expiationlogs | CLOSED ❯ the hauntings and the haunted

[ that does make him breathe out a laugh, even as he tilts his head slightly, pressing against the touch. ]

Nah, [ he says, turning his head to press a kiss to junpei's palm, ] You can just assume there's never gonna be a time I'm opposed to, uh, this.

[ this specifically meaning junpei being shirtless, obviously. ]

So you should just... [ he shrugs, and is about to say take off your shirt whenever you want to, but there's finally a bell going off in his head — one that tells him that sounds just a tad bit silly, and also, hm, that maybe he's sort of misunderstood the point here. so he runs his hands up junpei's back, leaves them pressing against his shoulders, thumbs resting on his collarbones. ]

Wait, do you... want me to tell you that? [ he's smiling, then, quiet and sort of self-conscious and very, very much in love, ] I mean, I just... I don't want to push you into anything you don't want. You know that, right? It's not that I don't... I mean, [ he repeats, with a soft laugh, ] I want whatever you want to give me, ever.

[Oh, he can assume, sure, that's totally the same thing. Junpei doesn't say anything immediately, still giving him that same look, wry and fond at the same time, waiting... He doesn't know how to put this thing into words, not really, everything he can come up with sounds - like a lot, if not too embarrassing to say out loud. Still, he can't be the only one with... shirtless-type opinions.

Or whatever you'd call them. It feels like Charles is about to get there on his own, and—nope, there it goes, falling apart at the end. Sure, "I want whatever you want" is romantic, but that's feature-film-romantic, not daily-life-in-a-relationship-romantic. There's nuance.]

I... want you to tell me that stuff. Yeah. The shirt stuff, not the other stuff. Not that the other stuff isn't good, but uh, you know.

[Does he know. It seems like maybe he doesn't know. Junpei shakes his head, reaches back with one hand to run his fingers into Charles' hair.]

Don't worry about being pushy? The stuff you want matters to me.

[ it isn't for nothing that root has called him a hallmark card before — in the way that he always means it all, in the way so few people do, but does that make it, hm, convenient for everyday life? no, not really. someone who always puts you first in everything sounds really romantic in theory, but in practice... well.

and yet, as junpei slides his hand into his hair, what he says makes charles blink, as if he's having trouble comprehending the words. because in all of his life and afterlife, what he wants, in general, has only ever mattered to one person — and with a shocking, quiet clarity, charles thinks, oh. he's never afraid to tell edwin exactly what he wants, because he knows edwin will tell him his honest opinion on whatever it is — or, at times, indulge him anyway... and that's fine, because over the decades, he's gotten used to that, so certain that it'll be fine whatever he says that he hardly even thinks about it anymore.

and maybe... just maybe, he could try that approach with junpei, too. maybe he can push, sometimes, and trust that he won't be shut down, that junpei won't think any less of him for wanting something.

he opens his mouth to say something, anything really, but what comes out is a quiet, ] Oh, [ before he's mirroring junpei, sliding his hand to the back of his head, pulling him into a slow but insistent kiss, hoping to say with that what words are refusing him with their non-cooperation. ]

[This is all guesswork in a host of different ways, ultimately. Junpei has never been in a relationship, he's never even had a friend as close as Charles is to Edwin, so he doesn't really know how the give and take of these things are supposed to go. He's making it up as he goes along, and if all he has is the itchy feeling in the back of his mind that Charles deferring to him every time about everything is weird, then - that's it. It's got to go.

He has the sense not to interrupt Charles trying to puzzle out his end of the bargain, as it were, as much as he really wants to. Maybe he shouldn't have insisted on framing this all around the shirtless thing, jeez...

Then they're kissing again, a thing Junpei leans into eagerly, fingers curling that much more snugly in Charles' hair. That—helps, it definitely doesn't not help, but getting Charles to say it out loud is stuck in his craw now, damn it. They can't coast on meaningful actions forever, either.

He laughs, soft and quiet, when they break apart,] I know, right? Sooo... don't make me guess.

[The dress shirts are withering on the vine...]

[ the framing of it all is just fine, really — it's easier, perhaps, to handle it like this, with something relatively easy and simple for him to focus on at first. it isn't like he can't make the connection himself; that this applies to not just this but everything, that he's been refusing to choose anything for months, that he's still been treating junpei closer to how he'd have treated crystal when he should have been treating him more like edwin.

(and there's a trickle of guilt at that thought — because there's one rather key thing separating junpei from edwin, really, the way charles loves both of them but in very different ways, and once again he's selfishly glad he doesn't have to watch his best friend be hurt over his own happiness, and — yeah. he'll cross that bridge if and when he ever comes to it.)

that soft, quiet laugh shakes him back from his thoughts, and this is junpei, asking him directly, telling him directly, and charles looks at him, then, lifts his hand to press his fingers lightly against his cheek, traces them along the side of his face like he's cradling something infinitely precious.

and then he just says, ] I wasn't kidding when I said I always wanna see you like this. Remember the dressing room? I wanted to take that yukata off you so bad. And when we got back from the park and made out against the door? Wasn't nearly all I wanted to do, then. And the other day, you were changing your shirt, and it took literally everything in me not to keep you here and make you late for work.

[ slowly, he lets his hand trail down, down the side of his neck, down his chest, until it's resting light on his hips; his other hand he moves to the dresser, pressing against the drawer containing the undershirts, keeping it shut rather efficiently.

and then, voice low and steady, eyes never once looking away from junpei's, ] Don't put on a shirt.

[ yeah, sorry dress shirts, next time... ]

[Here's the unforeseen (well, "unforeseen") consequence of getting Charles to say what he wants: being wanted. It's unbelievable enough even now that Charles loves him, and so Junpei nudges him to do this, to say the things he wants and thinks about and is immediately staggered by being the target of all of that. Typical of him then to blush brightly and let out a not-quite-surprised chuckle, thinking about each of those moments Charles mentions in turn, totally unable to break his gaze—

Whew. He loves progress, can't get enough of personal growth, or personal, like, hands all over him, a pleasant shiver— Not that any of this makes him suddenly feel shy, quite the opposite, but let him adjust before steam comes out of his ears.

"Adjust" here, of course, means to do something stupid with his eyebrows. Putting on a shirt is a no go, sounds good, and he reaches for Charles' hand on the dresser without looking to tug it back to his other hip, pointedly. Much better.]

You're the boss, [he says, and mentally reschedules the rooftop date night, ahem, officially.] Let me just...

[Just brace his hands on the dresser and hoist himself up there real quick, hang on, Charles' poor neck deserves a break— He can't do this thing elegantly, but he'll do it quick.]

[ the blush just makes him smile warmly — as always, junpei looks really, truly lovely when he's going bright red, and charles feels entirely justified in taking a moment to just look at him... and if his smile widens as junpei takes his hand and places it back on his hip, if his eyes go both darker and yet spark at it a bit, well! also justified.

he gets with the plan about halfway through junpei hoisting himself up on the dresser, aiding him the rest of the way by simply lifting him a little by his waist; and, yeah, this is... very nice, actually. because what else should he want except junpei? he's said that, too, many times by now: that he doesn't care where they are, doesn't care if the world whites out around them, as long as they're together. that everything else he is prepared to lose in this place, even if it hurts, except junpei. why shouldn't it then extend to — this, charles' hands against his bare skin, his thumbs pressing against his hipbones and then below, tracing the line of his jean pockets and then back up.

and then he simply steps closer, nudges himself between junpei's legs, pulls him close against him and takes advantage of the fact he doesn't have to tilt his head down to kiss him properly. after a rather lengthy kiss, he pulls back, grinning. ]

Much better. So, you got a good idea yet? Of what I want. Or do I need to tell you more?

[Charles lifting him up so easily is yet again noted and remembered, mmph, lucky— so very, very lucky for a hundred reasons and a hundred more. Junpei's blush doesn't go down at all yet, might even be refreshed from the helpful lift, but he still grins and leans into the kiss, draping his arms over Charles' shoulders as he does. Much better, much easier to, ahem, focus on the task at hand without getting a crick in his neck or wondering if Charles will get stuck stooped down to reach him—

Well, having a vantage point, as it were, is just as nice as having a very tall boyfriend, in the end. The kiss goes on just long enough to leave him nearly breathless, and he blinks a few times as he catches up with Charles' words. Hm, yes, interesting— Well, he likes to be told things, and Charles needs to say things, and as a bonus it's devastatingly attractive to Junpei to hear these specific items, so,]

I think I can do the math, buuuut I like to hear you say it. [He nudges his knee against Charles' side affectionately,] I could take the abridged version.

[ he ducks his head at that, huffing out a laugh — but despite very much meaning to actually give him that abridged version, he slides his arms briefly around his back, hugs him close as he gives him another kiss, quicker this time. his hands settle again at his lower back, and he takes another moment to appreciate being able to look junpei in the eyes like this, level with him; and then, right, the abridged version. ]

You, [ he says, the most abridged version of them all, punctuated by another kiss, one that he intends to be a quick one, too, but sort of forgets that that's the plan halfway through. eventually, though, he does pull back to complete the thought: ] I want you. Just you.

[ there, is that clear enough? he tilts his head, raises his brows; his hands find themselves back to junpei's hips. and he's making a mental note of that i like to hear you say it — right, so from now on... he's going to make this one thing very, very clear, every time. ]

[Yeah, that's definitely abridged. Junpei is about to say as much, a really good quip if he says so himself, but he's interrupted by another lengthy kiss and forgets all about it. That isn't abridged, but he's not complaining, leaning closer to Charles as much as he can without being in danger of losing his balance up here on the dresser.

But, right, yeah, the words,] I'll uh, do my best. [No that's goofy, he makes a face and tries again,] I mean, same. Reverse-same.

[All the kissing and romance and wandering hands on bare skin have scrambled his brain, hold on, he even holds up a finger. He's got this. He looks at Charles for a long beat and ultimately comes up with, delivered with firm seriousness,] You're the hottest guy I've ever met and every time you look at me like that I want to be flattened into wrapping paper and folded around you. In a really cool and sane way, not like how it sounds.

[This is what Charles is attracted to, congratulations.]

[ he would be entirely happy with just that reverse-same — would be happy with nothing at all said back to him, really, because he doesn't expect anything, doesn't need anything else than junpei, right where he is, leaned in close like this... but he does hold, actually, looking back with his head tilted slightly, and when junpei comes out with, hm, that —

charles looks at him, then, with a small, charmed and befuddled smile that's simultaneously i wish i understood how your brain works and you're so cute, because yeah, this is what he's attracted to, apparently! so much so that he lets out a light laugh and says, eyes bright and voice brimming with affection, ]

I love you so fucking much. [ and he's pausing the, ah, new date night plan briefly so that he can just wiggle in as close as he can and pull junpei into a tight hug. ]

I get it, [ he says then, pulling back and looking at junpei tenderly, ] I feel the same way. I mean, not the wrapping paper part, specifically, but... well. If I could, I'd tie what remains of my soul to you, so nothing'd ever be able to separate us.

[ and he just smiles, like this is also a normal everyday thing to say! ]

[What Junpei has learned from this interaction is he still can say literally anything, in any context, and be rewarded for it. He laughs as Charles pulls him in, squeezing into the hug in turn and saying, muffled into Charles' shoulder,] Love you too.

[Then Charles goes and says that equally normal and sane thing to say, and Junpei can't help the immediate fresh blush that that earns. Holy shit? Is he allowed to say that? Holy shit—]

Uh, damn, is that- wait, is that a thing? [is it ghosts only, wait-] Yeah, that's definitely the same as wrapping paper, huh...

[Ha ha, no, Charles is a romantic professional wordsmith and Junpei is a court jester who isn't even that good at jokes, it feels like— not in a bad way, just-! Holy shit, again. Junpei tugs him back in close so that their foreheads press together, voice dropping to something soft and quiet, like a secret here in the privacy of their own bedroom,] It's you and me no matter what, yeah? Nobody else even comes close to you, so...

I don't know, [ he answers earnestly, even if junpei's question about whether it is all actually possible might not be entirely fully meant; and it's equally soft and earnest and absolutely not very sane at all when he says, ] I could find out.

[ because as much as it's a sweet, romantic thing to say, that's the thing with the stuff he says: he always means them, too, doesn't say them just to be romantic but rather says what he actually feels, and what he feels is — this, to let the atoms that make up his soul shake loose and entwine with junpei's, to burrow into his very being and never leave —

and that, well, he does realise saying all that out loud might make him sound just a tad bit intense, and so he simply leans into the touch, exhales quietly, nods. ]

... Yeah. Yeah, it's you and me. I'll make sure of it. [ whatever it is he has to do to make sure they stay together for as long as possible, whether here or elsewhere... he will. gently, he slides his hands to junpei's face, looks at him with that same, tender look, ]

You know that's the same for me too, right? It's just you. No one else compares. The only thing I want... is you. For you to be happy, and with me. [ see, he's saying what he wants, this is progress, ]

[That would be a lot closer to the sentiment of Junpei's wrapping paper metaphor, to be fair, in a normal and sane way. And while thinking very literally about it is, yeah, pretty intense, there's a part of Junpei that absolutely wants to lean in. Imagine that, being wanted that much? Needed that deeply, that Charles would tie their souls together. It's more than he's ever had, more than he's ever felt like he could, hm, ask for? People don't—

Well.

He's thinking about it. Maybe wanting to soul-commit and just stare at Charles like this forever and ever is, you know, avoiding a few issues on top of being intense, but it still sounds pretty great.]

You've already got me, I'm not going anywhere. [No one else compares, yeah, that's it completely,] Wrapping paper or souls, I'm with you.

[Or both! Maybe he should find out about the soul thing, it's not a bad idea. Just not right now, as Junpei tilts his face up to kiss him, slow and indulgent and warm.]

[ perhaps eventually he'll stop self-censoring and say as much, intense or not; and he is going to find out about the soul thing, it is going on his list — if he can get some books on magic... maybe. and perhaps it should be a scary thought, the way he's not even hesitating one second with his willingness to tie their very souls together for all time —

well. he'll examine that eventually, not that anything's going to make him change his mind; right now, he's humming a "good" into the kiss before he sinks into it, lets everything else fade away until the world shrinks down into just the two of them, the way the kiss turns ever warmer, the way he lets his hands fall back down, tracing junpei's chest before he slides them down and over his hips to rest on the tops of his thighs, fingertips on his belt. ]

With me on this, too? [ he mumbles the question against junpei's lips, unwilling to move away even an inch more. ]

[There's nothing left in the world but the two of them and Junpei's pitiful collection of dress shirts hanging judgmentally unworn in the closet...

Junpei hums approvingly into the kiss; he really hasn't given enough intentional approval to everything Charles has been doing since lifting him up here, and as long as he can stamp down on his instinct to give a thumbs up, he'll make a mental note to do that more. Now, too, squeezing his legs around Charles' hips and kissing him again far more swiftly and... encouragingly? He doesn't know how to be smooth, he's winging it on that part, but the intent is there.

He goes for one more quick kiss and tangles his fingers in Charles' hair, equally unwilling to part any more than the space it takes to murmur his response,]

Yeah, always. [A beat—no, it really is always, aha ha,] I'm all yours.

( tbc over elsewhere, )

CLOSED ❯ the hauntings and the haunted

OUGH no im just gonna be here.... clutching my chest, lying on the floor, murdered by cute--

my end of 2024 gift to you

oh i see, my gift is murder........... and i thank you for it--

i aim to please..........murderously

this thread is definitely winning in cute junpei icons

2025 shall be year of the cute junpei icon

i am so here for that, thank you

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yet again, don't read this, cw certified junpei moment

im shutting my eyes.

truly this is gay new year 2025, congrats to them

here's for them being as gay as possible in 2025

turbo gay 2k25!!

yes. the year of the gay.... we love to see it

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