expiationlogs | ★ AUG. (CATCH ALL); i made knives outta broken ribs. i will be the one to eliminate you

❝

I hardly know you, I think I can tell. These are the reasons I think that I'm ill.

❞

❝& birds were singing to calm us down.❞
• cw: hallucinations, paranoia & voices

'what's happening?'
'did you see that? just now.'
'they're watching you.'
'watching.'

( a staggering breath escapes her chest as she forces her feet to take yet another step. it must be her mind playing tricks on her again. because no one can just phase out of existence and back again. it's physically impossible unless some arcane talent is involved. and as far as jinx is aware, the locals are as magicless as they come. )

'where is she going?'
'is she stupid?'
'they're watching you.'
'look around you.'

Shut. Up.

( she hisses an order to the others through her gritted teeth. her fists are hard and tight like rocks at her sides as she pushes forward. her heart is hammering and thundering in thumps, but she is doing her best to ignore it. if she can just make it to her little hideout in the forest in one piece, all of this will be over. it'll be over because she will be with her weapons and they've always been in great company to her whenever things... get like this. usually. sometimes. okay, half the time.

jinx nearly jumps out of her skin when she hears a twig snap into two nearby -- a quick swift to her left and all ready to attack. but what she sees is a deer, but not... just an ordinary deer. a creature with three eyes and horns so abnormally long and jagged that she knows for sure it'd end her life if it made any contact with her body. is that animal real? she had never seen one waltzing around in the village before. or maybe she just hadn't been paying that much attention? )

'it can feel you. '
'it knows... '
'it knows what you've done. Jinx.'
'death will always follow you... '

( it's like right on cue, the deer's head tips back and slips off its own body. the head thuds heavily by its hooves and yet somehow still stands before her majestically; undaunted. in a flash, jinx squeezes her eyes shut to block out the imagery -- her hands covering her face for good measure. 'it's not real. it's not real.' she tells herself, she even hits the side of her temple with the bottom of her palm to try and knock some logical sense into that stupid brain of hers. but when she removes her hands and opens her eyes again, enforcers are circling around her with their ghostish stares. her muscles tenses and her nostrils flare in rage, it's because of them this is all happening. it's always been them destroying every little aspect of her life. but when she takes a step, they take several -- they close in so quickly that she trips over her own two feet to the ground.

is it her imagination or are the enforcers growing larger in size? they seem to be towering over her inch by inch and she feels as if she's sinking. wait. with eyes widen in fear, jinx shoots a rapid look underneath her -- the green grass now pitch black and sticky. and whenever she attempts to move, the goop only clings to her legs that much tighter. )

No. Nonono, let me go. Please! — Please let me go!!

( jinx thrashes in sheer panic and more or less in tears -- she wants to scream, but her cries are getting drowned out by the crows screeching in distress overhead.)

'i'm sorry... i can't watch this. '
'help us!! '
'you're not a fighter. you're a disgrace!'
'you will get punished for what you've done to us.'
'ha ha ha, you're pathetic!!'
'cursed.'
'stupid'
'everyone hates you'
'look at you.... worthless, weak.'

( she's becoming more submerged to the black gooey-like abyss and there's nothing she can do to stop it. is this the end? it was stupid of her to believe she could be free from the dead, from their anger, and their groans. she thought she was giving them peace -- a lifetime away from the pain and hurt that the world seem to cast over them. ... but it doesn't seem to matter now, doesn't it? no matter where she goes, death will always follow her. )

( OOC: so anyway. what's actually happening is jinx is lying on the ground and somehow wrapped herself in her own braids when she tripped. and now she is thrusting around and hyperventilating. fun. but yes this prompt is semi-closed, meaning jinx + whoever replies to this first. i'm also open to do a 3 way thread/tag too if one extra person wants to join in on this. just let me know over @ bunchew on discord or

buttlet )

[ First he's heard random voices over the charms, and now this? Ragna knows better than to trust something like this ─ especially when these particular voices belong to his little siblings, because of course it's impossible. They're not here, and even if by some miracle (curse, really) they were, they would not be calling out for him like this. Regardless, he still heads out towards the woods to investigate, if only because finding the bastard who dares to mock him by pretending to be his siblings and tearing them limb from limb might provide him some relief.

But the voices go silent before he can find the culprit, leaving him even more frustrated than he was at the start of this whole ordeal. He's almost ready to turn around and go back to the outskirts where he's made his temporary base of operations (which is a fancy way of saying "sleeping on the ground"), when he hears a scream ─ one that feels decidedly more real, more raw than anything that was going on inside his head before. Ragna doesn't even bother to stop and consider whether it really is who he thinks it is, and before he even knows it, he's already running towards the source of the cry. It doesn't take long for him to arrive at the scene and find... Jinx? Lying on the ground? A quick scan of the area tells him there's no immediate danger around, so whatever the hell is going on with her, it doesn't look like she was attacked by a monster, at least. ]

Smurfette...?

[ Forget dumb nicknames and wisecracks; it's clear this isn't the time for this kind of shit. Ragna kneels down next to the girl, catching and holding her wrists in his hands to try and keep her from trashing around (she's the biggest danger to herself like this, after all). If worst comes to worst, he can always knock her out and take her somewhere safe, but for now, he'd rather try and get through to her. ]

Jinx! Hey, look at me!

( her mind is twirling in a tornadic spins of voices and chortling. and she whimpers in desperation to just break free from anything and everything that has a hold on her. but there's one cry that's vastly different from all the rest -- someone familiar and not spitting out poisonous words or hatred. so as her eyes shoot open, her pink pupils glitter for a second or two then settles.

her face is wet from her shimmer tears and her breathing (still frantic) is now a little more in control. in panic mode still, she zips her gaze to their surroundings -- everything returning to its normal atmosphere with no questionable sounds beyond the village's usual night. jinx looks up to him again, relieved to see him, but still a little unsure if he is the real deal. )

—! ... Ragna?

( his name squeezes a little meekly; her throat somewhat hoarse from the screaming just seconds ago. )

[ Hearing his name from her, however weakly spoken, Ragna lets out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding, relief washing over him. Sure, they're not out of the woods yet, but the fact he's managed to reach her feels like a step in a good direction. He loosens his grip on the girl's wrists, hoping this will get the idea he's not trying to hurt her across. ]

Yeah, it's me.

[ He bites his lip, unsure what else he should say. It's clear as a day Jinx is distressed, but having no clue what caused it, his options of approaching the subject are limited at best. Watching her eyes dart all around like that, however, gives him some vague idea of what might be the issue. ]

There's no one else here. You're fine.

[ That's an exaggeration to be sure, since it's quite obvious she's anything but okay... but how else is he supposed to get her to calm down? All he can think of is to just reassure her that she's safe now, and whatever it was that caused her to freak out ─ whether it was the voices like the ones he heard, or a nightmare, or whatever ─ isn't going to harm her now. ]

('there's no one here?' no, that can't be right. sure, sometimes she gets all mixed up with things, but that animal was definitely there and the voices too. jinx anxiously peeks down at the grass underneath them, cautiously patting it down to make sure that it isn't that black goop in disguise. )

But that... ( she pauses and gazes up to him again, her eyes large and doe-like in which is such a contrast from how she would act and appear to be. it seems there's another side of jinx that not many newcomers realize. jinx shakes her head, trying to get a grip of the real reality and focus on her breathing for starters. )

What are you doing out here?

[ He knows that look on her face ─ the uncertainty, the confusion, the helplessness... none of these fit the Jinx he knows, however briefly. It feels so completely out of place that for a short moment, he has to wonder if he really got the right person here. ]

I─

[ Shit. What does he say to that? He doesn't want to talk about the voices that led him here; that is way too personal to bring up, and he sincerely hopes he drops dead long before the day when he's forced to talk about himself or his past comes. At the same time, he doesn't have it in him to just tell her it's none of her business like he normally would ─ not when she looks so... uncharacteristically vulnerable.

Oh, to hell with it ─ he might as well go with the truth, if as vaguely as he can. It's not like he's gonna come up with anything better anytime soon. ]

... I heard something... someone who can't be here.

[ Ragna is painfully aware he's not just answering her question, but also trying to convince himself that's the case ─ it's just impossible for anyone from his world to end up here. Not even gods can intervene with that place now, after all, so it should be safe from this bullcrap...

The man shakes his head, pushing that thought to the back of his mind. His worries can wait until Jinx is back on her feet. ]

Oh...

( her tone still quiet as a mouse as she takes one more look around for good measure. it does seem like they are alone (for now) and there are no other noise beyond themselves and nature. inhaling a quiet breath, jinx gathers up to her feet then straightening out her braids -- undoing any twists and knots from when she was swirling around in. that doe-like and somewhat child feature she had seconds before vanishes when her eyes shift up to him now. it curls distant, dark, and a little empty too. )

Forget what you saw here.

( she commands him (or attempts to) then side-steps to the right to move around him. jinx paces back to the direction of the forest, hoping this will be it of their conversation. if their partnership is meant to stay in tact, she needs to continue to hold authority and not show signs of any vulnerable. although, it might be too late for that. )

[ Ragna lets her do her thing ─ it's pretty obvious she needs a moment to get her bearings, and that's fine with him. It's a small blessing she doesn't ask any further questions about what he heard, too, but the way she looks at him now leaves him momentarily dumbfounded. The difference between this and what she was like just a moment ago is so stark, it almost feels like two entirely different people. Make it three compared to how she usually is, which only serves to confuse him even more than he already is. Before he can think too much about it, however, he's already on the move, following the girl and grabbing her arm to stop her. ]

Not so fast, princess.

[ Seems like all she's earned herself with that haughty attitude is a new nickname, because Ragna clearly has no intention of obeying her orders. ]

I'm all for going our separate ways and forgetting this ever happened, [ because he's not entirely happy with how he's handling this situation, either, ] but not before I know─

[ that you're okay, is right there at the tip of his tongue but he stops himself at the last second. What is he even doing, getting involved in someone else's crap? Even this whole "partnership" thing is nothing more than them agreeing to use each other for their respective goals until they find a way out of here. And once they do, none of what happens here will have mattered anyway─

Realizing he still hasn't finished the sentence, Ragna finally manages to spit out the next best thing that comes to mind. ]

... what the hell was all that about, anyway?!

( the grab of her arm surprises her and she quickly whips back around to him -- braids flying afterward with a shock look on her face. but the bewilderment doesn't stick around for too long as her eyes narrow darkly to him; bearing teeth like she is some kind of animal that got snagged by the leg. )

Let go of me! It's none of your business!!

( and right as she says this, jinx's attention darts off to the right of her. to ragna, there's nothing there but the open area -- but she's behaving as if there is someone beside her. )

And you're not helping! Stay out of it...!

( just... who is she talking to? )

[ Instinctively, Ragna's grip tightens on her arm in response to her yelling, but just a second later he lets her go. She's right, after all ─ it's none of his business. He has no reason trying to pry into whatever's wrong with her (the fact something is wrong isn't really in question at this point), and it would be for the best if he simply turned around and walked away. In fact, he even takes a small step backwards, like that's what he's going to do.

But he can't.

Jinx's expression from before is still on his mind, and while it's entirely possible he's simply overthinking it, her sudden change of attitude feels like she's trying to overcompensate for that earlier slip-up. How many times ─ hundreds, thousands? ─ has he missed a cry for help disguised as cruelty, violence and sheer insanity? The answer is too many, and even if he's completely off the mark this time, he can't risk making the same mistake again.

Easier said than done, though. Having absolutely no clue what's gotten into the girl (or why she's screaming at the air, for that matter), it's hard for him to figure what to do next, and for a brief moment, he simply stands there in silence. ]

... There's no one here.

[ He repeats, though this time his voice is flat, like he's simply stating a fact rather than trying to sound reassuring. But for what it's worth, he's trying a different approach and not asking about what happened anymore, since that was obviously going nowhere. ]

( no one here? jinx is a bit taken back by that and when she turns to look at her side again... it seems that he's right. whoever she was talking to just now has disappeared and left her to feel like an ass. her face sinks sour again, only this time -- appearing more embarrassed on how to go on forward from this. it helps that he no longer has a hold of her, so she wraps her arms around her small frame for a bit of comfort. )

Okay, so... whaddya want from me?

( as in, what is he expecting her to say or do. brushing it off didn't seem to work the first time, and she rather not go in too deep in what's going on with her. maybe she can come up with some light truth without the nitty gritty details. )

[ That's a great question, and one Ragna himself doesn't exactly have a ready answer to. What does he want? It's not like she owes him an explanation and he's definitely not about to start demanding one. At the end of the day, he just wants to make sure she'll be okay from here on, but hell will freeze over before he admits as much. Ragna scratches the back of his head, figuring he might as well say something to break his incredibly awkward silence. ]

... Fuck if I know. Not, uh, this?

[ That's a very helpful hint, huh. His request sounds so silly now that he's said it out loud, even he can't help but wince a little. The man waves his hand dismissively, almost as if telling her to disregard that comment as he starts over. ]

If you want someone to pretend something never happened, it'd help if you didn't do a complete 180 on them, y'know? This shit makes it kinda hard to ignore.

[ Sure, a part of him is aware that if he were in her shoes, he would absolutely storm off in a huff with zero explanation himself, so it might be hypocritical of him to say it... But he's always been better at preaching the right things instead of doing them, and it looks like it's not changing anytime soon. ]

( she scoffs off a breath she had been holding, now showing frustration all over again as she throws her arms up in the air. )

You think I could just control... this? ( whatever she means by 'this' is up to his imagination. ) — Well I got news for ya, Bud, I can't, okay?!

( the teen starts pacing back and forth in her little space, throwing more wild hand gestures as she elaborates, but also being horribly vague. leave it to someone like her who is able to do both of things at once. )

I-I can't help that somethin' happens with me and I get confused and just... — just things get outta hand for me. I can't stop it. I mean, I've tried. It doesn't always work. They talk when they wanna talk and they do what they wanna do.

Edited 2023-08-23 23:44 (UTC)

[ Her annoyance comes across loud and clear ─ and hell, Ragna can't even blame her. All of this feels like he's about to step into a one giant mess, and the most logical thing would be to back out while he still has the opportunity. But his intuition telling him that has never stopped him before, and it's unlikely to start now. Besides, he definitely wants to clarify one thing: he wasn't trying to criticize that, and more... this? Ugh, neither of them is exactly great at expressing themselves, it seems, so it's gonna be tough to get his point across. ]

That's not what I was─

[ He stops mid-sentence as what she's said actually registers in his head. Ragna gives her a questioning look, feeling like he's missing a lot of context necessary to even follow this conversation. ]

Hold up a sec. Who the hell is "they"?

(shit. even with her trying to be as vague as she can, it just brings them back to the real question at hand. who is "they"? "who" are you talking to? there's nothing "there". her heart pinches in her chest again and she shrinks with her mind continuing to race off a million miles per hour. the hisses escalates; wanting her to hurry up and solve this problem already or mocking her every word. jinx turns her back to him again -- feeling it's just easier to address this if she doesn't have a person to look at. the girl tries a different approach and when she speaks again, it's low again: )

Sometimes... people ask for advice when they need help with somethin'. But with me, I never need to look or ask for an opinion when they tell me all the time what they're thinkin'. Even when I don't ask. ( ... ) — They... don't like to shut up.

Edited 2023-08-25 22:38 (UTC)

[ ... Yeah, he's not following that at all. His first thought, as weird as it might be to some, is that she might be sharing her body with someone else, but it's not like he can sense another presence in her like he normally would, so that's probably out. Ragna heaves a sigh, closing his eyes for a brief moment. What is he even supposed to do with this information...? ]

Sounds like a pain in the ass.

[ And... that's all he has to say on the matter, apparently. Even he can tell she's uncomfortable with the subject, and whatever her damage is, it's none of his business. He has no reason nor right to pester her about it, so he'll leave it there, seeing no point in antagonizing someone who's already having a bad day. In fact, he's more than ready to move on from the topic, almost as if he wants to spare her from having to think about it further.

... Which isn't the case, of course. He's just tired of the vagueness that's leading to absolutely nothing he's interested in, anyway. ]

So... where are you headed to now?

Forest.

( short and sweet. and yes, speaking to him this way has definitely gotten easier. but with her back to him, he doesn't get to see her teeth still pulling on her lower lip as she debates with herself. if she... lets him in a little more, it would put his loyalty to the test. if he bolts, then she knows where he stands and can do what's necessary to "return the favor". )

... Talk to a chick named Vi. She might can give ya some straight answers if her head isn't as fat as her hands. Sometimes it depends on the day for her.

[ Does he want to get answers to this? That would mean getting himself knee-deep in... whatever "this" actually is. Even if by some miracle he figures out what's going on in this girl's head, where would that lead him? What would he even do with that knowledge, besides taking it to his grave? It's for the best if both of them know as little about each other as possible; that way, it's easy to keep this relationship strictly business-like and move on once they're done with the other side. Wasn't that the agreement in the first place...?

Despite all those questions going through his head at a pace he's not exactly used to, Ragna doesn't seem to mind that he's basically talking to her back right now; it makes matters a lot less awkward for both of them, so why not? It's actually a blessing in disguise as far as he's concerned. ]

... Your sister.

[ Having no real frame of reference as for what their relationship is, Ragna states that in a simple, matter-of-fact tone. States, not asks, because he's already been told who they are to each other. At the same time, there is an unusual timbre to his voice that certainly wasn't present there before. He knows, more than anyone perhaps, just as important the relationships between siblings truly are, and at the same time, understands just how easily they can become a complete mess. ]

Bingo! My good ol' big sis.

( she throws her arms up over her head, a stretch then her fingers clasp together behind her head. jinx grants him a look to him over her shoulder, a smile is there but it's not shining bright like it usually would. )

Be hard to miss her, really. She's "Miss Popular" around these parks, I think. ( a light pause. ) — Gotta admit, I'm a lil' curious what she'll say about it. Is she gonna beat around the bush or mimic her unfavored cupcake?

( jinx is fully aware she is yammering on about something ragna knows so little information about, and perhaps that's a good thing. getting mix in with her and her personal life is bound to make everything complicated. )

[ Oh boy. Naturally, Ragna still has no way of knowing what exactly went down between the sisters, but Jinx's response is enough for him to make an educated guess there's a lot of history there, and it's not necessarily all sunshine and rainbows. He does have a lot of experience in this area, after all, for better or worse. ]

So I've heard. [ Judging by a certain someone assuming he knew her, despite the fact he'd never even heard of the girl at that time. He pauses for a brief moment, before adding what should be obvious at this point: ] You do realize none of that makes any sense to me, right?

[ She probably does and doesn't care. Whatever. He's still not entirely sure what ─ if anything ─ he's going to do with all this information, but before he decides how to handle that, he needs her to answer one more question. ]

... You sure you're okay with me talking to her, though? Just a moment ago you were all "forget it ever happened" and shit.

[ If she still insists on him keeping quiet about this little... episode of hers, he can agree to respect her wishes, if nothing else. If not... that actually makes things more complicated for him, since he'll need to make the decision on how to proceed himself. ]

Ooooh hooo hooo, yeaaaaah. ( she says with a chuckle before adding on further: ) But then I thought about it.

( her head cocks a little to the side while rocking back and forth on her heels. the girl lifts up a leg then does a spin, back now facing him and her gaze returning to the forest ahead of them. )

We're partners. And sometimes in order to work together, we gotta understand a lil' bit about each other. But I ain't that great with... yankin' on about certain junk, so it's best to hear it from someone else.

We can call this the "final-seal-the-deal". Don't like what ya hear? You can skidaddle.

[ Is that how it works? He sure as hell doesn't want anyone trying to pry into his personal business, let alone "understand" him (like that's even possible). Ragna realizes he actually liked the "pretend it never happened" route much better, but if she's encouraging it, then... honestly? He has no idea how to handle all this. He'll need to sleep on it, and then figure out if he's really gonna look for this "Vi" person to discuss all this mess. ]

... If you say so.

[ He pushes this conundrum to the back of his mind, focusing on here and now. While Jinx seems more or less back to her usual, eccentric self, Ragna still hesitates to just leave her be. At the same time, he doesn't know what he could even accomplish by sticking around, so he just... awkwardly crosses his arms on his chest, struggling to come up with something that could provide him with a hint for what to do. ]

So... what're you gonna do now?

Gonna check on an ol' friend of mine. He's probably whining about being cooped up in a tree with the yakker jaws.

( with her hands set on her hips and head high, she marches forwards. but although she is walking away, that doesn't necessarily stop her from blaring out to him. )

Don't think I'm not comin' back for you 'cuz I am!!

( "coming back for him"? what does that even mean? it sounds like a threat than a friendly gesture. but for jinx, sometimes friendly gestures are threats and threats are friendly gestures. )

[ Once again, he has no idea what the hell she's talking about... though he recalls her saying she has some talking weapons (?), so maybe that's the "friend" she's referring to. Well, either way, she seems back to her usual self for the most part, so Ragna figures she should be fine from here on. Jinx definitely comes off as a kind of girl who can take care of herself, and it's not like he's her babysitter anyway, so there's no point in trying to follow her. Whatever all this crap was about, it's over and each of them can move on with their own life, separately.

... Though what she said about asking her sister for details still lingers on his mind. ]

Suit yourself.

[ Ragna doesn't even want to think about what she could possibly mean with that last comment, but he figures that's for the future him to worry about. For now, it looks like things are back to normal for both of them, and they can each go their own way. ]

Guess I'll see you around, Smurfette.

Yeah-huh! Don't get eaten while you're out here, I'll be crazy mad.

( she giggles, giving him a friendly wave before skipping right off into the forest. luckily for her, her little hideout isn't too far out and it's a quick climb up and check. but all in all, things does seem like everything is back to normal with her. ... until the next episode and who knows when that will be. )

★ AUG. (CATCH ALL); i made knives outta broken ribs. i will be the one to eliminate you

(SEMI-CLOSED); GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT —; FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE.

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cw: voices.

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🎀