[What he truly wants—is impossible. He's been taught that so many times, and now he finally understands it. So he decides on what he must consider to be the next-best thing.]
No.
[What right does he have to live when so many others have been lost? When he keeps failing, over and over, to save anyone, despite the power he's been granted? Keeps failing to do anything of worth for them? All this time he'd thought to throw his life away for the sake of keeping others from sharing his fate. He'd been so naive; the problem was so much larger than Spirits alone.]
This is the only option worth anything. I can't stand the thought of living on in the same way, watching and doing next to nothing because of my own weakness.
[And at this point, even hope and belief in others is counted among those weaknesses.
The shrouded figure puts its head in its hands, the energy obscuring it flickering as if in response to its inner feelings. Chaos's energy echoes that phenomenon from above, sparks blinking downwards in anticipation but not reaching just yet. Not until the proper words are spoken.]
[Humans — they are all just like this. No matter what, they would always try and find a way to break through their destiny. Even if they suffer for it. Even if they must sacrifice something for it. What a ridiculous notion: and yet, Death cannot help but admire them regardless.
But now he does not know if he can reach him. Not as a god or a primordial concept.]
You’re not the only one who feels the same, you know. You’re not alone.
[His time is almost out, but he has to try. He needs to try. He owes that much to the impossible humanity that has been borne into his soul.]
[Oh, how that simple statement echoes in the deepest parts of his soul, bringing with it a painful sense of yearning.]
I want to believe that, [he admits. He's always wanted to believe that, despite everything.
But how could he? When the image of bodies lying around him is still burned so clearly into his mind? When he's stranded himself on a desert island and burned down all potential means of escape? He no longer thinks who he is and what he has is enough, but reaching out to others and trusting in them is what got him here—used and hurt and left behind every time he didn't leave them first.
So he reaches, instead, for the heartless creature he knows can't disappoint him further, if just because his expectations are already at rock bottom.]
But I can't. Not anymore. Not again.
[He takes in a shaky breath, looking up.]
Chaos... when I free you from this place—we will end what you began ten years ago.
[The Spirit's voices almost purr with delight, that earlier sense of obnoxious confidence even more obvious now.]
You're done chatting already? And after such heartfelt, inspiring platitudes.
[It cackles and begins to swirl more violently; there's a tension in the space like a fracture spreading through ice, bit by bit, on the verge of shattering into a hundred pieces. This is a moment Zekarion can never take back, even in his dreams.]
no subject
[He can tell that he is in pain, being stuck in the darkness like this. He makes this deal out of necessity, not out of a genuine want.]
Your future isn't worthless at all. Yours is the right to live as much as everyone else's. There could always be another way.
[A band of youths showed that to him before. Now he carries their will with him.]
no subject
No.
[What right does he have to live when so many others have been lost? When he keeps failing, over and over, to save anyone, despite the power he's been granted? Keeps failing to do anything of worth for them? All this time he'd thought to throw his life away for the sake of keeping others from sharing his fate. He'd been so naive; the problem was so much larger than Spirits alone.]
This is the only option worth anything. I can't stand the thought of living on in the same way, watching and doing next to nothing because of my own weakness.
[And at this point, even hope and belief in others is counted among those weaknesses.
The shrouded figure puts its head in its hands, the energy obscuring it flickering as if in response to its inner feelings. Chaos's energy echoes that phenomenon from above, sparks blinking downwards in anticipation but not reaching just yet. Not until the proper words are spoken.]
no subject
But now he does not know if he can reach him. Not as a god or a primordial concept.]
You’re not the only one who feels the same, you know. You’re not alone.
[His time is almost out, but he has to try. He needs to try. He owes that much to the impossible humanity that has been borne into his soul.]
You do not need to save the world on your own.
no subject
I want to believe that, [he admits. He's always wanted to believe that, despite everything.
But how could he? When the image of bodies lying around him is still burned so clearly into his mind? When he's stranded himself on a desert island and burned down all potential means of escape? He no longer thinks who he is and what he has is enough, but reaching out to others and trusting in them is what got him here—used and hurt and left behind every time he didn't leave them first.
So he reaches, instead, for the heartless creature he knows can't disappoint him further, if just because his expectations are already at rock bottom.]
But I can't. Not anymore. Not again.
[He takes in a shaky breath, looking up.]
Chaos... when I free you from this place—we will end what you began ten years ago.
[The Spirit's voices almost purr with delight, that earlier sense of obnoxious confidence even more obvious now.]
You're done chatting already? And after such heartfelt, inspiring platitudes.
[It cackles and begins to swirl more violently; there's a tension in the space like a fracture spreading through ice, bit by bit, on the verge of shattering into a hundred pieces. This is a moment Zekarion can never take back, even in his dreams.]