expiationlogs | everyone's having a good time

[He's out of his blood stained clothes, freshly showered and huddled on the couch. Scott knows somewhere that Ange helped him to his current position, but everything has been a blur. Honestly, his mind is still a little numb, body just working on its own and going through whatever motions. He doesn't want to remember the past few hours, but it's the only thing replaying in his mind over and over. Remembering Kotone, remembering what he did to Ryoji, the direct aftermath of that--

Scott closes his eyes and slowly pulls the blanket around his shoulders just a bit closer around himself. He... he knows, or at least can hope, that Kotone will come back to life and that's something to cling to. People come back to life in this world and this time shouldn't be any different, right? ...It's hard to be reassured of that fact until he sees Kotone alive again. They've had many conversations before about enjoying each day to the fullest, moving on, knowing that anything could happen to either one of them, but it doesn't make it any easier to just continue on. Besides, it hasn't even been a day-- he doesn't think so at least.

And not just Kotone, but Ryoji too. He wants him to come back, even though he doesn't know how to face him. He's not sure what he's going to say to Kotone, honestly-- if or when she comes back. His breath hitches once more at the thought, the lump in his throat stuck as he pulls his legs up on the couch. It's tempting to just remain here and stare into nothing, but eventually, Scott pulls out his tablet to... stare at the screen instead. It looks like he's just going to sit there, but his fingers eventually move until they type out a simple message before sending.]

sorry.

[It will probably take him a while to respond to any messages in return.]

[ooc: Feel free to have your character stop by if they are at least friends with Scott! Ange probably sent a message to his friends briefly talking about his state.]

[ luffy's tour of making sure all of his friends are alright starts with scott — not the least because he's nakama, and he lost track of him in the chaos of the end of the week, too, and kind of feels bad about that.

which is why he's perhaps uncharacteristically serious as he... climbs in through the window, don't mind him, actually. ]

Scott, [ he says in greeting, eyes unblinking and slightly eerie as he takes in scott's state, the way he looks, small and defeated there on the couch.

without saying anything more, luffy walks there in front of him, takes his hat, and plops it on scott's head, before dropping down to sit cross-legged on the floor. ]

[Scott barely blinks when Luffy climbs in through the window. Did he have that window open? Maybe, possibly, but really, things like that barely matters to him right now. His defeated expression just remains on the mutant as he turns his face to Luffy, not even trying to mask anything. He has a feeling that the pirate would've been able to see through it anyway.

He wants to respond back to his captain and his mouth silent parts, but no words come out. In fact, his jaw seems to tremble, like he's trying hard not to break down into tears in front of him. W-what can he say? He lost Kotone, he murdered his friend, he feels lost and--]

L-Luffy...?

[One hand rises up to feel the straw hat that's now placed on his head and isn't this hat really important to the pirate captain? Scott knows that he mentioned to him before, that it's his treasure, and now said object is being lent to him. Like Scot is deserving of it. ...He thought he wasn't going to cry, he thought he could hold back, but tears start flowing from beneath his shades as he keeps one hand cupped on the rim of his hat.] I...

[His shoulders shake, still needing some time to gather his voice.]

[ luffy's not really good at comforting people. words aren't the way he does things — that's reserved to other members of the straw hats, finding the right words to say to those who are grieving. luffy does what he does best: punch the problem, get rid of the problem. if someone's sad, he finds out why and fixes whatever's causing it.

in this case, though, he has a feeling this isn't something that can be punched away. and so, he simply sits there, uncharacteristically serious — because he knows how to recognise signs of the kind of grief that makes you want to scream at the world, that's so much that it's easy to lose sight of everything in the face of it. ]

Scott. [ he blinks, then, before fixing scott with a stare. ] How long've you been sitting here?

[He's barely able to meet that stare. When Luffy's serious, there's something almost powerful in his gaze that makes it hard to look at, but at the same time, even harder to look away from. Like he's about to do something and nothing can stop him or that force. It's a lot to be under that look, have that intensity focused on him, especially as he's at his lowest right now. It feels like it anyway. His fingers curl around the brim of the hat just a bit more as a half cut off noise breaks out from him.]

I. [He manages, even though there's something lodged in his throat that makes it hard for him to speak. But Scott feels like he needs to respond to Luffy, even if his answer is less than useful.] I... hours? I-I've lost track.

[That admittance comes out as a near whisper. He really doesn't know how long he's sat here. He knows he made some apology over the tablet, but then just continued to sit here. Staring at the walls, sometimes looking at the tablet, just trying to rid himself of those images but it's been impossible. At least Luffy being here has driven some of that away, with Scott trying to focus on him.]

You think they'd want this?

[ his gaze doesn't shift or waver, doesn't lessen in the way it burns with conviction and the ever-present weight of his haki, filling the room not like a weapon but like a blanket, wrapping around scott like a hug.

his words, though, aren't soft; they're blunt in the way only luffy can be, unwilling to mince the truth. ]

Whoever you lost. Whatever happened. Are you gonna sit here, in the dark alone, until they come back?

[Scott flinches at those words. In fact, he nearly recedes from Luffy, wanting to hide beneath the brim of his hat, but there's something in the air that is also comforting despite the direct gaze that his captain is lodging at him. His words may be direct and straightforward, but somehow grounding in a way. He still shudders, eyes briefly closing behind his shades, but he's more aware of his surroundings, looking a little more alive and less ready to crumble where he's sitting.]

I...

[He was going to sit here until they got back, honestly. They should be revived, as that how it normally works in this world, but Scott also can't say for sure either. He can't count on something like that to happen and that's such a difficult thought. It almost sends him back into his crushing thoughts, but that expression on Luffy keeps him focused.

At least able to answer.]

...No, they wouldn't want this. I... I know they wouldn't. [Scott admits softly, voice still watery with unshed tears. Kotone and him talked about this before... and how they promised each other to keep moving on. It's so hard though. It's just been a day since she died in his arms.]

I-it's just hard, Luffy...

Edited 2024-09-09 01:02 (UTC)

Of course it's hard!

[ it is a strange dichotomy, the way there is steel to his words, and yet they're not harsh. he takes a few steps forward, before dropping into a crouch in front of the couch, elbows resting on his knees. ]

Whenever you lose someone... whenever you're unable to protect them — of course it's hard. It's hard cause you care. If you didn't, you wouldn't sit here like this.

[ he draws a breath, then, before saying, ] But they're gonna come back. Outside of this place, there's nothing like that. When someone's gone, they're gone, and they'll never be back. And even then, you can't just quit. If you do, you'll just let them down.

[ the only way, the only way to honour those who are gone... is to keep going. ] You're not the one who's dead, so don't act like it!

[It stings so much to hear Luffy say that.

He knows it in his heart more than anything, but it still hurts to be reminded that he wasn't able to protect Kotone and Ryoji. Worse in Ryoji's case, but it's still the same thing. He couldn't help or save them, even though he was supposed to. He let them down, more than that, really. He hasn't thought about it until now, but if-- when they are revived, how disappointed will Kotone be? How will Ryoji react to him? It's hard to grasp, but he'd still have that over them never coming back at all.

It's so difficult thinking about all this. How he feels now, what to face in the future, it's nearly overwhelming. But as Luffy just said... if he just sits here, thinking about everything and not moving from his spot, he'd disappoint them (even more).

He manages to look at Luffy from underneath the brim of that treasured hat and although tears are still escaping and rolling down past his shades, Scott manages to nod. Not that he feels better, far from it, but he's trying just a little more now, trying to engage with his captain. Talking with him so far has pulled him from his absolute lowest. Maybe he needed this in a way.]

I'm... I'm alive.

[Scott acknowledges in that same quiet, almost beaten down voice. There's a brief thought that passes that maybe it should've been him that died, but he doesn't voice it.] T-they aren't gone forever...

[Because they'll come back. Because... what was it that Kotone said, because he remembers her?]

[ when scott meets his eyes, finally, luffy nods — he doesn't smile, not yet, not when things are like this, not when the situation is what it is... but there is something like pride in his eyes, for a flash, there. no, more than that — belief, in scott, in those who are now gone, for all of them to pull through.

instead of saying anything to scott's words, he's silent for a moment, before tipping his head back a little, eyes trained at the part of room where wall meets ceiling. ]

When Ace died, for a short while, I just wanted to give up. I tried to save him, and in the end, he died to protect me. Cause I wasn't strong enough.

[ has he mentioned ace, even once? perhaps he has, as an aside mention of how he grew up... perhaps not. ]

But back then, I saw just what I'd lost... not what I still had. My nakama. [ a pause. ] Ace died to protect me. So I gotta fight for my dream, and my friends.

[ tilting his head down, he fixes scott with a look. ]

What do you still have, Scott?

[Perhaps the only thing that can match Luffy's words is that clear belief in his eyes. It tugs at Scott, almost prompting him to say something, but he swallows and keeps silent when Luffy begins speaking again. During these moments, it feels near impossible to interrupt him. He mostly doesn't want to anyway, especially as he hears what Luffy is actually telling him.

His own personal loss. His failure.

Not that he thought Luffy to be entirely invincible, but it still pulls Scott's insides to hear this. Scott doesn't remember Luffy mentioning Ace before, but it really doesn't matter. He's gotten the idea of how important this person was to him, not only from the way he's talking about him, but if his death nearly caused his captain to just give up. It's clear that Ace died right in front of him, just like Kotone. She died while casting one final spell to protect him. It feels all too similar, painfully so.

Ace died for Luffy and he's out here, still fighting for his dream and his friends. Perhaps it made him even more determined, pushed his captain to fully fight for his dreams. If Kotone doesn't come back... what would she want of him? Probably the same thing. It's hard to think about, but he can't put those thoughts off any longer. Scott especially can't, not when Luffy's facing him once more with that steely glint in his eyes.]

My friends. [...] My family back home.

[He's still trying to figure out that dream, his goal. At the very least, he knows he still has his friends. That'll have to be enough and in a way, it is.]

[ finally, luffy smiles — it's not his usual sun-bright grin but something at once softer and sharper, like pride and determination and belief all rolled into one as he nods his head. ]

Yeah, you still got them. And you got us, here. You got me. So don't think about why you'd wanna give up. Think about what still keeps you going.

[ because in the end... that is what matters.

he takes a step closer, then another, and then another, until he can just kind of lean down and wrap his arms around scott, dragging him into a hug. ]

[Think about what still keeps you going.

Maybe he already knew that, but actually hearing it from someone else, phrased in a manner that's easy to parse, it makes a world of difference. His friends-- including the strong and firm captain in front of him, are still here and he's made so many. It's sometimes funny to remember how much he was an outcast back home, never having many friends, but so much changed since then. He can't even count the amount of friends he has on both hands and that's almost overwhelming, especially since he knows that they all care about him. He can't forget them... they mean so much.

What was that Kotone mentioned to him as well? That she's never gone as long as he remembers her. S-she's not gone, he still tells himself that, cling to that hope, but... he can't forget that either.

But Scott's thoughts fall away when he's suddenly engulfed in a warm embrace, a hold that the mutant immediately returns as he wraps his arms around his friend.]

I-I'm sorry, Luffy-- I mean... I. [His voice is still rough, but it's clear he's trying a little more now.] ...Thank you. I know you're here. A-and that's important to me.

everyone's having a good time

open; some time after ryoji and kotone deaths

this is so embarrassingly late but... better late than never???

time is just a construct

please remember that you said "time is just a construct" bc.... slams a hand on that timestamp ig

A CONSTRUCT...

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