expiationlogs | may catch-all!

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may catch-all!

Who: Claude & Various
Where: Around Aldrip!
What: Claude and his encounters around town... again!!
Warnings: None anticipated! If you'd like to hop in on a log, however, please feel free to PM/DM me or hit me up on plurk (here!), and I'd be happy to whip up a starter for you, or you can just wildcard me in here! I've got my plotting comment here for the month if you want to take a peek -- Claude will the usual man about town, working at his apothecary, training, hunting, etc. etc., but with the twist that his sentencing honesty curse is taking hold.

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[ Ange is relatively quiet. It's hard to tell if it's just because she doesn't want to say anything and risk accidentally bringing up the entire matter if she'd speak up, or if she needs to be quiet to keep her concentration on the butterflies. Either way, all she says is a: ]

Don't mention it.

[ -- all the way until they reach her house. Ange lets go of Claude's hand only then, opening up the door and taking a quick listen inside before stepping in and allowing him to follow her. ]

Seems like my power was right. They're not here. [ Just like the butterflies had informed her through leaving to find her housemates and not returning to her. She imagines they'd head back quickly to warn her if any of them were making movements to go back home - but it means they should have a few moments here where it's just them.

So Ange ushers him over to the couch, telling Claude to give her a moment before disappearing into another room. It doesn't take too long before she's returned with tea - just the one thing Ange can make without setting something in the kitchen on fire. She serves both him and herself a cup before moving to sit down as well, holding onto her own cup of tea. ]

You should be able to speak more freely here, right? I'm the only one listening.

[ In unexpected moments, Ange shows her good breeding, showing Claude to the sitting room (albeit one he imagines is much smaller than the one in her own home), and preparing a cup of tea, taking long enough for him to get his bearings. As agitated as he is by the prospect of sharing his secret like this, he finds he's also embarrassed by his outburst and his visible discomfort. It's unusual for him; most people in his life crow on and on about how shameless he is, and it's a title he wears with more than a little bit of pride. But he is embarrassed of his emotions getting the better of him, just as he needs that extra time to sort out his thoughts as to what he could possibly say to Ange.

Not how much to say to her. That ship has sailed. He may as well tell her the whole story. But to speak with an outsider about it, someone completely unattached to not only Fodlan itself mired in centuries of tradition and religion, but to any world like his own. To Ange, all of this political intrigue must seem like a far off world. It's difficult, he finds, to describe the weight of living it.

Still, he's able to muster up something of a smile as she returns, accepting the tea with a bob of his head and a word of thanks. ]

Yeah. We can speak freely. [ He busies himself with taking a sip of tea as he looks around at the room. It's not that he doesn't trust Ange, but old habits die hard. Evidently satisfied, he looks at her with a hapless little shrug. ] Man, where do I even begin? Once upon a time?

[ He shakes his head with a tiny huff. ]

The basics, I suppose. Yes, I'm a prince. But not a prince of the same land I'm a Duke in. You see, my mother was born into a noble family in Fodlan, the continent that Marianne and I came in here from. And on the border of her land is the country of Almyra, a land that Fodlan's been at war with in one way or another for centuries. She happened to meet the King of Almyra himself on the battlefield, and wouldn't you know it? They fell in love.

[ It's a simple retelling. Like a fairy tale. A beautiful love story, if only there were no consequences to their coupling. ]

Then they had me. Which was not, let me tell you, a popular move. Almyra and Fodlan are still enemies, and harbour terrible thoughts about each other. So when I... [ Fled? No, that sounds so dramatic. ] ...decided to go to Fodlan myself, it seemed wisest to keep my origins a secret.

[ He's understating it. Even underneath a truth spell, he can still wiggle around it here and there. To speak of the true gravity of the situation still seems strange and daunting, as though admitting to it means that he was truly affected by it. Which of course he is, he realizes, but he still doesn't believe he was affected by it to any great extent; rather than allowing it to colour his self-perception, he likes to believe that he has instead allowed it to push him to devote himself to a greater cause. ]

[ One thing is very true here - it is indeed a very, very foreign story to Ange. Not that she hasn't had a whole lot of strange things happen in her own life, but.. stories like these? Of battlegrounds, and warring countries and noble babies that have to hide their backgrounds.. It's so far away from everything in her life, in her world. It's kind of strange to imagine that someone she speaks as casually with as Claude actually lives a life that only exists in stories Ange has read.

.. sure, maybe the wyvern should have been a tip-off, but coincidentally she is much, much more normal to Ange than any of this stuff here. ]

So.. you pretended to just be a duke?

[ You know. Like that's a normal thing. Even the being a duke part of it is kind of wild, considering Ange's family is important more for their money than their name, as most important families are where she comes from. Like modern nobility. ]

And that your father was someone else?

Not quite.

[ Claude closes his eyes for a moment, sighing. It's just so convoluted. Not only did he not originally realize how entrenched his mother was in Fodlan's nobility, but his intentions when he got to Fodlan were far from what actually happened. He hadn't even meant to attend the Academy. It's just how things went, and all of this mess happened solely because his Grandfather offered to send him and Claude, fool that he was, thought it sounded like fun. Like a good chance to learn things, get to know people, change a little here and there from the inside. Dances and feasts and libraries and friendship and all those other things you read about in the stories. ]

My mother's father, my Grandfather, was the Duke of Leicester. With my mother missing and my uncle recently killed in a very suspicious accident, that made me the rightful heir. One that nobody knew existed, but I had the Crest to prove it.

[ He crosses his legs and taps his finger against his knee, grimacing at how truly ridiculous the last few years have been. ]

Which, frankly, I wasn't planning on doing much with. But then shortly after war was declared, my Grandfather passed away, leaving me to rule in his stead. And being that we were at war, I couldn't very well leave. My hands were tied.

[ Well.

That sure is a world, isn't it.

Ange is at least very used to the whole concept of ending up as heir due to a series of very wild circumstances - suspicious deaths included and all - but at least in her case it had never meant all that much. Yeah, sure, there had been the money, but she never cared about that in the first place. It never came with actual other responsibilities, the way it seemed to for Claude. It's hard to imagine actually having to rule in some way.

There's a slight pause. Ange isn't even sipping her tea, like she's solely thinking about what he's telling her here, before she asks: ]

How did you feel about it?

[ Sorry, Claude.

But now you're forced to be honest, this might be the one time she can get an answer like that out of you. ]

Horrible. My grandfather was far kinder to me than anyone could reasonably expect, and he deserved to live out his last days in peace, not war -- and I was only supposed to be in Fodlan for all of a year, not trapped for years trying to field a damn war! Let alone a war in a land whose history I barely understand!

[ He pauses, pressing two fingers to his lips, then shoots a glare at Ange. Not a serious one - he's not angry, not over this; while he'd usually sugarcoat it a fair amount more, Ange is the person he enjoyed complaining with most of all - but he can't help giving her a look anyway. He wags a finger in her direction. ]

Sneaky, [ he says accusingly. ] Not that you could expect much different. What sort of psychopath would be happy about being trapped in a war?

[ Maybe the one who starts the war. Though it chills him, sometimes, how closely his and Edelgard's actual ideals are aligned. If she had only talked to him first, if they could have done something together...

Well. That didn't happen. No sense in dwelling on it. ]

[ Guilty as charged, Claude. Though at least she didn't ask something that didn't have a very likely answer - as Claude himself is pointing out. Still, it's nice to have some confirmation, especially when she can be sure about him telling her the full sentiment in this particular situation. ]

There are people who like that sort of thing. People who love chaos, and violence, and having an excuse to hurt other people. [ Ange's definitely thinking of the witches back home.

She doubts there are any witches involved in the war in Claude's world, but-- it's not like there aren't humans out there who have similar feelings. They could be part of it. ]

.. I'm glad you're not one of those people. Though-- I mean, I wouldn't take you back to my house if I didn't believe you're a good person I can trust. [ She pauses, and then realizes something so rapidly that it makes her quickly put her teacup back down right as she was about to sip. ]

There are, [ Claude admits. He doesn't think that even his enemies feel that way -- Edelgard is chasing after a better life in her own way, after all. But the entire world seems to see battle as some great, noble thing, a way to test your mettle, a way to prove your might to everyone else, a first resort rather than a last one. Claude can't stand it. If they could have all simply spoken instead, if his own family had been open to forging a treaty with a country they truly had no quarrel with, if everyone spent more time living than finding a chivalrous way to die, things could be solved so much more easily. ]

I'd certainly hope you didn't think of me like that, [ Claude says, raising his brows at her, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. A real one this time, not that horrible grimace he'd been parading around with. ] And I'll do my damnedest not to betray that trust -- though I'm surprised I got it out of you without an honesty spell cast on you.

[ He winks at Ange, lightning quick. ]

Philosophically, I'm a pacifist. I haven't been given the luxury to chase down that path, but a fellow can always dream. And I get the impression that you crave violence just about as much as I do.

[ There are some wild things Ange could have said here.

But she is not the one under a honesty spell right now, and there are some things about herself that she would - ironically, or perhaps hypocritically enough - want to still hide from Claude if she could. He's being so nice to her that she doesn't want him to know just yet how little she values her own life.

So rather than going for that, Ange tugs at a stray string on her sleeve before speaking up again with: ]

Do you think you'll ever be able to be that back home? It sounds like your world is pretty.. [ .. What's a diplomatic word. Ange isn't good with diplomatic words, but she's trying, even if it means thinking for a moment. ] .. tumultuous.

[ Nailed it. ]

I do. I do think so.

[ He leans back in his chair, bringing the cup of tea to his mouth, secretly pleased to have some confirmation that he truly believes in his ability to change the world as he knows it. Sometimes he's not sure if he believes it, or if it's a lie he's fed himself to make sure he can keep on going, day after day after day. ]

Don't get me wrong -- I'll probably be dead and buried long before I'd be able to see it truly come to fruition, but that's just all the more reason to survive. Establish treaties and diplomatic bonds, raise my successors, train a staff, implement laws and regulations against discrimination...

[ He's exhausted just thinking about it. ]

It will be a lot of work. But I can do it. All I need is to ascend to the throne, and I'll be able to start making some real changes.

[ Win the war, unify the disparate political groups of Fodlan, establish a sense of stability and make sure to appoint rulers he can collaborate with, go back to Almyra, fight his brothers for the throne, come into power, convince others that a man with Fodlani blood can rule, and then he'll be right on his way.

Easy peasy. If anyone can do it, he can. ]

[ If she was speaking to anyone she doesn't care as much about as she cares about Claude, Ange may have pointed out that this is the sort of thing people say right before they go mad with power. She likes to believe that he'll be better than that though, so she doesn't, instead focusing on this from another angle that she can easily see. ]

I don't know what that is like. Dedicating your whole life to something like that. Especially when you might not even be alive anymore to enjoy the results. [ Sure, Ange has also dedicated the remainder of her life to something.

But it's such a small and selfish goal that she doesn't even dare to compare it to the grand plan for an entire country he's laying out here - like it's nothing. With such confidence, too. ]

I guess.. [ .. the girl's voice trails off.

It's like she's looking for the right words for something. ]

.. I just hope it makes you happy, Claude.

It's what people like us were born to do, if we do it right, [ Claude says. The words flow from him as easily as can be, even with the honestly curse still afflicting his tongue; there is so much in this world he feels deeply uncertain about, but his own sense of responsibility, his own ambitions for the future, his own hopes for the way the future may be -- these are things that he never gets to speak aloud, but are the only things that get him out of bed every morning.

That godawful curse wasn't altogether incorrect. Talking about the nature of his birth is one thing, or about feeling a bit cranky about the way the world has shifted around them, but this? This is, he supposes, the closest he can get to his true self.

Damn it all. He hates it when they're right. ]

And people like us, with our ambitions... all we want is for people like you to be able to live full, happy, healthy lives. People without the sort of power I'm born with should just be able to live in peace.

[ And yes, he's aware that Ange was born rich -- but that's different from having power. When he smiles at her, it reaches his eyes. It's sweet of her to worry, he thinks. He knows how outlandish his plans sound, of course; that's why not a living soul in Fodlan knows about them. Almyra either, for that matter, not after his mother had dismissed them as nothing but childhood fancies. ]

If I can make that happen, I'll be happy, [ he says firmly. ] And I hope you can live in peace once we're eventually freed of this place too.

[ Peace isn't something they see very much of at all, these days. It'll come. ]

[ .. hah.

That last part is so ironic that it's almost kind of funny. Ange doesn't laugh though, obviously. She doesn't react to it at all. She's sure it must have been hard for Claude to throw this all out there, for having been so honest with her today, especially when it wasn't his own choice to do so. The last thing she'd want to force him to do is to react to the truth of her own circumstances while still forced to be honest.

So Ange is quiet, seemingly taking it in for a moment, before she asks: ]

How are you feeling now?

[ She usually hasn't seen people this long at once while they're enduring their sentencing, so she's not sure how exactly it all goes down.. ]

Do you think the whole honesty thing is done now you've talked about all this?

If this didn't do it, then nothing will. My plan is to lock myself away until the sentencing is through, and if they've deemed this insufficient, then I'll grin and bear through whatever they want to do about that.

[ He's done with trying to see logic or reason in anything that the Council does. He sees now that it's not the point. It's never been the point. He pauses, looking pensively over at Ange, rubbing his thumb idly against his knuckle. ]

Thanks for hearing me out, Ange. I know you didn't exactly sign up for this either, [ he admits, cracking a small smile at her. He knows Ange doesn't truly understand the gravity of the situation - how could she, when he's avoiding laying all his cards on the table ] If I had to put this all out there, then I'm glad it was with you.

[ Would he have fessed up to it otherwise? Probably not. But so it goes. ]

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