[ Trek Crew Catch-All ] And you may ask yourself

[finalfrontiersman]

Who: Jim Kirk, Spock, Tendi, Bones & friends.
Where: The Trek house!
What: Catch-all for the month's nonsense.
Content Warnings: Profanity. Potential for discussions of survivor's guilt and Gnosia-related trauma. Old man yaoi.




See below for closed starters! This post will serve as a catch-all for the Trek cast~

Contact for plotting:

James "Jim" Tiberius Kirk | trickster88, PM, Discord by Request/Game Discord

S'chn T'gai Spock | askefise, Game Discord

D'Vana Tendi | posolutely, Game Discord

Leonard "Bones" McCoy | PM, Game Discord, Discord: chatnoir

Comments

[feintofhart]

Mmh.

[ He doesn't like the implications there. That it was possible to fight, provided you had a powerful enough backbone for it, or provided that you didn't go after people that you had any regard for. He and Miller aren't what anyone would ever call friends, but he thinks he's a fine enough fellow, and intelligent besides. The idea that he simply didn't try hard enough puts a sour taste in his mouth.

He can't believe that. Not of all those poor people who were out of their wits. He refuses to. However Jim and Spock were able to fight it, he won't put that on anyone else. ]

You know, I'm finding out more and more that everyone around here has died at least once -- and had been brought back, to boot. [ He gives Jim a crooked smile. ] It's quite bizarre. I had only known death to be a temporary thing. You'll have to tell me all about it, sometime.

[ He's dodging the question, though. He leans back a little. ]

You can still count it, if you like. But as long as I'm still standing, I don't. [ That's how he's dealt with it; just push it aside, out of mind. To dwell on it when it didn't even hold, when everyone else here seems to have no difficulties moving forward? That just makes him feel pitiful. ] It's not a very long story. One of the kids came to my door, asking for help -- poor thing was strangled half to death, had seen things he shouldn't have ever had to see. But he was followed. And only one of us was going to be able to walk out of that place alive.

[ He grins at Jim, a touch ruefully. ]

Good thing my enemies aren't here with me. I've gone soft.

[finalfrontiersman]

[ Jim definitely doesn't mean to imply that, and frankly, there's a lot more to it. The fact that Spock mentally linked them before they were too far gone, that they had this deeper bond which was (now) solidified - well, there were other contributing factors. Having to survive that on his own? With no one else literally in his head, to help draw him back? Jim can't rightly say he would have fared much better on his own.

And, of course, it only got them so far. They still hurt people. Trapped them, hunted them for sport, lured them in with an evil version of a honey pot trap - yikes. The things he said to Gwen, when she caught and cornered him - what they did to Claude, in the end. Nothing was strong enough to stop all of that. ]

First person I've met. You're telling me there's a club? [ Jim tilts his head to the side, studying Claude's smile with a flicker of evaluation. ] Temporary? How do you mean?

Fair enough. [ If repression is the name of Claude's game, Jim won't push it. Well, not at the moment. He's been there, he's been king of that game. Still is, in some respects. ] Though if you don't count it, you don't get to say second time's the charm.

[ Jim sips his drink, listening to Claude's recount. He shakes his head in disagreement, shifting his body language to something more relaxed - maybe intentionally so, just a little. ] Helping someone in need isn't soft. Even when you have to pay for it, in the end - that's something that's worth paying for. Did the kid get away?

THE TEMPORARY THING WAS MY OWN TYPO LOL I meant permanent.... shoves that away

[feintofhart]

...yeah. Yeah, he did. Zaffy was in the stables just outside, so I told him to grab her and get the hell out of there.

[ If it had all happened outdoors, the ending would have been a very, very different story. Miller's bullets wouldn't have done nearly as much damage to Zafeera's hide, and one well-placed bite from her mighty jaws would have been more than enough to ensure that Miller had died rather than the other way around. Claude is not so altruistic that he doesn't wish that were the case - even if it hadn't been Miller's fault, better him than Claude - but the good part about dying is that you can keep your lips fully sealed and play the willing martyr instead of the curmudgeon who's willing to do whatever it takes to survive.

It's not a view others seem to share. Others - Jim aside, though he won't voice his appreciation for this perspective aloud - seem to see death and their subsequent rebirth as being no big deal, simply a fact of life in a place such as this, and certainly nothing anyone else should linger on. Claude is well-practiced in the art of managing others' expectations. He's been fighting against accusations of weakness his entire life, and knows better than to show weakness now. That doesn't mean he doesn't still feel that sting, though, that comes with the knowledge that acknowledging how monumental this felt to him will do nothing but prove a certain frailty of his spirit, some lack of resilience in his resolve, that something so many here have gone through having any impact on him would make him somehow lesser.

So he shoves it down, even here, accompanied by a sympathetic ear. It's the only thing he can do. His image is everything to him, even if he's sitting alone in an empty room; once he tears down that artifice, he's not sure what would be left. ]

I don't have the luxury of death back home. But here... well, I suppose it matters less here. [ He flashes a grin at Jim. Back home, he probably wouldn't have taken the same actions. But dying here? Even without being brought back to life? His impact on this place is small, at the end of the day. It would sadden certain individuals, but the course of history would keep marching on. It's how most people feel about death, he supposes, though he's not sure he can say the same for the good Captain before him. Jim knows a thing or two about his position being larger than himself, he'd reckon. ]

If you ask around, you'll find out that several people here have died at least once. To monsters, to some madness that overtook them all, to each other... but very rarely do people stay dead here. Even so, I wasn't about to take that chance with the kid. He doesn't even know what happened, afterwards.

[ Claude taps the side of his nose. ]

And I'd appreciate it if it stayed that way.

LOL MY B I WASNT SURE

[finalfrontiersman]

That's good. I'd consider that a win, in the grand scheme of things.

[ It's about all you could ask for, all you could do when the situation went sideways. Maximize chances of survival, even if you weren't reaping the benefits. Claude knows this - as someone in charge of troops, of course he does, and it's a quality Jim recognizes and admires in him. Making the sacrifice play isn't something that should be taken lightly but sometimes it's the only move. The difference between a check and mate. While it's true that Jim doesn't believe in no win scenarios, it's equally as true that sometimes, the win conditions aren't ideal.

Regardless, Jim can't fathom death being commonplace like that. It was so momentous, so earth-shattering when it happened - and, granted, he had (reasonably) thought it the end for him - it's a little nauseating to think that it could get to such a desensitized place for people. Moreover, what one person might consider to be no big deal didn't define it for the rest; it didn't make Claude's experience any less valid. In fact, admitting to vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. It took time for Jim to learn that himself, but even so; courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to act in spite of it. ]

It matters. It always matters. [ Jim shakes his head, offering Claude a reciprocal smile. Pressing, perhaps, but not too hard, he hopes. ] What we do to ourselves, and to others. Whether or not it leaves any lasting damage...our experiences leave scars. It's how we know we're growing.

[ Claude's impact would be wider than he thinks. Trust him, Jim knows. He's lived this. There's no one he's met in Aldrip with a bad word to say about Claude - and hell, Jim knows for sure he'd miss him. Spock, too, even if he'd never say it. ]

Of course. [ Jim wouldn't betray his confidence. Even keeping things from Spock isn't impossible - difficult, sure, but not impossible. And Claude has been kind enough to keep Jim's medical issues to himself, too. ] I had no idea. This is the first I've heard of this place bringing people back like that. It really makes you wonder what we are.

[ Stuck in a simulation? Iterations on iterations? Thank God there's booze. ]