[His heart beats for Scott, it really does — especially when a part of him does want to let him go, because Kotone and Scott has been meant to be together in times like this. They should be stronger, not hurting like this.
But Scott can’t even push him off, not in this condition, and that renews a sense of urgency in Ryoji’s part, as well.]
I would be more comfortable in being able to face her together — but can you even stand like this? Do you have the strength to walk there yourself? I’m dangerous too, Scott, and I can’t make sure that I wouldn’t end up hurting you too as I fight her back.
[Ryoji is too nice to tell Scott that he would just be a burden under his current condition.]
[It hurts a lot. Ryoji's words. Not what he said, but what he hasn't said. The implication that he'd only impede Ryoji from helping Kotone and just making the situation worse. He wants to tell Ryoji that it doesn't matter, that he'd be fine still and that their connection matters more, but has his hand continues to tremble against his wrist, like he's showing how weak he actually is right now, those words remain lodged in his throat. Logically, he knows that Ryoji is right. And the reason why he's here in the first place is because of Kotone and the wish seed's influence on her, overriding everything.
But it still hurts so much. Remaining stuck here, letting Kotone continue to roam around without support. Maybe someone else has helped her by now? Which would be good, but.
His head lowers, unable to look at Ryoji, hand slipping from his wrist and displaying a sort level of defeat that is probably rare on the mutant. He just... wants to be there for her. She's the most important person to him.]
...You're saying that I would just get in the way. [He says, quietly.]
[He flinches. Because as much as Ryoji doesn’t want to admit it, it’s the truth — it’s exactly what the concern lies in his mind, the very thing keeping him from letting Scott get back in the fray. Of course, he doesn’t think of Scott as a burden or a hindrance, but the fact of the matter is that he’s not strong enough to look after someone else. He’s not good at protecting others in battle.]
The sooner you rest, the sooner you can go back to feeling normal. And maybe you could be able to do something by then?
[His voice falters so much, once again painted with the very things he doesn’t say. Doesn’t say that someone could have handled Kotone by then. Doesn’t say that there’s nothing else Scott could have done.]
I’m…I’m sorry. If there’s a way I could heal you I would, but your wounds are too grievous for me to let you go out there. I can’t let you die.
[And that’s the most important part, above everything. Above even Scott’s own feelings on the matter.]
[Even if Ryoji had said nothing else, his silence-- that minute flinch would be enough to answer Scott's question. His hands curl atop his sheets, head still tilted downward like he doesn't want to look at his friend at all. It feels ridiculous to rest now, just so that he can maybe help later. They feel like empty words and it's not fair to Ryoji, but he can't help but feel that way. For all they know, it would be too late for Kotone.
Then quietly, voice still carrying something pained in it:]
She shouldn't have to be out there in pain because of me.
[He doesn't want her to suffer a second longer either.]
So, you go back out there, Ryoji. Just leave me here. [He's not important right now. He's at the clinic with other people looking after him. He has more important things to do now than stick with Scott.] You're wasting your time with me.
[Guilty as charged. What else can he do but prolong the silence, prolong what is necessary for him to do? And yet Ryoji doesn’t want to make Scott feel helpless at all, even if…Well. Even if there is some truth to the matter.
In the end, hands overlap Scott's faltering ones, grasping them with a faint determination.]
I will go, but only because Kotone is in more danger than both of us. But Scott — you’re not a waste of time. Please remember that.
[Scott has done all that he could, must have done something to help out with Kotone already. This rest is well-earned, not a procession of defeat. If only Ryoji could convey such feelings to his friend.]
[He looks over at their clasped hands with worn eyes, which is mostly hidden behind the visor he's wearing. Scott knows Ryoji is only trying to support him, but he can't help but silently gaze at their hands for a second before finally drawing his eyes to look at the worried teen. Scott doesn't feel much better about anything, that gnawing hopelessness and anger at himself still keeping subdued. Maybe he should try harder to be better, but he's upset with pretty much everything.
So, he doesn't directly respond to Ryoji's comment.]
I'll be fine. [So reassuring.] I'll be here when you bring Kotone back.
[He wishes he could do more. Maybe be strong enough to bring Scott with him. But he isn’t, and that would just put more risk to his life. So Ryoji swallows this hurt, and carries it with him.
Kotone would know what to do, he thinks. Once she’s back to normal.
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But Scott can’t even push him off, not in this condition, and that renews a sense of urgency in Ryoji’s part, as well.]
I would be more comfortable in being able to face her together — but can you even stand like this? Do you have the strength to walk there yourself? I’m dangerous too, Scott, and I can’t make sure that I wouldn’t end up hurting you too as I fight her back.
[Ryoji is too nice to tell Scott that he would just be a burden under his current condition.]
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But it still hurts so much. Remaining stuck here, letting Kotone continue to roam around without support. Maybe someone else has helped her by now? Which would be good, but.
His head lowers, unable to look at Ryoji, hand slipping from his wrist and displaying a sort level of defeat that is probably rare on the mutant. He just... wants to be there for her. She's the most important person to him.]
...You're saying that I would just get in the way. [He says, quietly.]
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The sooner you rest, the sooner you can go back to feeling normal. And maybe you could be able to do something by then?
[His voice falters so much, once again painted with the very things he doesn’t say. Doesn’t say that someone could have handled Kotone by then. Doesn’t say that there’s nothing else Scott could have done.]
I’m…I’m sorry. If there’s a way I could heal you I would, but your wounds are too grievous for me to let you go out there. I can’t let you die.
[And that’s the most important part, above everything. Above even Scott’s own feelings on the matter.]
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Then quietly, voice still carrying something pained in it:]
She shouldn't have to be out there in pain because of me.
[He doesn't want her to suffer a second longer either.]
So, you go back out there, Ryoji. Just leave me here. [He's not important right now. He's at the clinic with other people looking after him. He has more important things to do now than stick with Scott.] You're wasting your time with me.
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In the end, hands overlap Scott's faltering ones, grasping them with a faint determination.]
I will go, but only because Kotone is in more danger than both of us. But Scott — you’re not a waste of time. Please remember that.
[Scott has done all that he could, must have done something to help out with Kotone already. This rest is well-earned, not a procession of defeat. If only Ryoji could convey such feelings to his friend.]
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So, he doesn't directly respond to Ryoji's comment.]
I'll be fine. [So reassuring.] I'll be here when you bring Kotone back.
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Kotone would know what to do, he thinks. Once she’s back to normal.
Ryoji stands up as he prepares to leave.]
I’ll get her back, I promise.