ange "the definition of chuunibyou" ushiromiya (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
entreats) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
expiationlogs2024-08-02 07:35 pm
entreats) wrote in expiationlogs2024-08-02 07:35 pm
(open) i went through my list of friends and found i had no one to tell
Who: Ange Ushiromiya and YOU!
Where: All over Aldrip.
What: Ange is dealing with the aftermath of the Gnosia event-- and worse so than she's pretending to be.
Warnings: A chance of talk of mental illness (mostly depression, mixed in with some complex abandonment trauma) and death (in regards to the recent event).
[ It's not like Ange hasn't dealt with anything in this place, really. She's been here for over a year now, and there have been plenty of things before that really shook her to the core - especially that dumb maze from a long while ago now, and everything that had appeared in it. But the most recent event might have been the wildest thing yet. It was very reminiscent of the games back home, which sure didn't help. Even though her family might not have been on the line this time around, watching her friends be on the line was practically just as bad.
And now.. the town is normal again. And they're expected to go on like the usual.
So Ange tries to do just that - even if something threatens to fester below. ]
( a. come across ange - open to all! )
[ Maybe you're coming across one of the more quiet and empty parts of town, or maybe right outside town, where you may have found someone who set up a little shooting range - even if it's not much more than a single target standing there in an empty field or park.
The sight that might be more surprising - if you recognize the girl - is Ange standing there, holding a bow as she's staring at the target, looking rather focused. It's been a long, long time since she bothered to practice archery before giving up on it, so the sight of her doing it again is certainly new to most people. (And not inspired at all by a specific person being on her mind, what do you mean--) She pulls back the string before releasing the arrow. It flies at the target, and..
.. It only hits one of the outer rings.
The girl mutters something under her breath, her steps more like stomps as she heads over to the target to retrieve the arrow, pulling it out. As she turns around to go back to where she was standing a moment ago to perhaps go for a second attempt, she'll spot you right there. She frowns, speaking up with a: ]
What are you looking at?
[ Is she embarrassed? A little more touchy than the usual, considering she doesn't seem to be wearing her poker face or her usual emotionless tone when she spoke up like that? Who knows. ]
( b. ange comes across you - only for existing cr! )
[ For once, Ange doesn't totally isolate in the face of what happened during the event. It's almost as if she learned something, ssshh.
Which means that at some point during the days right after the town returns back to normal, you may find Ange reaching out to you if she knows you. She'll be at your door if she knows where you live, but if she doesn't, she may have sent you a text to come meet up with her at a cafe in town.
Either way, regardless of whether you're greeting her at your doorstep or in the cafe, the girl scowls and immediately starts with: ]
Everything that happens in this place is such bullshit.
[ Okay, hi, hello to you too, Ange-- ]
( ooc: feel free to hit me up with either brackets or prose, i will match! or if you'd like to wildcard this or ask for a custom starter, feel free to let me know too, i'm very flexible! )
Where: All over Aldrip.
What: Ange is dealing with the aftermath of the Gnosia event-- and worse so than she's pretending to be.
Warnings: A chance of talk of mental illness (mostly depression, mixed in with some complex abandonment trauma) and death (in regards to the recent event).
[ It's not like Ange hasn't dealt with anything in this place, really. She's been here for over a year now, and there have been plenty of things before that really shook her to the core - especially that dumb maze from a long while ago now, and everything that had appeared in it. But the most recent event might have been the wildest thing yet. It was very reminiscent of the games back home, which sure didn't help. Even though her family might not have been on the line this time around, watching her friends be on the line was practically just as bad.
And now.. the town is normal again. And they're expected to go on like the usual.
So Ange tries to do just that - even if something threatens to fester below. ]
( a. come across ange - open to all! )
[ Maybe you're coming across one of the more quiet and empty parts of town, or maybe right outside town, where you may have found someone who set up a little shooting range - even if it's not much more than a single target standing there in an empty field or park.
The sight that might be more surprising - if you recognize the girl - is Ange standing there, holding a bow as she's staring at the target, looking rather focused. It's been a long, long time since she bothered to practice archery before giving up on it, so the sight of her doing it again is certainly new to most people. (And not inspired at all by a specific person being on her mind, what do you mean--) She pulls back the string before releasing the arrow. It flies at the target, and..
.. It only hits one of the outer rings.
The girl mutters something under her breath, her steps more like stomps as she heads over to the target to retrieve the arrow, pulling it out. As she turns around to go back to where she was standing a moment ago to perhaps go for a second attempt, she'll spot you right there. She frowns, speaking up with a: ]
What are you looking at?
[ Is she embarrassed? A little more touchy than the usual, considering she doesn't seem to be wearing her poker face or her usual emotionless tone when she spoke up like that? Who knows. ]
( b. ange comes across you - only for existing cr! )
[ For once, Ange doesn't totally isolate in the face of what happened during the event. It's almost as if she learned something, ssshh.
Which means that at some point during the days right after the town returns back to normal, you may find Ange reaching out to you if she knows you. She'll be at your door if she knows where you live, but if she doesn't, she may have sent you a text to come meet up with her at a cafe in town.
Either way, regardless of whether you're greeting her at your doorstep or in the cafe, the girl scowls and immediately starts with: ]
Everything that happens in this place is such bullshit.
[ Okay, hi, hello to you too, Ange-- ]
( ooc: feel free to hit me up with either brackets or prose, i will match! or if you'd like to wildcard this or ask for a custom starter, feel free to let me know too, i'm very flexible! )
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[ Toph agrees completely. She's better at tolerating her circumstances -- she'd spent years pretending to be someone she isn't, after all, and her element is steadfast patience personified -- but that doesn't mean she isn't willing to complain about it with Ange. She's a proactive, decision person and the lack of direction can be painful to her, too. ]
I think Spock and his friend are up to something, but I don't really get what they're doing. It's all computers.
[ Technology is completely beyond her, so Toph is reduced to just hovering around making a nuisance of herself until there's something to take action on. ]
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[ The altered communicators, she means, but if there's anything in this moment that connects Ange and Toph other than general frustration about not being able to do much-- ]
But I don't understand a lot about that either. We didn't really have technology this advanced where I come from. [ She huffs. ] And even if they had, I bet my aunt would have kept me away from it. She's just as bad as this place when it comes to locking people up.
[ There's a slight moment, and just because it's Toph, Ange actually entrusts the other with her next thought, rather than keeping it to herself. ]
It's kind of dumb how you can feel a little bit more free one moment, and then end up right where you started the next, huh.
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Ange seems more frustrated by it, and then she gets personal. Toph's expression furrows, concerned. She's not shy about asking for an explanation before she gets to empathizing. She hates feeling trapped, but she'd also undeniably fought herself free of it. ]
Were you... kept somewhere before you got here? I grew up really sheltered and isolated, but my parents weren't literally locking me up. [ Not that they didn't try later, but they're talking about Ange's unfortunate family history right now, not hers. ]
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She looks over at the other girl, even if Toph may not be able to tell. There's just a moment of staring - nothing too uncomfortably long, but just a few moments long enough that it might be kind of hard for Toph to tell what she's doing, even if what Ange is doing here is just being a little baffled by the other's experience. ]
I mean.
[ Another pause. Slightly awkward this time. ]
What's your definition of 'literally locking someone up'?
[ Not that said definition shouldn't be obvious, but she's just making sure they're on the same page here. Especially when she isn't sure what Toph's own exact experience with her upbringing was. ]
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[ She certainly notices the long-ish awkward pause and can read into it enough to find Ange's question disturbing. ]
I could leave when I wanted to, and I did. That enough for you?
[ Her parents trying to have her kidnapped against her will is still a sensitive subject, and Toph's not going to delve into it without warning, especially not when she's really focused on listening to Ange. ]
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[ It's an answer and her indicating why she was asking in the first place. Yes, that answer was enough for her to be able to tell the difference - and she's sure Toph can too, just by Ange saying that.
She's glad though. Toph probably would be less.. Toph-like if she hadn't been able to leave at all. If she had practically been her family's prize cattle the way Ange had been. ]
I spent years and years at home. Then years and years at an isolated boarding school. [ There's a weird mixture of emotions in Ange's tone. She sounds a little awkward, yet at the same time like she's really trying to keep up a brave tone about this one. Like she doesn't want to sound weird in front of the other girl. ] I couldn't leave even if I'd try.
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She has her own quiet pause before she responds, processing that. She can tell Ange feels sensitive about admitting it, and decides to deliberately tell some of the more sensitive details of her own story in exchange, to hopefully help her feel better about what she's shared. ]
I was born blind, and my parents thought they needed to protect me from everything. They didn't let me leave our estate and they didn't let me do anything strenuous. [ She trusts Ange knows her well enough by now to understand what a burden this was on Toph, how much it utterly smothered her personality. ] When I left, I ran away. They hired mercenaries to kidnap me and drag me back home. I had to invent metalbending to escape.
[ There's some evident pain in her voice, but also a wry understanding that she'd been lucky in a certain way. ]
But I did get to leave. I get it -- I get what that's like, at least a little. Feeling like I'm trapped still makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
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[ She hesitates.
There's so much she could say here. So much Ange could clarify, because the feeling is a little bit different for her - though the way Toph describes it very much suits her personality. Indeed, Ange can easily imagine why it was such a problem for Toph in particular. She's practically the antithesis of being locked up anywhere.
But it's hard. Even with Toph sharing her story, even though Ange is pretty sure the other girl wouldn't make fun of her-- It's hard.
Maybe that's why she doesn't get into it right away, instead opting to say: ]
They hired mercenaries, of all things? [ Yes, sure, Toph is a little too strong to get caught by something more ordinary, but even if her parents love her, that seems a little.. wild. ] Couldn't they just.. you know, try to talk to you or something? Communicate? You're still their kid, not some random prisoner.
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[ Toph grimaces, trying to smile in something like acceptance and falling flat. She wants to be past this, but it still hits too close to home. It still hurts. Last time she saw her dad, he refused to acknowledge her. ]
I think they've figured out now that I did it myself, and it's not, uh, making it better.
[ But that's enough about her. Unfortunately for Ange, Toph is indeed well-adjusted and has adequate social skills despite her backstory. That's more Toph's indomitable personality than anything, but the point stands that she knows this is supposed to be a give and take; she shares her story, then Ange shares hers. ]
What about you? Come on, this is the part where you get to complain. [ Toph companionably gives her a little shove to encourage her. No one's personal space is sacred to Toph. ]
cw: talk of physical and verbal child abuse
Hence why Ange is quiet even for a moment afterwards, until she settles on a point to start at. ]
.. my family died when I was six. They all went to a family conference without me, and something mysterious happened there that killed them all. Only my aunt came back, so since we were each other's only remaining living relatives, she was forced to adopt me. [ Ange doesn't look at the other girl when she speaks. She knows she could, that it's not like Toph can actually look back at her, but there's something too awkward about focusing on another person while she says this, regardless of their sight.
Instead she just stares at some point between them. ]
She hated it. No-- She hated me. She yelled at me every single day. She scolded me for every single thing I did, and often hit me as well. Aunt Eva acted like it was my fault that her own family was taken away from her as well during that mysterious incident. [ Ange's tone has an odd quality to it. It sounds like she's trying really hard to sound unaffected, like she's just reading some news headline, but there's something more awkward filtered in it for anyone who's listening closely. ] I guess my punishment for that was me not being allowed to be around anyone but her.
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Her story reminds her both of Aang and of Zuko. Aang, losing his whole family, his whole society, in one fell swoop; and Zuko, growing up with a father who told him constantly that he was never going to be good enough. Toph has never been right for her parents but she's always been enough. She's always had them. She thinks back on how they got on this topic before she responds. ]
... Maybe you're trapped here, Ange, but you're not alone.
[ Toph lurches forward and wraps her in a hug, unhesitating, unself-conscious. ]
We're friends, [ she declares into her shirt. ] And if anyone yells at you, I'll kick their ass.
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Sure, she didn't Toph was a bad person at all, but.. she didn't take her to be this type either. The type to just brazenly hug someone, to say stuff like this so easily. For a moment Ange has no idea how to deal with it, especially when she never got this from anyone back in her own world. How does one reply to such an easy offer of-- of friendship, of care, of protection?
Her throat suddenly feels tight, and her eyes start to feel like they're burning, and at the first sting of tears in her eyes Ange mentally curses herself as she bends her head, slowly also moving her own arms around the other girl in return. ]
That's-- [ She sounds choked up, like it's hard to even talk. ]
.. this is stupid. [ This, in turn, sounds like she doesn't really mean it.
Like Toph has hit on something that's way too true - that Ange has never learned that it's okay to admit to something upsetting you, not even when it's something this big. When it has seeped so deep into your bones that it hurts you on the daily. ]
It's-- it's fine. I mean.. People disappear here all the time. And sooner or later I'll go home, and then I'll be alone again. [ It's almost like she's rambling to herself more than to Toph, despite holding onto the other girl. ] That's just-- That's just how it is.
[ She has to be fine with that. It's what she taught herself a long time ago, since it was the only way to survive. ]
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Although that means she can't entirely empathize with Ange, it also means she is steady as a rock for leaning on. Her hug is tight and emphatic. She doesn't give out friendship carelessly, but she doesn't withhold it when it's warranted, either. And she likes Ange. She trusts her. She's known her for months now, and she's been sensible and consistent and kind in her own gruff way -- a way Toph feels kinship with, in fact -- so why hold back? ]
I say we're friends and I'll kick someone's ass for you, and you're immediately figuring out how to deal with it after I'm gone? [ Toph complains, scoffing. It's a good-natured scoff, the same way she tolerantly puts up with Sokka catastrophizing or Katara insisting on trying to talk something out.
Toph pulls back but keeps one arm around her at waist height. ]
How about we take like a whole second to focus on being right here, where we both currently are?
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It's clear that she's still trying to find a way to deal with anything Toph is saying and the way Ange feels about it. Even more so when she doesn't want to bring up what's making her say stuff like this in the first place. You don't tell your cool friend you have an abandonment complex that's a mile long, especially when you often do your best to also seem cool in all circumstances. It's not how this works.
Ange's facial expression is therefore pretty complicated when Toph pulls back. She's a little glad the other can't see, but Toph seems observant enough in her own way that Ange feels like maybe Toph caught on all the same that she's embarrassed and a little more upset than she'd like to be right now all the same.
She swallows, breathes, lets go of the other a little and then manages to say without sounding completely pathetic: ]
.. My friends tend to die real quick.
[ That feels better. Just stating objective reality as the reason for her feelings, rather than the complex that has been developed because of it. It makes it sound a little less like she's pathetic. ]
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Toph swallows hard against the emotion and leans in to give her another quick hug just as hard. ]
Ange-- [ Her voice turns soft, suddenly obviously young and girlish as opposed to her usual brash tone. ] That's so messed up.
[ She can't reassure her. She can't promise she won't die or disappear. Even if they weren't stuck here, Toph wouldn't be able to do that; however sheltered she is, she understands war, she knows loss happens to people unpredictably and without rationality or reason. But she can name it for what it is: awful. She doesn't have to pretend Ange should be unaffected by it. ]
You finally got out and met people, and then they died?
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They're both young. It's not something Ange often thinks of, when it feels like her eightteen lived years were more like a thousand, and when Toph is so good at acting all tough and capable, but it's something she's reminded of a lot in this moment. Ange feels lost when talking about this, and Toph sounds a little lost too.
How could they ever hope to solve the problem that is Ange's dumpster fire of a life? It's only in this moment that Ange realizes Toph is trying to solve it in the ways she can - with affection. With being kind, in her own way. With offers of taking her away from it.
It makes her only appreciate it more. Even as Ange answers, quietly: ]
Dead. Disppeared. [ It doesn't sound like those two are the same thing - like she's talking about separate instances. ] In this place it's more often the latter. Sometimes people here say they want to be friends with me, and then whatever's behind this place just..
[ She's quiet for a moment, and then adds: ]
.. takes them away.
[ It might explain some of her reluctance when it comes to the whole friendship deal. It's hard to keep believing in it when you keep losing it. Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke, especially when she considers the crime this place decided she's here for. ]
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Well-- [ She falters momentarily, then suddenly gains strength, sounding much more like herself again. ] I can't promise I won't die or disappear, but I can make you something. Even if I'm gone eventually, it doesn't mean I was never here.
[ Toph herself has a steadfastness similar to the earth itself, an enduring solidness that defies change. Maybe she'll leave sometime, beyond her control, but her feelings for Ange won't change inherently just because she isn't here to express them.
She steps back and takes Ange's hand in her own insistently. ]
I have an idea. Let's go find a jewelry store. Don't argue with me, just come on! [ She pulls at her to take off immediately, already anticipating Ange wanting to stand around and wallow in emotion rather than doing something about it, which is the Toph special. ]
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[ Toph is totally right about the fact that Ange isn't really capable of taking action about all the complicated things she's feeling in this moment. Which means that when the younger girl starts tugging on her arm like that, Ange falls into step, but with the sort of motion and facial expression that makes it pretty clear she's surprised. That she didn't expect this to end with something actually actionable.
Few things in her life ever have. It's the problem of being a victim of circumstance, rather than of your own actions. There's very little you can ever change about it on a personal level.
Except Toph is doing that now. She's doing-- something? Hold on, due to the surprise it takes a moment or two longer for things to click together into Ange's mind, even though she's already walking after the other girl. ]
You want to get something at a jewelry store? [ Of all places?? Toph, what are you doing! Ange isn't familiar enough with the concept of friendship to keep up with this that quickly!! ]
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She can't make things better for Ange, can't change the circumstances of her life, but she can do whatever is in her power. She tugs Ange along insistently at a fast clip, aiming unerringly for where she can feel a collection of delicate twisted metal shapes on display. ]
Yeah -- I want you to pick out whatever metal looks good to you -- don't worry, I'm loaded, it doesn't matter. [ Putting all that casino money to good use! ] Not the actual jewelry but the metal, okay? And pick one little gemstone that you like with it.
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She'd usually ask Toph why she's doing this for her.
But that part is pretty clear, right? Everything that Toph has said just now makes it pretty clear, no matter how much it is for Ange to try and come to terms with. Toph.. cares. She wants to be her friend. She wants to give her hope in her own way. ]
.. you're ridiculous, Toph.
[ It doesn't sound like an insult. There's absolutely no bite to it.
Instead it sounds.. a little embarrassed, maybe. Mostly just touched. Ange doesn't sound like she's trying, but her voice does sound a little thick, like she's close to it over this. ]
But I know better than to say no to you. [ Not that Ange wants to. It's just-- It feels easier to put it this way. To hide behind Toph's own determined stubbornness, rather than to admit that she kind of likes the idea of this. Liking things is a vulnerable thing when you're used to everything you care about disappearing. ]
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[ That excuse totally works on Toph, who loves being respected, far more than she wants to force her friends to admit they have feelings. Ange can be emotional and not-crying and Toph won't call her out on it. When she has that happen, she doesn't want other people to make a big deal out of it, so she'll approach it that way.
They duck into the first jewelry store they come across, and Toph marches them up to the display counter. She slaps the casino credit card down.
To the staff: ] Take this and get lost. We don't want help.
[ Toph turns back to Ange. ]
Okay. Metal and a gemstone. Got it?
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.. It helps when she thinks about what it's for. Something to symbolize their friendship. Then she doesn't have to suddenly settle on her own preferences, but she can just think of what makes her think of Toph.
That realization makes it way easier to figure out what might be good here. Considering the staff seem fine with just taking Toph's money and avoiding an encounter with a potentially abrasive customer, they're not really paying much attention at all, so Ange just grabs a piece of emerald - it looks like Toph's eyes, she thinks, very light yet still kind of green - before reaching out to put it into the other girl's hand. ]
Here. As for the metal-- um, silver, maybe? [ It's a little more meek than she'd usually be, but if there's anything Toph seems right now, it's very serious about this whole friendship thing.
So maybe it's okay to drop her mask a little in front of the other like this. ]
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Once Ange decides, Toph rudely snaps her fingers at the store workers and has them bring her some plain silver chains as well as the ring the emerald was set into. The gem itself she isn't confident in her ability to manipulate, but the ring practically melts through her fingers and reforms into a misshapen bit of refuse that she casts aside. Then comes the fun part. One of the silver chains keeps its shape, but the rest she piles together in her palms and closes her hands over them, visibly concentrating. Toph doesn't close her eyes for obvious reasons, just stares blankly - perhaps unnervingly? - ahead for long moments as she makes subtle motions with her hands.
What emerges is a stylized badger-mole perhaps two inches across, solid sterling silver because Toph has no concept of hollowing things out to save in expense. It has the sweeping artistic lines of Chinese characters to its form, rather than anything too realistic. The emerald is buried into the silver so that only a small edge of it shows, forming the badger-mole's nose where it's kissing a tiny delicate butterfly perched on the end.
She grins in satisfaction and then eagerly slips it on the chain and hands it out to Ange. ]
That's a badger-mole. Did I ever tell you about them? They taught me most of what I know.
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Like the fact that Toph made this for her is only hitting her in this moment, now she's holding onto the physical evidence of the deed.
Maybe the other girl was right in thinking that giving Ange a physical reminder like this might help. ]
.. no, you haven't told me.
[ Her voice sounds a little bit more out of it than the usual, like she's still dazed at the sight of the jewelry. ]
It looks like.. an animal? Some sort of creature? [ Certainly like none that live where she comes from, though Ange thinks some parts of it do look like animals she knows. ]
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[ Toph has told this story several times by now, but at this moment, in respect to Ange's wobbly tone and overwhelmed emotions, she tells a slightly different version. Her voice softens and she sounds nostalgic, grateful, even a little bittersweet. ]
When I was really little, I thought I was never going to be able to do anything or go anywhere, because that's what my parents told me. I knew I was an earthbender but I figured someone like me couldn't do anything with it.
[ She thinks Ange will identify with at least this part of the story. ]
One day I found the badger-moles. Or they found me? [ She smiles, reflective. ] I don't know if they sensed something in me -- as the original earthbenders, they're close to the spirit world -- but they accepted me. They let me stumble around them as a little kid until I figured out how they were doing it, how they were seeing.
They opened up the whole world for me.
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