expiationlogs | then new life has lumps

I don't think the reminder is welcome.

[he's having enough trouble keeping his memories separated as it is, without sandry trying to blend "real" and "not quite real" together. but he sits across the blanket from her regardless, falling neatly to his knees. a very upright and polite sitting position, nothing like how he used to sprawl out without a care.]

Don't you think it's better to keep what happened these last few weeks...separate?

[ Sandry gives a little frown as she pulls things out of her bag, but her tone is light and maybe a bit too cheery. ]

I don't see why. It was very real and it very much happened. Who can say what's right and what's wrong?

[ Not Sandry. Certainly not Sandry. And she's loathe to let a friend like Kakashi just... slip away. ]

Uh, pretty sure I can. The whole thing was messed up. Taking our memories...turning us into something...weak.

[that's aimed at himself more than anyone else, though. imagine being an innocent child, kakashi could never.]

[ Oh Sandry has Opinions about that. ]

I don't think we were weak. Why would we be? There were some scary things but no one got hurt! Certainly nothing like when the town hall got blown up.

Acting like common civilians. It's below me and from what you've said it's below you, too. Life's not all sunshine and daisies, it's pointless to pretend otherwise.

[two opinionated brats go at it: round one! fight!]

[ That gets a stubborn frown from Sandry. ]

Don't you dare say that. "Common civilians" do plenty for you. Who grows the food you eat? Makes the clothes you wear? Makes the furniture, the plates and bowls? They deserve your respect. And there's nothing wrong with being happy!

Right, and who protects them from harm and makes sure they can do all that stuff in peace? Me. It's dereliction of duty.

[he scoffs.]

Happiness at the cost of what? All my life experiences? My memories, my comrades?

["friend" is not in his vocabulary.]

No, it wasn't, you couldn't have known. You're not responsible for that. Besides, it was very safe, we didn't need any protection.

[ Sandry uncharacteristically deflates from her stubborn defiance, casting her eyes downward and looking a little like she might cry. Her voice is soft when she speaks. ]

Are you just going to say that nothing in the last month was real and you're going to forget all about it?

[oh good, now she's about to cry. good job kakashi. he softens slightly, though he still sounds so stiff compared to before.]

I didn't say it wasn't real, just...something to put behind us.

[ Sandry takes a breath and lets it out slowly, trying to calm herself before she speaks, and is mostly successful though she's still looking downwards. ]

I know it wasn't real, but it... it's still so confusing to me. I know but some part of me does not believe.

That's what's so insidious about it, don't you see? They gave us this idyllic life so we would forget what's real. What's really at stake.

[he sounds so intense, like he's put some thought into it and doesn't like the conclusion he's come to.]

[ Sandry shakes her head and this time she can't help a tear or two from falling. ]

That's not all bad! It's okay to be happy, for things to be okay! Even if it wasn't... wasn't real, it's not all bad. There can be good things too.

[oh shit, she's crying. how to resolve the situation?? he softens again, just a bit.]

There's such a thing as too much of a good thing. Besides, there's good things in "real life" too, right?

[ Sandry gives a sniff, fishing a handkerchief out of her pocket and daintily wiping her eyes. Really, she's not one for crying, it's just so much right now. ]

Yes, there are. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop being your friend. I'm not going to forget the time we spent together last month.

Well - [he seems a little flustered at her just calling him out as a friend like that - ] - nobody said you had to.

[a beat.]

But you could forget, you know, the really pathetic stuff.

[what does he consider "really pathetic"?? acting like a normal kid, probably.]

[ Sandry gives what almost could be a small laugh. It's close enough. Crying episode over, Sandry puts the handkerchief away and resumes setting up the cookies and tea. ]

I won't forget it but I won't make you talk about it, deal?

[ She opens the container of cookies, the same kind they ate in the park, and places the cookies between them, almost like a peace offering. ]

Fine, I guess.

[he hesitates for a second, then takes a cookie. he holds it for an even longer moment before he reaches up and tugs his mask down. she's seen his face, he tells himself. no need to be weird about it.]

So you still like baking, huh?

[ Sandry notices his hesitation but doesn't comment on it. She feels like she's pushed enough for now. He's eating a cookie and that's what matters.

Next comes out the travel mugs and thermos; the tea won't be hot at this point, but it feels wrong not to have tea with cookies. She pours a mug for both of them while she talks, placing one in front of Kakashi when she's done. ]

Yes! I didn't bake before last month, but I think it's fun. I'm glad I got to learn it. [ She hesitates, clearly unsure, before continuing. ] Back in Emelan I never was in the kitchen growing up, and then at the temple we got food from the Hub, and now no one lets me in the kitchen again.

[he is munching on the cookie. yep, still good.]

There's no reason for a noble to be in the kitchen, right? You've got people for that.

[he shrugs.]

Maybe not for ninja either. Back home I mostly eat take-out.

[ Sandry gives a nod, pleased that he's eating her cookies. ]

That's right, we had cooks and maids and the like.

[ A sudden idea springs to her mind and she claps her hands. ]

I know! We should take cooking lessons! Together!

[oh no, not another scheme for him to get sucked into.]

Uh, I know how to cook rice. That's enough, right?

[ Not sufficient, as it turns out. ]

We definitely need to take cooking classes together. I'll do some research and find somewhere! It's important to stay healthy and certainly cheaper than eating out all the time.

R-rice is healthy?

[he's not getting out of this, is he.]

Healthier than ramen, anyway...

You need vegetables! And meat! Or fish, since we're on the water. It's important to have a balanced diet.

[ No, he's not, but she's also curious- ]

What's "ramen?"

[she's not the first person he's had to explain ramen to, otherwise he might have been surprised.]

It's a noodle dish. Kind of...comfort food.

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