lovely, but now that he thinks about it, he... is actually somewhat hungry.

which he conveys by looking at cait with a quietly hopeful look. ]

i

[scientits]

[ right. so. the thing is.

the thing is, he shouldn't have been surprised to find viktor's corpse in the lab one cold winter morning. he's a scientist, he's observant, he'd been already worriedly tracking viktor's deterioration as much as he'd (badly) pretended otherwise. it's certainly less out of the blue than a sudden explosion, and at the very least he knows that death here holds far less permanence than back home. it would be no different than a medically induced coma to promote healing, he'd told himself on the rare occasions where he'd been able to bear thinking about it at all. he'd be more prepared for it this time.

(he hadn't been prepared for it at all. there is no ease in the familiarity of the sight of viktor's lax expression, the stiffness of his limbs, the deathly pallor of his skin - and for a moment, jayce chokes on the stench of smoke, his eyes gritty with ash and tears, heart drumming a million beats per second and breath caught in an unvoiced scream as he clutches the body to him tight and searches for a miracle, any miracle--

anyways. there's a couple pages of notes in the lab now missing thanks to coming into contact with a truly unfortunate amount of vomit. )

still, initial (and entirely reasonable) freak out aside, he thinks he's handling this fine? viktor's body lies untouched by magic or science, aside from drawing the blankets up and fluffing his pillow to make sure he's as comfortable as can be. and sure, maybe jayce hasn't left the lab since the incident, but that's nothing unusual for him and it's not like he can just walk away from a potential breakthrough when it's something this important. he's running multiple experiments and theorems at once, after all - a chalkboard covered with magical runes here, a design for an iron lung there, multiple blood tests that he really needs to keep track of in the corner - he can hardly be expected to just leave. or eat. or sleep, for that matter. he can sleep when he's - well.

the point is, he really doesn't know what caitlyn is so fussed about when he's doing frankly a lot better than the first time around. but she does eventually manage to drag him into civilization and a nap, and when he comes back to the lab - the body is gone.

( there may have been another freak out at this point wherein in his sleep deprivation, jayce immediately leaps to the assumption that someone stole viktor's corpse, then after a frantic search for clues realizes that's insane and instead panics that somehow the resurrection's gone wrong and viktor's been deleted from this simulation entirely, before finally landing on the much more reasonable conclusion that viktor just probably woke up and left of his own volition.

there may also be a hole in the wall now being guiltily covered up by the chalkboard. he'll fix it later. )

and really, that shouldn't have been surprising either. he's well aware of viktor's proclivity to disappear and reappear without warning, and by now he's long used to squashing down the instinctual surge of anxiety. while jayce's mind can follow his partner's down any road when it comes to matters of intellect, he knows there's still certain areas he may never be able to understand. viktor can more than take care of himself - and if there's somewhere in this town he can retreat to for whatever solace he needs, if he can just nonchalantly walk away from his death as if there wouldn't be people worried sick about him, then. that's a relief. really, it is.

( he thinks about laughing hysterically. he thinks about screaming. he thinks about maybe finally taking that long-delayed plunge off a roof just to see what the fuss is about, since that club seems to be so fucking popular these days. )

in the end, jayce just bites his tongue hard, rolls up his sleeves, and gets back to work. what else is there to do while he waits? ]

[runeing]

[ viktor wakes.

viktor wakes, and doesn't know — anything, really. not the time of day, the date, or where he has been. there is a blanket over him, but that could simply be... a coincidence? has his body really been here the whole time, or has he disappeared, only to reappear here once the simulation finished rebooting his body?

as he rises, there are signs in the lab that jayce has been there — he is as certain it is jayce and no one else as he is of the heart beating in his chest. but jayce is also, notably, no longer there; which is a good thing, he thinks, because it means he's... doing alright? enough to be elsewhere?

yes, that's good. and so he leaves; because, indeed, there is someone who he knows is worried sick about him, who he promised to go to the moment he'd wake. the only person he knows with certainty had known of his death; after all, if his body simply disappeared... then everyone else might simply think he'd gone back home, like vi and caitlyn had.

he almost hopes that's what's happened.

still; it is the next morning that he returns, the door clicking shut softly behind him, and as quiet as he is, the sound of his crutch against the floor is impossible to mask. but there's a light on, and so he calls out, hesitantly, ]

Jayce...?

[scientits]

[ they've - well, he's - been here once before. an empty lab haunted by the ghosts of what could have been, frenzied scribblings on a chalkboard, the silence suddenly broken by the single utterance of his name. the uncertain lilt in viktor's voice as he calls out is so startlingly familiar that in the heartbeat before jayce turns around, he nearly expects to see metal, magic, his madness manifested--

it's not, of course. flesh and blood and mundanity - or as mundane as viktor could ever be to his eyes, which is to say not at all - and the relief that floods his system literally staggers him as he steps forward. it's almost, almost, enough to drown out the sharp bite of anger that accompanies it, that this whole ordeal must be necessary at all, that a force so powerful as to reset the biological clock post-mortem somehow still isn't enough to prevent it from happening to begin with.

no. deep breaths. this place, strange and unnatural though it may be, has at the very least given them the gift of time - a resource they had so precious little of back home. time to learn, to experiment, to chart the steady course of progress and stop this from ever happening again.

( he has never wanted to learn grief, nor the acceptance of the inevitable. what is the point of genius, of magic, if not to devise a solution to the greatest problem of them all? what is there to accept when instead he could fix? ) ]

Viktor! You're back!

[ variables change. people, less so. for all the differences between now and then, jayce's reaction remains exactly the same - he stumbles forward and reaches out, drawing viktor in for a tight hug. ]

[runeing]

[ variables change. and in this situation, many are changed from those moments viktor has yet to experience — he isn't changed in irrevocable ways, isn't an amalgamation of metal and magic and flesh made into something other... there are no hextech weapon blueprints on the table, there is nothing except jayce, whose frantic notes viktor had witnessed earlier when waking.

and so, his own reaction is certainly different from what jayce will remember; there is the moment of hesitation, yes, but none of that cold detachment to be found in the way viktor lifts his hand and clutches jayce back, tips his head forward to rest against his shoulder. ]

I'm sorry, [ he says, when he finds his voice again from the overwhelming relief that jayce is here, that, based on his notes he'd seen, he doesn't have to fight this battle against what this place can do alone. ]

I never wanted... to cause you pain. Or worry. And I fear I've done both.

[ because if it had been jayce who had found him, as he suspects it to be... yes, he's certainly done both. ]