one way or another

[computation]

Who: Closed event threads for Liv's characters -- Root and Toph.
Where: Various.
What: Root has a doppelganger and kills her repeatedly. Toph has a doppelganger and has to face some emotions. One of them is having a much better time than the other. Contact me if you're interested in a thread!
Warnings: All of the Root and Shaw threads will have direct discussion and sometimes depiction of suicide.

Comments

[fieldtrip]

[ Ethlyn has the situation exactly right, in a way Toph hasn't ever really experienced from telling someone else about her parents before. It's such a clear binary choice: be who she is, own her accomplishments and live to her fullest ability, or hold all of that in so that her parents will love her. She's choosing the first one now, but she'd chosen the second for many years, as a young, young child who couldn't imagine living without them.

That little girl is still there in her, and Toph keeps circling her choice over and over, trying to see a way to have both. ]

... I am humiliating them. [ Toph sounds less emotional, like she's recovering enough to be frustrated. She clenches her hands into the blankets, twisting the fabric. ] I'm the one determining the family legacy now, not them.

[ No one is ever going to remember Poppy and Lao Beifong, or anyone else, next to Toph. And she knows it. Usually she's proud of that, but she's also conscientious in a way she rarely admits that she doesn't have the backing of her parents behind her as she does it. ]

But-- I mean-- [ She huffs. ] I know all that. I don't get why she needs to yell at me about it!

[baldrshand]

[Toph is determining the family legacy. It must be driving her parents absolutely crazy that not only is their daughter so stubbornly disobedient, but that she's doing so in a way that makes the name Beifong famous throughout the land. And every time some stranger comes up to them to congratulate them on all their daughter's accomplishments, or asks if they're related to the Toph Beifong, it twists the knife even harder... and entrenches them deeper into their fury.]

Because she knows all that, too. And she has your anger, and your very direct approach to problems. [Namely: smash it.] You know it, but it still hurts... and you know that they would take you back if you went back to the version of yourself they want you to be.

It's another punishment, in a way. If you know that the door is open to you--on a few impossible little conditions--then every day you don't return to being their good little daughter is another day you're determined on shaming your parents.

[fieldtrip]

[ Her very direct approach to problems... That's true, and probably putting it mildly. Toph does prefer to smash anything that's in her way. Maybe from her double's perspective, Toph's insistence at ignoring her parents is irritating and unreasonable, like it is to her from the other angle.

She doesn't like identifying with her double; Toph scrunches up her nose in distaste. ]

... I guess in her position I'd be mad at me, too. It actually-- [ getting even more uncomfortable but pushing through ] it reminds me of a friend from home. A different one, not Katara.

He wasn't who his dad wanted him to be, either. He and his sister have the weirdest relationship. It's like they keep trying to convince each other to change so they don't have to let go, like they-- like they can't give up on one another...

[ Her words trail off and she grows quiet and reserved, suddenly realizing. It's so much easier to see when she's talking about Zuko and his crazy family than when she's talking about herself. She curls in on herself as the sadness wells up inside her. ]

That's it, huh. I haven't given up on them. [ And she needs to, in order to move on. Just like Zuko. ]

[baldrshand]

[It's no surprise to hear that Toph knows others who are in the same position as she is--being a disgrace to the family, yet constitutionally unable to be what they demand. People like that find another fight to fight, searching for the pride they'll never have at home.

The conclusion Toph is walking herself to is... sad. It's deeply sad and there's no way around it, and Ethlyn is selfishly a little glad she doesn't have to put on her doctorly neutral face. It's hard enough for grown men and women to deal with it, much less a child of thirteen.

She reaches out, putting a hand on Toph's shoulder.]

I have friends in your position too. It doesn't matter where you are, or how brave or respected or old you are. It's hard, no matter what.

[fieldtrip]

[ Toph realizes suddenly with the uncommon jolt of self-awareness that comes over teenagers occasionally that she really knows very little about Ethlyn. For once, she doesn't shrug off her hand on her shoulder, and she uncurls a bit, body language opening up and receptive. ]

What about you? Do you get along with your family?

[ It feels like she needs to detach herself from her own thoughts after being so mired in them. Toph isn't naturally introspective. ]

[baldrshand]

[It's good to see Toph starting to relax a little bit. And at least the question of Ethlyn's family is a little bit of a lighter subject.

Well, it sort of isn't, but talking about her upbringing is fine. The Chalphys had their issues but they did their earnest best to be good to each other.]

I'm lucky that my father was more concerned about being a good parent than having a good reputation. My biggest problem was usually my brother and his tendency to hurl himself headlong into a situation without taking even half a minute to think it over.

[It's a well-worn complaint, but one spoken with clear affection.]