[ Minato's blood runs icy, color draining from his face as he stares down at the gun in his hands. His throat is dry as he finally lifts his head to meet Ryoji's gaze.
Back then, the thought of killing Ryoji that fateful eve never even crossed Minato's mind. But it's different now. As far as he can tell, Kotone hadn't decided to kill Ryoji that night either. If that's the case, would triggering those familiar memories unintentionally awaken Ryoji to his true identity?
His fingers curl around the gun, but his hands won't stop trembling. ]
[Ryoji's concern is much more muted, and even that is directed towards the pale face of his friend. That bullet is for you, so why do you look like you're the one who has to die?
It's a familiar sight, is it not?]
Haha, I shouldn't be calm about this, should I? And yet, I feel oddly at peace about it.
[But he's sad, regardless. Not because of this inescapable fate, but because of the choice Minato is forced to make. The room is so small, it takes only a few strides for him to make his way to him.
A steady grip meet clammy hands as he places the barrel of the gun over his heart.]
This is the only way you could get out of this place, right? So it's alright. I don't mind if it's you.
[ At this range, one bullet will do the trick. The acrid, biting scent of a fired gun mixing with the metallic tang of blood -- it's easy for Minato to visualize it when he's witnessed the aftermath with his own eyes. It'll be easy; the shot cutting through Ryoji's flesh like a knife slicing softened butter.
He could pull the trigger and put an end to it, and perhaps that would even be the best course of action. By avoiding a reenactment of that night, he could spare Ryoji another day of blissful ignorance.
Instead, Minato lowers the gun a hair's breadth and lifts his gaze to meet Ryoji's. ]
That -- that doesn't make any sense.
[ This isn't the Ryoji Mochizuki who'd badgered him on their school trip. Nor is he the one whom Minato faced at the end of his ascent to Tartarus' apex.
So he shakes his head, a weary smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. ]
...you don't mind if it's me?
[ Always trying to nestle his way into others' hearts, speaking to new people with unabashed familiarity, wasn't he? ]
You... shouldn't say that to someone you don't know.
But we know each other, do we? ...At least, you know me.
[In truth, he doesn't like this kind of game at all - some of them have been fun, the others were unsettling but not dangerous at all, but this one...This challenge is just way too cruel.
Ryoji isn't smiling for once, eyebrows creased at he stares at the offending metal.]
I think you're the kind of person who puts too much responsibility over your shoulders. You suffer a lot, even when you're not the one getting hurt. Unfortunately, no matter who is shot here, I don't think I can stop you from suffering more.
But what I can do is take the pain of making a choice away from you.
[It's penance, in a way. For not being able to remember someone who was in his past. Those guys said that his crime was "Helplessness". Maybe they're right, because of how willing he is to accept everything that is thrown at him. But if that's the case then this is him taking control of his fate, even if it's a twisted form of it.
In the end, it didn't matter if Ryoji remembered or not, didn't he? A part of him will always be the same, regardless of whether he's Death or a human voice.]
So please, Minato. [He sounds so weak in his pleading.] Please kill me.
[ Even if this Ryoji doesn't know Minato at all, he nevertheless manages to pin down the exact sort of person he is. It's why Minato's eyes drift shut, the weight of the gun heavy in his hands. ]
...no, even if it's painful, I still want to have a choice.
[ He'd signed that contract. He'd agreed to accept all consequences of his own actions. Even if he'd already fulfilled all the terms of that contract, its sentiment remained close to his heart.
Minato shakes his head. ]
Even if it hurts, I don't want it taken away from me.
[ He lowers the gun in spite of Ryoji's pleas, pleas that don't have Ryoji's heart in them. ]
I don't think I can make your wish come true. ...I'm sorry, Ryoji.
[It really wouldn’t be Minato otherwise, wouldn’t he? He’s just not the kind of person to run away, and give his responsibility to someone else. And Ryoji knows that Kotone might have done the same. It’s a selfish wish of him to hope that his friend would have faltered, but he remains steadfast regardless.
…Ryoji could have tried harder, of course. He could have forced his hands. But he can’t do that — it’s too painful.]
Then I guess we would just have to stay here. [Somehow his smile feels brighter, despite his wish not being fulfilled. Like a heavy weight has been lifted off his shoulders. A few steps back, to add some distance between them — to keep Ryoji away from point-blank range. He turns his head away from the moon, staring at the trinkets that sit upon the shelf.] This is one of the rooms in your dorm, isn’t it? Junpei’s room looked the same, just messier.
[Ryoji laughs, despite everything. Yet there is some pain that lies there underneath. Maybe he does miss home a little.
[ Even as Ryoji steps away, Minato makes no moves to set the gun aside. He holds onto it, as if afraid of what might happen if he lets go of it. There could be an unknown trick behind this room. He doesn't want to risk that variable by allowing the gun to leave his possession.
For the first time since stepping in, Minato tears his gaze away from Ryoji to inspect the room. This room, it's -- ]
...my room.
[ He recognizes that blue checkered blanket, the desk, the calendar hanging on the wall.
On the shelf near the bed sits a little music box. ]
It was my room at the Iwatodai Dorm.
[ Past tense, always past tense. After all, it's not his room anymore. If time in Aldrip passes at the same rate as back home, the other members of S.E.E.S. must have cleared out his room by now. It's only right. He would hate to be unnecessarily taking up a room that could be put to use for someone else. ]
[Ryoji lets out an uncomfortable chuckle, like he’s trying to see the best in an awful situation.]
Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t be here, huh?
[Being in someone else’s bedroom has always been an invasion of privacy, but Ryoji feels it all the more now than ever. Especially when they have just met — he likes Minato, and he wants to get to know him better. But friendships are forged by communication, and spending time with each other.
Not like this, being stuffed in the same room dragged out unwillingly from one’s memories, there for everyone to see. Not like this, being given a gun and forced to kill one another.
When he ends up with a deeper bond with Minato — if he does, no matter how much Ryoji wants it — he wants it to come from Minato’s own free will.
Not like this.]
It’s a good room. I like the shelf.
[He sees a photo in the corner of his eyes. He doesn’t want to look at it.]
[ Because it is. Perhaps there's a specific reason why they find themselves here, thrust into an all-too-familiar scenario. The Ryoji present isn't one who'd spent those ten years at his side, but he nevertheless feels the same.
Minato moves to join Ryoji at the shelf. Other than the framed photograph perched on it, there are an assortment of items with no clear connection to one another scattered across its surfaces. ]
...I like this shelf too. Everything on it was a gift from someone I knew.
[ It's why he's not surprised to hear Ryoji's fond of it. He'd craved connections, increasing his understanding of humanity. Of course he'd like this microcosm of everyone who had Minato in their lives.
He lifts a hand to point at a music box that sits on a the shelf near the bed. It's set aside from the other shelf that contained the other items. ]
[He didn’t give that to Kotone, but it does feels like something he would buy. Ryoji is so fond of sights and places that he would be the kind of person to obtain trinkets and curiosities. Something unfamiliar and yet familiar all the same — that has been a reoccurring thing when it comes to Minato, he muses.]
It looks nice.
[Would it be too narcissistic to say that the other Ryoji has good taste? He’s a bit afraid to touch it, as if it would crumble if he does. It’s something precious and important to Minato, he can tell that.
[ It's a humble little thing, a wooden box with its metal comb nestled within. Minato steps forward to lift it into one of his hands. He glances at the gun in his other hand and, after a moment of silent consideration, sets the weapon down where the music box once sat. ]
I don't mind.
[ There isn't much that Minato minds when it comes to Ryoji, so long as it doesn't require fulfilling a request to take his life.
Minato holds the music box with care, tilting it to reveal the wind-up key in the bottom of it. He rotates it a few times until there's proper resistance from it, then turns to Ryoji again and opens the music box's lid.
From within the little trinket comes a gentle tune, one that's delicately plucked out by the tiny metal comb. ]
[Based on the carving and the tune, Ryoji can warrant a guess on where he got it. Kyoto, he supposes. Something to remember the place by.
So then, Ryoji wonders, how did it come to be in Minato's possession? The Ryoji in this world gave it, yes, but why? If this Ryoji is like him, then there must be an important reason. It's too precious to have been given away otherwise.
The thought alone, with all its myriad possibilities and conclusions, makes his heart ache.]
What a beautiful song.
[He says it as a whisper, afraid that his voice is too brash to break this fragile moment.
He doesn't even realize the tears forming at the corner of his eyes.]
[ Minato can picture it clearly in his head. Ryoji must have painstakingly selected it at the store in Kyoto. He must have kept it with him until he decided it was the right time to gift the item.
The sight of Ryoji's misty eyes tug at Minato's heart. He can't help but get pulled back into Ryoji's orbit. He takes a step forward, reaching up with his free hand to wipe at one of Ryoji's tears with his thumb.
He doesn't have a scarf to wrap around both their shoulders, but...
Minato retreats only to take a seat on the mattress' edge. He sets the gun aside and gestures for Ryoji to sit next to him, then places one of his silver headphones on an ear. He holds the other one out, hoping this makes his intentions clear. ]
[What a haunting reprise of their first meeting in Aldrip. Back then, all he knew was that Minato was a lonely yet familiar soul in need of company, and that was enough to spur him to action. Now their roles have been reversed, and Ryoji feels like he is in quicksand. Unable to escape the gloom encroaching upon them.
Was it the same for Minato, back then? What a terrible feeling this is.
Today he misses the city and the school even more than before.
It’s the gentle gesture of tears being wiped away that snaps him out of his reverie. There are no words needed to be said here, no doubts between them to harbor. Ryoji remains sullen as he takes upon his friend’s invitation, as the mattress sinks in to his weight. But at least the room is less cold in here.
Gently, lightly, he slips one of the headphones to his ear. And then Ryoji closes his eyes, waiting for the music to wash over him.]
[ He fiddles with the music player around his neck. The device glows softly when he thumbs the play button. An unexpectedly bright and upbeat tune comes through the headphones, playing a beat against each of their eardrums.
It's nice like this. They don't have to speak as Minato shares his music with Ryoji. Both of them can get lost in the tunes together without a word. While they'll only be able to hear half of the song, the knowledge that the other person is listening to what's in between is satisfying in itself.
Hm. Yeah. [Ryoji mumbles, as if he’s almost half asleep.] Sometimes, just to hang out. Other times it’s when either of us feel…well, like we can’t show a smile and reassure everyone that we’re okay.
[They’re similar in that respect — Ryoji and Kotone. They would both be willing to sacrifice all that they are if it ensured the happiness in others. But, as Ryoji muses, isn’t that the best way for one to live in the first place? Human happiness is precious, after all.
It’s why he feels compelled to confess —]
It’s funny, you know? [He doesn’t laugh, but there is a soft smile to his features.] It’s only with Kotone-chan that I used to let myself be like this. Like I can be vulnerable. I wonder why…
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expiationlogs2024-05-13 12:27 am
sighs. wands. whatever.
Back then, the thought of killing Ryoji that fateful eve never even crossed Minato's mind. But it's different now. As far as he can tell, Kotone hadn't decided to kill Ryoji that night either. If that's the case, would triggering those familiar memories unintentionally awaken Ryoji to his true identity?
His fingers curl around the gun, but his hands won't stop trembling. ]
lol.
It's a familiar sight, is it not?]Haha, I shouldn't be calm about this, should I? And yet, I feel oddly at peace about it.
[But he's sad, regardless. Not because of this inescapable fate, but because of the choice Minato is forced to make. The room is so small, it takes only a few strides for him to make his way to him.
A steady grip meet clammy hands as he places the barrel of the gun over his heart.]
This is the only way you could get out of this place, right? So it's alright. I don't mind if it's you.
cw: guns/gunshot wounds
He could pull the trigger and put an end to it, and perhaps that would even be the best course of action. By avoiding a reenactment of that night, he could spare Ryoji another day of blissful ignorance.
Instead, Minato lowers the gun a hair's breadth and lifts his gaze to meet Ryoji's. ]
That -- that doesn't make any sense.
[ This isn't the Ryoji Mochizuki who'd badgered him on their school trip. Nor is he the one whom Minato faced at the end of his ascent to Tartarus' apex.
So he shakes his head, a weary smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. ]
...you don't mind if it's me?
[ Always trying to nestle his way into others' hearts, speaking to new people with unabashed familiarity, wasn't he? ]
You... shouldn't say that to someone you don't know.
no subject
[In truth, he doesn't like this kind of game at all - some of them have been fun, the others were unsettling but not dangerous at all, but this one...This challenge is just way too cruel.
Ryoji isn't smiling for once, eyebrows creased at he stares at the offending metal.]
I think you're the kind of person who puts too much responsibility over your shoulders. You suffer a lot, even when you're not the one getting hurt. Unfortunately, no matter who is shot here, I don't think I can stop you from suffering more.
But what I can do is take the pain of making a choice away from you.
[It's penance, in a way. For not being able to remember someone who was in his past. Those guys said that his crime was "Helplessness". Maybe they're right, because of how willing he is to accept everything that is thrown at him. But if that's the case then this is him taking control of his fate, even if it's a twisted form of it.
In the end, it didn't matter if Ryoji remembered or not, didn't he? A part of him will always be the same, regardless of whether he's Death or a human voice.]
So please, Minato. [He sounds so weak in his pleading.] Please kill me.
no subject
...no, even if it's painful, I still want to have a choice.
[ He'd signed that contract. He'd agreed to accept all consequences of his own actions. Even if he'd already fulfilled all the terms of that contract, its sentiment remained close to his heart.
Minato shakes his head. ]
Even if it hurts, I don't want it taken away from me.
[ He lowers the gun in spite of Ryoji's pleas, pleas that don't have Ryoji's heart in them. ]
I don't think I can make your wish come true. ...I'm sorry, Ryoji.
no subject
[It really wouldn’t be Minato otherwise, wouldn’t he? He’s just not the kind of person to run away, and give his responsibility to someone else. And Ryoji knows that Kotone might have done the same. It’s a selfish wish of him to hope that his friend would have faltered, but he remains steadfast regardless.
…Ryoji could have tried harder, of course. He could have forced his hands. But he can’t do that — it’s too painful.]
Then I guess we would just have to stay here. [Somehow his smile feels brighter, despite his wish not being fulfilled. Like a heavy weight has been lifted off his shoulders. A few steps back, to add some distance between them — to keep Ryoji away from point-blank range. He turns his head away from the moon, staring at the trinkets that sit upon the shelf.] This is one of the rooms in your dorm, isn’t it? Junpei’s room looked the same, just messier.
[Ryoji laughs, despite everything. Yet there is some pain that lies there underneath. Maybe he does miss home a little.
A lot.]
no subject
For the first time since stepping in, Minato tears his gaze away from Ryoji to inspect the room. This room, it's -- ]
...my room.
[ He recognizes that blue checkered blanket, the desk, the calendar hanging on the wall.
On the shelf near the bed sits a little music box. ]
It was my room at the Iwatodai Dorm.
[ Past tense, always past tense. After all, it's not his room anymore. If time in Aldrip passes at the same rate as back home, the other members of S.E.E.S. must have cleared out his room by now. It's only right. He would hate to be unnecessarily taking up a room that could be put to use for someone else. ]
no subject
Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t be here, huh?
[Being in someone else’s bedroom has always been an invasion of privacy, but Ryoji feels it all the more now than ever. Especially when they have just met — he likes Minato, and he wants to get to know him better. But friendships are forged by communication, and spending time with each other.
Not like this, being stuffed in the same room dragged out unwillingly from one’s memories, there for everyone to see. Not like this, being given a gun and forced to kill one another.
When he ends up with a deeper bond with Minato — if he does, no matter how much Ryoji wants it — he wants it to come from Minato’s own free will.
Not like this.]
It’s a good room. I like the shelf.
[He sees a photo in the corner of his eyes. He doesn’t want to look at it.]
no subject
[ Because it is. Perhaps there's a specific reason why they find themselves here, thrust into an all-too-familiar scenario. The Ryoji present isn't one who'd spent those ten years at his side, but he nevertheless feels the same.
Minato moves to join Ryoji at the shelf. Other than the framed photograph perched on it, there are an assortment of items with no clear connection to one another scattered across its surfaces. ]
...I like this shelf too. Everything on it was a gift from someone I knew.
[ It's why he's not surprised to hear Ryoji's fond of it. He'd craved connections, increasing his understanding of humanity. Of course he'd like this microcosm of everyone who had Minato in their lives.
He lifts a hand to point at a music box that sits on a the shelf near the bed. It's set aside from the other shelf that contained the other items. ]
That music box -- you gave it to me.
no subject
It looks nice.
[Would it be too narcissistic to say that the other Ryoji has good taste? He’s a bit afraid to touch it, as if it would crumble if he does. It’s something precious and important to Minato, he can tell that.
Something that he isn’t a part of.]
Do you mind… [He gulps.] If you can you play it?
no subject
I don't mind.
[ There isn't much that Minato minds when it comes to Ryoji, so long as it doesn't require fulfilling a request to take his life.
Minato holds the music box with care, tilting it to reveal the wind-up key in the bottom of it. He rotates it a few times until there's proper resistance from it, then turns to Ryoji again and opens the music box's lid.
From within the little trinket comes a gentle tune, one that's delicately plucked out by the tiny metal comb. ]
no subject
So then, Ryoji wonders, how did it come to be in Minato's possession? The Ryoji in this world gave it, yes, but why? If this Ryoji is like him, then there must be an important reason. It's too precious to have been given away otherwise.
The thought alone, with all its myriad possibilities and conclusions, makes his heart ache.]
What a beautiful song.
[He says it as a whisper, afraid that his voice is too brash to break this fragile moment.
He doesn't even realize the tears forming at the corner of his eyes.]
no subject
[ Minato can picture it clearly in his head. Ryoji must have painstakingly selected it at the store in Kyoto. He must have kept it with him until he decided it was the right time to gift the item.
The sight of Ryoji's misty eyes tug at Minato's heart. He can't help but get pulled back into Ryoji's orbit. He takes a step forward, reaching up with his free hand to wipe at one of Ryoji's tears with his thumb.
He doesn't have a scarf to wrap around both their shoulders, but...
Minato retreats only to take a seat on the mattress' edge. He sets the gun aside and gestures for Ryoji to sit next to him, then places one of his silver headphones on an ear. He holds the other one out, hoping this makes his intentions clear. ]
no subject
Was it the same for Minato, back then? What a terrible feeling this is.
Today he misses the city and the school even more than before.
It’s the gentle gesture of tears being wiped away that snaps him out of his reverie. There are no words needed to be said here, no doubts between them to harbor. Ryoji remains sullen as he takes upon his friend’s invitation, as the mattress sinks in to his weight. But at least the room is less cold in here.
Gently, lightly, he slips one of the headphones to his ear. And then Ryoji closes his eyes, waiting for the music to wash over him.]
no subject
It's nice like this. They don't have to speak as Minato shares his music with Ryoji. Both of them can get lost in the tunes together without a word. While they'll only be able to hear half of the song, the knowledge that the other person is listening to what's in between is satisfying in itself.
While they listen, Minato finally speaks up: ]
Did you do things like this with Kotone?
no subject
[They’re similar in that respect — Ryoji and Kotone. They would both be willing to sacrifice all that they are if it ensured the happiness in others. But, as Ryoji muses, isn’t that the best way for one to live in the first place? Human happiness is precious, after all.
It’s why he feels compelled to confess —]
It’s funny, you know? [He doesn’t laugh, but there is a soft smile to his features.] It’s only with Kotone-chan that I used to let myself be like this. Like I can be vulnerable. I wonder why…