expiationlogs | ( OPEN 💀 case of the glitching city )

[Here's the scenario: Junpei, smoothie in hand, extolling the many virtues of various smoothie combos with stupid names, like Triple Berry Blast! He's midway through an explanation of why kiwi banana is an inspired flavor, which really is Charles' fault for humoring his dork-ass topics for this long, when Charles just kind of... veers off from the conversation.

So: huh? He stops and watches—his own experience with the glitches hasn't been as personal as people he knows showing up in some fake way, and so he doesn't really know what to expect from this. Is she going to... talk? Should he go back to the smoothie place and just sit around while Charles talks to his mom? He can do that.

He looks back and forth between her and Charles for a moment, then,]

Uh, should I...?

[Give him a minute? He has this smoothie to amuse himself with, and—

And the sudden interruption of someone else makes him frown, because even in silence Charles' mom looks like a pretty nice lady, and the voice that sounds from behind them is so... Well, how do these glitches work? Something in the psyche has to be responsible, right? So Charles' mom shows up with a smile and the next voice - not hard to make a guess - shows up with a criticism, which is enough for Junpei to assume. Never mind removing himself to finish his smoothie; he steps closer to Charles again, putting a hand on his shoulder and eyeing the new arrival. He's not too sure if immediately feeling defensive is the right call, but he supposes he'll find out.]

[ to be fair, charles had been listening, not because smoothie flavours are a particular topic of enthusiasm or even relevance to him, but because junpei seemed to have so much to say about them and charles was just happy to listen to him ramble (and egg him on with questions or an i don't believe that pineapple and pistachio go together, you're having me on) —

anyway. his mum's face makes him promptly forget all about smoothies, and then — the second his dad speaks, charles freezes, right there in the middle of the street. he barely registers junpei stepping closer to him, until his hand lands on his shoulder and charles jolts back into the present, throwing his friend a panicked look before quite firmly stepping in front of him in the practised move of someone used to pushing someone else behind him; as he does so, he whispers, low under his breath, ] You should leave.

[ only then does he turn towards the voice, with a quiet, steady, ]

Hi, Dad.

[ his dad's a tall man, taller than charles, bearded and dark-haired and currently staring at his son with barely-concealed anger. ]

Look at me when you talk to me, [ he says then, words bullet-like, and charles flinches as he does as instructed, immediately. he doesn't say anything, simply stands there as mr. rowland takes a step closer, then two. ]

Nothing's changed, has it, huh? Useless enough to get yourself killed, then couldn't even go and move on to your afterlife... and now just as useless, here. Can't do anything right, can you, hm?

[ if words like these were aimed at anyone else in the world, charles would intervene; as it is, he simply stands there, his shoulders hunched slightly, silent.

behind him, his mother wrings her hands and says nothing, either. ]

[Oh, so he was right to feel defensive, that's... just great. Junpei isn't going anywhere, gripping Charles' arm from behind him to convey as much. Glitches or not, it's an uncomfortable standoff for a hundred reasons, and he's not leaving Charles here to deal with it alone.

He twists to look at Charles' mom, and the look on her face plus the way Charles has already shut down entirely leaves Junpei with no patience left for seeing how this might play out. Mr. Rowland is barely done speaking for a second before Junpei sidesteps out from behind Charles, pointing at the older man... with the smoothie, lest he have to let go of Charles' arm.]

Hey, fuck off.

[Great start. If he's very lucky this will just work, surely these manifestations aren't that adept, but just in case—]

And fuck you. Don't talk to him like that.

[ fuck, charles thinks as his dad shifts his gaze to junpei, judgment evident. he doesn't deign to talk to him, though, instead addressing charles some more. ]

Who's this, then? This is the company you keep, now? [ there are no slurs spoken, and yet the way mr. rowland looks at junpei conveys nothing but derision.

charles seems to shake out of his shutdown then, lifting his head as his eyes flash. ] Don't, [ he manages, ] Dad, just — leave him out of this.

[ mr. rowland's answer is to backhand him across the face with a strike sharp enough to send charles stumbling back with a pained sound. the only thing keeping him upright is junpei's hand on his arm, gripping him tight enough that he doesn't just fall right down. ]

Don't talk back to me, boy, [ he says, and charles looks down, his voice quiet and devoid of fight when he mutters, ] Please, Dad, I'll do better. Just... let him go, yeah? He's got nothing to do with any of this.

[Oh, so it's like that. Junpei opens his mouth to snap at Mr. Rowland to give him shit if he's going to give somebody shit, cut off when Charles speaks up and gets hit for it. He twists to the side, not entirely between Charles and his father if only because Junpei doesn't want to fully turn his back on the man, but the intention is there.

He's torn; they should go, he thinks, they should just turn and leave, but he doesn't know how these glitches work. Do they get more aggressive if someone leaves? Do they just fade into nothing? It's not a risk he's willing to take, and there isn't enough time to think about it anyway. The defeat in Charles' voice breaks his heart, and that's it - that's the part that makes the decision for him.

Squeezing Charles' arm, he leans in to speak quietly,] Hey, go stand by your mom.

[And then he throws the smoothie. It's not the most adept throw in history, but it's most of a smoothie chucked at Mr. Rowland's head as a distraction, so Junpei can lunge and try to tackle a grown man who has, like, a foot on him, fueled entirely by fury and adrenaline.]

[ perhaps it's the surprise, perhaps it's the fact that this is, still, a glitch, and the body of the original person there underneath it all isn't quite so sturdy as charles' father seems to be; whatever the reason, junpei collides with mr. rowland with enough force to actually send him to the ground, all the while cursing loudly, and charles —

well, charles doesn't do as instructed, and remains rooted to the spot, eyes wide. and the thing is, he doesn't know what exactly it is that he's feeling, has never been particularly good at deciphering his own emotions, but it's — it's not unlike a lantern in the dark, he thinks, the offer of warmth after being doused in cold water for so long you've forgotten what being warm even feels like.

meanwhile, mr. rowland glares at junpei. ] Think you know him, do you? Can guarantee you, son, you don't. He's weak, stupid and useless, and we're better off with him dead. Happier, now, aren't we, Pavisha?

[ still standing in place as if frozen, pavisha rowland is crying, silently, but after a moment, she nods. charles, looking at her, just smiles — it's a horrible, sad smile, somehow far worse than any of his pained expressions put together. ]

I know, Mum, [ he says, softly, ] It's okay. As long as he's not hurting you, it's fine. I don't mind.

[ mr. rowland scoffs and shifts to look back at junpei, somehow, still, looking at him like he doesn't matter, like he's insignificant, like he didn't just tackle him to the ground. ] You'd be better off without him, too. Now, move aside. This is a family matter.

[When Junpei is twelve years old, the school's pet rabbits are killed by a gaggle of older boys; slashed with pocketknives and abandoned, and he swears to his childhood friend that he'll find the people who did it. They come back to kill a kitten, stolen matches and gasoline, and Junpei throws himself into the throng of them without thinking twice. He gets the shit kicked out of him but the cat lives; he's twelve years old with two black eyes and a mouthful of blood but the older boys threatened his friend and he made sure, he made sure they got their fill with him instead. Kept her safe.

This isn't like that; there isn't a cat, it's far more personal, the figures of Charles' parents aren't even real— but Charles is real. Charles who crawled away to an attic after his teammates attacked, instead of home, and the reason why has been thrown into sharp relief and splattered with smoothie here on the ground.

Junpei isn't twelve anymore, won't go home satisfied under the black eyes at justice well-served, he knows better, but the bones of the thing are the same: keep Charles out of there, keep him safe.]

Fuck you and your family matters, [he snaps, and he doesn't turn to see what Charles is doing right this second, pushing himself up to get better purchase to punch Mr. Rowland in the jaw. Glitch or otherwise, he's not going to make the mistake of assuming he'll have the physical advantage for long, so—well, punching.]

Besides, asshole, you have the balls to call me son, so it looks like I'm involved.

[—So there. He swings again; maybe he can break a glitch's nose? He'll find out.]

[ the hits connect, the latter with an audible crunch — which is the sound that startles charles from the daze he's fallen into, staring with wide eyes, worried and impressed and something else that flits around inside his ribcage — he starts forward, takes a few unsteady steps before finding his feet under him again and hurrying to junpei's side, grabbing his hand, threading their fingers together. ]

Hey, [ he says, sounding choked, ] Hey, it's okay, let's — let's just go, yeah? He's not worth it.

[ he pulls, then, on their entwined hands, to punctuate his words. on the ground, his father is groaning, holding a hand to his nose, muttering something charles can't quite hear but can infer has to do with the way they're holding hands and — ignoring that, yeah, if they leave now... maybe the glitches will stop, then, if he just ignores them completely. and his dad, well, he doesn't deserve a speck of either of their attention, really. ]

Junpei, [ charles says, just to make sure he really has his attention, ] Come on. Please.

[If not for Charles intervening, Junpei would keep going, see what other parts of Mr. Rowland's stupid face can crunch. He almost does, even as Charles grabs his hand - he's got another, and this bastard thinks he should keep talking after getting his nose broken, for some reason—

The sound of his name blinks him out of it, right, Charles is the priority here, not the anger. Junpei blinks again and takes a stiff couple steps back from the figure on the ground, resisting the urge to give him a swift kick in the ribs as a parting gift. No, no, Charles, of course, let's go.]

If he gets up... [well, the rest of what he means should be obvious; he lets it trail off, nodding to Charles and squeezing his hand. Right now, they get the hell out of here.] —Okay. Where?

Anywhere, [ comes his immediate answer; because anywhere is better than here, and because he doesn't really care where they go, as long as they go together.

and maybe now that he's no longer using the point of contact between them to pull junpei away from the ground and his dad, he should let go, but — charles holds onto his hand like a lifeline, instead, gripping tight as they turn away, leaving the two glitched figures behind.

it's also rather clear that he has absolutely no idea where to go, except away, seeming like he's walking in kind of a daze, on autopilot — almost like the second he acknowledges anything about what just happened, whatever little composure he has left is just going to crumble away. ]

[Anywhere works just fine for Junpei, who's content just to have their chosen direction be Somewhere Else. He can't help looking over his shoulder once they've walked a handful of meters, to see if either glitched person is following them; it looks like they aren't. He'll keep an eye out, just in case.

So. Charles. Junpei looks at him, says,] Alright, [and picks an actual destination in his place: a park bench. Wherever the nearest park bench is, with the hope that it won't be too crowded unlike the middle of town. He takes the lead with a tug on Charles' hand, directing a sudden left turn after a few more paces.

It's only when an empty park bench is in sight that he speaks up again, nodding to it,] C'mon, you've got to sit down.

[ through the streets, the entire time they walk, charles never once turns to look back. instead, he follows along, not even seeming to notice that he phases clean through a few people, as if forgetting they can see him, here, that he should be swerving round them.

at the sight of the bench, charles blinks. sit... down. right. yeah, he can do that. still on autopilot and entirely silent, he does as told, finally letting go of junpei's hand as he just walks over to the bench, sinks down on it, barely remembering to not fall right through it, and then just — ]

Fuck.

[ he drops his head to his shaking hands, tries to remember the breathing exercises he always makes edwin do when he's freaking out. he should — he should be saying a lot of things, sorry and thank you the first two of them... and yet, what he actually says, when his vocal cords finally decide to obey him, is, ] You're not hurt, are you?

[Junpei follows him to the bench, not sitting down immediately because it feels more vigilant to stand there and watch him. That's stupid, he thinks in the exact same moment, that's ridiculous, but the rage-adrenaline still hasn't entirely worked its way out of him, and he needs a moment to be upright, to pace a little.

That Charles is saying anything at all is a relief; Junpei mentally notes that down as the second good thing, right after getting away from—from all that. He looks down at his hand and considers his knuckles, wondering if they'll bruise from just two hits. There's a smear of goddamn smoothie on his wrist that he starts to rub off before answering,]

No, I'm fine. [True enough, and then softer, remembering Charles pleading with him to get the hell out of there,] I wasn't really thinking straight, but I... Sorry. If I freaked you out.

[Not for punching anyone, he stands by that. But the emotional toll.]

[ the apology actually makes his head snap up, eyes wide like he can't quite comprehend what he's just heard. ]

What? No, why're you saying sorry, that's — [ stupid, and unnecessary, because he didn't do anything wrong, and none of it was his fault, in any case. the last thing he should be doing is apologise.

with a shuddering breath, blinking some stray tears out of his eyes, he tries again, ] I mean, I just didn't want you to get hurt, Mum's bad enough, [ his voice goes quiet and tired and self-deprecating, then, ] It's not worth it, for you to get hurt, not on my account. I've had worse, anyway.

[Why is he saying sorry? He flipped out when Charles was already not doing well; it feels to Junpei like he added a third stressor to the situation, much as Mr. Rowland deserved what he got. He can only shrug a little limply, like, well, it happened, and he's not hurt so that's a non-starter anyway—]

Wait, what?

[It's heartbreaking to hear, and now Junpei moves to sit, jostling them both in his haste to get an arm around Charles and squeeze.]

Hey, come on. 'Course it was worth it. I'm not going to stand there and let anybody treat you like that.

[Which is a simple fact as far as he's concerned: if he's there, he's going to step in, that's nonnegotiable. So instead of further explanation, he says,] Shame you didn't get to talk to your mom.

[ it's just as well that he moves on from that statement about not letting anyone treat him like that quickly, because charles finds he doesn't know what to say in response — but none of what he said was untrue, he thinks, and the words burn inside his throat before he swallows them down; no one cared when i was alive, he thinks, except it's not quite true, because his mum did care, she did, patching him up and taking him to the hospital in the few times it was required, but he also remembers her quiet voice, telling him you know what to do, beta, we keep it in the family, remembers her standing there and turning away and never once helping him —

in the end, he says nothing, just leans against him. and he remains quiet until junpei mentions his mum, and he just shakes his head. ] Wasn't really her, though, was it? She's —

[ his voice hiccups slightly, despite himself, and he has to swallow before continuing, ] She's good, back home. I, um, I check in on them, every week. I can make the mirror show them, you know? And she's... she's fine. He's not, you know, he's not — she's fine. And that's, that's good.

[ the words are a struggle to get out, and he doesn't quite manage to say he's not beating her anymore, the words stuck inside his trachea; and somewhere far, far deeper, the words and i'm glad but why is it that he couldn't find it in himself to be good when i was alive never see the light of day, either. because, well, his dad was right, wasn't he? they're better off without him. now that he's not there, his mum is safe, the way she never was when he was there, hurting her just by existing. ]

[It wasn't really her, but then again, it wasn't really his father, either, was it? Junpei frowns around that thought and doesn't voice it, won't stir those waters any more than they've been disturbed already. So he simply listens in silence, rubbing a hand up and down Charles' arm, comforting.

Eventually,] Yeah, well, that doesn't make your dad less of a piece of shit. I should've hit him sooner.

[Or harder; either way. Either way he can't speak to the depths of their... family dynamic, he's not even going to try. The most he can do is be here and listen, with all the patience and compassion he can muster while pointedly tamping down his anger at Mr. Rowland.

...But first,] He's wrong about you. If you're not going to believe it, I'll just believe it, uh, more. Twice as much.

[ to the first part of it, charles gives a wet chuckle. ] Not going to argue with either of those things, am I?

[ because, yeah, he knows his dad's an asshole. and though he wouldn't have expected junpei to step in at all, in any way... well. he can't exactly say his dad didn't deserve it, or wouldn't have deserved it even earlier.

the second part, though? again, he feels strangely helpless in the face of it all, managing only a tremulous smile at first. it is with a fortifying breath that he says, infusing some levity into his tone despite it all, ] Stop being sweet, I'm trying to feel sorry for myself, here.

[ and though he phrases it like it's not entirely serious it, is — because how is he supposed to feel anything but real damn grateful that even if he can't quite believe that he's not exactly just as useless as his dad said, it doesn't matter; if junpei believes it, then maybe, just maybe, he's right. maybe, just maybe, charles can believe in him even if he can't believe in himself. and so he says, quiet and sincere, ] ... Thanks.

[Junpei scoffs and gives Charles another squeeze, like, good, he'd better not argue about either of those things.

Then he's quiet again, trying to let his thoughts settle and calm at the same time. This is... fine; this is an improvement.]

Anytime. [A beat.] I care about you, so... If you want to just sit for a while, that's fine.

[If he wants to sulk, that is; if he needs to mope, Junpei can sit here and wait. He knows pulling yourself out of a hole doesn't happen as instantaneously as you'd like, so just like when Charles had told him about his death, he's good to just be here.]

[ it's funny how easy it is for him, to talk about the fact he cares about junpei — it's just a fact, now, something he could say just as easily and with as much conviction as something like "the sun will rise tomorrow" or "the water boils at a hundred degrees celsius", you know? and yet, hearing it said back at him? makes him feel out of his depth, even at the same time as it makes him feel warm and pleased.

he sighs and shakes his head. ] Nah, what I'd really want is to forget all about all of that, but... [ not going to happen, that, is it? so instead, he huffs something of a laugh, self-deprecating though it is. ]

Just, thought that was the one thing I wouldn't have to deal with, anymore. That if there was one good thing about being dead, then that was not having to talk to my dad ever again.

[It feels almost as disorienting to say, not because it isn't true, but because Junpei is - perhaps obvious by now - an action-before-words kind of guy. Saying out loud that he cares about Charles, or anyone really, feels clumsy every time, like he forgets how to put the words together in that order.

But he did say it, so hurdle sufficiently... hurdled. Anyway.]

Let's hope that was the first and only time he'll show his face here, then. If I'm around, he'll know better.

[He raises his fist and gives it a little shake, comical - and yet absolutely serious at the same time, he is ready and waiting to break something else, if needs must.]

[ gently, charles lifts his hand and lets his fingers curl around and over junpei's fist, pulling it back down — a de-escalation handhold, as it were. he doesn't let go. ]

Thank you, [ he says again, stronger this time, fully meant. and because he didn't manage this before and should have, ] And sorry. You shouldn't have...

[ shouldn't have what? had to bother with it all? seen that? because — yeah, alright, charles can be honest with himself about this: he wouldn't have told junpei about his home life. he knows it just as certainly as he knows that he wouldn't have told edwin, either, if it hadn't been for the devlin house case, and isn't it ironic that both back home and here, he had absolutely no choice over inflicting his worst wounds on those he cares about the most?

he's suddenly aware that his hold on junpei's hand must be uncomfortably tight, and he lets out a breath, lets his fingers relax just a bit. ] You shouldn't have had to see that. You've got enough to deal with without my shit on top of it.

[Oh, alright, maybe he won't start swinging without thinking about it. As far as Junpei is concerned - well first of all, he should get to punch as many awful dads as he likes, actually, but really: Charles shouldn't have to apologize for this. It's uncomfortable and awkward enough to have to share something so unpleasantly personal, just because this city is broken in some fundamental, impossible way—

He wiggles his hand out from Charles' grip and covers his hand, instead. See, no more fists, he's behaving.]

Nice thought, but you don't have to look out for me this time. I'm a mess, you're a mess, it doesn't matter, because I'm going to— [hey chat is "protect you" too weird and forward,] —you know, be there. I'm on your side.

[ for a long, horrible moment, charles thinks that this is what's going to do it, that he's going to burst into tears right then and there — he has to look up and spend a few seconds just breathing, in and out, and will the tears away from his eyes. and it's stupid, really, that the thing to get to him isn't his dad and his horrible everything but rather the freely-given kindness and care from someone charles didn't even know, like, two months ago.

eventually, he looks back at junpei, something soft and quiet in his eyes as he says, ] Well, think I'd rather you be here, though. [ instead of there, you know —

a really bad attempt at a joke aside, it's not even really a joke at all, because he means it — nothing feels quite as bad when he's here with him, and the fact this is what he truly means is right there in his eyes. ]

[Ah, the old staring at nothing to not cry trick, how familiar. Junpei pats him on the hand in what he hopes is a reassuring way and not, say, awkward and bumbling, then:]

Wait, what? [—oh!!] Oh, yeah, right. Got it.

[Sorry, he was so deep in his soulful little speech he forgot about wordplay for a second. He huffs out a noise that isn't quite a laugh, a release of nerves that have been pulled taut this whole time. He leans back with a sigh that's more of the same; somehow, it's Charles making this incredibly bad joke that makes him feel like things are getting back on track.]

Yeah, you're pretty much stuck with me, so, uh... good.

hi. me again

❤️

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places a cw for mention of animal cruelty/death on top of the rest of this thread's cws

the holy trifecta of animal cruelty, abuse and casual racism/homophobia...

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