[ also wryly said, also fully meant — but he doesn't know how to say i'm sorry i was there to see it all, especially when he's... well. no, he is, but he is not at once; perhaps his presence had done something good, too, provided the man with something else to focus on than the terrible memory. he can be glad for that, if nothing else.
then, a glance at the cocktail serving station, with an amused twist to his lips. ] No, it seems not. [ that is enough for his agreement, apparently, because he then raises a brow at the question. ] Yes. [ a little pointedly: ] You have me at a disadvantage.
[A hum of acknowledgement leaves him; with any luck he'll never be that poorly off again, but you never really know, do you? There's always a possibility.
Advantage? Hardly, he thinks, given what Viktor saw of him is far more significant than his name, but he provides it nonetheless. It's the least of what he owes this man.]
Altius. We spoke briefly on the network a couple of months ago, I believe.
[If Viktor doesn't remember, that's certainly fine. Matters of his company and labs seem so insignificant in comparison now.]
[ with this place? no, you certainly don't. he himself has died between that dream and now — died, and returned, just like it never even happened.
he hums at the name; it is with some recognition. ]
Ah, yes. The businessman. I remember. [ it is rather obvious he had failed to connect the wounded man trying to save the hostages with the unfailingly polite man he'd spoken to about his business venture of all things —
he finds, now, that one of these things matters to him far more than the other.
and there would be other things to say, other conversations to have... and yet, what viktor lands on, after a pause, is this: ] Why were you there?
[ with the hostages, he means. trying to save them. he never got an answer to this inside the dream itself — couldn't question the man bleeding on him like that, not when he'd been concerned every second he would bleed out and die right there on that cold floor. ]
[There are few topics Altius wants to talk about less than this. But... even as his gaze dims and his insides grow cold at the details being dragged out of his mind, he acquiesces. He owes Viktor and he wouldn't try to deny it.
After an exhale, he moves his hand down over his eyes.]
A meeting about an investment. [His voice lacks any real tone. It's not that he's never spoken of it before, but it's been a long damn time for a reason. (That, and he's never really gotten over it.)]
The wrong place at the wrong time... I suppose.
[It's a half-truth. He'd set up the opportunity himself there because his senses had told him a Gem he sought was inside. And then...
He wonders if it was something like fate, or his own damn hubris, but he always returns to the senselessness of it all. Though he removes his hand from his face, he's still looking away from Viktor. He thinks he can be excused.]
[ he almost, almost apologises for the hurt the question must be causing — but no, he deserves this much, doesn't he? some sort of explanation for what had been behind all of the pain and suffering of that day.
some of that suffering, he thinks, can still be found here, in the way altius' hand rests against his eyes, in the way his voice is carefully devoid of everything, like the only option is to speak of it unfeelingly, or else he would feel all too much about it all. ]
... I see.
[ he pauses, then, tilts his head, considers. the dream is like a vivid memory in his own mind, now, too — and the horror of it had been so visceral... the younger version of altius so pained, defeated. ]
It must still haunt you. [ another pause, and something quietly regretful enters his tone, ] I am sorry for that. And for having intruded without your say-so.
[Altius shakes his head to dismiss the apology; while in some ways he can't deny the sympathy is nice to hear, it was far from Viktor's fault that he stepped into that memory. He's certain nobody would have, had they had the choice.]
I—
[Something catches in his throat, and he closes his mouth again, along with his eyes. He clears it with a cough he doesn't even try to hide and takes another sigh-like breath before continuing, voice steady again.]
I should be thanking you. [He swallows, opening his eyes to look first at the tablecloth, then finally to Viktor himself.] For everything you said. But—I'm also sorry, that you had to see it.
[ he realises immediately how this is at odds with what he just said — or might sound like it is, when in his mind, the two sentiments are completely different. ]
I did mean it... the part about intruding. But I am not sorry you were not there alone, this time. If my being there made things even a little bit better... well. [ he shrugs, looking down at the table, a little uncomfortable as well, and yet meaning this fully. ] Then it was worth it.
[ he may not know altius all that well, but the horror of it all; he'd have to be truly terrible to wish for him to have gone through it alone, to wish to have, what? spared himself the experience? no. no. ]
[There's a tension around his eyes as he takes in Viktor's words, processing. At times he forgets the generosity and selflessness people are capable of, as buried under misery and pain as he thinks it all is. So rarely are they ever directed at him, if just because he never allows for the opportunity. His voice is low when he replies.]
That's very kind of you. [And then, a moment later, an admission as he doesn't look quite at the other man:] It did.
[In that moment—yes, it did. After the fact, less so, just another reminder that it was through no real power of his own that he could save anyone—and as a new sting to his failure, he'd ended up putting someone else through that horrid moment. That fact brushes up against something in him that's still raw, when he'd put so much towards preventing others from having to go through such senseless trauma...]
Dreams aside... [He really doesn't know how much longer he can stand to speak of that topic now, especially not here in public, where he's been trying so hard to brush those reminders aside. So he introduces a new topic that he hopes will take hold, instead:] I saw you earlier, with a companion of sorts. You've been busy?
[The companion he's referring to, in this case, was the little automaton, rather than Octavian. Both are relevant, however.]
[ there is the barest softening around his eyes, his mouth — not enough to call it a smile, but enough to show that he is glad, truly, if his presence had been helpful, even a miniscule amount. ]
Good. [ the word is soft and quiet, more of an exhale than anything else.
but he has pushed the other enough about this, hasn't he, forced him to think on it more when surely he wants to do nothing less than to forget the whole thing; and so, viktor allows for the shift in topic, just as he allows for the corners of his mouth to tilt up when he hears what it is. ]
Yes, you could say that. [ his week-long absence due to his death aside, ] I thought it would be helpful. An automaton, capable of assisting in everyday activities. [ he looks over to another table where octavian sits, with the robot, and though his smile remains as it has been, his eyes do soften. ]
He cannot have the body at all times. And when he doesn't, there is a limit to what his spectral form is capable of. The robot will be there for him.
[With the acceptance of the topic, Altius opens his eyes to look to Viktor again with much less hesitance. Hopefully this is something neither of them will have to tiptoe around; Altius does enough of that just by the nature of the persona he's made for himself.
He follows Viktor's gaze to the other two briefly, but not for long enough to miss that faint change in expression. Hm... interesting.
Leaning his chin against one hand, he replies with a vaguely curious tilt of his head.]
He certainly seems as pleased with it as I've seen him. [And he's seen Octavian practically giddy after acquiring said body.] Are you helping him with refining his vessel, as well?
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expiationlogs2025-02-10 12:12 pm
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[ also wryly said, also fully meant — but he doesn't know how to say i'm sorry i was there to see it all, especially when he's... well. no, he is, but he is not at once; perhaps his presence had done something good, too, provided the man with something else to focus on than the terrible memory. he can be glad for that, if nothing else.
then, a glance at the cocktail serving station, with an amused twist to his lips. ] No, it seems not. [ that is enough for his agreement, apparently, because he then raises a brow at the question. ] Yes. [ a little pointedly: ] You have me at a disadvantage.
no subject
Advantage? Hardly, he thinks, given what Viktor saw of him is far more significant than his name, but he provides it nonetheless. It's the least of what he owes this man.]
Altius. We spoke briefly on the network a couple of months ago, I believe.
[If Viktor doesn't remember, that's certainly fine. Matters of his company and labs seem so insignificant in comparison now.]
no subject
he hums at the name; it is with some recognition. ]
Ah, yes. The businessman. I remember. [ it is rather obvious he had failed to connect the wounded man trying to save the hostages with the unfailingly polite man he'd spoken to about his business venture of all things —
he finds, now, that one of these things matters to him far more than the other.
and there would be other things to say, other conversations to have... and yet, what viktor lands on, after a pause, is this: ] Why were you there?
[ with the hostages, he means. trying to save them. he never got an answer to this inside the dream itself — couldn't question the man bleeding on him like that, not when he'd been concerned every second he would bleed out and die right there on that cold floor. ]
no subject
After an exhale, he moves his hand down over his eyes.]
A meeting about an investment. [His voice lacks any real tone. It's not that he's never spoken of it before, but it's been a long damn time for a reason. (That, and he's never really gotten over it.)]
The wrong place at the wrong time... I suppose.
[It's a half-truth. He'd set up the opportunity himself there because his senses had told him a Gem he sought was inside. And then...
He wonders if it was something like fate, or his own damn hubris, but he always returns to the senselessness of it all. Though he removes his hand from his face, he's still looking away from Viktor. He thinks he can be excused.]
no subject
some of that suffering, he thinks, can still be found here, in the way altius' hand rests against his eyes, in the way his voice is carefully devoid of everything, like the only option is to speak of it unfeelingly, or else he would feel all too much about it all. ]
... I see.
[ he pauses, then, tilts his head, considers. the dream is like a vivid memory in his own mind, now, too — and the horror of it had been so visceral... the younger version of altius so pained, defeated. ]
It must still haunt you. [ another pause, and something quietly regretful enters his tone, ] I am sorry for that. And for having intruded without your say-so.
no subject
I—
[Something catches in his throat, and he closes his mouth again, along with his eyes. He clears it with a cough he doesn't even try to hide and takes another sigh-like breath before continuing, voice steady again.]
I should be thanking you. [He swallows, opening his eyes to look first at the tablecloth, then finally to Viktor himself.] For everything you said. But—I'm also sorry, that you had to see it.
no subject
[ he realises immediately how this is at odds with what he just said — or might sound like it is, when in his mind, the two sentiments are completely different. ]
I did mean it... the part about intruding. But I am not sorry you were not there alone, this time. If my being there made things even a little bit better... well. [ he shrugs, looking down at the table, a little uncomfortable as well, and yet meaning this fully. ] Then it was worth it.
[ he may not know altius all that well, but the horror of it all; he'd have to be truly terrible to wish for him to have gone through it alone, to wish to have, what? spared himself the experience? no. no. ]
no subject
That's very kind of you. [And then, a moment later, an admission as he doesn't look quite at the other man:] It did.
[In that moment—yes, it did. After the fact, less so, just another reminder that it was through no real power of his own that he could save anyone—and as a new sting to his failure, he'd ended up putting someone else through that horrid moment. That fact brushes up against something in him that's still raw, when he'd put so much towards preventing others from having to go through such senseless trauma...]
Dreams aside... [He really doesn't know how much longer he can stand to speak of that topic now, especially not here in public, where he's been trying so hard to brush those reminders aside. So he introduces a new topic that he hopes will take hold, instead:] I saw you earlier, with a companion of sorts. You've been busy?
[The companion he's referring to, in this case, was the little automaton, rather than Octavian. Both are relevant, however.]
no subject
Good. [ the word is soft and quiet, more of an exhale than anything else.
but he has pushed the other enough about this, hasn't he, forced him to think on it more when surely he wants to do nothing less than to forget the whole thing; and so, viktor allows for the shift in topic, just as he allows for the corners of his mouth to tilt up when he hears what it is. ]
Yes, you could say that. [ his week-long absence due to his death aside, ] I thought it would be helpful. An automaton, capable of assisting in everyday activities. [ he looks over to another table where octavian sits, with the robot, and though his smile remains as it has been, his eyes do soften. ]
He cannot have the body at all times. And when he doesn't, there is a limit to what his spectral form is capable of. The robot will be there for him.
no subject
He follows Viktor's gaze to the other two briefly, but not for long enough to miss that faint change in expression. Hm... interesting.
Leaning his chin against one hand, he replies with a vaguely curious tilt of his head.]
He certainly seems as pleased with it as I've seen him. [And he's seen Octavian practically giddy after acquiring said body.] Are you helping him with refining his vessel, as well?