expiationlogs | ( closed 👻 the case of the murder-causing mind infection )

[ charles, meanwhile, is wearing his usual getup, dark red polo shirt and his black jacket with pins and patches — ghost clothing's easy like that, the second he'd woken up outside, the jacket had simply been on him, despite the fact that he can hardly feel the cold.

he's about to offer another quip back, but what follows after makes his brows furrow in confusion. ]

Uh, no offense, mate, but think I'd remember that. [ his grin is bright and charming as he adds, ] I'm pretty good with people. I don't go forgetting those I meet.

[ unless this place is also messing with his memories? which, if so, is right fucked. ]

[For a moment, Scott considers just letting this be. Maybe it will be better to just start over, pretend that their initial conversation never happened. It was a really awkward way to meet after all. But... well, he's never been good at pretending in that way, not to mention that once he tells Charles his name he'll probably remember.]

I was really different the first time we met. [Haha because he's not some emotionally crushed dude that thought he had nothing to live for, right? Oh, and the fact that he's not an adult, that's the other thing.]

Well, if you're as good as you say you are about not forgetting people... [There's a light inhale and okay, if he wants to start with a new impression, maybe he should act like that? Even if the whole gnosia thing has been shit, he can still be himself. So, he places one hand against his hip, forcing a slight smile at Charles in a manner that's just a bit cocky.]

Scott Summers.

[Hopefully Charles doesn't think he's a weird gnosia for all this--]

[ he gives a light shrug in response to the bit about not forgetting people, as if to say, try me — and then, when he finally speaks the name, charles blinks. and then blinks again as the memories rearrange in his head. and if he tilts his head... well, the glasses are different, and he's younger for sure, but — ]

... huh. Guess you look like him, a bit.

[ and then, all at once, he remembers what actually happened during the meeting, the subject matter, and he blanches. well, shit. ]

So — was that... the future you? [ how does he manage to sound so nonchalant about this? probably because he's seen, truly, so much weird shit. this is up there, sure, but not even the weirdest. and besides, his focus is on feeling the sympathy he felt, then, a wave of it burying him under just for a second. ] Because if so — I'm sorry. Again.

No, not really? At least, I don't think so.

[He's changed to different Scotts throughout the month and right now it's been the longest stretch of time where he hasn't been someone else. Go figure that none of his other selves appear when an actual fucking crisis happens. Yeah, let him deal with all the gnosia shit!! Thanks for nothing guys!!

He's not going to regret thinking this way at all later--

But when he was the other Scotts, he sort of knew for sure that he wasn't them. Well, it was easy when he turned to another teen Scott, because duh that's not him, but the Scott that talked to Charles by the beach... he has no idea which timeline he's from. If he's his future or someone else's. The only thing that was clear was that deep grief of losing Jean Grey.

Some of that false bravado diminishes, his hand leaving his hip so that he can rub his arm instead.]

So, um, don't worry about it. I haven't lost someone like that. [...] But thanks? I uh, speak for the other me and me.

[He's allowed!! Not like that other version of him is going to come out and correct him!!]

Oh, [ says charles, intelligibly, because if it wasn't the future him, then... good? but also, confusing. faintly, he remembers a book edwin read to him once, about some kind of parallel universe shit, and maybe that's the case here, too? if it is, the idea is already making his head hurt. best not think about it too much.

instead, he tries to give scott a smile, but it lands somewhere between that and a grimace. ] Well, uh, you're welcome? You and the other you.

[ ... god this is weird. with a cough, he directs his attention again to the questions — though, in hindsight, maybe that's also a bad idea. ]

So — first question. Do you like to hurt people? Bloody hell, no. [ the screen does not flash; it is the truth, even if it's not the whole truth, because charles doesn't like hurting anyone, no, of course he doesn't — but he'll do it, without hesitation, without question, to protect those he loves. ]

[He sees that awkwardness from Charles and... yeah. Yeah.]

Dude, just putting this out there now, this is probably the weirdest way I've ever encountered someone and then got to know them. Seeing that I've been here over a year... congratulations.

[It's going to take something really weird to dethrone Charles now. Someone that can beat 'I met you first when I wasn't myself and then we finally did meet, it was over the worst game of Icebreaker.' Oh, and potential murder stuff as the backdrop of everything. Great. Fantastic.]

After everything settles down, diner? Hamburgers and fries, assuming you had them.

[What, this guy clearly as an accent and everything!! Gotta make sure he has some American culture.] But yeah, I don't like hurting people either.

[No flash on Scott's end either. It's a simple answer for the mutant, one that he doesn't think twice about. Even if it's some asshole, he doesn't want to hurt anyone, especially not with his powers.]

Yeah, I mean — same. The weird part, not the being here a year part.

[ he makes a face at that — because, fuck, being stuck here for an entire year? he might go mental.

the suggestion gets a grin, though it's a bit pointed as charles shrugs his shoulders. ] Sure, mate, but you're gonna have to be the one to eat. [ a pause as he points to himself and says, ] Ghost, remember? [ so no eating for him, unfortunately.

and then the screen is flashing them another question, and charles goes very, very still. who hurt you the most, it says, and he —

fuck. will this thing let them move forward even if it's a dishonest answer? he'll have to try. because no way in hell is he actually answering this one truthfully. ]

Your turn to start, [ he says instead, trying to inject some levity into his tone and failing quite miserably. ]

Seriously? You can still get hurt and be infected, but you're not allowed to eat still? Fucking shitty deal man.

[Maybe he should've figured out that a ghost can't eat, but he's visible and everything! He's fully interacting with the world around them! If Charles didn't mention he was a ghost to begin with, he never would've guessed. He can't help but feel bad for him, because enjoying unhealthy food is all part of the teenage experience. Guess he'll just stick with arcades and movies?? Surely that will work.

But whatever ease that they managed to establish disappears when that question pops up. He sees how still Charles gets and it's a shitty question for him, huh?

It's also a difficult question for Scott, various people appearing in his mind but he doesn't want to admit any of them. He doesn't want to talk about the fact that the people closest to him have been the people that hurt him the most. It's just something so sensitive and he doesn't want to dwell on the past, especially since he's long forgiven them. Mostly.

Does he really have to go first-- yeah, he'll do it. He'll lie first--]

Obviously, the asshole Jerry. Bringing us here without warning and crap.

[Screen flashes red, but the question disappears anyway.]

Edited 2024-07-31 19:39 (UTC)

Tell me about it, [ he mutters, because yeah, he's kept complaining about the fact they can't eat for decades, now — seems bloody unfair that iron and cat scratches and some other weird supernatural shit can hurt them, or that they can somehow cry, but eating? nope, not in the cards.

he holds his breath as scott answers, clearly, obviously lying — and the screen flashes, but it's cleared.

oh thank fuck.

it's with an audible sigh of relief that charles says, then, without much thinking about it, ] Right, yeah, the lads who killed me, then.

[ the screen flashes red. the question changes. ]

[..........bro.

Scott would think that Charles's answer would clear him, but no, it actually flashed red and it's not hard to put two and two together. It flashed that way when he obviously lied and so there's someone that hurt Charles more than his actual murderers? What the fuck?????? Scott's gotten better at controlling his reactions to some degree, mostly stopping himself from getting outwardly anger and snappy, but his face still scrunches when he looks at the other teen.

Yeah yeah, he said that he wanted to get this over and done with, but come on. He can't just ignore this.]

Dude.

[What a great way to start that. Scott stops, tries to gather himself again, before continuing on.] There's someone worse??

[ charles blinks, then, when scott looks at him — well, frankly like something's really, really wrong. he gets through half of a truly baffled what before scott is interrupting him with a follow-up question, and charles realises his error. ]

Oh, bloody hell, [ he says, low under his breath.

he runs a hand through his hair, gaze shifted to the side. ]

Well, yeah, that flashed as a lie, didn't it? [ heaving a sigh, he chances a look at scott, then, eyes wary, standing perfectly still. and he thinks of saying any chance we could not talk about it, but he — well, he kind of bollocksed that answer up, and he has to say something. so he shrugs, half-hearted, and looks away again as he says, ] The lads, well, they hurt me the once, yeah? It was November, the lake was cold, you know, I don't think they actually... meant for me to die. Just couldn't get warm again.

[ and the internal bleeding, well, probably didn't help. anyway, he ploughs on, with that same, light and matter-of-fact tone, ] But if someone, well, if someone hurts you more than once, over, um, a longer time, it's more by default, innit?

[He didn't think he would actually get a confession out of Charles, like even one that's missing a lot of the details. Scott figured that he would've either backtracked or told him to move on and the mutant wouldn't have protested because personal shit and stuff. However, he's not going to stop him either, still curious and maybe just a little angry and upset on Charles's behalf. Just. What the fuck man?? Who does shit like that?? Not even the guys at his old school would hurt someone to that extent. At least Scott believes so. They're dicks, but not... leave someone to die out in the cold.]

Fuck those guys, man.

[He's angry and his tone reflects that, but Scott tries to calm himself otherwise. What can he do about this? Magically go to Charles's world and beat them up? No. And... and Charles is dead, he's been dead for who knows how long. This is far from the first time he's spoken to someone that's dead in their world. Still, it's just the injustice of it all that pisses him off.]

But... I guess, yeah. [Scott acknowledges his last comment, shakily nodding before loudly exhaling.] Who?

[ truly, there's no one else more surprised than charles himself — but, you know. he recognises this as what it is: him, making an effort, because he'd taken thirty-odd years to not talk about any of his shit only to blow up spectacularly about it, and crystal screaming what the actual fuck and edwin standing still and careful, well, he doesn't have nightmares but if he did, he thinks he might dream of that.

so he could just go on and not talk about any of it, sure. it's tried and true, it's what he knows best, it's what he does on instinct, always.

but maybe — maybe here, he could try. say the words. see if the bleeding, festering wound inside of him hurts a little less afterwards. he'd managed to tell crystal, hadn't he? and then he'd exploded about it all and ended up telling edwin at the same time, too, and —

he takes a breath he doesn't need, looks somewhere past scott's shoulder, and says, ] My Dad. [ and then follows it up with, ] And no, I don't wanna talk about it. [ he sighs. ] Probably shouldn't have said this much, either. None of this is shit you should be worrying about.

[So, Charles had an asshole of a father.

Scott's jaw clenches because yeah. One thing to have asshole classmates, another thing when your own family abuses you and stuff. He'll never claim that he and his own father have been particularly close, but his dad wasn't awful to him either. He could be distantly supportive and whatever, maybe even worried if Scott reflected back on him, but he never was on his list for people that hurt him the most.

He won't push the subject because Charles doesn't want to talk about it, but he's not going to forget this either. Scott no longer cares about standing out here at night in his pajamas, there's something more important than that now. Besides, even though it wasn't fully him that spoke to the ghost at first, those emotions and memories are something that he carries with him now.

Along with thinking that the other teen as a friend. Definitely easier to have that thought too now they're closer in age--]

Well, I'm going to worry about it now because you told me. Sorry, that's just how it goes.

Great. [ perfectly deadpan — hey, he can do this sarcasm thing, too, it's not just edwin who's an olympic gold medalist in it. well, charles is like, maybe bronze, to be entirely fair.

then, wryly, ] You know that's not exactly encouraging me to tell you more shit that might make you, you know, worry more?

[ but there's an undercurrent of something warm in his tone — gratitude, maybe, to be cared about like this by someone who he's only met in a different form so far... and something admiring, because well, scott's an upstanding guy, isn't he? full of care and righteous anger. he's good, that much charles can say with certainty.

he glances at the screen for the next question, then. ] Right, so, what are you most afraid of? [ not the best but also, after the previous one, he just says, right off the bat, ] Right, so, easy. Being alone. [ green, this time. ]

[Don't sass him dead guy--]

I'm known to be very stubborn and very persuasive.

[And maybe a little bit of a worrywart.

So, be prepared if you plan on clamming up later, Charles!! Scott's arms folds across his chest for emphasis, but he hears that undercurrent of warmth in his tone. Good, he likes it when people are on the same page as him. It makes it easier to bully them and that's all good in Scott's book. He's already spending a lot of time with other teens that are either more socially maladjusted than him or just have a hard time talking about crap. Honestly, that's like half of his friends. He's used to it.

...But yeah, he's gotten to care about Charles. Maybe he wants to make those feelings his own and not simply borrowed by someone that took his place for an hour or so.]

Being alone, losing my friends. [........] My girlfriend.

[He knows that he's probably echoing that other him, but it's true. He's not looking forward to the day when Kotone suddenly disappears from his life-- when more of his friends start vanishing. He's lost a few important people to him already, but... he's been lucky enough that Kotone hasn't been one of them yet. Just the thought of it stings his chest, but he nods at Charles with some amount of courage, his own screen turning green as well.]

Oh, [ says charles, giving scott a quiet look, and yeah — he's definitely hearing that other scott, now, and feels a pang of sympathy for him all over again, and then another one for how similar their fears are.

he summons a small smile, then, something genuine and reassuring and a little bit proud of scott for being able to speak the truth.

and then he looks at their next question: have you killed someone and have you thought about it, and he shrugs. ]

No, not in the real sense, since we don't really go against living beings all that much, do we? And even other ghosts and supernatural things... well, try to go with the knock-out method, yeah? So if we're talking living people — no, I haven't. Have thought about it, though.

[ and maybe that's not a surprise — the fact that some less than charitable thoughts about his dad and the guys who killed him had crossed his mind. ]

[He's grateful that Charles doesn't point out the similarities between him and that other him. It's been weird dealing with those memories, emotions from someone that both isn't and is him at the same time. Doesn't help that he knows a Jean, a girl that he once thought about pursuing a relationship with before coming to this world. He cares a lot about her still, she's still a very important person to him, but... he doesn't want to be with her in that way anymore.

But how that other Scott felt towards her... it's very familiar.

Shoving those thoughts away, however, he focuses back on the question and grimaces. Oh, great, topic number 2 that he enjoys talking about here!! He's a little thankful that Charles has taken point to answer it first, but it just feels like he's delaying the inevitable.]

Even if they're already dead, you still wanna be nice to them, right? Or not bring them more pain. Maybe it's even more important then.

[His new friend really is a good dude, huh? Someone that 100% didn't deserve the shit that happened to him and a fierce wave of... protectiveness? Friendship?? Scott doesn't know, but he still feels it. Maybe that's why he hesitates just a little bit more answering his end.]

...I've um, killed someone before. [He cringes, hating that he has to even admit it out loud, especially to someone that was killed by other teenagers. It's clear that Scott feels guilty about it, not proud about what happened about a year ago.] I think about it a lot.

[He could mention the fact that it was in self-defense, that the couple of guys he killed were 'infected,' but. Murder is still murder, right? He could've done a million other things, but he panicked. He just used his powers right at them.]

If they've already died... reckon that's enough, innit? No reason for me to go making it worse.

[ unless whoever it is is actively trying to remove him and edwin from existence, in which case — well, even then. killing isn't something either of them really wants to do, ever. and besides... the people who'd deserve it, well, they'll end up in hell sooner or later, and that's bad enough.

scott's answer makes charles pause, not because of what it is but rather because of how it is delivered; guilt bleeds from every word, the way he almost flinches back from saying it all speaking far more clearly than scott himself does. and so charles takes a few steps forward, until he's close enough to put his hand on scott's shoulder, squeezing like he did there on the beach, his touch cold and comforting. ]

Hey, [ he says, earnest and serious, ] Look, I'm not gonna pretend I know what happened... and I may not have known you long, but I know you're a good guy. You're not like those who'd go round killing others with intent. So, I dunno, maybe there was a fight, maybe you made a mistake... whatever it is, it doesn't make you a bad person.

Yeah, exactly.

[People don't need to suffer even more after they're dead, right? Well, unless they were like super evil, but guess that's what hell is for... when errors don't happen. He still remembers what Charles said about Edwin. Still fucking messed up, but guess things have worked out for them? Maybe he'll ask more about that later, when they're not standing around at night. In pajamas, at least for Scott.

But presently, now, there's a hand on his shoulder. Even though it's cold to the touch, there's something also very comforting about it too and so he doesn't even try to pull away. It's supporting, reassuring, like Charles still wants to be around him after hearing everything he just admitted. Swallowing past a newly developed lump in his throat, Scott looks from the hand to Charles, listening to the ghost and his encouraging words. Like yeah, it's been a year since that happened, but it doesn't mean that he's completely forgotten about it.

Maybe it's a good thing that he hasn't, even if it sucks thinking about. Despite all the shit he says sometimes, he does want to be good and stuff. Someone that Alex would be proud of, this great mutant leader Quentin and the other X-Men mentioned that he is in their universe.]

I... I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not with my powers. [He tries to look at Charles despite the glasses covering his eyes.] I fucked up though. And I can't take it back.

[ well, that — yeah, that tracks, that's exactly what charles thought it might have been. because scott is really someone he can't ever imagine wanting to hurt, well, anyone, regardless of if they deserve it or not. (quietly, charles pushes down the thought that already that fact makes scott far, far better than he can ever be. charles may not want to kill anyone, but hurting them? he thinks of the night nurse, briefly, and then very deliberately stops thinking about that altogether.) ]

Everyone fucks up sometimes. And yeah, maybe it was bad — real bad. But... you didn't mean it, did you? And you can do better.

[ there is a weight to his words — like he's not just saying them to comfort, but believes in them fully, means every single word. ]

One fuck-up doesn't define you, Scott. It's what you do after.

[Scott's still not sure if accidentally killing someone is a simple fuck up, but guess that's not what Charles is saying anyway. So, he shudders a breath, nodding, as if trying to fully accept what his friend is saying to him. On most days, he's okay, but every now and then, especially during these sort of moments, it's impossible to push back some of that self-disgust.

For a few seconds, the mutant's silent, but eventually he nods, trying for a slight smile at Charles. Even if he's sort of incorporeal, Scott raises a hand to the one on his shoulder, patting it at first before trying to hold it. It's okay if that sensation just drives another chill through his body, he can deal with it.]

One of my mentors mentioned something like that to me too. That as long as people try to do better now, we should give them that chance. [...] I'm lucky that I even have that chance.

Got smart mentors, then. [ his voice has a touch of levity in it, fighting for something lighter after everything — whether he totally succeeds, well. maybe that he tried is what matters.

and luckily, he is tangible enough to be touched; it is his default state of being, here, after weeks of figuring out that it's the best thing when everyone can see him. less likely to run right through people, like that. ]

But, right. Just... keep in mind that you do, yeah? Don't waste that chance just dwelling on stuff that you can't change.

[ with a smile, charles turns his head to look at the screen, at the next question. ] Oh, huh. "What will you sacrifice to be happy?" That's a weird question, innit?

He was an annoying asshole.

[Scott's smile quirks up to a brief smirk because Dazai was irritating and kind of awful at times (really most of the time), but he really did go out of his way to support him for whatever reasons. Maybe he reminded him of his pupils back home in some way? Whatever the case, he misses him, but there's no point standing around thinking about his departure from this world. Disappearance. Whatever people call it.

He's far better now, mostly, at least he's far from the angry and isolated teen that first showed up in this world. It feels possible to believe what others are saying, what Charles is saying to him right now.]

But... yeah. Yeah.

[And back to the most invasive icebreaker in the world...] I don't know man, it feels pretty on par with the rest of the questions so far. Really asking things that are in those dumb philosophical quizzes.

Is it?

[ his confused head tilt is, in fact, far more confused at this particular question than any that came before — those, invasive and horrible as they were, he'd at least been able to think of the answers to immediately.

this one, though? ]

I just don't get it. What does it mean, "sacrifice"? Like, a sacrificial ritual? That's bullshit. Why'd I sacrifice anything?

[ all of a sudden, the screen flashes green, and charles blinks. he... answered the question, somehow? okay, sure, whatever! he doesn't really think he did, but if this gets him out of trying to puzzle it further, that's just fine.

(at no point in this does it occur to him that his answer was, in essence, nothing — because there is nothing he would sacrifice. because ultimately, to him, his own happiness ranks so low on the scale of things it doesn't even register. now, for others and their happiness? yeah, there's a lot he'd sacrifice, for sure. for himself, though? nope!) ]

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