expiationlogs | CLOSED ❯ the hauntings and the haunted

[ in his defense, he does leave a note. it's there on the kitchen counter one late november day that junpei comes back home, a ripped page from his notebook, with a doodle of gab in the corner; the note itself simply says:

hey. not great company this time of year, so i'm gonna head off for a day or so.
it's sort of tradition by this point, so it's not like it's a new thing... so don't worry, yeah?

i'll be back soon. love you.

true to his word, he's only gone until the evening of the next day — and perhaps uncharacteristically, he actually comes back home via the door, the lock clicking open and then softly shut behind him. he hopes that junpei will be, well, fine with this — the only person he's ever disappeared on like this is edwin, who'd never batted an eye, used to his melancholy around the time of his death and letting him deal with it on his own, however he needed to.

but junpei isn't edwin, he hasn't had years to see him do this every november, and so there's an apology ready on charles' tongue... except it disappears the second he lays eyes on junpei, dissolves into a wave of pure affection and love that he's grown so used to now with their constant presence around one another that now, after not seeing him for a little over one single day, it threatens to overwhelm him completely.

and so he's sort of left there, staring at junpei with a small, barely-there and yet tender smile, like the sight of him alone has made him forget about all the negative emotions he's been dwelling in for the past day and more. ]

[Working at a sandwich shop for locals who, broadly, think you're a piece of shit like the rest of the Chosen (besides that one local regular, who is polite enough to never speak outside of his order) is eventually pretty exhausting; whenever Junpei comes home from his longer shifts he is solely prepared to stare at the ceiling for at least an hour. Maybe sigh a few times. Groan comically, if Charles is also home and will laugh about it.

So today when he comes home to a note about Charles not being great company, his first thought is "Oh, same," and then he can't help but wryly chuckle at himself for that one. Yeah, he's concerned—he doesn't know every detail of Charles' life at home by any stretch of the imagination, and of the things he does know, it's about 50/50 funny to terrible? But they have an understanding, when it comes to their own worser impulses and not-so-great days, so.

Well, it's fine. He'll obey the note and not worry, unless of course Charles is gone for longer than the day or so he promises, in which case he's legally allowed to stress about it—

Which luckily isn't the case, and he's flopped gracelessly on the couch with Gab on his stomach and some boring Aldrip novel he's only half-reading in hand when he hears the door and sits up just enough to see Charles without jostling the dog. Ah, and there's the relief; yes, yes, he didn't worry, but the number of times he's started to say something out loud to Charles and then caught himself with an audible "oops" was starting to get embarrassing.

He then says to the dog in a terrible stage whisper,]

Gab, don't look now, but this really handsome guy just came into the house using the front door for the first time in history.

[Ha ha, but anyway, as he waves the book a little (and Gab snuffles his old man snuffle and resumes dozing),]

Hey there, stranger. You feeling better?

[Not great, not even okay, but like. Better. Better is a good place to start.]

[ well, if just seeing junpei is enough to make him feel like he's drowning under a wave of his own affection, the little joke multiplies that tenfold, burrows right into his chest and makes him forget momentarily that he can't actually feel warm.

he shakes his head and chuckles, before crossing the floor in some quick strides until he can reach out with his right hand to give gab some scritches, and slide his left hand to the side of junpei's face, leaning down to give him a soft kiss.

as he pulls back, he says, gazing at junpei with all that warmth he couldn't truly feel in his chest, with so much love he just about radiates it, ]

I am now.

[ and as cheesy as that is to say... it's true, too. because being here, all that restlessness is suddenly — not gone, not entirely, but better. muted, like junpei's presence is enough to make him think of something else, like he is filling his heart so full that there's no space left for him to dwell on his melancholy, his sadness, his anger, all the emotions that normally cling to him like a particularly unpleasant shadow this time of year, every year.

maybe, he thinks, he never would have needed to go anywhere in the first place. maybe it would have been okay, for him to not be okay at all. maybe junpei gets it, like he gets everything, like he reads what charles needs before he even has the chance to actually think of it himself. ]

[As always, Charles is encouraging his goofy sense of humor at his own peril. Junpei tilts his head up into the kiss, shifting Gab off the center of his chest to sort of melting against his side when Charles pulls back—so that he can't get very far, before Junpei reaches up for his arm to tug him back down. The couch here is ready and waiting, and staring at him emotionally simply won't do when there's plenty of space down here.]

Missed you, [he says, leaning up to kiss him again. And he did, but it's "missed you" and it also means worried about you and want to help you and a bunch of other things. He'll ask, eventually; he won't nag, though, and if Charles says he feels better right now, then Junpei believes him.

So for now: kisses, and winding an arm around his shoulders to keep him close and anchored in Junpei's deluge of feelings. Come here, stay here, this is a safe place to be—he's still only bumbling through it when it comes to using his words, but he can convey that much with his affection. That old promise to do his best for whatever Charles needs—months now, might as well be an eon ago, after all they've already been through—that old promise keeps coming back around, huh.

And, well, he was lonely and he wants to cuddle. Ahem. He leans their foreheads together, fond.]

If, you know... [If he needs anything else, implied, but Junpei just sort of lets that hang there and says,] uh, well, I'm here.

[Anything at all forever, and so on— that's the serious part taken care of, so now,]

Allllso, I was thinking, d'you want to do a date night? Tonight?

[ oh, he'd think encouraging his sense of humour is going pretty well for him, so far. and so is this whole coming back home thing — he doesn't resist as junpei pulls him back down, shifting to sit next to him on the couch easily, like there's nowhere else he'd rather be than as close to junpei as possible.

the kiss, too; he tilts his head to press into it better, to turn that one kiss into one of many, each one of them soft and tender and full of love, his quiet answers to everything junpei isn't saying out loud — it's i won't leave anymore, it's you're already helping, it's this is the only place where i want to be, and charles wraps his arms around junpei, to pull him closer, like he's trying to make up for them having been apart for a full day and then some. ] Missed you too, [ he whispers in-between kisses, only pulling back when junpei does, though with their foreheads pressed together, it's not pulling back very far at all. ]

I know. [ and he does know, that's the thing — he knows he can rely on junpei, can lean on him when he needs to. and so, softly, ] I love you.

[ said not because junpei doesn't know it, but because charles feels like his chest is ten times too small to hold the amount of love that he feels, and saying it out loud makes him feel a little less like imploding.

and, hm, one more kiss later, ] Yeah. Yeah, course I do. Had something in mind, did you?

[Yes, please smother him in affection and kisses, that's what he craves— It's been, generously, a day and a half, but that's just enough time without Charles for this much Charles all at once to make Junpei's head spin in a pleasant daze. He could stay like this, this could be the date night entire, all wrapped up with Charles and buoyed by his emotions, buuut well!

The date night! He shuts his eyes for a moment first with a content hum, hugging himself in closer. He's 36 hours deprived, he needs an extra moment to savor Charles being home again, and... there. Okay.]

Yeah, but you're gonna have to be real cool with potentially dangerous stunts.

[A beat for that, before he explains,] I want to climb up on the roof. I can make it worth your while.

[ honestly, if junpei's suggestion were to be that they spend the rest of the evening on the couch, simply holding each other close... he'd be entirely happy to agree.

as junpei presses close for a moment, charles tilts his head down so he can press a kiss to his temple, then to his forehead — more smothering with affection and kisses, coming right up... but wait, what's this now about potentially dangerous stunts? so, with a light laugh, ] When am I not?

[ but right, okay, the roof. that sounds more reasonable, actually, even though he smiles and moves his hand to brush his fingers down the side of junpei's face until they stop at his chin, tilting his head up just a little to look at him, ]

You're always worth my while. I told you, yeah? You could ask me to climb a mountain and I'd do it.

Well, you do stunts... [but he always wants Junpei to run away and stay away from the stunts! Can Junpei, too, do a stunt? That stunt is just climbing up onto the roof, but it still counts, considering.

He turns a little pink, leaning in to kiss just wherever he happens to reach on Charles' face once, twice, a third time before he hums and pulls back like he intends to get up off the couch. He doesn't, he just sits upright, but getting up is imminent.]

Alright Casanova, I didn't mean mountain-climbing level, I meant, you know... get dressed up and pretend I know how to comb my hair.

[He gestures at himself, like, picture this in one of those fancy (read: normal) button-downs Charles wheedled him into buying. Yes? Very seductive, indeed? He will put on a nice shirt to climb up on the roof, that's the plan.]

The other thing's good, too. [The romance; he reaches for Charles' hand to tangle their fingers together loosely, fond.] But right now, help me pick a shirt?

[ climbing on the roof, a stunt? hm, he would like to contest this, actually — no, but truly, it's not something he's too worried about. junpei can handle himself when it's not a fight situation, so charles has no objections to the plan — nor the kisses, actually, and he makes a quiet, soft and happy noise in-between there, smiling a little dazedly at junpei when he pulls back and sits up. ]

I don't care if your hair's combed or not, love, you look handsome anyway.

[ but if he wants to wear a proper shirt, well, who is charles to argue with that? because it is a good look on him, really, one he'd never say no to; he squeezes their joined hands and nods. ] Sure. But you know I'm gonna pick the dark blue one, you know that, right?

[ it's his favourite out of the... somewhat meager selection that he managed to talk him into getting. it's a similar shade to the fish-patterned yukata, not quite black, and it makes junpei go from 'lovely' to 'stunning', in his humble opinion. ]

[It's stunt-like— But Junpei won't fight for his right to do actual stunts, anyway; this is his limit. He laughs and shakes his head, because Charles is giving him ample ammunition to be an uncombed gremlin in a ratty t-shirt forever with talk like that, and here he is offering to dress up? To look fancy?

A button-down is, indeed, fancy. He gives Charles a wry look and then moves to stand, tugging his hand to come along with him. Wardrobe time, babe.]

Wow, you're skipping ahead to the end already. Come on, leave a little mystery.

[He has few enough nice shirts to count on one hand, so it's a non-starter anyway; he doesn't really need helping picking a shirt, buuut,]

I'm gonna put it on wrong. Sooo many... parts.

[Charles come "help" him with these buttons already, read the room—]

You asked for help, not mystery, [ he quips back, but heaves himself off the couch regardless, to follow after him with a small, quite besotted smile, the kind where he's very obviously thinking about how much he loves junpei but not saying it out loud — but the look in his eyes speaks for itself, really.

then, with a soft laugh, ]

Yeah, button-downs famously have so many parts. [ his tone is low and sweet as he says, ] Guess you do need the help, then.

[ though he pauses and glances down at the t-shirt junpei is currently wearing. ] So, does putting the dress shirt on include taking that one off, or...?

[Onward to the other room; Junpei considers trying to be, like, cool, which here means grabbing Charles' hand and walking backwards, so he can face him and look really... cool and hot and stuff...

But no, he can see the future and in every timeline he bonks directly into every wall and piece of furniture, so he'll settle for just reaching back for his hand to tug him along.]

I guess we've both had enough of mysteries. [So, fair: mystery-free zone. Junpei has not actually laid out any of the button-downs in the bedroom, but he has made the huge effort of opening the closet. They're visible. He, too, is helping.

But first he turns to Charles, swinging their hands loosely between them. He glances down at his own shirt, too, then up again.]

Uh, yeah, that's a good point. I know you think undershirts are a requirement, soooo... gotta swap.

[Gosh, he just doesn't remember how to take off a t-shirt, thank goodness Charles is here.]

[ good news: charles considers him to be plenty cool and hot, actually, just as he is — and yes, the shirts are visible, but charles doesn't have the attention to spare on anything except junpei... and then he's chuckling, taking a step closer so he can rest his free hand on his hip. ]

Right, got to do that, do we? And I guess you need help with that, too?

[ his soft smile betrays just how helplessly charmed he is, though. he glances down, again, and lets go of junpei's hand — only so he can hook his finger into his belt loop and tug him closer, his other hand gently lifting the edge of his shirt so he can slide his hand under it and over to the small of his back, trailing up his spine.

is any of this at all conductive to removing his shirt? absolutely not. sorry, it seems like he's having a momentary lapse of remembering how exactly to do it, give him a minute... ]

[Well, Junpei's adding that move with the belt loop to his mental list of super hot things Charles has done, immediately... This whole thing is kind of like a major key reprise of that one time with the yukata, only with every single variable swapped around, almost? He's not complaining.]

That's me, Mr. Needy.

[Ha ha. So needy. He doesn't actually know what to do with his hands now, this early into his master plan, because actually getting the shirt changed is a pretty key piece of the whole thing, but he doesn't want to just... hold his arms up like a little kid who can't dress himself? That's embarrassing and not getting the full enjoyment out of Charles' wandering hands at all, so. Hmm.

Eventually he settles for reaching for Charles' collar, to tug him down to kissable height and kiss him slowly, so as not to interrupt the, you know, shirt thing.]

[ he is thinking of the changing room, too, about how he'd wanted so badly to pull junpei to him then — and once again he feels a little dizzy with how lucky he is, how he once more feels something akin to wonder that he's allowed this.

and as much as junpei intends for the kiss to not be a distraction, charles can't quite help but focus entirely on kissing him back, slow and sweet and intent, before he remembers he's supposed to be removing the shirt —

which he does get to, his one hand actually starting to tug the hemline upwards slowly as the other hand still wanders a path across junpei's skin, up to his shoulders and then back down again, stopping to trace a line at his waist, brush at the edge of his jeans before he slowly drags his palm across his abdomen and to his chest.

right. the shirt. the shirt. that's the point here, not mapping every single inch of junpei's skin with his hands, as appealing as that is — ]

Think I'm gonna need your help to get it the rest of the way off, [ he mutters against his lips, because that's as far as he'll manage to go after breaking the kiss. ]

[Something in the area of his shirt is definitely still happening, so his genius plan is absolutely working. Charles running his hands all over him is the shirt thing right now, making Junpei hums appreciatively into the kiss and press closer into Charles' hands, and—

And the shirt has to come off, right. He huffs a short breath and leans back just far enough to pull the shirt over his head with one hand and toss it in - a direction, he'll get it later. Then he leans right back in to kiss Charles again, before his urge to sass himself about how it's just that easy(!) to take off his shirt takes over. Nope, no time for that; he swallows his own quip for this next lengthy kiss, warm and indulgent.

He runs his fingers into Charles' hair at the back of his head, eventually pulling away enough to speak,] You sure it's the blue one you want?

[Maybe he could think about it a little longer. Just an idea.]

[ he can't help the bubbling laughter at that haphazard toss, though it's cut short by the kiss that follows — and he's all too happy to lean into it, kiss him back as thoroughly as he can, sweet and loving and gentle.

his hands continue to roam around, eventually ending up settled against his waist, thumbs pressed against his hipbones, fingers tracing absently up and down against his lower back. ]

Well, [ he says, low and fond and amused all at once, ] I mean, there's what, four shirts to choose from? Might have to think about it a bit. Maybe the black one would be best. Or the other black one.

[ he leans in again, ducking his head to press a trail of kisses against junpei's neck, down to his collarbone. and then, pulling back slightly, ] Besides, we still got to get you that undershirt first, yeah?

[Junpei awards himself ten points, as always, for making Charles laugh; the other point of this whole thing, all of it, is to brighten his mood, after all. It's good to hear him laugh, after how miserably he'd come home not that long ago.

That said, expecting Junpei to concentrate while Charles' hands are on him is ridiculous. He needs a second, leaning into Charles with a huff and a hum and a muttered half-word that doesn't mean anything at all. Besides "hands good," maybe, articulately. He's got a real good quip about shirts, for real, and then Charles is kissing him again and he loses it completely.

Wow!!]

Uh, well, there's like, a twenty-five percent chance that you like the shirt better than the others, I guess? [Math. There's only one blue shirt.] You're gonna come around to my hip clothes stylings eventually.

[Ha ha. Undershirt. He's on task, where task here means leaning up into another kiss, but also pivoting on his heel to move them both towards the dresser and the undershirts. He's going to bump into more furniture, an acceptable loss.]

[ this is very effective, as far as distractions go — it's almost impossible for him to hold on to his depressive mood from earlier, like this, junpei pressed up close against him. the lack of a shirt helps, too —

he kisses that same trail back up, again, ending up pressing a few kisses to the corner of his mouth, murmuring a soft and nonsensical, ] Mmhh, [ before they're kissing again, and he's letting his hands wander up junpei's back again, one hand cupping the back of his neck while the other slides back down again.

and yeah, they're definitely bumping into furniture on the way, but the end result is that charles can press junpei against the dresser, pulling away for a moment to let him breathe, but remaining close and peppering some kisses across his jawline, to his cheek, to the tip of his nose. ]

I like you in all of the shirts, [ he says eventually, and then draws back enough to look at him from head to toe, eyebrow raised, ] But I could get used to seeing you without one.

[There's just—a lot of Charles, Junpei thinks, the press of his mouth and hands all but searing in the best possible way, and if Junpei had known taking his shirt off was going to be this successful beforehand, he might have made a different plan entirely. Every awkward bump into furniture and the muffled "oops" it gets out of him is worth it, even the way the edge of the dressed digs into his back. That's fine, that's great actually, everything else less important than Charles covering him with kisses.

It's the kiss on the nose that makes him blush somehow, after all of this. Is it possible to love Charles more than he does? Maybe, it feels like he's getting deeper every day, he could make a spreadsheet about it and everything—]

You've seen me without a shirt before. [Like, he's changed shirts in the same room before, that counts,] Buuuut if you think so, you know, you only have to ask.

[ he is personally down with any plan of junpei's — this one or any other, one that includes him putting on the dress shirt or one that requires no shirt at all. anything at all that allows him to not think about his life, or his death, well; it's all good. as long as he doesn't have to focus on himself —

not that any of that means he doesn't mean this, from the bottom of his heart, every kiss and every touch, all of them infused with every single drop of love he feels for junpei.

the quip makes him huff out a, ] Not the same.

[ and then, with an easy, sweet smile that is so, so convincing and absolutely means that he won't do it, ] Sure, love. [ he leans closer, presses a kiss to his lips. ]

I mean, you're pretty hot, you know that, right?

[That's his perfect, wonderful Charles, flawless in every way except for this one, the one where he just doesn't... ask for things? Junpei might not have noticed at first— everything with Charles is golden and outstanding and brand new, but the way he way he always puts himself second (if he considers himself at all) is hard to miss after this long.

This isn't even a big deal, right, it's shirts. It's shirts, and his personal opinion on his own hotness or lack thereof is irrelevant, at the moment.]

Hey, I'm not gonna take my shirt off for just anybody. Just you. If you want.

[Sayyy iiiit...]

[ as always, he doesn't even really think about what he's doing — it's not that he purposefully thinks about not asking for things, or putting others' needs above his own... but rather that it's something written into the fabric of his soul, has existed as a part of him so long he doesn't really know to be any other way.

he's grinning, then, pulling junpei against him, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. ]

Well, I mean, if you did, I'd have to be a bit jealous, wouldn't I?

[ which is absolutely not an answer and a deflection, sorry... ]

[He's doing it again right now, incredible, and that sticks in Junpei's thoughts even as he melts into Charles' hold and huffs, affectionate and fond, at the humor of what he says. He doesn't know what to do about it, not really— what, he says "Hey, you keep doing acrobatic levels of avoiding the topic, what's with that?" Well, then Charles just says nah, he's not doing that! if he says anything at all—and repeat ad infinitum.

So, no, that's a shitty plan. Junpei also takes a moment to stamp down on his other immediate response, that no one else in this entire city is going to be ogling him without a shirt on, even if that feels, hm, true. He cups Charles' face in both hands, raising an eyebrow. C'mon.]

For real? Should I just guess? Schrödinger's me-taking-my-shirt-off sounds kind of ridiculous.

[ that does make him breathe out a laugh, even as he tilts his head slightly, pressing against the touch. ]

Nah, [ he says, turning his head to press a kiss to junpei's palm, ] You can just assume there's never gonna be a time I'm opposed to, uh, this.

[ this specifically meaning junpei being shirtless, obviously. ]

So you should just... [ he shrugs, and is about to say take off your shirt whenever you want to, but there's finally a bell going off in his head — one that tells him that sounds just a tad bit silly, and also, hm, that maybe he's sort of misunderstood the point here. so he runs his hands up junpei's back, leaves them pressing against his shoulders, thumbs resting on his collarbones. ]

Wait, do you... want me to tell you that? [ he's smiling, then, quiet and sort of self-conscious and very, very much in love, ] I mean, I just... I don't want to push you into anything you don't want. You know that, right? It's not that I don't... I mean, [ he repeats, with a soft laugh, ] I want whatever you want to give me, ever.

❯ JUNPEI

cartwheels in

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im sorry THAT ICON?? how dare you

i don't know what you mean teehee

sure you don't!! cute crimes were committed there

arrest me then, i will do it again, i'm doing it right now--

OUGH no im just gonna be here.... clutching my chest, lying on the floor, murdered by cute--