[Kotone's eyes go wide when Phoenix puffs up, ready to throw a fireball, and reflexively, she looks behind her in search of a threat before realizing that no. Phoenix thinks she's the one putting Scott in danger, and honestly? She's not wrong. Even as Kotone raises her hands in the universal symbol for peace, she closes her eyes, bracing herself for Phoenix to spit a fireball at her. She really couldn't blame the bird for her reaction.]
I'm sorry, Phoenix. [Her voice is a quiet whisper, her eyes squeezed tightly shut as she mentally swaps Surt to the forefront of her mind. At least Surt can help her absorb some of the fire damage, even if she doesn't have her Evoker right now.]
[She screams again, wings flapping wildly as the fire in her mouth forms completely. The girl is standing there with a sad looking face, but she won't be fooled!! Her host fell for it but she won't make the same mistake! If he won't take care of himself, she will!! With another wild shriek, the bird launches the fire from her mouth, aiming it at Kotone even as the figure on the bed finally starts to rouse from his sleep from all the noise Phoenix is making.
A low noise leaves Scott, still unaware of what's going on.]
[Quickly, Kotone brings her arms in front of her face, wincing a little at the heat washing over her. It singes her clothes, but doesn't actually hurt, not with Surt in place.]
I'm sorry, I'll go, okay? [she takes a step back, because Phoenix is a part of Scott's will, isn't she? So maybe Scott doesn't want to see her. She wouldn't blame him for needing some time away from her after what happened.]
[Unsatisfied with the way she steps back (because she's not leaving fast enough!!), Phoenix flies off from the bed with a sudden flourish. Her feathers drop to the floor as she gets closer to the girl that's hiding the harp monster, until she's in range to start pecking at her with a flicker of hurt and anger in those eyes. All the while, she continues to make those horrible little noises. Go!! She will protect the boy!!
However, before Phoenix can starts getting even more aggressive, the bird suddenly vanishes in a flash of white light-- her presence now returning to the mutant that's now awake and hunched over in pain... though his eyes are fully set on her with an almost unreadable expression.]
Kotone...?
[His voice is weak, unable to gather as much strength as before. Unfortunately, it probably doesn't help with clearing up the tangle of emotions he seems to be dealing with.]
[Kotone can't help but cry out a little, still covering her face with her arms; Surt doesn't do anything against physical attacks, and while she could switch to Helel or Alilat or Orpheus to resist those, it's probably better to ward off any fire attacks, right? She blindly retreats back another few steps under Phoenix's onslaught, eyes still squeezed tightly shut, until all at once, the assault is over, and she's left slowly opening her eyes and lowering her arms.]
Scott! [She moves forward those few steps she'd gone back, but still hesitates on coming much closer. Her eyes are wide with concern and worry and trepidation, because this is all her fault. She'd done this to him. After all they'd said about staying together, protecting each other, working together as a team, she'd still smashed him into the ground, over and over again. She'd almost killed him and for what? Even now, she still doesn't really know why.] I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up... do you... um. [She stumbles, teeth worrying at her lower lip.] Do you need me to get you anything...?
[He's upset with Phoenix, for hurting Kotone. He heard those small cries, it's what really prompted him to have the bird return to him. There's a sense that Phoenix is sulking, but right now, he doesn't care about that. Because Kotone is here, she's here and saying his name--
He sees the hesitation in her movements and the reason is obvious. It's as clear as daylight why Kotone would be like this, but it doesn't stop Scott from lifting one arm towards her, like he wants her to come over.]
Y-you're you...
[Right? She's no longer Orpheus, that much is true, he can see that for himself. But why does his hand shake still? His stupid body isn't cooperating in the way it wants to. All he wants is to pull Kotone to him and wrap around her, feel for himself that she's back to normal. Feel her warmth, everything opposite compared to that metal form she had. It's just. A small part of him beats in uncertain fear, half-expecting for her to transform again and start bashing him again, until he's barely able to breath with everything fading to black.
He tells that part of him to get over it.
Kotone needs him more, right? She's the one that's looking at him with such guilt and worry and he wants that to stop. It's not her fault. He doesn't blame her at all. At least nothing in him feels otherwise about that particular thought. He could never blame Kotone for what happened to him. And... and he still wants her by his side. No matter what.]
[All he has to do is lift his arm, and suddenly Kotone's at his side, dragging the closest chair over as closely to his bed as she can manage just so she can sit right on the edge of it and carefully take his hand in hers. She'd broken his arm, hadn't she? If not his ribs, and who knows what other damage. The thought alone makes her sick, but she has to be here; as much as she'd like to say it's for him, it's really for her. She herself is only battered, a little bruised, a little sweaty and disheveled, but Orpheus' metal frame had taken the brunt of anything that could have been a real injury.]
Are you... [okay? doesn't make it past her lips, because he's obviously not. How could he be? He'd lucky she hadn't managed to kill him.] D-do you want water? Or something to eat?
[And, more softly, because she has to say it, ducking her head a little as if afraid to meet his eyes.] I'm sorry. I don't... I don't know what happened.
[He's so glad to see her come to him, like the guilt that she must be feeling isn't stopping her from seeking him out. Scott was worried about that for a second, but as she pulls the chair over to his side, he knows he worried for nothing.
Even though he hurts nearly everywhere, it doesn't stop Scott from curling his fingers into hers. At least he can move his fingers, right? Orpheus missed that part of him. And now he can fully reassure himself that she truly is warm once more, the metal skin that overtook her form fully gone. He wants to keep this close as much as possible and he likes to think that it's healing him better than any healing spell or medicine. Maybe if he keeps holding her hand, she won't transform either.
His grip feels the same as ever, though there's a shaky edge to it, a tremor he's unable to fully hide because of his recent trauma.
He's pushing it back. He can do it. He wants her to be here and reassure Kotone like all the other times she supported him. When Phoenix took over him-- the other him and killed Ryoji. She didn't pull away even though she was so upset. The least he can do is provide that same comfort, even if he's recovering on this bed.]
I just want you here. [By his side. He doesn't care about water or food right now, even though he probably needs it. Honestly he can only really think about the distraught girl next to, bypassing any bodily need that would normally tell him that he's hungry or thirsty. He just wants her.
The apology is expected and he's about to reassure her, but she's ducking her head, not meeting his eyes, and.]
...Kotone? [He starts, throat a little dry and raspy. Scott wants to tilt his body towards her, but he ends up just cringing in pain.] Look at me.
[She squeezes his hand gently in response to that tremor she could feel, as if somehow that little gesture could be reassurance. Her own hand is shaking a little, too, from anxious nerves and guilt, the fading adrenaline of having Phoenix turn on her stopping her from controlling that for Scott's sake.]
Okay, [she agrees softly, even though she will be getting him some water very shortly if his voice is really that raspy. She can start by just making sure she's there for him, whether Phoenix wants her there or not. Her thumb rubs the back of his hand gently, again in a gesture meant more for herself than for him as she takes a deep breath. She just wants to close her eyes and pretend that Scott's not hurt, but Yu and Yosuke had taught her that nothing good ever comes from doing that, right? So...
Another deep breath, and she steels herself, looking up to meet his eyes with uncertainty written all over her face.] Yeah?
[He feels the slight trembling from her own hand and Scott wants to force every part of himself to stop that on his end, because he wants to be strong for her. Yeah, lying beaten up on a hospital bed, but she's just so important to him. However, no matter how much feeling he puts into it, his hand still occasionally shakes in hers, a certain restlessness to it.
Maybe he can at least cover that up by his focus on her.
His visor centers on her face, reading the uncertainty there, so visible that he literally forces himself to push closer to her. He gasps slightly from his own movements, but he raises his mostly healed arm to her face so that he can gently cup her cheek. Another point of warmth that is soothing in so many ways, but he wants to make one thing clear.]
I... I don't blame you at all, okay? [His voice is quiet, but firm. Like he believes everything that he's saying.] It's not your fault what happened. You just lost control-- not even that. You were influenced by something else entirely.
Be careful! [she scolds gently at that gasp, though she still takes his hand, holding it there in place in case that will somehow help him not be in pain. She closes her eyes, presses her cheek into his hand, focusing on the warmth of it against her skin even as it trembles -- or maybe that's her own lips that are trembling. She can't really tell the difference.]
I-I should have been able to control it. I... [she presses her lips tightly together and sucks in a deep breath, forcing herself to open her eyes even if they burn at the edges like she's just on the edge of tears.] I love you, and I... I tried to kill you. That's all wrong.
[Even when he'd been possessed, Scott had never hurt her, not really. He'd always been able to retain that piece of himself. But she'd been so confused, so sure she'd been doing the right thing even as she screamed at herself, that... how could she really ever make up for that? How could she not be blamed for that?]
[A small, weak laugh leaves Scott at the small scolding. He doesn't want to say that he suffered through a lot more pain than this to try and be close to her when that literally just happened not too long ago. Too soon. Not to mention he'd never say something like that to her. Instead, he does his best to curl his trembling fingers against her cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin, truly just trying to soak in this simple touch.
This is familiar. Reassuring. Her transformation to Orpheus was something else entirely and just another incident that Aldrip puts on them. It's the fault of the Black Beast and Fauna's wish seeds. They can start putting all this behind them, right? He won't dream and think of Kotone beating him or how difficult it was to breathe and the moment when he thought he would actually die for once.
All of that is done with. Fully.]
You couldn't control it, no one has been able to. [He reassures her, gently stroking her cheek, not noticing the way he momentarily spaced out there. How he's been overthinking and stuck in memories. He's just been focused on Kotone this entire time, right?]
So, it's okay Kotone. The only thing to blame is the Black Beast, it caused all this. I-I still love you more than anything else.
I should've been able to, [she protests softly, closing her eyes and shaking her head. It's a tiny gesture, because his hand is still on her cheek and she doesn't want to even accidentally cause him more pain, but... she should have been able to. She lost control of her Persona around this time two years ago. She should have been prepared. Been ready.
There's a part of her that knows that it's impossible to have prepared for literally transforming into a Persona herself, but even still, she should have kept Scott from getting hurt. Somehow. Her voice breaks as she opens her eyes, trying to meet his.]
How can... how can you trust me not to do it again?
Kotone, look at me. [He'll give her a few seconds to do so, before continuing in a voice that's somehow stern, despite the condition he's in. It's like he wants to make sure she understands.] No one was able to control themselves, that's what the wish seeds did to people. You had even less control than when Phoenix controlled me-- other me. And you didn't kill me.
[Scott leaves out the part where Kotone might've actually killed him if Ryoji didn't arrive just in time. They don't know that for sure, so why bring it up? Maybe she should've stopped before the final blow, maybe not. Don't think about it. He doesn't want to think about it, it's behind them now. It feels like a mantra that he keeps repeating to himself, because that's for the best. Kotone shouldn't have to feel guilty about this-- even though he knows that's impossible for her.
He'd feel the same way in her shoes. If he lost control like that.
He just wants to ease that as much as possible. And it's not like he likes recalling those memories either. It's not often he ever feels that way with her, wanting to forget something, but she wasn't herself.]
If you can still trust me after that, why wouldn't I do the same for you?
[He might leave that part out, but she's thinking it, just the same as he is. If Ryoji hadn't been there, she might have killed him. She could have killed him. She probably would have killed him. Her face scrunches up in spite of herself, and she ducks her head again, squeezing her eyes shut as she takes a deep breath to try to compose herself.]
I don't ever wanna hurt you, [she manages, choked through gritted teeth.] Not like this, not ever. You're... you're the most important person to me.
[She'd die to protect him, over and over again. And yet... she'd still done this to him. Cupping his cheeks gently with both hands, she forces herself to look him in the eye, trying to impress her seriousness upon him.] I gotta do something to make up for it. Please?
[Maybe it's selfish, but it feels like she has to do something.]
[Something heavy lodges in his throat, but he does his best to push it down. Kotone needs him to be strong right now, right? Well, other than him being physically beaten down, but emotionally, yes. He can do that. She's the one that hurt him badly, there's no changing that, and he needs to reassure her in any way he can. It feels more important than ever.] You're the most important to me too. I love you.
[That's easy to say at least, without any hitch or doubt in his voice, letting her cup his cheeks as he looks at her through the protection of his glasses. This is one of those times he wishes that he could take them off, let her see the emotion and assurance in his eyes, but he can't. He just has to let it convey elsewhere, wanting her to read him as much as possible, when he might be trying to cover up otherwise with someone else. She's the only person that he's fully vulnerable with, they promised long ago.
He brings his hand over to one of hers, keeping it there.] I want you to take care of yourself, okay?
[...Is that not enough though? He knows how Kotone is. Probably because he'd react in a very similar way.] And stay by me. Having you near me helps.
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expiationlogs2025-03-11 10:18 am
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I'm sorry, Phoenix. [Her voice is a quiet whisper, her eyes squeezed tightly shut as she mentally swaps Surt to the forefront of her mind. At least Surt can help her absorb some of the fire damage, even if she doesn't have her Evoker right now.]
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A low noise leaves Scott, still unaware of what's going on.]
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[Quickly, Kotone brings her arms in front of her face, wincing a little at the heat washing over her. It singes her clothes, but doesn't actually hurt, not with Surt in place.]
I'm sorry, I'll go, okay? [she takes a step back, because Phoenix is a part of Scott's will, isn't she? So maybe Scott doesn't want to see her. She wouldn't blame him for needing some time away from her after what happened.]
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However, before Phoenix can starts getting even more aggressive, the bird suddenly vanishes in a flash of white light-- her presence now returning to the mutant that's now awake and hunched over in pain... though his eyes are fully set on her with an almost unreadable expression.]
Kotone...?
[His voice is weak, unable to gather as much strength as before. Unfortunately, it probably doesn't help with clearing up the tangle of emotions he seems to be dealing with.]
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Scott! [She moves forward those few steps she'd gone back, but still hesitates on coming much closer. Her eyes are wide with concern and worry and trepidation, because this is all her fault. She'd done this to him. After all they'd said about staying together, protecting each other, working together as a team, she'd still smashed him into the ground, over and over again. She'd almost killed him and for what? Even now, she still doesn't really know why.] I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up... do you... um. [She stumbles, teeth worrying at her lower lip.] Do you need me to get you anything...?
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He sees the hesitation in her movements and the reason is obvious. It's as clear as daylight why Kotone would be like this, but it doesn't stop Scott from lifting one arm towards her, like he wants her to come over.]
Y-you're you...
[Right? She's no longer Orpheus, that much is true, he can see that for himself. But why does his hand shake still? His stupid body isn't cooperating in the way it wants to. All he wants is to pull Kotone to him and wrap around her, feel for himself that she's back to normal. Feel her warmth, everything opposite compared to that metal form she had. It's just. A small part of him beats in uncertain fear, half-expecting for her to transform again and start bashing him again, until he's barely able to breath with everything fading to black.
He tells that part of him to get over it.
Kotone needs him more, right? She's the one that's looking at him with such guilt and worry and he wants that to stop. It's not her fault. He doesn't blame her at all. At least nothing in him feels otherwise about that particular thought. He could never blame Kotone for what happened to him. And... and he still wants her by his side. No matter what.]
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Are you... [okay? doesn't make it past her lips, because he's obviously not. How could he be? He'd lucky she hadn't managed to kill him.] D-do you want water? Or something to eat?
[And, more softly, because she has to say it, ducking her head a little as if afraid to meet his eyes.] I'm sorry. I don't... I don't know what happened.
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Even though he hurts nearly everywhere, it doesn't stop Scott from curling his fingers into hers. At least he can move his fingers, right? Orpheus missed that part of him. And now he can fully reassure himself that she truly is warm once more, the metal skin that overtook her form fully gone. He wants to keep this close as much as possible and he likes to think that it's healing him better than any healing spell or medicine. Maybe if he keeps holding her hand, she won't transform either.
His grip feels the same as ever, though there's a shaky edge to it, a tremor he's unable to fully hide because of his recent trauma.
He's pushing it back. He can do it. He wants her to be here and reassure Kotone like all the other times she supported him. When Phoenix took over him-- the other him and killed Ryoji. She didn't pull away even though she was so upset. The least he can do is provide that same comfort, even if he's recovering on this bed.]
I just want you here. [By his side. He doesn't care about water or food right now, even though he probably needs it. Honestly he can only really think about the distraught girl next to, bypassing any bodily need that would normally tell him that he's hungry or thirsty. He just wants her.
The apology is expected and he's about to reassure her, but she's ducking her head, not meeting his eyes, and.]
...Kotone? [He starts, throat a little dry and raspy. Scott wants to tilt his body towards her, but he ends up just cringing in pain.] Look at me.
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Okay, [she agrees softly, even though she will be getting him some water very shortly if his voice is really that raspy. She can start by just making sure she's there for him, whether Phoenix wants her there or not. Her thumb rubs the back of his hand gently, again in a gesture meant more for herself than for him as she takes a deep breath. She just wants to close her eyes and pretend that Scott's not hurt, but Yu and Yosuke had taught her that nothing good ever comes from doing that, right? So...
Another deep breath, and she steels herself, looking up to meet his eyes with uncertainty written all over her face.] Yeah?
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Maybe he can at least cover that up by his focus on her.
His visor centers on her face, reading the uncertainty there, so visible that he literally forces himself to push closer to her. He gasps slightly from his own movements, but he raises his mostly healed arm to her face so that he can gently cup her cheek. Another point of warmth that is soothing in so many ways, but he wants to make one thing clear.]
I... I don't blame you at all, okay? [His voice is quiet, but firm. Like he believes everything that he's saying.] It's not your fault what happened. You just lost control-- not even that. You were influenced by something else entirely.
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I-I should have been able to control it. I... [she presses her lips tightly together and sucks in a deep breath, forcing herself to open her eyes even if they burn at the edges like she's just on the edge of tears.] I love you, and I... I tried to kill you. That's all wrong.
[Even when he'd been possessed, Scott had never hurt her, not really. He'd always been able to retain that piece of himself. But she'd been so confused, so sure she'd been doing the right thing even as she screamed at herself, that... how could she really ever make up for that? How could she not be blamed for that?]
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This is familiar. Reassuring. Her transformation to Orpheus was something else entirely and just another incident that Aldrip puts on them. It's the fault of the Black Beast and Fauna's wish seeds. They can start putting all this behind them, right? He won't dream and think of Kotone beating him or how difficult it was to breathe and the moment when he thought he would actually die for once.
All of that is done with. Fully.]
You couldn't control it, no one has been able to. [He reassures her, gently stroking her cheek, not noticing the way he momentarily spaced out there. How he's been overthinking and stuck in memories. He's just been focused on Kotone this entire time, right?]
So, it's okay Kotone. The only thing to blame is the Black Beast, it caused all this. I-I still love you more than anything else.
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There's a part of her that knows that it's impossible to have prepared for literally transforming into a Persona herself, but even still, she should have kept Scott from getting hurt. Somehow. Her voice breaks as she opens her eyes, trying to meet his.]
How can... how can you trust me not to do it again?
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[Scott leaves out the part where Kotone might've actually killed him if Ryoji didn't arrive just in time. They don't know that for sure, so why bring it up? Maybe she should've stopped before the final blow, maybe not. Don't think about it. He doesn't want to think about it, it's behind them now. It feels like a mantra that he keeps repeating to himself, because that's for the best. Kotone shouldn't have to feel guilty about this-- even though he knows that's impossible for her.
He'd feel the same way in her shoes. If he lost control like that.
He just wants to ease that as much as possible. And it's not like he likes recalling those memories either. It's not often he ever feels that way with her, wanting to forget something, but she wasn't herself.]
If you can still trust me after that, why wouldn't I do the same for you?
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I don't ever wanna hurt you, [she manages, choked through gritted teeth.] Not like this, not ever. You're... you're the most important person to me.
[She'd die to protect him, over and over again. And yet... she'd still done this to him. Cupping his cheeks gently with both hands, she forces herself to look him in the eye, trying to impress her seriousness upon him.] I gotta do something to make up for it. Please?
[Maybe it's selfish, but it feels like she has to do something.]
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[Something heavy lodges in his throat, but he does his best to push it down. Kotone needs him to be strong right now, right? Well, other than him being physically beaten down, but emotionally, yes. He can do that. She's the one that hurt him badly, there's no changing that, and he needs to reassure her in any way he can. It feels more important than ever.] You're the most important to me too. I love you.
[That's easy to say at least, without any hitch or doubt in his voice, letting her cup his cheeks as he looks at her through the protection of his glasses. This is one of those times he wishes that he could take them off, let her see the emotion and assurance in his eyes, but he can't. He just has to let it convey elsewhere, wanting her to read him as much as possible, when he might be trying to cover up otherwise with someone else. She's the only person that he's fully vulnerable with, they promised long ago.
He brings his hand over to one of hers, keeping it there.] I want you to take care of yourself, okay?
[...Is that not enough though? He knows how Kotone is. Probably because he'd react in a very similar way.] And stay by me. Having you near me helps.