I know something about having a large age gap-- Scotty and I are 20 years apart.
[Such a huge age gap, something that gets Alex to send a wry little grin at him. They're still fully related, but they've really lived different lives from each other. He does kind of regret not being part of his younger brother's life more, but he plans on changing that. It's not too late, right?]
Hope he's a good older brother to you. [Alex says before Scott can protest, something apologetic appearing on the younger mutant's face because he knows about Ange. Her entire family is dead. She's told him before. So, he shoves Alex in the shoulder, trying to silently communicate to him that he's being insensitive. Alex only looks confused for a moment.]
What?? [Alex grumps before it finally dawns on him and he smiles apologetically at Ange.] Oh, sorry, did I bring up a bad topic?
[ At least Ange doesn't really look offended. It helps that she can tell that Scott is sticking up for her here - which isn't too surprising, considering he knows about her family and Ange knows that Scott is a whole lot more thoughtful than he might necessarily seem at first. ]
No, it's alright. He died when I was six, and even before that we didn't live in the same house. So he hasn't been in my life very often.
[ Which sucks, but.. you know, what are you going to do about it. At least Ange has thought and spoken about this often enough that she doesn't look absolutely miserable, though she does seem a touch quiet. ]
.. what about you two?
[ If Alex was some huge part of Scott's life, surely he would have told her, she thinks.. Or maybe Scott was just too embarrassed this entire time. ]
[For his part, Alex looks rather guilty when Ange explains what happened to her brother. Okay, he deserves Scott's slight anger this time, he's on board with that. Even if he didn't know, still not cool. The blonde stays quiet for a few seconds, thinking of what he could possibly say now, but.]
I'm sorry, Ange. [He tries once more.] Speaking as an older brother... I'm sure he wanted to spend more time with you.
[Alex glances at Scott, that guilt shining even more brightly on his face. Hearing this about Ange's brother, now he can't help but feel like he's wasted a lot of time. Scott looks up at Alex, obviously conflicted, but before he can get any word in, Alex continues.]
...I honestly haven't been around as much as I should. We didn't have much in common until recently, but it's no excuse. Hopefully I'm not too late, right?
['It's not too late.' Scott wants to reassure him, because Alex is here now and everything, but for some reason, it's fully hard to say those words. It doesn't feel like Alex is really here right now.]
[ At first she opens her mouth, like she's ready to say something. Mostly to wish the best for Scott and his brother, because Ange knows what it's like to terribly crave something you can't ever have again, a connection with a brother that was severed before it could fully bloom.
But then her gaze falls on Scott's face, and there's-- there's something there.
Ange doesn't know what it is, but it makes her look a touch confused. ]
[Ange's question snaps Scott out of his trance, the mutant shaking his head in some automatic reaction. He's okay.]
No, it's fine, I... Alex?
[Scott trails off, something tightening in his throat as he takes note of the strange state of his brother. While his earlier thought only lasted for a few seconds, it's cracked something in this strange little dream, because Alex's suddenly frozen, face stuck in a small worried frown as he looks down at the two teens. The sight's enough to get Scott to panic slightly, letting his feelings guide his movements as he reaches up to shake his brother's shoulder.]
Something is definitely wrong. And Scott is freaking out. Ange reaches out, her hands landing on Scott's shoulders. She isn't shaking him the way he's shaking Alex, but that's exactly because she's trying to steady the other in this moment. ]
Scott, it's--
[ ...
It's like something hits her. Like she's snapped out of something. Ange gasps, and then voices: ]
[The solid weight of Ange's hands on his shoulders, unlike the way he tried to grasp Alex's, brings his full attention to her-- along with all that unconcealed emotion that he's doing a poor job in hiding. He doesn't fully understand what's happening right now, but at least he can tell that she's still with him and that helps, more than maybe he realizes right now.
Even if it doesn't do much to stem those upset feelings.]
Huh?? What do you mean? He's standing right there...!
[There's a hint of denial entering his voice, like a part of knowing that she's right, but doesn't want to admit it still. Maybe they're just both mistaken, even though Alex is remaining eerily frozen and unresponsive to everything that's going on.]
[ The words come out slowly. It's like Ange is only realizing the full picture in this moment herself, and so her realization is coming out of her mouth very slowly too.
Kind of how it feels when you suddenly wake from a dream, leaving you all woozy for a moment. ]
It's your dream. [ It's got to be. This place-- It's Scott's home, right? The place he went to back home. The place where.. his brother was too..?
She isn't so sure what's based in reality or not anymore at this point. ]
It honestly makes the most sense, why he's back here at Xavier's when he spent so long in Aldrip (a name that now feels so familiar it almost feels dumb he forgot it in the first place). It's been... two years, right? Two years since he stepped foot in the mansion, since he's actually seen his brother. All of this is just a mixture of his memory and wants. And it hurts. It sucks, because it's getting harder to deny what's going on and realize that none of this is real. That this happiness is false.
His face tightens, looks pained as he stares at his friend in front of him. He thought Ange was truly here with him, huh? Safe. With his other friends and family. And...]
But I don't want this to just be a dream. [He shakes his head, voice now full in denial. He knows what's happening now and yet.] You're here, my brother's here... it's everything I want.
Mostly because.. she gets it, really. If the roles were reversed, if she was here in a dream where her family was still alive and with her, if she was no longer stuck in that miserable place.. Then wouldn't she want it to be real too? What right does she have to take it away from Scott? It feels awful. She doesn't want to.
But at the same time Ange is terrified what might happen if she leaves him here. This can't be a normal dream if they're both stuck in it together - and what if it means he might never wake up unless she gets him out of there? ]
It's not everything you want.
[ Ange speaks slowly again. She doesn't want to say it, but she says it anyway, feeling sick to her stomach - and very much looking it too in this moment, rather than looking all poker faced. She can't easily tell Scott this. She can't easily ruin this for him, but she's going to have to be the person to take a sledgehammer to his perfect dream. ]
Your friends aren't here. Kotone-san isn't here. You don't want to be here without them, right..?
[With his doubts ever increasing, the very foundations of the dream also seem to shake. Alex's form is flickering, almost like it's glitching, and the once comfortable kitchen they were standing around in seem to blur with everything else. All in all, it doesn't feel real anymore.
Scott shuts his eyes behind his glasses, as if hoping that he can keep this on longer for just a few more seconds. If he doesn't see it, then...]
...They're here. Elsewhere in the mansion.
[Scott quietly responds, but the words don't have an ounce of conviction in them. Maybe before the realization hit, he would've said with more certainty that they are around, just not at this moment. Kotone is here, his other friends are here, no one is left out because they're all important to him and they deserve to live a normal happy life.
Why does it feel like some impossible dream??
He stares at the ground, silent for a few seconds. A part of him is embarrassed to have all this out in the open, but he just feels hurt more than anything.]
Why can't all of you be here? [He knows why, but the words come out anyway.]
[ It's the harsh truth for Scott. Ange knows it's a harsh truth, because being together with everyone he cares for seems to be so important to him - yet the truth she is speaking here right now is the reason why his desire can never just so easily become reality.
She feels bad enough for him that she didn't interrupt his thinking there, only speaking up when he asked her that question. And even then Ange's tone is a little more quiet than the usual. ]
We can't all just suddenly be in your world with you. It's impossible.
[It really is impossible, for all of them to be here with him. It sucks, yeah, but there's one thing in particular that he cares more about than anything else. The real issue at hand, even though he would be extremely glad to have everyone with him. Back home, just doing normal shit. Not worrying about crimes and punishment, just homework and classes. It's kind of sad that even he misses school in some way-- but it's not the main thing that's hurting him.
Scott still doesn't look at her, his eyes tilted to the ground. Posture not exactly defeated, but just quiet. Somber. Probably matching the now still environment around them, with everything starting to fade along with the noise of the other mutants in the mansion.]
...I just want you and everyone to be happy. [Not being dead is a big one too.] Even if it's not with me.
The issue is definitely different from what Ange was assuming. Scott seems like such a social guy - well, in comparison to her, certainly! - that she thought he just really wanted to be able to stay in touch with everyone, even if that was impossible.
But it turns out that his wish is another impossible thing entirely.
Ange is clearly caught by surprise at this twist. She glances over at him even if Scott isn't looking back at her, staring at him with wide, surprised eyes. ]
This.. was about us?
[ Scott's selflessness isn't necessarily the surprise, but-- you know, Ange is included in that. He specified it.
And it's not often that people wish for her happiness, let alone when it may be at the expense of their own, as Scott is also specifying. ]
[Her question gets Scott to look up from the ground to meet her surprised glance with that still more melancholy demeanor. Maybe, normally, he'd acted slightly offended or give Ange a hard time that duh it's about her and his other friends, but he keeps that more serious expression.]
Yeah, of course I'd want my friends to be happy. Especially you.
[Because Ange is a close friend and she's been through so much crap back home. And he's aware that she can't exactly be happy at home, given that she's dead, but... maybe he can hope for it anyway. Peter managed to come back to life and even if he was only around for a short period just to tell Scott that, he's glad to know anyway.]
[ The girl stares at the now-hazy dream around them. It's still hard to think of what to say here. What do you say or do in the face of such overwhelming care? Do normal people know how to deal with that?
.. Maybe the kindest thing she can do is just be honest in return, right..? ]
Scott, I..
[ Something in her gaze grows a little bit more sad - no, worried. ]
I don't want you to have to worry that much about me. I don't want you to be sad.
[A small breath leaves Scott at that, not exactly sounding defeated, but tired in a way. Like he's committed to what he's about to say next, even if may end up sucking in some way in the end. With how the dream's about to fade, maybe it's fitting. Perhaps he'll be lucky and he'll get the last word in between them. He'd like that.]
I'm going to worry about you, Ange. You can't change that. [...] If it ends up with me being sad, then it'll just be something I'll carry.
[ Something in Ange's gaze is a little sad as she looks at Scott after he says that. She looks touched, but in a complicated sort of way. It's nice to know someone thinks of her so much, but.. it's also the first time she's had to come to terms with the fact that someone might feel bad because of her. Exactly because they care about her.
It almost seems like she might reject it, but she doesn't.
She can't. Not like this. ]
...
[ Instead she says: ]
Just don't go, Scott.
[ If she can ask anything from him, it's-- It's just that. Just like how Scott wants everyone with him in this dream just to make sure they're okay, Ange wants-- ]
[Before the dream can fully end, he reaches for her hand, wanting to grasp it within his own and show that she's not alone. Not right now, and not when they wake up from whatever this is. If he had a choice, he would find a way for all of his friends to be okay. That's what this dream was about after all.
...Just a dream.
He swallows past a rising lump in his throat, but he steadies his gaze at her. He can't think about that-- he'll just have to make that as much of a reality as possible.]
I promise that I'll be here. [He knows that he shouldn't make those kind of promises in a place like this, when anyone can disappear without warning, but he wants to say it anyway. Right now, when Ange just admitted something like that to him. He knows it wasn't an easy thing for her.]
[ Her voice is so quiet, but it sounds all the more sincere for it. There's no hiding her feelings here - not this once. It's all her own vulnerability on display. Her worry about this topic in particular, her gratitude towards him for saying something like that.. ]
I-- I'll eventually have to go back to my world, when I can. [ What she has to finish there is too important. As much as she wants Scott to be okay, as much as part of him being okay is having to know she's alright. ] But.. I won't leave you before saying goodbye first.
[His mouth twitches upward hearing that, a mix of sadness and appreciation in his covered eyes. It's... the most he can probably ask for, right? Since they can't stay here forever. He doesn't want to put that on anyone either, especially if horrible shit keeps happening.]
I'm holding you to that, Ange. [...] And I won't disappear before you do, because I have to see you off.
[Can they even make that kind of promise? Probably not, but Scott's going to say it anyway. He wants to be true, if so that he can hug her tightly before they're separated for good.]
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expiationlogs2025-01-13 12:39 pm
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[Such a huge age gap, something that gets Alex to send a wry little grin at him. They're still fully related, but they've really lived different lives from each other. He does kind of regret not being part of his younger brother's life more, but he plans on changing that. It's not too late, right?]
Hope he's a good older brother to you. [Alex says before Scott can protest, something apologetic appearing on the younger mutant's face because he knows about Ange. Her entire family is dead. She's told him before. So, he shoves Alex in the shoulder, trying to silently communicate to him that he's being insensitive. Alex only looks confused for a moment.]
What?? [Alex grumps before it finally dawns on him and he smiles apologetically at Ange.] Oh, sorry, did I bring up a bad topic?
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No, it's alright. He died when I was six, and even before that we didn't live in the same house. So he hasn't been in my life very often.
[ Which sucks, but.. you know, what are you going to do about it. At least Ange has thought and spoken about this often enough that she doesn't look absolutely miserable, though she does seem a touch quiet. ]
.. what about you two?
[ If Alex was some huge part of Scott's life, surely he would have told her, she thinks.. Or maybe Scott was just too embarrassed this entire time. ]
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I'm sorry, Ange. [He tries once more.] Speaking as an older brother... I'm sure he wanted to spend more time with you.
[Alex glances at Scott, that guilt shining even more brightly on his face. Hearing this about Ange's brother, now he can't help but feel like he's wasted a lot of time. Scott looks up at Alex, obviously conflicted, but before he can get any word in, Alex continues.]
...I honestly haven't been around as much as I should. We didn't have much in common until recently, but it's no excuse. Hopefully I'm not too late, right?
['It's not too late.' Scott wants to reassure him, because Alex is here now and everything, but for some reason, it's fully hard to say those words. It doesn't feel like Alex is really here right now.]
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But then her gaze falls on Scott's face, and there's-- there's something there.
Ange doesn't know what it is, but it makes her look a touch confused. ]
Scott? Is something wrong?
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No, it's fine, I... Alex?
[Scott trails off, something tightening in his throat as he takes note of the strange state of his brother. While his earlier thought only lasted for a few seconds, it's cracked something in this strange little dream, because Alex's suddenly frozen, face stuck in a small worried frown as he looks down at the two teens. The sight's enough to get Scott to panic slightly, letting his feelings guide his movements as he reaches up to shake his brother's shoulder.]
Alex?? Alex! What's wrong?!
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Something is definitely wrong. And Scott is freaking out. Ange reaches out, her hands landing on Scott's shoulders. She isn't shaking him the way he's shaking Alex, but that's exactly because she's trying to steady the other in this moment. ]
Scott, it's--
[ ...
It's like something hits her. Like she's snapped out of something. Ange gasps, and then voices: ]
.. It's not real, Scott.
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Even if it doesn't do much to stem those upset feelings.]
Huh?? What do you mean? He's standing right there...!
[There's a hint of denial entering his voice, like a part of knowing that she's right, but doesn't want to admit it still. Maybe they're just both mistaken, even though Alex is remaining eerily frozen and unresponsive to everything that's going on.]
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[ The words come out slowly. It's like Ange is only realizing the full picture in this moment herself, and so her realization is coming out of her mouth very slowly too.
Kind of how it feels when you suddenly wake from a dream, leaving you all woozy for a moment. ]
It's your dream. [ It's got to be. This place-- It's Scott's home, right? The place he went to back home. The place where.. his brother was too..?
She isn't so sure what's based in reality or not anymore at this point. ]
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It honestly makes the most sense, why he's back here at Xavier's when he spent so long in Aldrip (a name that now feels so familiar it almost feels dumb he forgot it in the first place). It's been... two years, right? Two years since he stepped foot in the mansion, since he's actually seen his brother. All of this is just a mixture of his memory and wants. And it hurts. It sucks, because it's getting harder to deny what's going on and realize that none of this is real. That this happiness is false.
His face tightens, looks pained as he stares at his friend in front of him. He thought Ange was truly here with him, huh? Safe. With his other friends and family. And...]
But I don't want this to just be a dream. [He shakes his head, voice now full in denial. He knows what's happening now and yet.] You're here, my brother's here... it's everything I want.
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Mostly because.. she gets it, really. If the roles were reversed, if she was here in a dream where her family was still alive and with her, if she was no longer stuck in that miserable place.. Then wouldn't she want it to be real too? What right does she have to take it away from Scott? It feels awful. She doesn't want to.
But at the same time Ange is terrified what might happen if she leaves him here. This can't be a normal dream if they're both stuck in it together - and what if it means he might never wake up unless she gets him out of there? ]
It's not everything you want.
[ Ange speaks slowly again. She doesn't want to say it, but she says it anyway, feeling sick to her stomach - and very much looking it too in this moment, rather than looking all poker faced. She can't easily tell Scott this. She can't easily ruin this for him, but she's going to have to be the person to take a sledgehammer to his perfect dream. ]
Your friends aren't here. Kotone-san isn't here. You don't want to be here without them, right..?
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Scott shuts his eyes behind his glasses, as if hoping that he can keep this on longer for just a few more seconds. If he doesn't see it, then...]
...They're here. Elsewhere in the mansion.
[Scott quietly responds, but the words don't have an ounce of conviction in them. Maybe before the realization hit, he would've said with more certainty that they are around, just not at this moment. Kotone is here, his other friends are here, no one is left out because they're all important to him and they deserve to live a normal happy life.
Why does it feel like some impossible dream??
He stares at the ground, silent for a few seconds. A part of him is embarrassed to have all this out in the open, but he just feels hurt more than anything.]
Why can't all of you be here? [He knows why, but the words come out anyway.]
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[ It's the harsh truth for Scott. Ange knows it's a harsh truth, because being together with everyone he cares for seems to be so important to him - yet the truth she is speaking here right now is the reason why his desire can never just so easily become reality.
She feels bad enough for him that she didn't interrupt his thinking there, only speaking up when he asked her that question. And even then Ange's tone is a little more quiet than the usual. ]
We can't all just suddenly be in your world with you. It's impossible.
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Scott still doesn't look at her, his eyes tilted to the ground. Posture not exactly defeated, but just quiet. Somber. Probably matching the now still environment around them, with everything starting to fade along with the noise of the other mutants in the mansion.]
...I just want you and everyone to be happy. [Not being dead is a big one too.] Even if it's not with me.
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The issue is definitely different from what Ange was assuming. Scott seems like such a social guy - well, in comparison to her, certainly! - that she thought he just really wanted to be able to stay in touch with everyone, even if that was impossible.
But it turns out that his wish is another impossible thing entirely.
Ange is clearly caught by surprise at this twist. She glances over at him even if Scott isn't looking back at her, staring at him with wide, surprised eyes. ]
This.. was about us?
[ Scott's selflessness isn't necessarily the surprise, but-- you know, Ange is included in that. He specified it.
And it's not often that people wish for her happiness, let alone when it may be at the expense of their own, as Scott is also specifying. ]
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Yeah, of course I'd want my friends to be happy. Especially you.
[Because Ange is a close friend and she's been through so much crap back home. And he's aware that she can't exactly be happy at home, given that she's dead, but... maybe he can hope for it anyway. Peter managed to come back to life and even if he was only around for a short period just to tell Scott that, he's glad to know anyway.]
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.. Maybe the kindest thing she can do is just be honest in return, right..? ]
Scott, I..
[ Something in her gaze grows a little bit more sad - no, worried. ]
I don't want you to have to worry that much about me. I don't want you to be sad.
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I'm going to worry about you, Ange. You can't change that. [...] If it ends up with me being sad, then it'll just be something I'll carry.
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It almost seems like she might reject it, but she doesn't.
She can't. Not like this. ]
...
[ Instead she says: ]
Just don't go, Scott.
[ If she can ask anything from him, it's-- It's just that. Just like how Scott wants everyone with him in this dream just to make sure they're okay, Ange wants-- ]
I don't want to be alone.
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[Before the dream can fully end, he reaches for her hand, wanting to grasp it within his own and show that she's not alone. Not right now, and not when they wake up from whatever this is. If he had a choice, he would find a way for all of his friends to be okay. That's what this dream was about after all.
...Just a dream.
He swallows past a rising lump in his throat, but he steadies his gaze at her. He can't think about that-- he'll just have to make that as much of a reality as possible.]
I promise that I'll be here. [He knows that he shouldn't make those kind of promises in a place like this, when anyone can disappear without warning, but he wants to say it anyway. Right now, when Ange just admitted something like that to him. He knows it wasn't an easy thing for her.]
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[ Her voice is so quiet, but it sounds all the more sincere for it. There's no hiding her feelings here - not this once. It's all her own vulnerability on display. Her worry about this topic in particular, her gratitude towards him for saying something like that.. ]
I-- I'll eventually have to go back to my world, when I can. [ What she has to finish there is too important. As much as she wants Scott to be okay, as much as part of him being okay is having to know she's alright. ] But.. I won't leave you before saying goodbye first.
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I'm holding you to that, Ange. [...] And I won't disappear before you do, because I have to see you off.
[Can they even make that kind of promise? Probably not, but Scott's going to say it anyway. He wants to be true, if so that he can hug her tightly before they're separated for good.]