(dated nov 1st) hey guys hey................

[spidermenaces]

Who: peter "baby spider" parker
Where: stem club, spider house, and i'll add as i think...
What: peter's back, peter's saying sorry, peter's giving back to the community, he's sorry........... i'll use this as my catch-all for the month of november, so i'll slowly be adding things to it! if anyone would like a closed thread, i'm all for it.
Warnings: none so far!

(a few hours after he gets his shit together, the following message pings:)

Hey guys... I'm sorry for, uh, like disappearing and all that 🥲🥲
Wasn't my intention at all
I can't explain what happened either 😣
I went back home, not dead ⚰️ That one I can explain, but very long and kinda confusing explanation, maybe another time
And uh I'm really sorry for worrying my friends

But I'm definitely here
Alive
A...mazingly so
Available 🫠
At anywhere if you want to see me
At mostly my place though and the STEM club room

Uh I might have missed a lot
So update me okay
And OH if you have anything broken that you want fixed 🛠️🔧🪛🔩
Or you know something you want to improve
Bring it to me free of charge

Comments

[spidermenaces]

(oh, this is definitely not right. he knows it, she knows it, he's sure both of them still feel the pressure in the back of their mind that they need to talk through this, understand it, find out what exactly do they want out of each other now that everything's changed... but that's not stopping him from bringing her closer, the kiss intense with emotion, each pressing of tongue, each brush of lips, until she distances.

it hurts to look at her, his arm still steady around her waist when he sees the face she makes before she hides. no break for them, it seems, from heartbreak. his lips find the top of her head, another kiss pressed.)

I'm sorry, Gwen, I really-- I really don't know why it happened like that, right after the reset, I don't know why it took so long, and I can't imagine... I can't imagine making you feel like you've lost me. I'm so, so, so sorry... I know it's not my fault, before you say anything, I totally know, but man, that was so unfair to you, and if I don't want you to feel like-- any of it were yours. Because it definitely wasn't, okay? I'm here, it's okay. Here, look, I'm right here.

(it's a thing by now, letting her listen to his heartbeat, the slow breathing he tries to make her follow when she's so close to his chest.)

... And I know this is... I know everything is a lot, all this is a lot, it's a mess, so I'm not... I'm not going to blame you if you can't-- if you don't know if you can be with me still.

(his trauma. his fears. his guilt, god, that one is not going away any time soon. his past. how it might affect her. he's giving her a choice, unlike what he has been doing thus far at home.)

[arachnerina]

[The kiss tells her everything she knows about how he feels. Still the same longing, the same love and passion they had before he disappeared. But it's different. She knows it's different now but that doesn't mean her feelings went away. She's not sure if the kiss makes her feel better or worse at this point, honestly.]

It's-- it's not your fault. You aren't the only one that disappeared. Tendi and Bones both left too. And some others, on another team. There must have been a glitch, or something went wrong with the reset-- I don't know. But you're here now. That's all I could ask for.

[It really does help, sitting and listening to the beating of his heart. It's something that's comforted her many times before now, and it's a sound she didn't realize she would miss until she was without it. It's like music to her ears, even if she feels a bit guilty.

It isn't until he poses the choice for her that she finally pulls away, but she stays close to him, one of her hands cupping the side of his face.]

I love you, Peter Parker. That hasn't changed. But... I'm worried about you. You've been through so much since you left, you had this whole other life, and I-- I don't want you to force this because you feel guilty for leaving me.

[spidermenaces]

(... they did? holy shit. it's-- well, he knows people come and go. much like at home, nothing is promised, anyone can be gone at any moment, sometimes due to someone's actions or something mundane. it just happens... but there had always been that feeling that he was fine here, he was protected, not that he could leave at any given minute.

but that's not what they need to talk about. not now, at least. there's a bigger elephant in the room for them to discuss, one that is uncomfortable and painful.)

... I'd never do that do you, you know that. That's not-- that's not how it would ever be, because that would hurt you more than anything, right? So, no, that's not how I feel... It is like all the feelings I felt before I left just came back to me all at once, so I know I love you too, but I know-- I know you know, and you know I know, too.

(peter parkers and mjs. gwens that die.)

It was already... Complicated, right, because I did feel for, like, a second that I couldn't live up to your Peter, and then there's the Peter that had a Gwen so I know none of this was easy for either of you, and it's all a mess, right, but we could deal, before, but... I don't want you to feel like you're... Less than MJ is. So, that's what I'm trying to say, I don't want to force us on you either because I don't want you to worry about it, and I can't say I don't feel anything for her too, because that's not true, either, and it's just...

I don't want to make you unhappy, butI want to be with you. So, I'll understand if now it's just too much for you, if it's... Uncomfortable, if it's hurtful. That's just-- I want you happy, with me, but I get it if it's more complicated now.

[arachnerina]

[Complicated feels like the easy thing to call it. This is so much more than complicated. She has a dead best friend that will probably haunt her forever. He has a girlfriend that doesn't even remember him, thanks to a spell gone wrong. What a pair they were. Fuck ups, messing up and losing the people important to them. Were they really Spider people if they didn't?]

No. No, it's-- it's always been complicated. Always been so-- so messy, and weird. It's why we didn't jump into anything, in the beginning. With my Peter dying-- You were right to feel unsure, because... that's honestly how I feel, too-- about MJ. I always knew you'd find her. Because that's how it works, and I know-- I know you'll be able to find her again. [Peter B. could make it work again, after getting divorced. What's a little memory loss in the grand scheme of things? But where does that leave them?]

I don't think anything will not be complicated for us. Here, or at home. We're spiders. That comes with the territory. But I think it's only fair that we let ourselves be happy when we have the chance.

[It was just like before-- knowing this wasn't forever. If all she had was one more day to love him with everything she could, she wouldn't want to lose that. She couldn't ask him to choose, because that wasn't possible-- wasn't fair. Just like with her Peter. While she loved him differently, he could never be replaced. She wouldn't expect that with MJ, either. Losing someone didn't mean that love went away, you just found space for more love.]

If you still love me, if you still want this-- then I'm yours.

[spidermenaces]

(one thing he appreciates is that she always manages to understand all his rambles, as non-sensical or long-winded as they can be, because she answers with one of her own and god, it makes him smile so widely. it's like nothing changed, even if everything has.)

... No, Gwen, I... I chose to not find her. She almost died-- our Peter managed to catch her, you know, so... I owe him the world for that, but I think he might not... He might not be ready to be thanked, not this one, I think.

(it's hard. to be a hero. to put people on the line, again, and again, and before? before he hadn't realized it. now it's so clear that it makes him ache that he was so naive.

but she says those words, and it's impossible to find words back. he can't find the right ones, and even the confusing ones get lost in his throat.

so, he'll kiss her instead. that will speak for him.)

[arachnerina]

[A part of her wants to fuss at him for that. Peters are so bad about holding on to their guilt. He's afraid of MJ getting hurt, so he lets her go, no matter what she wants. She's... not much better, honestly, but still. And yeah-- not bringing that up to their other Peter might not be the best of ideas. Not yet, when his own loss is still so fresh.

But any fussing goes out of her mind the second he kisses her again. He's right, it does speak for him. She's close, but suddenly not close enough, so she wraps her arms around him again, pressing herself against his chest as she deepens the kiss. It feels so right, like it always has, to kiss him like this. As if years hadn't past in his world. As if it wasn't a month ago, for her. They were back where they belonged: together.]