(open & closed) broken hearts are made for two, one for me and one for you

[invinciblemikey]

Who: manjiro & you
Where: through aldrip for the month of april
What: it's the moment previous to his snapping, enjoy him semi-sane in here...
Warnings: violence, murder, dissociation, blood, more dissociation, ego death, existential shit thanks

i hope you make it out alive. ♪

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[invinciblemikey]

(this, as far as mikey is concerned, is very, very new - for yu to be talking so much as it is happening. for him to be opening up that way. it must be hard. mikey being disconnected from his current self doesn't mean he doesn't know what happened, who he is, and how the people around him are. yu's always been a little too like him, too damn reliable to let himself be the one needing that sort of support. so, this is important in ways that both of them can see clear as day.

he sits calmly next to the other, an arm wrapping around him for comfort, support.)

... You're mourning mistakes you could have made, and the consequences that came from them, then.

(but he didn't. it's just that information overload, the scary thing about decisions. one thing doesn't go right, and something else entirely horrible can happen from it. manjiro knows that way too well.)

Doesn't knowing that you made the right call soothe you at all? ... Or are you upset that you could have done them in the first place?

[izanagis]

Did I make the right call? [He's quick to ask the question, and if Mikey searches his expression, he'll find a sharp sincerity in that small ask, as if Yu isn't sure what call he actually made.] I can't...

[For a moment, his voice catches in his throat, because it feels so sharply vulnerable, these admittances. So weak. He's supposed to be a leader, but he can't tell reality from fiction anymore. He can't pick out the details that were real, the actions he really did take. Did he kill Namatame with his own hands? Did he languish while the fog took over? Is everyone dead?

The arm around him should be grounding, but it feels like a vice, squeezing truths from him that he desperately doesn't want to admit.]

It all feels like it really happened. I can't tell what's fake anymore.

[invinciblemikey]

I know you don't want to hear this. I know what you'll think.

(how can a leader show this sort of weakness? will it change what his people think of him once he comes out asking for help? how hopeless are they if their leader's head isn't in the right place? if he's vulnerable like this, if he's weak. mikey'd rather die than do what he is about to tell yu to do, but nevertheless, manjiro can't help. he wasn't there to sort through what he thinks, what truly went down.

but yosuke was.)

... But you have to talk to Yosuke, if you're not trusting your own mind. He was there, wasn't he? He should be able to tell you what happened.

[izanagis]

I know, [he says softly, eyes lowered at the admission.

Here is where the two of them differ: Mikey's tendency to obscure the truth, to present his strength and hide the rest, versus Yu's commitment to his own honesty. He trusts his team with his life, Yosuke most of all, and while they've never seen the ugly yellow-eyed side of him that he's sure exists, they've all seen him at his very weakest, at the moments of his deepest hurt. To be so vulnerable like this is uncomfortable, and it makes his soul squirm to be seen. But he knows, he knows, that this is where his true strength comes from, and that hiding himself away means he would never be able to access it.]

I will. Just, [His head hurts, all the thoughts and problems in it, and it's exhausting, and he's here, now. And in the end, it doesn't matter if it'll actually fix anything -- everything has been going and going and going, happening so much at a frenetic pace that, for now, he just needs to stop.

He tips his head, resting it on the other boy's shoulder.] --in a little while.

[invinciblemikey]

(two types of leadership.

manjiro gets his strength from how his people get his strength from him. he's a force of nature, a presence that is too great to be ignored, and one who picks at each issue, each burden, and makes them his own - but his burdens are his alone. in fact, after this, he'll find his memories around this house, and quietly sit and cement them in his poor, fragmented brain. alone, or with yu for company, but either way, he has never asked for help from nothing, no one - and his heart breaks a little that yu is in this situation right now, even if they see it differently.

so, all he can do is press the gentlest kiss to the top of the other's head, pulling him closer into an embrace.)

I got you for this little while.

[izanagis]

[I got you.

It's those three little words that finally get him to relax, though he'd never admit it aloud; in a way, it's hard to tell whether he consciously knows that it's those words that finally ease the resistances in him. They are both so fragmented right now, and it's so selfish to lean on him right now, Yu knows that, but--

--flatlining. she never did anything wrong, and yet in the end it's her small hand that's gone cold, and they all part with the fewest words possible because the scar of that loss is so deep, and he's not sure if he can bear to set foot in that little town ever again--

--but right now it hurts so much just to think.

Eventually, he'll have to sort it all out. And he will. He always does, somehow. But the shock is too fresh, so for right now--]

Thanks.

[He leans into the embrace, knowing full well that that one small words doesn't even come close to encompassing the gratitude he has for the other boy, right now.]

[invinciblemikey]

(there's no answer to the gratitude, because instead, there's action. his lips press against the boy's temple, and gently, he'll lower him to rest his head on his lap, removing his toman uniform jacket to place on him for warmth - considering manjiro runs at a space heater temperature, it should give him some sort of comfort, he hopes. there's nothing he can say, nothing at all, but there's perhaps no need for it.

perhaps all yu needs is for him to be there, and he won't go anywhere for now. his small hand caresses yu's short strands, as he gives a little sigh.

he couldn't ever shoot this man, could he?)