[Shigeru can make contact, but touch may be a strong word for putting his hands on a creature that has no real mass and offers no resistance to any force. But even without his intent, the effect he has on what's around him is very real, the shade erasing whatever he reaches or whatever reaches him, even if the effect may be slow. Regardless, the yellow eyes return to Shigeru.
They would want it, he thinks, opening his mouth to say it. They would, if they knew what he really was, what he's done, what he intends to do. For those it would hurt, they'd move past it. But he stops before any of it becomes spoken aloud, brow furrowing with some surprise at the man's declaration. It disrupts his thoughts enough that doubt breaks its way into the certainty of his wish.
Could someone still want him to remain, knowing it all? He already has the proof of an answer to that question, doesn't he, even if it's only come from one as broken as him—one whom he's broken. A young man covered in his own blood, held in Onyx's arms, claiming he couldn't stand to lose his guardian despite everything. And...]
An agreement.
[His eyes lower from Shigeru's face, remembering. Not the simple promise for a night out, but the vows he made so long ago. Promises he can't go back on now, because if he did, just as Shigeru said he feels—]
It would all mean nothing, if I...
[Where the other man touches him, tiny wisps of shadow begin to rise away, leaving the shoulders underneath much more solid.]
[The shade seems to buckle suddenly, hands moving to cover his face as he moves backwards, as if he might escape the encouragement.
Resilient. As if he hadn't been resilient all his life, building his life up piece by piece even when the world kept knocking all of it down. When does he get to stand down? When does he get to stop pretending?
He knows the answer: not until he's fulfilled the vow he made. Unfortunately, because of this place, that moment is now an undefinable point in the future. He's so, so tired.]
I've been fighting for so long, [he whispers.] It was supposed to be over.
[ As Altius moves backwards, Shigeru will follow, tentative, like he's dealing with some kind of wild animal that he's afraid he's going to scare away. ]
I know. And I know it's hard and-and not fair for me to say that you have to keep fighting. But-but you don't have to do it alone. At least-at least not here...you have a lot of people who are always there to support you and-and help you.
[ Shigeru's frown only deepens. ] If you just let us...see who you are. Maybe we could shoulder some of that burden for you.
[His mind traces a line over all of those here who would "support" him. People who would abandon him in a heartbeat if they knew the truth, if they did see who he was. But he wouldn't want any of them to be burdened with his self-imposed duty. Preventing others from having to do that sort of horrible work was the entire reason he took it upon himself...]
No.
[The shade takes in an apparent breath, steadier than before but still somewhat shaky. He is exhausted, there's no denying it, but—he told himself he wouldn't rest until he was done. He has to keep going until then, no matter what. And that means—]
No.
[Some of the strength in his voice returns. But even though parts of the man are becoming visible through the fading of the shadow, he turns and lets a cloud of it envelop him. He cannot be seen. He refuses to let that happen.]
no subject
They would want it, he thinks, opening his mouth to say it. They would, if they knew what he really was, what he's done, what he intends to do. For those it would hurt, they'd move past it. But he stops before any of it becomes spoken aloud, brow furrowing with some surprise at the man's declaration. It disrupts his thoughts enough that doubt breaks its way into the certainty of his wish.
Could someone still want him to remain, knowing it all? He already has the proof of an answer to that question, doesn't he, even if it's only come from one as broken as him—one whom he's broken. A young man covered in his own blood, held in Onyx's arms, claiming he couldn't stand to lose his guardian despite everything. And...]
An agreement.
[His eyes lower from Shigeru's face, remembering. Not the simple promise for a night out, but the vows he made so long ago. Promises he can't go back on now, because if he did, just as Shigeru said he feels—]
It would all mean nothing, if I...
[Where the other man touches him, tiny wisps of shadow begin to rise away, leaving the shoulders underneath much more solid.]
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You seem like a much more resilient person than that, so I don't think giving up is in your nature or vocabulary, at least.
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Resilient. As if he hadn't been resilient all his life, building his life up piece by piece even when the world kept knocking all of it down. When does he get to stand down? When does he get to stop pretending?
He knows the answer: not until he's fulfilled the vow he made. Unfortunately, because of this place, that moment is now an undefinable point in the future. He's so, so tired.]
I've been fighting for so long, [he whispers.] It was supposed to be over.
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I know. And I know it's hard and-and not fair for me to say that you have to keep fighting. But-but you don't have to do it alone. At least-at least not here...you have a lot of people who are always there to support you and-and help you.
[ Shigeru's frown only deepens. ] If you just let us...see who you are. Maybe we could shoulder some of that burden for you.
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No.
[The shade takes in an apparent breath, steadier than before but still somewhat shaky. He is exhausted, there's no denying it, but—he told himself he wouldn't rest until he was done. He has to keep going until then, no matter what. And that means—]
No.
[Some of the strength in his voice returns. But even though parts of the man are becoming visible through the fading of the shadow, he turns and lets a cloud of it envelop him. He cannot be seen. He refuses to let that happen.]