expiationlogs | ( closed ) the moment man devoured the fruit of knowledge, he sealed his fate.

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( closed ) the moment man devoured the fruit of knowledge, he sealed his fate.

Who: Ryoji and Various.
Where: All across Aldrip.
What: Some closed starters for the Gnosia event!
Warnings: General death and violence, incineration, assisted suicide/suicide, choking, ego death. Will update as it progresses!

This revelation does not come with fanfare. This is one that comes as subtle epiphany, like remembering to fetch your clothes from the laundromat or realizing you forgot to water your plants for the day. This is waking up and realizing something that has been there all along, something that has always existed inside you.

For Ryoji, it is a purpose. He doesn’t know where it comes from or why it is, only that it is ingrained in the fibers of his existence this entire time. It is instinct, a compulsion he cannot fight against — it is not a choice, or a quirk of personality. An instrument is only capable of fulfilling the purpose it has been given.

Nothing has to change, because everything is as how it has always been. As it should be. His regained dark wings remain tucked away, until the moment is at hand.

Humanity yearns for salvation. And he has been born to grant their final wish.

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[They have never met before, but they have communicated enough times in the past for Ryoji to spot one of his friends by sight. He doesn’t know a lot of white-haired guys after all, let alone shapeshifting dragons! And perhaps there’s just something in Rafal’s energy that makes him so distinguishable from the rest. The young boy can’t describe it, but he’s sure that it’s something “Fell Dragon-ish.”

It’s why Ryoji is so casual when he approaches him, his usual smile tinged with worry — the sign of a concerned friend.]

Did you see that warning on our tablets? That was really creepy!

[He expected it to be hard. Killing someone has always been one of humanity’s greatest taboos, is it not? It is natural for humans to fear death, as it is an irreversible event that steals one’s opportunities. And yet it comes for them all, no matter how much one wants to turn away from it.

And yet, as he watched his friend’s life slip away in his fingers, Ryoji realizes that this isn’t hard at all. He can do this. He will do this. Which is why by the time he approaches his next target, all the butterflies in his stomach have dissipated away.]

You’re Yusuke-san, right? The one wants to punch people from the dating app?

[His humorous words do not match his face nor their previous conversation. The usually cheerful Ryoji looks haggard, part of his face covered by his scarf. Despite the rough exterior, he thinks that he’s a pretty decent guy…which is why he doesn’t want him to suffer.]

Have you seen my friends around? They’re at my age, usually wearing a uniform…With everything that’s been going on, I want to make sure that they’re alright.

[He’s not lying, at the very least — he does want to see them again. So, so very much.]

[It starts, as it always does, with a confrontation above the bridge.

So far he has approached his targets by simply being who he is: talking to them as if it wasn’t the end of the world, a companion to share some comfort with, such that they would pass on with as little suffering as possible.

But this is different. She has always insisted him to be dangerous at the first moment they met, even before he remembered the grand design that was meant for him. No — he would have to be more direct this time.]

Aigis-san. Please don’t struggle.

[His face is one that of grief even as he points his blade against her.]

I don’t want this to be painful.

[Considering the sudden stillness that has befallen upon Aldrip alongside his newfound drive to kill all of humanity, waking up in front of the city hall isn’t that surprising, all things considered! As his groggy brain still tries to figure out why he is here and what’s with the screen divider, the familiarity of the face across him jolts some focus into his system.]

We sure end up meeting in the strangest of places. I’m starting to think we might be bound by fate.

[It’s a joke, but with everything that has been going on Ryoji does want to lift up some spirits a little. Admittedly he is doing this more for himself than for Fandaniel, though.]

[The city has fallen silent, and streets echo in its newfound emptiness.

As the lives within this prison dwindle, the need to be more discreet increases. Not if Ryoji wants to continue his work, before he is captured and “cured” by the crew. The mere thought of it is an itch on his skin — he doesn’t want to feel that uncertainty of not knowing who he really is ever again.

Ryoji is lucky though, he thinks. Because he has a senpai by his side. Shinjiro-senpai might be gruff and grumpy all the time, but he’s always willing to lend a hand. And he has to admit, he has been starting to feel a little lonely.

Alas, this last kill had been messy. His victim was a strong one, and Ryoji felt like he could have been overpowered if not for the timely intervention from Shinjiro-senpai. But now they have to deal with the clean-up — nobody should have seen them commit the crime in this dark alleyway, but the rotting corpse would eventually smell.]

I only wish he didn’t struggle. [Ryoji sighs, shoulders practically drooping. Perhaps the sight of mangled guts should make his stomach turn, but this sight to him feels as familiar as the sun rising.] Then he wouldn’t have suffered as he died.

[There’s blood on his scarf from the confrontation, but he doesn’t seem to notice it at all.]

[Ryoji did not enjoy his dreams — if they could even be called dreams. For in those nightmares nothing happens at all: he simply stands in a room of purest black with nothing to keep him company. Not even the gentle glow of the moon. That oblivion mocks his emptiness: the holes in his memory that he tries to ignore, the uncertainty of his very existence, that nagging feeling that one day he would simply cease to be.

He thought he found his purpose here. Is that not why the Gnos called out to him? Wasn’t this the reason why he was born? So why does this fear to continue to plague him?

But this is also why he knows that this isn’t his dream: there is *something* here. A place that shows traces of life, no matter how painful or sorrowful it was. A memory that isn’t his. And a familiar face in front of him…]

Junpei-san? Where are we?

[Eventually it came apparent that Ryoji couldn’t keep up with his initial modius operandi. He didn’t mind the lies or the murder — it was the smiles of his victims that he couldn’t bear to see. Knowing that he is the wretched thing that shall end it all for them. This is the ideal, of course: better for them to be in ignorant bliss rather than to suffer while waiting for the inevitable.

But is ignorance truly bliss? When he himself had been ignorant for the longest time and the fact that he didn’t know was slowly driving him insane? Perhaps humanity simply holds different values, and that’s why he doesn’t understand. He’s no longer human, after all.

He knows he has to kill his emotions. He has to. He’s not allowed to stop killing.

That is his mantra as he jumps on his newest prey, hoping to take his head in one swift cut.]

[He can’t. He can’t. He’s falling apart.

Someone will kill him soon. He’s sure. It doesn’t matter whether it’s by human hands or from his fellow Gnosia. Ryoji could no longer contain this unbearable bloodlust.

But before he loses himself, there is something he can do.]

Meet me at the club rooftop.

[No greeting, no explanation — no hint of his usual emojis. But he knows Minato would come. It’s Minato, after all. He leans against the wall, fingers brushing against his now-tattered scarf. All he needs to do is wait.]

[Ryoji Mochizuki. That was his name for a time.

But now he has no attachment to it. Now he is merely an instrument of the Gnosia, a martyr for their goals to save humanity. He didn’t think about going against his nature, not even once: he was simply unable to do so. Even now, the crime of helplessness weighs down upon him.

He could no longer hide who has become in the duration of this week: a grim reaper bearing dark wings, a wraith who kills swiftly and silently. The unnatural glow of his blue eyes is the last thing they will ever see.

And yet, even though he has become this wretched thing, the echo of his bonds still beat in his heart. That’s why…]

Kotone-chan.

[He sounds so kind, despite everything.]

I’ve come for you.

[That’s why, to those whom he deems to be his dearest, he shall give the sweetest release.]

[Fandaniel had been toiling away on his robot when he suddenly found himself sitting in front of the city hall on the other side of a screen.

When Ryoji speaks to him, he grins, though as usual, no joy lights up his eyes.]

Bound by fate?

My! I certainly hope not for your sake.

[He sits back and peers at the screen, analyzing it. The technology on display is fascinating.]

Now, I don't suppose you know what is going on? Is this another peculiar ritual of Aldrip's?

I was rather in the middle of something.

[ Death calls out. The human responds in turn.

It's not safe for Minato to be out and about alone. Perhaps if someone else had requested his presence, he would at least wait until there were more people out and about. Strength in numbers, so to speak.

But because it's Ryoji, Minato heads straight for the club rooftop.

He steps out onto the roof and immediately spots Ryoji. Specifically, he spots something a little out of place about Ryoji. ]

...your scarf. What happened?

[ rafal is on edge. this kind of behavior, this kind of setting reminds him too much of his own childhood. enemies all around, cloistered close. he doesn't sleep and his hand is always closed either around the hilt of his axe or his dragon. he has no fear of death, but the weakness it speaks of him dying ignobly.

defect, failure, worthless. he glances at ryoji absently. ]

So what? This is hardly surprising.

[Even though this July is hot enough that sweat prickles her skin, she can't help but feel that cold December wind when Ryoji had waited in her room for her to kill him. She'd sworn to herself not to make him feel that same helplessness in his time here, but this infection apparently had other plans. Minato's bruises are proof enough that Ryoji isn't himself, but the kindness in his voice, so like that chilly night, stops her in her tracks as she gazes across at him.

She's not afraid for herself. She's worried about Scott, of course, worried about Ryoji himself, but she's not afraid, even facing him like this. Minato hadn't been able to get completely through to him, but maybe she could.]

It's okay, Ryoji-kun. [She tilts her head a little and tries for a smile, as if the grim sight before her were just the boy she cares for so deeply.] We're here to help.

[Scott's the healer, so he's the one she has to protect no matter what. Even if he weren't her boyfriend, even if she didn't love Scott more than life itself, she'd feel that way. Her guardian angel power rests in her fingertips, ready to shield him the second Ryoji moves toward him.]

It hurts, doesn't it? Doing all this stuff. You don't have to anymore.

Edited 2024-07-22 02:00 (UTC)

[Is this how Ryoji really looks like? His true form as Death?? Or just the gnosia infection spreading so deeply within him that he's come to look like a reaper worthy of taking life from others? There's a part of him that feels anxious, maybe a little afraid, but Scott swallows those emotions down, pushing them to the back of his mind so that he can be by Kotone and watch his friend with an expression that is both sad and determined. They... they're going to heal him. Just like how he healed the others. They can do this.

Minato is counting on them.

It's tempting to just use his heal immediately on Ryoji, but he only has one shot and he doesn't want to miss. The longer this continues, the greater the danger will be, but he still has to keep calm and be ready to use his healing powers when the opportunity arises. It's the reason why he doesn't protest when Kotone tries to reach out to their friend through words alone. Maybe it will be enough of a distraction for Ryoji and for him to heal.

For now, Scott doesn't say anything, not wanting to interrupt the girl he trusts and loves the most. He'll just stand by her side, like always.]

[Junpei isn't expecting company, not for any real reason—he's just been trying his best to keep to himself and not stumble into anybody conscious or otherwise, lest he do something else he'll regret. It's tough; it's exhausting to pull so hard against the tether of Gnos, the part of him that thinks it would be just fine, excellent even, to take as many lives as possible.

So he's a little haggard, even in this dream. The "room" of the dream is vague around the edges even as some lucidity returns, but there's not much to see anyway: a tight space with nondescript blue walls, some kind of podium with screens on it in the center, and a doorway with seemingly nothing beyond.

Junpei looks up from the screen.]

Oh, hey, uh... Huh. [Which is a great start, then,] Well, shit.

[He looks down at the screen again; whatever should be here is gone on both sides, replaced by something else. On Junpei's side, over and over, running off the screen, it says:

YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER YOU COULDN'T SAVE HER
—and on Ryoji's side, slightly different:

SPARE?
FORSAKE?
So it's going great.]

Why are you here?

[How many times have they done this now? Trading wins and losses over the years, only to end up in this strange place. In fact, she'd fought Thanatos so recently... And before that, Nyx herself.

They had won then. She will win now. For his sake.]

You remembered then? I am sorry for not telling you, but I-

[It wasn't her place to. Regardless, she shakes her head,]

I will not struggle. I will fight.

[Even so, she feels a chill run down her mechanical spine. Deep down, she knows she's not strong enough to face him on her own. But she will try anyways. Not because it is her purpose alone, but because that is the nature of humanity. To try, to hope despite all odds, to live another day. No matter how difficult it might be... Of course, she doesn't realize yet that this is her answer. She's still copying him in a way. Still living for him.

Her body is poised, ready to attack at any moment. And yet...]

What will happen when I kill you?

[When. Not if.]

[The shadows on Rafal’s eyes, the rigid stance he takes, they tell more than the words that leave his mouth. He understands the need to be strong, he does, but surely that would eventually exhaust his dear friend too much? That wouldn’t do.]

This is way stranger than the incident with the tower, I think.

[But even as he says that, Ryoji’s eyes remain fixed on Rafal, observing with worry.]

It bothers more than you say, does it? You look exhausted!

[He’s gotten used to his companion’s strangeness by now. Whatever he bears behind that falsified smile remains too deep-seated for him to reach, but Ryoji is patient. He will eventually understand.]

There was a time a strange tower showed up out of nowhere, and there has been those glitches, but this is new even to me.

[The screen in front of them is definitely more advanced than anything he has seen on his home world — TVs and monitors existed, sure, but none of them had this kind of transparency. If it weren’t for the faint screen lines spanning across the material, he would have mistaken it as an acrylic divider.

He idly taps the screen, eyebrows scrunched, only for it to flicker and display text in large bold letters:]

DO YOU LIKE HURTING PEOPLE?

[Well. That is disturbing. It reminds Ryoji of the probing questions back at the tower, and that is enough to send butterflies in his stomach. He tries to hide it with laughter, but even that sounds false to his ears.]

That doesn't sound like a question to ask on a first date.

[He would scoff at the question if not for how frazzled he truly feels.]

It’s this week, Minato. It’s everything that has happened.

[Ryoji’s smile is tinged with bitterness and regret.]

It’s been painful. Watching everyone kill each other like this, seeing so many people suffer. It’s like we were thrust into a living nightmare.

[The grip on his scarf tightens as he holds tightly onto his own conviction.]

But there’s still something I could do. I can’t save everybody, but at least I can save you.

[Hearken. The evening bell tolls thy name.]

[If one strains their ears, one might hear the rattling of chains. Kotone might be familiar with the overwhelming presence before them, but surely Scott could feel the dread creeping in just from facing him alone. This is nothing like the reflection of Thanatos that dwells within his chosen Wild Card, nothing like the simple fear of facing a tremendous enemy. The fear of death is something ingrained into the instincts of anybody who has life, and it is the same kind of fear this presence invokes.

Ryoji keeps smiling, as if a mask was welded onto his face.]

You’re already helping.

[His voice echoes, as if ethereal, but it also sounds wrong.]

I’m glad to see two of my closest friends — here at the end of all things.

[A dark shadow envelops him as he draws his sword: thin and long, marred with the blood it has drawn for the entire duration of this week. Dark feathers start to fall around them, seemingly harmless, but a simple brush against it is enough to invoke fear crippling enough to bring one to their knees.]

It won’t hurt anymore. [It’s a wretched echo of Kotone’s words.] You don’t have to suffer anymore.

[His sword is an extension of his being. He reaches back with a blade heading straight to Kotone’s chest.]

[She's made a mistake.

Ryoji isn't Ryoji anymore. If there's anything left of the boy she cares so, so deeply for, he's buried so far beneath the visage of Death that he can't be reached. Somewhere, a part of her kind of thought that she'd have to face him thirteen times, one for each Arcana before he reached his true form that could be healed.

As the feathers start to fall around them, there's fear, yes, but a familiarity in the way her heart pounds rabbit-fast in her chest, the adrenaline of wanting to survive and fight warring with the way that the end feels almost like a warm blanket she could sink into. She'd been fighting so hard, not just in the past week, but the past year. The past two years. Over and over with no end in sight.

She's exhausted already, but the feathers make her feel like it's the end of March again, when she had to drag herself to school every day and plaster a smile on her face so her friends wouldn't worry. She has to keep fighting. She always has to keep fighting.

Time stretches weirdly, and distantly, she knows this has to be a Gnosia attack. It's funny; for all the times she's protected other people, no one's ever tried to attack her directly. It was always Scott, or someone else, and then it had been a fight like normal. It's funny; she can protect others, but not herself. It's so obvious now. For as much as she wanted to live, as much as Scott had given her a reason to live, it's just like her friends last year.

If it's a question between her and her friends, she'll choose her friends every time.

Tears prick in the corners of her eyes as she looks toward Scott and touches his arm, lingering there as his guardian angel. She wishes she could go to the roof and rest her head in his lap. She wishes she could see all of her friends again. She wishes she could see Scott save Ryoji, because she knows in her heart that her death is going to hurt both of the boys she cares about so much.

The intangible, semi-translucent form of a Messiah with loose, flowing hair and perpetual tears carved into her face materializes in front of Scott and wraps her arms around him in a final embrace, sinking within him and vanishing. Maybe this way, if he's attacked after she's gone, she can protect him one last time.

It feels like an eternity since she saw Ryoji draw his sword, but it can't have been more than a few seconds in reality. There's not even time to draw her Evoker in a last-ditch effort to fight; there's barely even time to turn back to face the end. All at once, time snaps back into focus as the sword pierces her chest, her eyes going wide with shock and agony. She can't even scream; she can only gasp, feeling a weird, heavy, burning pressure that makes it so hard to draw a breath. Her hand is still on Scott's arm, but her other, she shakily tries to reach for the face that had been Ryoji's. He's so far away.

Everything is. A Gnosia attack is instant, after all. There's no more time to reach for either of them as she slumps forward, held upright only by the blade in her chest.]

Edited 2024-07-25 11:30 (UTC)

[It’s an awkward greeting, but Ryoji can’t blame Junpei for the lack of hospitality. How is one supposed to react to seeing someone you didn’t expect to be in your dreams?

This room must be something from Junpei’s mind, then. And yet it’s not a place he would associate with his friend — this feels so cold and stifling, as if it threatens to trap him with his thoughts. The screen reminds me of the questions they have been forced to answer a while back in the city hall, and that memory along makes Ryoji shudder.

He would always spare Junpei, right? …Right?]

I’m not sure. I think you might have dragged me in here? Do you think this is because of the influence of the Gnos?

[They weren’t really given a manual on how this all works, outside of the “KILL ALL HUMANS” part.]

It doesn't, does it?

[Fandaniel climbs to his feet and dusts off the hem of his robe. Whatever this is, he wants nothing to do with it.]

Well, I do not have the time for this nonsense. Ta!

[He waves a hand then turns to walk away. After only a few steps he notices the faint shimmer surrounding him.

Cautiously, he extends a hand and pokes it. It feels like touching solidified smoke.]

A barrier.

They trapped us in here.

[He lifts his head and looks back at the screen and the face of Ryoji beyond it.]

They really want us to answer their absurd question.

And it absurd it is!

[His eyes shift focus from Ryoji to the words on the screen.]

Who would enjoy hurting people? I certainly don't!

[The text flashes with the angry red of an error message. Fandaniel turns his head away from the glare and grits his teeth.

What does the machine want from him? The truth? The very idea of giving truthful answers makes the shadows within him clench and cringe.]

[ Those words -- even if Ryoji doesn't know it, the sentiment is familiar to Minato. It's the same as the ones Ryoji offered him that one night, offering to save SEES from the knowledge of their final days.

It's why Minato shakes his head. ]

You don't have to do this, Ryoji.

[ He'd heard the stories by now, that someone's been leaving a trail of bodies in their wake. They could be attributed to anyone, given the chaos unfolding around Aldrip. But it's in this moment that realization strikes: Ryoji must be a Gnosia.

Minato stays where he is. It might be too late to retreat. He's already within Ryoji's range, even if he's more than an arm's length away. ]

...it's okay. We can help you. We can cure you.

[ Scott Summers comes to mind. ]

[As expected of Minato, he would know of his intentions from the get go. It’s an admirable and enviable trait. But then again, this is exactly the response he expected from him.

Still, he must try. It’s not too late to persuade him. If their unidentifiable connection helps them understand each other, then perhaps Minato would understand.]

Why must you resist? There is no use fighting against us. Even if I die, someone else would merely take my place. Death is inescapable, Minato — the least I can do is to make sure it doesn’t hurt.

[Ryoji pleads, even as the darkness scratches against his skin. His own form has started to flicker, revealing the truth. No matter how kind and considerate Ryoji might sound, the fact remains that he isn’t human.]

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( closed ) the moment man devoured the fruit of knowledge, he sealed his fate.

for rafal!

for yusuke!

for aigis!

for fandaniel!

for shinjiro! (cw: descriptions of a corpse)

for junpei!

for akechi!

for minato!

for kotone and scott!

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i finally sprint in, in slow motion

shows up late with cielo mist

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cw: suicide ideation

time is an illusion so speed is relative therefore what is slow for you may be perceived as -

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