expiationlogs | dead to the power of two

Yeah, I know.

[ said easily — he does indeed know, because for some reason, most of the people he loves the most are both odd and wonderful, for various reasons.

a shrug, and then, with extremely heartfelt sincerity, ] Well, you never know here, do you? And it's not like I'm looking to die again, I've done it here three times now. But for what it's worth, if it comes down to it... of course I'd die instead of making him go through it again.

[ especially after experiencing it, if from the other end — seeing octavian sit there on that chair, feeling the weight of the vase in his hand, only saved from dreaming through the act of killing him by octavian himself, skipping over that part.

and so, it is particularly apt, that altius brings up the dreaming, now. ]

Yeah, [ he says, and his jovial tone does not falter one bit. ] Seems like the nap didn't discriminate. I'm guessing you did, too? [ he pauses, tilts his head, some concern seeping into his eyes. ] Was it... alright?

[Whatever brightness was in his eyes dims at the conversation, and though he's determined not to frown or let a furrow come to his brow and mar the pleasant outing, there's nevertheless a distinct look of something somber. The topic of death isn't something he can skirt by so easily.

Despite all those he's caused, he takes it very seriously.

As his gaze moves to the path ahead, he lets a heavy breath out through his nose: understanding, but disagreeing without voicing it. Charles has a right to his choices, of course, and they're relative strangers. He doesn't have much room to argue about it, he thinks.

In response to that concern, Altius returns a smile to his face, though it's faint and a little wry, and lets out a little chuckle: hm, hm.]

It could have been worse.

[That much is true, somehow. Turning his eyes back to Charles:]

Was it restful for you?

[ and charles, ever attentive to the moods of others (because he had to be so, growing up, every second of every day, until it was too ingrained in him to ever stop even in death) notices the silence, the somber look to him, and grimaces. ]

Sorry, [ he says, running a hand through his curls, ] Not very cheerful conversation, is it?

[ and due to the topic of the dreams, it continues as such; because he is not only attentive to others, but also a detective with three decades of experience being one under his belt, and so he raises one brow at that answer. ]

So it was bloody awful, in other words, got it.

[ there's a quiet sympathy in his eyes as he looks at the other, something that seems almost at odds with his youthful appearance. ] You know, you can talk to me. I know we're not close or anything, but... you're here, yeah? And so am I. And it's not good to bottle stuff up. All that's gonna do is explode spectacularly later.

[ and then, with a soft, earnest smile, ] But it's up to you. We can just talk about nothing, too, right now. The offer won't expire.

[His eyes follow Charles; they're both the observant type, though for vastly different reasons. He takes in everything the younger-older man has to say, his apologies, his sympathy, the way he doesn't answer Altius's question, the sense to him that shows the true depth of his experience. Despite all that, Charles continues to offer more. It feels... familiar.

The first thing Altius decides to tackle is,]

You don't have to apologize for anything. [There's gratitude in his tone and the slight tilt of his head, in fact.] You're a generous person, aren't you?

[Charles is right, of course. Keeping everything to oneself is a recipe for disaster, if it lasts long enough. With a more audible sigh, he at least offers an answer that's partly in that vein.]

They weren't all horrible. I was able to go places I never would have, otherwise. See thoughtful sides of people I couldn't have seen.

[Perhaps that's what bothers him most, the sympathy for his worst moments.]

Nah, [ he shrugs his shoulders as if shrugging off the compliment all at once, too, ] Just doing what I can.

[ nevermind that what he can is going to incredible lengths for people, showing compassion and care, all of it genuine, because he's never once learned how not to care about others with his whole heart, even when it's to his detriment.

still, an answer is better than no answer, even if it's still circling around the topic somewhat. ]

Yeah, I get that. It was the same for me. I got to see a lot of interesting things... people's homes, all that.

[ a pause; he keeps walking, glancing around them as he asks, ] Does it bother you, if there's people who saw yours? [ guesswork, but based on all the places he saw, and one of them being the agency back home... he guesses that had been the case for altius, too. ]

[He takes in a deep breath, giving himself the space to think over his response, filling his nose with crisp scents and his lungs with fresh air. It's refreshing, if he doesn't think too hard about it being simulated.]

My home, I don't mind them seeing.

[The answer is calm, his hands in his coat pockets.]

The situations were what was awful. I'd rather no one else have gone through them.

[It's uncommon for him to say things about his feelings that are true down to his core, but this is one of them. He can see no reason for anyone else to suffer through the panic of the permanent disappearance of a little girl, a massacre of unarmed innocents, or the horrible space of that Spirit's power.]

That I have to experience all that again, I'd accept, if it meant no one else had to. So—I suppose I understand what you were saying a moment ago.

[ charles hums in response, directing a sympathetic look at altius — perhaps it's all too obvious that he can relate, almost painfully so. ]

... Yeah, [ he says finally, eyes soft and his brows furrowed just slightly, ] Yeah, I know what you mean. I didn't go through any of that, for my own part, but if I had —

[ he knows he would feel the exact same way. so he reaches out, then, places his hand on altius's shoulder, giving it a gentle pat. ]

Wasn't your fault, though. Remember that, yeah? You didn't make those dreams show up, and you didn't pull anyone into them. It's just one more thing this place does.

[It's unusual for him to get any physical reassurance, and a bit of surprise colors his expression when Charles's hand reaches his shoulder—but then, he barely talks of anything resembling weakness to begin with. It fades quickly enough as he considers the young man's words, however.

He thinks of his failures, of his full responsibility over them all, and smiles just slightly.]

You're right. [He can at least agree that this world's machinations were partly at fault, so he channels that agreement into the response, even as he admits that his feelings aren't so easily changed:] Perhaps that will get through to me at some point.

[It won't. Regardless, the world moves on, and so do they.]

Thank you, Charles. [Hey look! It's time for some joking about, as he shakes his head with some apparent exasperation.] If you keep up with this sort of thing I'm not going to be able to repay you properly, so I'd appreciate if you slowed down a bit.

[ it is a second too late that he remembers not everyone is as used to touch or so free in giving it as he is — crystal's called him touchy-feely on several occasions, accompanied by a fond eyeroll, and he can't really counter the charge. but it seems that the pat is received... if not well, at least alright.

and he knows a little something about something not getting through to you — and so he says, with his whole heart, ] Maybe you just need people around you who'll remind you about it when you forget.

[ or who will keep insisting, until it starts sounding at least a little more like a truth.

but the joke lands, and charles ducks his head with a laugh. ] Not about repaying me though, is it? That's not why I'm here. [ with a grin, he takes a few steps forward and spins on his heels, walking backwards along the road. ]

Right, we can talk about something else. Something a bit nicer, yeah?

[Oh, don't worry, Charles, you'll find out soon enough how much Altius likes getting into people's personal bubbles with his own touchy-feeliness. Perhaps not in this meeting, depending on the conversation, but soon enough.

For now, though, he continues to agree.]

Maybe so.

[People always need external validation in some form or another, no matter how self-confident they may be. (Will he seek people like this out? Of course not.)

He smiles along, watching as Charles turns with his brows raised in a way he means to be more open, maybe friendly. He's grateful for the offered change in topic, so he takes it.]

Who else do you know well here, other than Mr. Howe?

[Tell him all about your friends, he's giving you the opportunity to gush. He's gotten the impression Charles is the type.]

[ well — since he's the one who suggested the idea of someone like that around, it clearly means he's also volunteered himself... so that's that, then! he's going to make sure to be there to remind him, if no one else does.

the way his expression brightens instantly confirms his expectation; he is, indeed, the type to gush, and affection just about drips from his voice as he starts the list: ] Oh, loads of people! But Scott and Root are my closest friends, have you met them? And then there's Richard, and Jinx. [ his expression does something complicated to mention the two in such quick succession...

but. ultimately, it lands into something softer than the friendly affection he has when speaking of the others; his eyes are warm and his smile quiet and sweet as he says, ] And then there's Junpei. Maybe I should have started with him, actually. This whole place could go up in flames and as long as he would be fine... well. No one else matters like he does.

[ he could have just said "and then there's junpei, my boyfriend," and yet here they are — ]

[Even if it was obvious from the start, there's always something satisfying about having his judgments proven correct. Two of those names he recognizes personally, and two from his scouring of the network. He wonders what that shift of expression was about, but that Jinx is... a character, from what he's picked up—so who knows, honestly.

As Charles continues, an understanding smile comes to his face, something almost teasing in his gaze.]

If you started with him, you wouldn't have the time to get to anyone else, hm?

[Ah, isn't that the one with the riddles, Junpei? A worker at some sandwich store, to his understanding. Relatively normal despite his circumstances, to Altius's eye. Perhaps Charles finds that appealing? In any case...]

I've met Scott, [he says with some fondness.] He was very helpful the first day I was here, among other days. I've had the pleasure of speaking with Richard as well, after he made certain I wasn't some creature's dinner.

[ the teasing hits its mark — charles ducks his head, mostly to try and hide his sheepish smile, because obviously it's entirely correct; he could talk about junpei for hours, probably, not that there would be anyone out there willing to listen.

and of course, there's the hilarity available to neither of them that altius would think of junpei as someone normal, with his entire ocean of time travel trauma; but charles has no way of knowing that's what he thinks, of course, and so no way of correcting him. not that he would, in any case; junpei's experiences are for him to talk about if he wants to.

still — fondness lights up his eyes as altius moves on to speak about scott and richard, because though it may be platonic, charles loves both of them very much. ]

Scott's aces. He's one of the best friends I've ever had. [ there are very few things he would not do, if scott asked them of him. ] Richard's from the same place I am, same country, too, just centuries apart. He sort of treats me like his subject, [ he says with a laugh, ] And I think it's really important to him, so I don't mind.

[There's a moment where something a little less fond, a little more piercing comes to his gaze in a tension around his eyes—but then it's gone again, washed under the affection of the conversation.

He experienced a moment, there in a dream, where he thinks he saw—felt Richard's true nature. The man is definitely an intriguing sort, strong-willed and resourceful, but with that remark about being a subject, Altius can only think that he might consider Charles a resource.

Hm.]

That's an interesting mindset, [he says, a bit more brightly than he feels internally,] but he does seem to have a strong sense of responsibility, doesn't he? Although—you could say that applies to Scott, as well.

[Leader types, the both of them... in vastly different senses.]

I think we're better off for the both of them.

Well, he is a king, [ charles answers, a tad bit defensively — sure, it's an interesting mindset, and sure, he tried to refute it once and richard got very angry and he aborted that plan immediately, but... it's fine, right? it's as altius is saying; he's very responsible.

still — it's with a bit of relief that he grins at the older man and nods. ]

Right, yeah, I think so, too. [ a pause. ] So have you made a lot of friends here, yet?

[Sure... yes, it's fine. It's fine enough for Zekarion's purposes, anyway, as long as he stays in the royal's good graces...

The question apparently comes as unexpected, if his curious expression before his brow furrows mildly is any indication. When was the last time anybody asked him about his "friends," he wonders.]

I don't know that I'd go as far as to say that, [he finally decides on, after a couple moments of silence.] I've met a number of people who are friendly, and others I'd call acquaintances... [He hums briefly in thought.] I suppose it's not a word I use easily. Perhaps one or two?

[Please oh please don't ask him how many friends he has at home. He counts those at zero (which is mostly true), and he doesn't feel like lying about it.]

[ if there's anything dangerous to say in charles rowland's presence, it is that you don't have many friends. and really, he doesn't need to ask him; despite what it may seem, he is perceptive, had grown up having to be able to read every little shift in expression, in tone, and it had led into him becoming attuned to not just what people need him to be... but also to what they might mean.

in this case, he'd eat his coat patches if altius has more than the very same one or two friends back home... if that.

the bright, earnest smile charles aims at him is a very good imitation of rivaling the sun. he's doing his best here, ]

Well, I know we've just met, but... I'm gonna aim to make that three.

[He lets out a single, open laugh.]

Those are dangerous words, Charles. You don't even know what you're signing up for.

[Oh, does he ever not know. Nobody does, and nobody ever will, if Altius has anything to say about it. And yet—

And yet, a certain young man did know, as much as anyone ever has, and made a similar choice.

He lets out another half a laugh through his nose, fully suppressing anything that might indicate his inner thoughts.]

That said, I'm not opposed to the company. Just don't get your hopes up, hm?

[ he simply shrugs and crosses his arms in return, meeting altius' gaze evenly. ]

Yeah, well. I've made all my decisions like this. Haven't regretted any of them so far.

[ yes, this is a threat — no, but take it as you will. he may not know what he is signing up for, but the fact is that he has done so, now, and he doesn't go back on that. whether altius will ever trust him enough to believe that he will make this same choice, every time... well. that remains to be seen. ]

But sure. Company's a good start.

dead to the power of two | OPEN

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