[The figure takes in a deep breath, steadying itself. There's no turning back—he'd be a coward to retreat and give up now. He can't allow himself any more weakness.
With a voice that's much more bold, bolstered by all the determination it has left:]
I will break the seal keeping you here. Grant me your power!
[It reaches upwards, the twisting storm of darkness cackling in myriad voices as it descends upon the one who's just made an official vow. With glee, it claims its own promise:]
We shall destroy this endless misery!
[Power surges into the figure, and it screams. Something in the dream cracks, like a lurching feeling of panic, of wrong. The sensation easily calls back to Malai's words earlier—of one lost.
Nevertheless, even after the cloud of black lightning disappears into Onyx, he remains standing just by force of will. Chaos's energy more actively flickers around him, giving him a horned silhouette with a sweep of something like a cape.]
[ Shigeru winces at the scream as he steps backward, towards the god that inhabits his soul, as he looks away worry etched into his face. This was certainly not good at all.
It resonates with his own acceptance and transformation after merging with Malai and Alai, it makes him shudder to think about it too. ] How foolish.
[ Is the only thing said as Malai's voice is muttered and a rumble from behind Shigeru. ] I. I'm sorry that this had to happen to you. That you thought you had no other way.
[ It's not right it's wrong and Shigeru can't stand it. But it is simply a fact of life and one that he cannot change no matter how hard he tries. The freedom of choice. ]
[There's no true merging within these two—only a soul that's been split to make space for a power that will eat it away from the inside.
When Shigeru speaks, a few moments pass in relative silence before he's addressed.]
You...
[Onyx's tone now takes precedence; where the Spirit was flippant and uncaring, there's something more solid to the voices now. He turns golden eyes towards the two inhabiting his memory.]
You're immortal, are you. [It's barely a question.]
[ Shigeru flinches again and backs away some more. ] I-I am...I mean I wasn't always.
[ Malai is still there, looming over Shigeru like a guard dog. Of course, Malai was always the protective one of the two gods. His care and consideration of his other half are always prominent. Shigeru was his vessel now they were one and the same so this protection applied to him now as well. ]
When you...merge your soul with two gods, I-I guess it changes all of that.
[ The short laugh that follows isn't filled with happiness or mirth. It's just pain and loneliness. ] I should have known, but there wasn't any time to really think about that.
[With this power under his control—or as much as it can be, with a spirit like Chaos—there is much less danger to Shigeru, shown by the lack of aggression in posture or tone. Whether Malai believes in that is another matter, but it's nevertheless true that he has no interest in doing anything to the other man.
What would he do, anyway? Even if he were inclined, Shigeru has already doomed himself.]
Existing eternally... watching as the world and those in it struggle and decay around you. Yours is the worst fate I can imagine.
[ Ah. Well, that hurts more than he cares to admit because that is his nature now, huh? So many things he never considered when saving his world too focused on the fact that he needed to do something to stop its destruction. But what about his? He has to live with the fact that he'll see everyone he loves and cares about age and die.
It's a painful truth and one Shigeru is trying to accept. ]
It's not going to end up like that. I. I won't let it. I...I'm going to help as much as possible to stop my world from decaying. If not then...what was it all for?
[ He can't even begin to think about that right now. ]
[It's a fact that he considers undeniable; if an immortal truly lives forever, eventually an ill fate will take the world he lives on. The degradation of a biosphere, the expansion of a star, the entropy of the universe.
... but he doesn't say all this to torment the man.]
You've given up enough already. Focus on yourself. [His golden gaze turns to the shadowy being hovering over Shigeru, a sharper sense of hate in his words.] These gods of yours won't do it for you.
F-Focus on...myself. [ Shigeru lets out a pained laugh as he brings his palms to his eyes and tilts his head back. A deep breath, an exhale, as his hands drop to his side. The god behind him is oddly silent as it watches. ]
I don't know if I can do that. I-I've never done it much before. I guess that's why they picked me.
[ He hates how his voice shakes at that admission, how it hurts to think about, he was so easy that it wasn't even a second thought. He's such an idiot. ]
[It's a scolding sort of demeanor Onyx takes, but it's not heartless.]
You've all the time in the world to learn, now. I suggest you start the attempt sooner rather than later.
[Onyx can hardly stand living with his own self-hatred, and he expects to die in a month whenever he returns to his world. Shigeru had better work quickly if he doesn't want to let his misery consume him.]
What you said of being enough—do not think of yourself as an exception.
[Hypocritical of him, to be sure. Even so, he means that as much as he can mean anything remotely hopeful.]
What-what about you? You're saying all of this to me but-but we're alike in a lot of ways...
[ Self-hatred and the self-sacrificing. ]
I meant what I said...about you as well. You. Whoever this dream belongs to...I'm sorry it had to come down to this, for you to have to make this choice.
[ Desperation often leads to poor choices or ones made when there's nothing else to lose. ]
[They are alike in many ways, that much is apparent. But the difference between them, perhaps...]
This is what I want. I wouldn't take it back.
[The voices sound certain about that much. Onyx neither needs nor wants Shigeru's sympathy, although it doesn't anger him to hear it. Perhaps that display of compassion is why he offers this as a suggestion, rather than a demand:]
You've spent enough time concerning yourself with my memories.
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expiationlogs2025-01-13 12:39 pm
no subject
With a voice that's much more bold, bolstered by all the determination it has left:]
I will break the seal keeping you here. Grant me your power!
[It reaches upwards, the twisting storm of darkness cackling in myriad voices as it descends upon the one who's just made an official vow. With glee, it claims its own promise:]
We shall destroy this endless misery!
[Power surges into the figure, and it screams. Something in the dream cracks, like a lurching feeling of panic, of wrong. The sensation easily calls back to Malai's words earlier—of one lost.
Nevertheless, even after the cloud of black lightning disappears into Onyx, he remains standing just by force of will. Chaos's energy more actively flickers around him, giving him a horned silhouette with a sweep of something like a cape.]
no subject
It resonates with his own acceptance and transformation after merging with Malai and Alai, it makes him shudder to think about it too. ] How foolish.
[ Is the only thing said as Malai's voice is muttered and a rumble from behind Shigeru. ] I. I'm sorry that this had to happen to you. That you thought you had no other way.
[ It's not right it's wrong and Shigeru can't stand it. But it is simply a fact of life and one that he cannot change no matter how hard he tries. The freedom of choice. ]
no subject
When Shigeru speaks, a few moments pass in relative silence before he's addressed.]
You...
[Onyx's tone now takes precedence; where the Spirit was flippant and uncaring, there's something more solid to the voices now. He turns golden eyes towards the two inhabiting his memory.]
You're immortal, are you. [It's barely a question.]
no subject
[ Malai is still there, looming over Shigeru like a guard dog. Of course, Malai was always the protective one of the two gods. His care and consideration of his other half are always prominent. Shigeru was his vessel now they were one and the same so this protection applied to him now as well. ]
When you...merge your soul with two gods, I-I guess it changes all of that.
[ The short laugh that follows isn't filled with happiness or mirth. It's just pain and loneliness. ] I should have known, but there wasn't any time to really think about that.
no subject
Then do not pity me.
[With this power under his control—or as much as it can be, with a spirit like Chaos—there is much less danger to Shigeru, shown by the lack of aggression in posture or tone. Whether Malai believes in that is another matter, but it's nevertheless true that he has no interest in doing anything to the other man.
What would he do, anyway? Even if he were inclined, Shigeru has already doomed himself.]
Existing eternally... watching as the world and those in it struggle and decay around you. Yours is the worst fate I can imagine.
no subject
It's a painful truth and one Shigeru is trying to accept. ]
It's not going to end up like that. I. I won't let it. I...I'm going to help as much as possible to stop my world from decaying. If not then...what was it all for?
[ He can't even begin to think about that right now. ]
no subject
[It's a fact that he considers undeniable; if an immortal truly lives forever, eventually an ill fate will take the world he lives on. The degradation of a biosphere, the expansion of a star, the entropy of the universe.
... but he doesn't say all this to torment the man.]
You've given up enough already. Focus on yourself. [His golden gaze turns to the shadowy being hovering over Shigeru, a sharper sense of hate in his words.] These gods of yours won't do it for you.
no subject
I don't know if I can do that. I-I've never done it much before. I guess that's why they picked me.
[ He hates how his voice shakes at that admission, how it hurts to think about, he was so easy that it wasn't even a second thought. He's such an idiot. ]
no subject
You've all the time in the world to learn, now. I suggest you start the attempt sooner rather than later.
[Onyx can hardly stand living with his own self-hatred, and he expects to die in a month whenever he returns to his world. Shigeru had better work quickly if he doesn't want to let his misery consume him.]
What you said of being enough—do not think of yourself as an exception.
[Hypocritical of him, to be sure. Even so, he means that as much as he can mean anything remotely hopeful.]
no subject
[ Self-hatred and the self-sacrificing. ]
I meant what I said...about you as well. You. Whoever this dream belongs to...I'm sorry it had to come down to this, for you to have to make this choice.
[ Desperation often leads to poor choices or ones made when there's nothing else to lose. ]
no subject
This is what I want. I wouldn't take it back.
[The voices sound certain about that much. Onyx neither needs nor wants Shigeru's sympathy, although it doesn't anger him to hear it. Perhaps that display of compassion is why he offers this as a suggestion, rather than a demand:]
You've spent enough time concerning yourself with my memories.