[ This was bound to happen, wasn't it? They could exist well enough in the same space, speak of things other than what separated them, continue some good regard from a shared history so long as they were polite about it. But this? This feels like a breaking point. He lets his hands fall to his sides, though the expression with which he's staring at her is as though he's still grasping onto her, brow furrowed, mouth pressed into a deep frown. ]
Come with you where, Marianne? To search for our friend? Or to pray? Because you already know where I'm going.
[ He twists his head to the side, staring once again up at the sky peeking through the top of the building, among fallen pillars and piles of lumber. ]
I had a vision of you, you know. I'm sure you'll think that's some product of sin too.
[ Marianne gets a sinking feeling in her chest when Claude appraises the staircase. He would damn himself if he continued down this path, so why? ]
Don't do this.
[ Her expression falters, fear in her eyes. Behind her newfound confidence, if she peeled back the illusion of comfort her faith gave her, there has always been fear. The priestess' warnings in her ear left no room for believers to doubt. She had a place she belonged. To become a cast out and return to her painful childhood days frightened her more than the end of the world.
She shuts her eyes, shaking her head. A last plea spilling from her, poisoned by the cult's teachings. ]
Those visions are lies. Temptations. You mustn't let them take you. I don't know who it is you saw, but it couldn't have been me.
[ The truth is she had seen him, too, but now she pretends not to see. In another life, Marianne would have followed him into hell. Now she turns her back to him, unable to watch. ]
[ That reaction is more telling than anything else she could say. She doesn't dismiss him as having been in some sort of drugged or drunken stupor, doesn't deny the existence of visions outright, doesn't tell him that he has just succumbed to some madness. No. She says only that they're temptations.
That leaves one answer clear in his mind: she's seen them too. He can see what distress she's in, but Claude has never been one to let others' distress stop him from what he wants, and what he wants now, what he's wanted ever since he discovered his whole life was a lie, is the truth.
He goes very, very still. ]
Hunh. So you've seen them too. [ His eyes narrow, looking at her as though he can see right through her. ]
Temptation is a funny way of putting it. I didn't see anything any person in their right mind would want to run towards. Rather, the temptation would be to flee. But if you found it tempting... what is it that you saw, Marianne?
[ Marianne replies curtly, only digging her heels in. She had merely parroted the words of the priestess back to him, assuming whatever he saw was the cause of his stubborn behavior to uncover the cause of the disturbances. Curiosity getting the better of him.
She doesn't want to think about the other her in that memory. A woman who was so unhappy - how could it tempt her? She is content with her life in Aldrip. It's where she belongs, and it's easier to bury her doubts than it is to work through the confusion.
Still, his words dig into her and Marianne finds herself turning the question around to deflect the subject from herself. That she would try to debate him at all would, in another life, have shocked herself. ]
Why is it that you lack faith, Claude? What good is there in chasing the emptiness? Are you perhaps dissatisfied with the life you've led that you would seek another?
[ It comes out more icy than he means for it to, more honest. But it's truthful too. Some days, he doesn't know why he's still here in this little place where everyone knows everyone, where the entire world seems to know of his father's shame, where he cannot escape the reputation dogging at his heels. Everything here is so small, so without ambition. So why is he still here?
Perhaps because he and Marianne aren't so different at the end of the day. They're both afraid of what lies beyond their little worlds, and have responded to it in very different ways. But at least Claude can look unflinchingly in the mirror and admit he's a coward, he thinks to himself, instead of surrounding himself with convenient lies. ]
Chasing that vision would be different. I refuse to believe that all that was was emptiness. I'd think that you of all people would be sympathetic to the idea that everything is happening as it is for a reason.
[ Which is to say: yes. Yes, he's unhappy. But that's neither here nor there. ]
[ Marianne refuses to look at him but she listens, albeit with the long-suffering patience of someone pitying him for his choices. She knows his distress. Shortly after she had lost her parents, the town had felt too small and isolating. If she had seen an out, she might have fled.
But then she had met Astralin. She had met the Priestess. Claude is lost like she was then, chasing comfort in empty relationships and now the unknown. ]
I've found my place. I'm sorry you think you've lost yours, but you can't fill the void by fleeing. It comes from inside. [ She sounds genuinely saddened on his behalf, for what it's worth. ] If nothing will change your mind, I only pray it brings you what you seek.
[ She has to believe the world isn't crumbling, because that would mean everything's she's found is lost. She'll remain here until the light swallows Aldrip, whether that means salvation or oblivion. ]
I didn't lose my place, Marianne. I never had it in the first place. And I hope that by the time you realize the same, it's not too late.
[ Immoveable object, meet unstoppable force. They're never going to see eye to eye. They certainly won't now, not here, not when the world seems to be crumbling around them, only reaffirming both Marianne's faith and Claude's distinct lack of it. His sigh rumbles deep in his chest as he turns tail, away from Marianne. ]
Do what pleases you. Pray for her return, I suppose. But no god is bringing her back, so I'm going to do the sensible thing and go look for her.
[ Marianne shakes her head sadly, dismissing his words. Unfortunately for Claude, she's too far gone in her denial. ]
...This is goodbye then. I sincerely hope you'll find what you're looking for.
[ Whether that is Miss Joann or his place in the world. Though the look in her eyes says she doesn't think he will.
The emptiness only seems to expand to swallow Claude. The idyllic Aldrip she knew shattered, and the world crumbling down on them, all she can do is pray. ]
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expiationlogs2024-03-09 08:37 am
no subject
Come with you where, Marianne? To search for our friend? Or to pray? Because you already know where I'm going.
[ He twists his head to the side, staring once again up at the sky peeking through the top of the building, among fallen pillars and piles of lumber. ]
I had a vision of you, you know. I'm sure you'll think that's some product of sin too.
no subject
Don't do this.
[ Her expression falters, fear in her eyes. Behind her newfound confidence, if she peeled back the illusion of comfort her faith gave her, there has always been fear. The priestess' warnings in her ear left no room for believers to doubt. She had a place she belonged. To become a cast out and return to her painful childhood days frightened her more than the end of the world.
She shuts her eyes, shaking her head. A last plea spilling from her, poisoned by the cult's teachings. ]
Those visions are lies. Temptations. You mustn't let them take you. I don't know who it is you saw, but it couldn't have been me.
[ The truth is she had seen him, too, but now she pretends not to see. In another life, Marianne would have followed him into hell. Now she turns her back to him, unable to watch. ]
no subject
That leaves one answer clear in his mind: she's seen them too. He can see what distress she's in, but Claude has never been one to let others' distress stop him from what he wants, and what he wants now, what he's wanted ever since he discovered his whole life was a lie, is the truth.
He goes very, very still. ]
Hunh. So you've seen them too. [ His eyes narrow, looking at her as though he can see right through her. ]
Temptation is a funny way of putting it. I didn't see anything any person in their right mind would want to run towards. Rather, the temptation would be to flee. But if you found it tempting... what is it that you saw, Marianne?
no subject
[ Marianne replies curtly, only digging her heels in. She had merely parroted the words of the priestess back to him, assuming whatever he saw was the cause of his stubborn behavior to uncover the cause of the disturbances. Curiosity getting the better of him.
She doesn't want to think about the other her in that memory. A woman who was so unhappy - how could it tempt her? She is content with her life in Aldrip. It's where she belongs, and it's easier to bury her doubts than it is to work through the confusion.
Still, his words dig into her and Marianne finds herself turning the question around to deflect the subject from herself. That she would try to debate him at all would, in another life, have shocked herself. ]
Why is it that you lack faith, Claude? What good is there in chasing the emptiness? Are you perhaps dissatisfied with the life you've led that you would seek another?
no subject
[ It comes out more icy than he means for it to, more honest. But it's truthful too. Some days, he doesn't know why he's still here in this little place where everyone knows everyone, where the entire world seems to know of his father's shame, where he cannot escape the reputation dogging at his heels. Everything here is so small, so without ambition. So why is he still here?
Perhaps because he and Marianne aren't so different at the end of the day. They're both afraid of what lies beyond their little worlds, and have responded to it in very different ways. But at least Claude can look unflinchingly in the mirror and admit he's a coward, he thinks to himself, instead of surrounding himself with convenient lies. ]
Chasing that vision would be different. I refuse to believe that all that was was emptiness. I'd think that you of all people would be sympathetic to the idea that everything is happening as it is for a reason.
[ Which is to say: yes. Yes, he's unhappy. But that's neither here nor there.
]
no subject
But then she had met Astralin. She had met the Priestess. Claude is lost like she was then, chasing comfort in empty relationships and now the unknown. ]
I've found my place. I'm sorry you think you've lost yours, but you can't fill the void by fleeing. It comes from inside. [ She sounds genuinely saddened on his behalf, for what it's worth. ] If nothing will change your mind, I only pray it brings you what you seek.
[ She has to believe the world isn't crumbling, because that would mean everything's she's found is lost. She'll remain here until the light swallows Aldrip, whether that means salvation or oblivion. ]
no subject
[ Immoveable object, meet unstoppable force. They're never going to see eye to eye. They certainly won't now, not here, not when the world seems to be crumbling around them, only reaffirming both Marianne's faith and Claude's distinct lack of it. His sigh rumbles deep in his chest as he turns tail, away from Marianne. ]
Do what pleases you. Pray for her return, I suppose. But no god is bringing her back, so I'm going to do the sensible thing and go look for her.
no subject
...This is goodbye then. I sincerely hope you'll find what you're looking for.
[ Whether that is Miss Joann or his place in the world. Though the look in her eyes says she doesn't think he will.
The emptiness only seems to expand to swallow Claude. The idyllic Aldrip she knew shattered, and the world crumbling down on them, all she can do is pray. ]