expiationlogs | june catchall (open!)

Entry tags:

june catchall (open!)

Who: Shinji! and! you!
Where: various
What: ya boy shinjiro, man about town (feat. brunch, Axe Swinging, and misc tdm-inspired loitering)
Warnings: nothing yet

cooking mama sequel

[While he doesn't actually live in the inn anymore, Shinji is here at the inn today, helping himself to the kitchen as the locals so generously allow him to. Things have been weird? He remembers passing out and waking up somewhere else entirely (or: he was kidnapped to the grove, and unconscious throughout), and while he was out, it seems like a bunch of people had a strange and uncomfortable time.

So!

Well. All Shinji knows to show empathy is making food and punching, and one of those isn't really viable, and the other one he's only doing so that he doesn't have to think about the implications of being mysteriously kidnapped. All this to say he is at the inn, in the kitchen, making Food. He's both very skilled and weirdly fast at food preparation, so there is a lot, and since he lives on a farm with a bunch of egg-laying chickens, primarily it's Brunch.

If you come in looking for a nibble, he immediately snaps:]

Don't touch that. [And then just as immediately, prepares a delightful brunch plate and slides it over a countertop.] Eat this. And don't complain about it, okay?

[Complain... about free brunch... He can't just give out food normally or someone might notice he has Human Empathy.]

axe you a question

[Or: The training arc prompt, because if sleeping with a big axe next to his bed doesn't deter magical shadow kidnappers, he'll just have to... stop sleeping and swing it around all the time?

Whatever. He's workshopping it. He's never really, um, trained before, is the thing— not formally? Not really? His bestie is the training-addicted jock, Shinji is merely a tank with a big axe. So while he is here, at the random spot he's chosen to train in (somewhere with less foot traffic, see, is the sole requirement), he has no planned routine.

Or even, like. Stretches? Do people stretch? Goddamn. It's warm out but he's dressed like it's winter and he's carrying a big axe, which might not be the most comforting of figures to be addressed by, suddenly:]

Hey. You. ....Do you know how to fight? [hm, well, no, and he frowns because now it's embarrassing-] Do you know how to train.

misc around town mini prompts

[You may run into Shinji:

A. Loitering in the statue garden, where he will be staring at his own statue with an air of obvious and grim Sulking, suspiciously fist-sized rock in hand at his side... ah jeez...!!

B. Not-quite-celebrating at ....the post-event celebration, that is to say, lurking to pick up some food and then disappearing again. He gruffly brushes off any local trying to rope him back in, using the logic that he definitely just slept through the whole thing so please leave him the hell alone this time, but as it starts to get darker he's definitely hanging around as a self-appointed Party Bouncer in case anything out there gets any ideas. Or in case someone in the party starts some shit.

C. Out in the woodsy areas that need replanting, crouched down next to a hole in the ground with a seed in hand. A magic seed. He's literally seen a fairy but he still feels the need to ask,] ....This isn't for real, right?

wildcard/etc

[wriggles back in from my hiatus, hello.... hmu via pm or at jojoveller if you would like a custom starter, we can hash something out!! or: do whatever, surprise me.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Will Shinji ever complain about his wants being ignored... who can say. Probably not, but that's a #selfesteemproblem for later. To wit: he merely hums in grim resignation, for this spa trip he'll never actually have to be forced onto. How unpleasant...

At least this take on the current massage is much more palatable, thanks.]

Well, she's rich... [but hold on, they What--] You wore a maid outfit into Tartarus?

[Why.]

Yeah!

[As if that is completely normal and not at all weird? Keep up, Shinji.]

I got them for all of us. The girls, anyway. They actually were pretty good for armor? Maybe it's 'cause the Shadows were distracted.

[It's impossible to tell from the bright tone of her voice whether she's joking or not.]

[girlie why]

I don't think Shadows get distracted by... that kind of thing.

[Anyway, great news! He hates this conversation now! Let's talk about anything else!! Watch as he sits in silence for a beat too long to think of any given Other Topic--]

So how was the Culture Festival, anyway. [he's so interested in school functions. tell him.]

[She giggles a little bit, amused by his answer but letting him have it. Whatever the reason, it worked perfectly fine and was funny to boot.]

It got canceled, actually. [She keeps up the pressure on his shoulders.] There was a typhoon. I got sick after getting caught in the rain, so even if it had been held, I wouldn't have been able to go... I still had to help with cleanup, though. Junpei and Yukari were... you know.

[Themselves.]

Edited (train tag betrayal) 2023-06-09 23:42 (UTC)

I know.

[Themselves. Of course they were. Shinji pauses to try and, like, conjure up some kind of emotion about festivals and missing them for one reason or another-- he kind of can't. Still hanging around despite not coming to school was never because he secretly really wanted to be in a bunch of clubs, or anything, and besides, when he finally came back to SEES, it was...

Well, to get his affairs in order. To make sure Aki would be fine, and Ken could hold his own, and the others would eat real food and not do anything too stupid. It wasn't to come back, and certainly not to school.

But that's kind of a downer! He'll think about it later.]

Sounds like a pain.

[Yeah. Even if Shinji had only really known them for about a month, their personalities make them pretty unique. Then again, she guesses hers does, too! Maybe that's why she gets along so well with them, just like sometimes it's nice to do something a little quieter and just chat with Shinji.]

I didn't mind. It was fun to hang out with everyone, at least!

[Sure, the chores part sucked, but now more than ever, without them here, it's moments like that she can treasure. But thinking about that too hard is! too sad!! So she won't.]

It would've been nice if we could have walked around together, though. [She gently tugs on his arm, trying to straighten it out and move it in another vain attempt to loosen the muscle.] Like Sanada-senpai and I walked around the summer festival, you could've come to the Cultural Festival! I'd have let you in.

[Come to school for the special events only... yes.]

Maybe once the clubs really get started, we could do something like that here...

I'm busy that day.

[Badum-tsh, he's got jokes, but also he's got a powerful aversion to attending any festivals unless someone points a gun at him again. It's nice and fuzzy that she would have snuck him in at school, don't get him wrong, that's... that does help.

But god, a whole-ass festival. Only if he can win some goldfish.]

Besides, don't they have enough parties here, already? [shinji there were two] We can walk around together whenever.

[A joke?? From Shinji?? Delivered in his usual deadpan way, but still, it makes her snort a small laugh and lightly bonk the back of his head with her free hand in "punishment."

But still, it's nice that he'd just walk around with her whenever. It softens the smile he can't see, anyway. Now if only they had a dog to walk together...]

I seem to remember somebody hosting a party of his own before. I think I even remember him having fun.

[Who could that be... a mystery. She slowly lowers his arm and takes a step back.]

How's that feel? Any better?

[Wow, bonked! He scoffs- fair hit, okay okay- and shifts to glance at her over his shoulder. The other shoulder that isn't a mess, specifically...]

You know why that's different.

[He knew those dorks, he had to make sure they could take care of themselves, he needed some tangible proof they would be okay in the end-- whatever! At least one of these reasons isn't kind of depressing, which is a win.

It's much easier here to just... hand people food without an Occasion. He's handling it deftly.

He rolls his shoulder, then swings his arm a bit. It's still a touch sore, but not like it was. Who would have guessed self care works, wow.]

....Yeah. Guess you really did learn something. Thanks.

Mmhm.

[Knowing doesn't excuse him from being teased, though. If he made more friends here, he could do the same thing-! But even she knows that's easier said than done where Shinji is concerned, and she's happy enough that he has some people he can talk to other than her.

It's right there on her tongue. She could tell him that maybe someday he'll get to see the others again for himself. But he hasn't shown any desire to ask, and... well, there's still no guarantee.]

You should stretch it out every day, probably. Little by little.

[High praise from Shinji... she learned something... She smiles, but it's distracted, still trying to decide,]

Do you wanna talk about stuff...? Or just work out?

["Stuff."]

[He's absolutely not going to ask about everyone else, or himself, or any of that at all; he's got about 4 complexes layered over a generous helping of the mortifying ordeal of being known about all of that, after all. He barely made it through looking at that picture of the others she suddenly got, how could he just... ask things.

So. Complexes. Hell, he has a complex about this thing right now, 'every day, little by little,' as if the very idea of continuing to stay in this place and improve himself is alien and undeserved. Little by little, huh— well, maybe.

He rubs the shoulder for a moment, to fill the silence with an action, at least. Stuff. Urgh. Unfortunately for Shinji, his many complexes about asking himself don't stand up to being asked very well. At least Kotone doesn't punch him in the face about Stuff--]

What's on your mind?

[Someday, she wishes he could see himself the way she does -- he's someone who'd made an awful mistake when they were a kid and never stopped punishing himself for it after, a strong, reliable senpai she can always count on, no matter what; he's her friend. A guy who cares deeply about others, but doesn't always know how to show it very deftly.

Anyway, it's not about what's on her mind so much as what's on his mind.]

The things that happened back home. Everybody back home.

[She clasps her hands behind her back and takes a few steps around to face him, gazing up at him with an expression he should know well; it's an expression of patience, of curiosity, but beneath it, maybe, there's a little nervousness, too, like she's not certain if she should be asking.]

Why it was different.

[Or... he could do An Pushup.]

Oh. Then no.

[Cue audience laugh track, oh, that Shinji-! He'd still rather bury himself at sea than get it into it about why taking care of the team at home was different. Maybe there's still time to book it straight to the ocean--

Or he could shut his eyes and sigh, like it's the biggest ask in the world to give him that look and want to know his answer. It's up there. Top ten asks.]

You're not gonna like the answer, [he says after a moment, because he's certain she won't; sure, there's not not a part of his return to SEES based in some stupid affection for the rest of the team. He wouldn't have made them that dinner, or helped Fuuka make any passably real food if that weren't the case, but that part really isn't so different from marching into the inn to make breakfast for strangers in this place, is it?

So, well.]

It's not because I secretly loved the whole team so much, or any of that sappy shit. [only about 5% like that,] I just had to make sure Aki and Ken would be okay without me. Never planned on sticking around.

[Yeah, okay, she expected the refusal. It's almost kind of a relief, in a way? Kick the can down the road a little bit longer, push Later to -- well, later.

So when he sighs and relents, she blinks with more than a little surprise, but doesn't interrupt to do more than sit down on the stump beside him and listen. Her lip quirks up a little, not entirely believing that it wasn't at least 10% affection for Akihiko and Mitsuru, at least, but once again she stays quiet to let him talk.

"Never planned on sticking around," though, huh...? If only she could be surprised by that answer. A lot of times when she'd spoken to him, late into the night about nothing at all important, it had had an air of finality. It hadn't made what had happened in October any easier, but...]

Why not?

[For all his griping, he'd enjoyed his time together with the team. She has to believe that.]

[He gives her a sidelong look for that one, wondering if this is some convoluted plot to make him actually verbalize the worst parts of himself in some kind of secret emotional spring trap, but that feels, um, paranoid as soon as he thinks it, so - oh. Oh, it was not enough to leave all his stuff behind in a cardboard box and ask her to take care of Aki, oh.

Hindsight, huh.]

Me sticking around... isn't how it should be. No matter what happened in October, that was going to be it for me.

[And helpfully, he wasn't going to have to talk about it in the original plan, so this is just a great twist.]

[...You know, it'd be nice to have a friend who wasn't trying to teach her about loss in some way. Maybe it's a bitter thought, but she can't help it, a surge of anger sweeping through her before fizzling out into resignation. The coughing he'd tried to pass off as nothing, the request to take care of Akihiko -- it makes sense. She'd suspected something, but... well, knowing wouldn't have made any difference.

The helplessness almost feels like December, in a way; they'd all had to come to terms with their own death, fight against the rage, the frustration, the unfairness of it all. Shinji had already done that, hadn't he? She'd had everyone in SEES to rely on. Shinji had only had himself.]

You could've told me. [Just quietly reproachful. She knows why he wouldn't, and she knows how difficult this is for him now, but she has to make sure he knows that he can trust her. With anything. No matter how hard it is to talk about.] Are you still...?

[Dying?]

[Ah, of course she would have wanted to know. Not even Aki knew the full extent of what he did to himself, because it wouldn't have helped at all— Shinji saw no reason back then to subject anyone on the team to the added burden of worrying about him and his bad choices, and he doesn't see much point in it now.

He shakes his head.]

Didn't matter. You couldn't have done anything, anyway. [This is pointedly not a reproach, just. A fact. None of them could have done anything, Shinji included.

...But he does know how it sounds, and he remembers quite well how upset Aki had been only knowing one sliver of the whole problem, so while he isn't going to swerve and apologize for not saying anything- the truth is the truth!- he does feel some kind of way about it now. He shifts, tapping her on the shoulder and then holding out his arm, if she would like to get in here during this cool discussion of inevitable death. Pretend this is an exercise for his arm.]

....And, [is he dying, oof,] I don't know. Everything feels the same as it was.

[Very cool talk, very Persona 3, but she does shift in beneath his arm. He's a little too broad for her to try to reciprocate without it being awkward and weird, so she just tucks her hands in her lap and rests her head against his chest with a quiet sigh.]

You wouldn't have had to do it all alone, though.

[Again, she gets it! More than he realizes, probably, considering her own situation. It's different for her, though -- everyone forgot her. It wasn't their fault, it's just, well. They forgot. It'd be weird for someone who's barely an acquaintance to dump all that on them.

So she just hums, face pinching a little with distress, but-- overreacting isn't going to do anything, she's learned that already. If anything, it'll just make him retreat.]

Maybe it's paused. While we're here.

[Just like her own death is for her, just hanging in limbo waiting for the inevitable.]

[Such a cool talk. Shinji doesn't answer immediately, thinking about it; even knowing how it must have sucked to be blindsided by his whole- uh, everything, it doesn't make the thought of watching them all worry about him for who knows how long any more appealing. If he had to see even one lingering sad stare, he'd have definitely snapped—]

Maybe, [he says then, instead of arguing the point about how alone anyone is when literally dying. It feels like a pretty solitary activity to him, no matter how many anguished looks he'd have gotten? Hmm.

So: maybe it's paused! Sure, why not. That, too, sounds like more than he deserves; the faint flicker of uncertain hope that he won't cough up his own lungs is in there somewhere, though. Because it hurts and it's annoying, if nothing else.]

....If it gets bad, Astralin knows healing magic. I can ask him to do something, I guess.

["Maybe" is going to have to be enough. She makes a bit of a face, because it's a cop-out and she knows it, but in the end, it's still his choice to make. She hadn't said anything with words to Aigis, either, but it had been nice to know that she was there at the end, even if no one else was.

Astralin, though... now there's a possibility. She sits up just a little bit straighter and tilts her head back, trying to look up at him. She mostly just gets chin, but you know, it's the thought that counts.]

I'd like it if you did. Ask him, I mean. I know he'd be happy to help, and you don't have to explain everything if you don't want to...

[Maybe phrasing it as something she wants is better than just a blanket recommendation of what he should do. She opens her mouth, closes it again, and looks back down at her hands.]

...Can I tell you? About what we did that night?

[If he doesn't want to talk about it, she won't force it. If he wants to push that to later, too, he can. But at least now it's on the table.]

[Maybe is perfectly fine, and it doesn't matter now, does it-- It's not like he gets to go back and redo those months over again, after all. There's no point in worrying about what he could or should have done; there's nothing to do but move on with the hand he's been dealt, even if it sucks.

But oh, what-- he glances down at her, yes this angle is terrible actually, and gives her a noncommittal hmm. Astralin doesn't ask piercing questions, it's one of his very best features in Shinji's opinion, but for something like this that would undoubtedly need repeat... treatments? Or whatever?— well, even Astralin can't not-ask-questions forever.]

....I'll think about it. If I need it.

[Which he still doesn't right now, since he's not coughing up blood...!! That's the logic. So, the other thing--]

You can tell me.

[She knocks her head against his chest, just a little bit, because what the fuck, buddy! Stop hating yourself for like, five minutes and go get healed simply so she shuts up or something!

Haha, right, because that's how that all works. She exhales through her nose and picks at her fingers. Asking Dazai for advice about this had, predictably, not been at all helpful, and it's not like Sandalphon is the chattiest of guys floating around in her heart to give her hints. She almost envies Akira, in a way -- sure, Goro's a piece of work, but Akira's left her with the impression that his Personas talked to him.

(Thanatos doesn't count.)]

It was during the Dark Hour, so... even though we rushed to get you to the hospital, we still had to wait until it ended before anyone could do anything. It was...

[Frustrating, terrifying, heartrending. If she closes her eyes, she can remember just how helpless she'd felt, trying to find the right things to do or say. As their friend, as their leader, as Shinji's friend. If she closes her eyes, he won't know how much she feels like crying as she recounts it.]

Really hard, [she finishes more quietly, fingernails digging into her opposite thumb.] We kept coming back to visit, though, when we could. I was sure you were gonna wake up soon.

[On principle he objects to that little headbutt, but he doesn't say anything. Maybe he doesn't know how to navigate any of this and he needs more time, alright, but then that invites the cyclical thinking of deserving more time or not, and-- well, and.

So. Principle. He says nothing, staring intently at the ground while she starts to explain. He doesn't know why he's agreed to this other than for her sake, so she can tell someone about it - he knows she hasn't told anyone else about this, because even if she were the type, why would she? - and so he's not sure what he should be preparing for, mentally. A laundry list of rippling aftereffects, maybe; he'd tried his damnedest to leave things well if not good, but he's wildly fallible.

At the very least, he expects to hear something about... Well, he doesn't know. The others, in more detail than "we rushed to the hospital" and "we had to wait."

Certainly not "we kept coming back to visit," which is...]

Huh?

[Sorry, what? The world tilts out of focus for a second while he processes that a second time, and a third-- visit? Wake up soon? What is she even talking about--]

I'm... asleep?

[UH,]

Edited (shh typo) 2023-06-22 04:41 (UTC)

["Asleep" sounds so much more peaceful than the reality. It makes it feel not too dissimilar to herself. Her lip quirks, just a fraction, into a humorless little smile at the thought, then she shifts a little. Not far enough to leave his arm, her knees pressing into his as she turns, but enough so she can see something other than chin, anyway.

Confusion, shock, she expects. But is he angry she didn't tell him earlier?]

Yeah. [Very softly, indecision written all over her face as she tries to read his, like she's bracing herself for something.] D'you still have your watch?

[She's just still talking, hold on, what is happening—]

It's— at the house?

[He's connecting zero dots here from the hospital to the "wake up" thing to the watch, and it's difficult for even him to tell if that's making him angry. Is it? Is he confused, absolutely, is he quite suddenly without anchor, certainly, has a particular certainty been yanked out from under him, for sure, all of those things. He's banked a not-insignificant number of justifications to himself in this place on the surety that he has nothing to "go back" to, and--

He turns his face away from her, free hand coming up to cover his face. Oh. Shit.]

That's not what I thought happened.

june catchall (open!)

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