expiationlogs | Now I'm Trapped Within Your Walls

[Oh.

There he goes again. Speaking his words with a different voice. Richard feels the small tug of fear and pain in his chest, as his soul once again wails and cries out in the absence of the warmth. "Imagine the moment, Richard. The moment when you bring this body in the light, no longer hiding your desires in the shame." He could hear the words of his Kingmaker in his mind. It was only after that when Richard had decided to stop hiding his face from the rest of world.

His grip on the tumbler tightens and he casts his gaze back down on his lap to hide the conflicting emotions from showing on his face. The mentions of bloodlines, young princes and loyalty and whatnot pales down in his mind, overshadowed by the brewing storm.]

Then.. What about you, Silco? [He say after a brief pause. Words laid in between them carefully.] Would you like to see the full extent of them?

[Seduction had never been his strong suit, and he had never even tried to improve that skill despite the Undercity providing all manner of opportunities. He was used to utilizing words to draw people through motivation to align with his goals and vision; he used fear to keep people loyal.

Seduction? People were taken with his power and promises. People envied, hated and respected him. Loved him? Only Jinx for the last decade. Respect and loyalty had been enough for him.

He thought he was luring Richard in with a different perspective when it came to scars, to being the monster everyone thought them to be. He was used to that tactic, and it worked well. He wasn't going to assume the rosy cheeks were anything more than the affect of the whiskey they were sharing.]

If you're offering, I never deny comparing life lessons. After all, I have no issue letting the monster that I am out.

[Time and place. This wasn't the Undercity. He couldn't just order those he didn't like murdered. He had to subtle, careful, but that didn't change who and what he was. Was Richard a kindred spirit?]

[As much as Richard tries to fight against it, he can't help but feel his heart clenching in his chest as his blood freezes still, stomach dropping upon hearing those words. He's certain that Silco has no idea what it means to someone like Richard, who's spent a lifetime hiding and clinging on the darkness, hoping that it would hide away the sin carved on his body.

The room disappears from his view again, covered in the dark depths of the woods. There's a chorus of voices, hissing and whispering to his name and the curses. "To wit, an undigested and deformed lump!", "A demon!". The usual mantra from his nightmare. Who knows, maybe he should show Silco what a true monster looked like? Maybe that would finally break the man's calm and run off in fear.]

Hehe. [Richard laughs, raising his gaze up to meet Silco with an ironic smile on his face as he deflects the panic from his features.] I only jest. There are some monsters that ought to stay hidden away from the eyes, even as sharp as yours.

[Then he focuses back on his tumbler, swirling the liquid in it before taking another sip.] I believe your ale might be a tad bit too strong for my spirit.

[Unperturbed by the laughter, Silco sipped at his whiskey. There was a story to that laugh, and he expected that Richard would actually feel quite welcome in the Undercity where scars, body modifications, and dubious science was around every corner. They were all very open-minded on such things, but he understood not everywhere had such broad perspectives.]

I disagree. [He purred that, pushing himself to lean forward into his chair. He rested elbows rather casually on his knees, lacing his own fingers together as he gazed steadily at Richard.] We're all monsters, but some are shamed into hiding it. Cautious yes, careful certainly, but there is a time and a place for monsters to reign. I've seen real monsters, I assure you. I'm not afraid of you.

[Then he slowly eased to sit back again, reaching for his tumbler.] So it would seem. You're welcome to gain strength with repeated careful exposures if you like. Or there are plenty of other beverages to partake as well. Whiskey isn't everyone's choice.

['Or so you say,' Richard thinks to himself, silently nursing the drink in his hands. There are many kind of monsters in the world, that is true. Richard himself has encountered some of them -- mostly in form of soldiers deranged from the war. Men who'd look at the other men and women as nothing but as flesh, something for them to devour and destroy.

But then there was monsters like him. And Silco, he now assumes.]

I have never heard of such drink. However, my lack of strength aside, I do find the taste agreeable. [The closest thing that Richard could recall drinking was the drugged wine at his brother's lust-filled banquet. As both drinks did rise rather quickly to one's head.] But yes, I might accept your offer. I do feel like there is still plenty for me to learn about this world and it's political view. More than anything, I'd like to hear of your enemies.

[Silco liked to think he had seen, read or at least educated himself on the worst the world had to offer. He had even contributed to it when it came to Shimmer, but the ends justified the means for him. Sacrifices had to be made, and Zaun was more important than any one person, even himself. To drag the Undercity out from under Piltover, he had to hurt them both and he would be whatever monster was necessary.

Besides, war was coming. People forgot that beyond their borders lay many enemies. More of the worst the world had to offer. For now though, he kept his thoughts to himself.]

There are many distilled alcohols with a strong taste like that. You can try however many you like over the next few days and decide what you enjoy most. [There was wine too, of course, but he didn't have a taste for that.] I don't have many enemies here at the moment, but the biggest thorn to my side you will no doubt meet. She's loud and leads with her fists.

[Richard laughs airily, brow curling up in amusement.]

Truly? There are no others desiring to step forward and grab the power for themselves? That is surprising. [After all, people's hearts sought desperately after that light -- any step that would bring them closer towards the power that could fulfill their dreams.] How can one brawny and unruly girl be in your way?

Not particularly. The Chosen appear to generally be a 'stop others from taking power' than wanting it for themselves. I'm certain some have aspirations, but so far have not acted on them.

[He shrugged his shoulders, uncaring. No one was standing in his way per say, but he knew there were those uncomfortable with him cultivating wealth. If only they knew the extent that he could be far worse...]

My usual methods of dealing with such individuals is woefully inadequate here. [He said that breezily, waving a dismissive hand in the air. Then he looked at Richard with an almost coy smile.] Death is not a guarantee here. Some die and come back, others seemed fine one moment and disappear the next. Who knows whom has the luck of the draw at any given time.

Tch. [Richard scoffs at that, feeling almost uncharacteristic easiness to display his frustration and discontent with that. Because really, both of them have already bared some of their fangs and claws as pair of monsters sharing the room. Maybe it's that shared connection that helps his own ambitions peek behind the curtain, just a little.] So, they are too cowardly to make the grab for the power for themselves and would hate for someone else to live up to their potential? The spiritless bitterness weakens and cheapens the value of one's soul. I would not pay heed to them.

[It tasted sour in his mouth. Again, he is reminded the weak minded king who spoke proudly of shepherds dream, finding joy and bliss from the simple pleasures of slow life rather than from the golden circle of crown. It was that weakness that cost him the throne -- and his life.]

So we are not permitted to leave until we finish our atonement for our sins. [He doesn't like that one bit. But even if death was taken out of the equation it didn't mean that one would be powerless against enemies. There were punishments far worse than death.] Back in my world, we faced many opponents and enemies that we needed to deal with but could not spill the blood, not unless we wished to risk restlessness within the people. If this girl truly proves out to be a problem, you have have more than enough weapons to take her out of the picture.

[He lifted his tumbler to his lips and sipped the amber liquid, watching Richard over the rim of the glass. So, he had competition sitting right across from him. It was good to finally meet someone with actual ambition, especially one he expected had already developed skills for such endeavors. Dangerous but he'd reassess the longer Richard was here. Perhaps they could use one another ambitions.] Don't be concerned. I pay them very little heed and do as I please with the resources that I have.

[He set the tumbler back down a moment later.] There is plenty of room for healthy competition in both Aldrip and Rumpitur that I've seen. A quiet life is for those waiting to die.

[Be still his cold beating heart to hear such words from Richard. Few were quite so eloquent about it, least of all the Chem-Barons that he endured.] Indeed, there is more than one way to put down opposition. Thankfully, she does well for herself making her mewling pointless. I would welcome suggestions on how you have silenced your critics.

[Richard enjoys the playing the game, it's true. Just like a beast that's been shackled down for too long earns for the freedom after getting sniff of the fresh air for the first time. Both his mind and body keeps longing for the battlefield, even if instead of bloodied war zone it is the grand halls of the castle.

But perhaps for everyone's sake, he has not yet decided whether this world, city of Aldrip with its curiosities, is something he deems worthy of fighting for.]

I couldn't have said it better myself. [Richard, in return, raises his glass in a quiet toast before taking his final sip, emptying the tumbler once again.

There's a quiet chuckle from him, no doubt brought to surface by the dawning intoxication he was experiencing. Oh boy, does Richard have stories to tell? Granted, most of his recent atrocities were done by using a middleman. James Tyrrell, the assassin that Buckingham hired for him. But luckily, he's not drunk enough yet to let his lips go loose on the subject. They had established that they both were beast rather than men, but he'd still keep some of his fangs hidden if possible]

Imprisonment. But that is dull and obvious answer, as you know. However, it all boils down to a tale you can tell, the art of deception. One needs to spin such ploy that it will fool the eyes of each good soul. That way you can cage even the God himself and no one will bat their eyes at the devil horns you are wearing.

[It was curious how similar their thoughts were; it had been a long time since he had been able to speak plainly to anyone but his daughter. Normally, he had Sevika who understood the trials and tribulations of managing the enterprise of the Undercity. He had never, ever considered himself a lonely person; he filled his days with too much to allow such notions.

It was strange to speak openly about what it was that made him. It was... comforting? No, he was certain that for all the talk of loyalty, neither he and Richard could maintain that long-term.]

Too alike, we might be dangerous to each other. [He was certain they were hiding so much more beneath the surface. Still, the game they were playing was exciting.

He waved off the idea of imprisonment with his other hand.]

We're already imprisoned in this place, and it is a dull choice. Of course, people are so focused on the imprisonment this place offers, that they may not realize a different cage is enclosing around them.

[Even the beasts long for companion. Richard had learned that the hard way. For way too long he had tried to freeze that part of his soul, killing himself while hiding in shame. All until he had encountered another soul who earned the same thing as he did, and had no qualms about soiling their own worth by embracing a demon like him, becoming his other half. Now, Silco could never replace that, and despite the weakness of his own soul responding to all subtle baits that the man has lied in front of him, he does not even entertain the thought. But the comfort is there. Definitely. Not only had he been able to recognize the curse of witch plaguing him, seen right through his shield, but he could offer him the conversation that made him feel the first time since his arrival that he was not a mere stranger.]

I am like no one else. [He declares, with sound of finality in his words. They might both be monsters here, yes, but still in Richard's eye they're fully different breed. He places his empty tumbler on the table and leans back on his chair, sitting more leisurely than before.]

That may be so, but yet I am still able to sit here and enjoy a drink with you. I had a warm meal and before that I visited the woods. The bars around this cage are loose enough to give us taste of hope. Use that hope to trap her, seize it and plunge her into despair. Once the spirit has been crushed the body will follow.

[When one was surrounded by other versions of monsters, it was easy to feel at home there being the biggest fish. Aldrip and by extension Rumpitur and Ketsora were full of people either naïve or Chosen who wanted to live their little 'best' lives and didn't stray far from what was considered legal or just. He considered it a lack of motivation and being hide bound. Richard was one of the few people who made overtures of being something more, similar to the sense he got from Emet-Selch before the mage left.]

Oh yes, we are all individuals. Kindred spirits then. [He was amused by the finality, like it was some kind of declaration. He wondered when they might turn their attentions to seeing if they could destroy each other as a threat to their own personal goals.

Of course, Richard was too new to have personal goals here yet. They would come. Silco would be ready to give a hand up or a smack down depending on what suited his own personal motivations.]

Hope is an excellent motivator, if provided in the right quantities. She wants what I have; she might be disgusted by it but it is truth. [He raised his glass to a toast as well, drinking back the last of the whiskey.] I need her to break her relationships, isolate her but by her own actions. I want her to experience what it is to be alone with one's own mistakes. [Just like her adoptive father.]

[Kindred spirits, huh.. Richard can give him that, yes. It also makes them potentially dangerous to each other, as Silco had said it. Either that or good allies, depending on where their passions lead them and whether their ambitions can learn to coexist in the same room.

Healthy arm prompted up on the armchair Richard leans his cheek against his knuckles. Silco is painting a rather interesting scenario. A brute girl, marred with ugly envy and driven to see his downfall? He does not know the details of their situation, but there are bits of it that echoes familiar to him. Elizabeth had sought to destroy him and his family with any cost, hoping to gain the control over the crown.]

There are ways to make that happen. When properly cornered desperate people tend to make the most grave mistakes, leading to their own destruction. Gain a trustful ally from her side and let the snake to slither into the garden. Let the venom do its job and reap the results.

[That was how he and Buckingham had initially gained the crown prince's respect, ensuring the position of regent to Richard.] I hope this counseling will be satisfied payment for the meal and drink.

[The problem with the scenario he was trying to set up was that the Enforcer was loyal to the point of idiocy so far, and there were enough moral souls in this place that they took both women at their word regarding him. It put him in a position where he had to be subtle and work slowly to destroy their relationship. Jinx helped, of course. But the sister was as stubborn as Vander and ten times more reckless.]

I want to watch her go down in flames publicly. However, that process must be slow, meticulously planned and requires this place to assist me with that. So far, she had tainted potential allies against me, so I must work diligently to show myself a benefactor for all.

[He shrugged his shoulders; Silco had been playing long games for a considerable amount of time. This was no different. He would be patient.]

I had no intention of charging you, counseling or no. You being an interesting person is payment enough this time. [He picked up and offered Richard back his coins.] Another drink another time.

Now I'm Trapped Within Your Walls

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