expiationlogs | Hey who the hell is this guy? (Open & Closed)

[ yeah, he's outed himself, essentially pinned his heart on his sleeve -- or more specifically, his head. there's a part of him that begrudges that, that knows full and well it'll eventually be weaponized against him, but it's not something he can bring himself to be a coward about either. most things -- but not this.

he visibly relaxes once the strap has wound around his head, that familiar weight braced against his crown. ]

Thanks.

[ somehow, there's an earnestness there. this was a showcase of mercy, perhaps even of kindness; most people would use it as leverage from the onset or purposefully withhold it as a form of torment.

but whatever. no time to think about that. sha-ming leans back into his seat, slouched as he practically melts into it. ]

You're dumb as hell for doing this, by the way. [ no point in asking why, he can already figure that much out. ] I meant it when I said I wasn't gonna say anything, but damn, okay. You do you.

[ BIG sigh. ]

I'd say someone's gonna come lookin' for me, and that you're totally toast, but I'm pretty sure nobody gives a shit. And the bastard cops sure as hell aren't gonna do anything, soooooooo I'm screwed. Cool.

[ he looks at him a little harder -- and then realization dawns on him, eyes widening...

oh fuck. ]

...Shit. You're the hot clown that kid told me about. It's gotta be you. You've got that sadness in your eyes-- eye? That you only see in European gay porn. I mean, Europe isn't really a thing anymore where I'm from, but the gay porn from it's still out there.

Edited (wow i fucked that up AGAIN) 2024-04-30 00:41 (UTC)

[ Like any good antagonist worth his weight in salt there's a bit of maniacal laughter. ]

In terms of keeping the silence do you know who has you beat? Go on and guess! Is the answer a dead man? Great job, that was the answer.

[ Although it is correct that he's starting to get backed into a pretty dire situation. It's not like Gogol was particularly lush with allies before he pulled some choice shenanigans. It's hard to imagine he has many now. In a very short period of time he's lost many of the people who he actually managed to accept in any way that was even remotely stable, lost his freewill in a way that suits the council's needs, then recently died without a terribly good reason, had his ability torn from him, had the very last person get taken away—

and now just as a little bit of melancholy begins to sneak onto his face he gets hit with a "you've got that sadness in your eyes that you only see in European gay porn." ]

[ Don't read him dead to rights like that, that's a violation. There's this muscle memory motion like he's trying to bring something like a cloak up and close to his body but there's of course no such article of clothing being pulled on. ]

Hhhotwhat. Pardon?

[ Then there's an outright giggle but it has a hysterical quality to it. He adopts a higher pitched manner of talking as he grabs onto the end of his braid and twirls it like a coy little maiden. There's kind of a cute little red pom pom on the end of that braid actually, it matches a bunch of other accent red on his outfit. Quite silly for a confirmed serial killer and terrorist to have but here they are. He's batting his eyelashes for good measure. ]

Whooo told you that—~?

Whoooooooo caaaaaarrrreeeeeees, [ he groans out, head lolling off of his chair. ] They bring people back from the dead here. Y'should know, you literally died. Even if you kill me, I'm comin' back.

[ he doesn't express the fact that he has real concerns around that, actually -- that he wonders if there's this offchance that the revival mechanic will fail or not be employed for him. but he's not in a position where groveling will work, so...

and then he does...whatever kind of gesture that is, and sha-ming stares -- before bursting out into laughter. ]

Are you shy? Ohhh, babe, come on, no need to get humble! Yeah, you're hot. Would totally hit that, and honestly, guys aren't really my type... I mean, I'll have some fun with 'em, use 'em and all if I gotta but there's nothing I wouldn't do for a woman, ya feel? Although, there was this...what was it called...nonbinary? That I had a huuuuuge thing for before I showed up here. Ahhhh, Setsu... now that's a real hottie...

Not discounting you though! You've got a good face, luscious legs, the whole shebang. Just saying.

[ ah, the question of the hour. right. sorry akechi, you're not one of his people, so with absolutely zero hesitation-- ]

Mophead. You know, that gay little brunet that killed you. I don't even remember his name but you definitely know who I'm talking about. He was high off his ass and kept calling you a hot clown. In front of his boyfriend, too... this gay stuff is real messy. I bet he was jealous and everything. You leadin' all of us on, pal? What a heartbreaker.

Okie dokie, Mister atypically-vulgar, that's enough out of you for now.

[ The manner he wraps a tie around his head and presses the knot of it against Sha-ming's teeth to tug and tighten is decidedly way less accommodating. Gogol stomps his curled toe shoe with a BANG between Sha-ming's legs where there's juuuust enough space not to be smashing anything tender. We're talking using that for real leverage for a good yank here. Of course, Sha-ming would still be able to turn his head this way and that to resist because Gogol is distracted enough.

Because first of all he's got to address the most egregious thing there. With a Tsk no less. ]

Woah~ well that's a real shame. In the end that boy detective ended up being really disappointing 'cause he's so shackled and blinded by his own rage.

[ Kinda cringe bro. Soooooo unattractive for the violence to be a thing that he's not controlling. That's a skill issue. ]

Speaking of, you were way more interesting last night. What happened to that?

Edited (imagine that typo didn't exist) 2024-04-30 01:56 (UTC)

[ out comes a strangled noise at being gagged -- the air is caught in his throat, and he swallows it back down quickly before writhing in his seat at the way gogol encroaches upon his dick.

and not in a good way! what the hell, man. ]

[ he's pressed up against the slope of the chair, jaw tensing as his teeth grit. and then through the gag-- ]

Aren't you like, in yer 30s? Why are you beefing with some kid?

[ he really should not have that kind of audacity, but man, it's hard to fight it. ]

Yeah, like you're sooooo in control of yourself. I'm sure yer brain makes rational decisions allllllll the tiiiiiiiime.

[ a huff. the tie is wet with saliva at this point. ]

I think it's the fact that you fucking kidnapped me, probably.

[ Not about to adjust that tie because it's actually far more humiliating to have to talk through it while it's askew. ]

What a great and completely understandable point! Have you considered it's mostly one-sided? That guy reaaally hates me and I could've done way worse to him by now.

[ The answer is actually the Overcoat is missing and it wouldn't be if not for that death but he's not going to be as fast as Sha-Ming was to reveal he also has something that has equal or more value than the goggles. ]

And, well, of course I'm not rational all the time. That's my biggest problem!

But lucky you... While you've been passed out I've been thinking about that. You could just sit back and wait it out! In that scenario it wouldn't be so bad for you after all.

[ thankfully, sha-ming has a complete absence of shame, so he’ll gladly take it. ]

I dunno… You sound mad, bro.

[ a simple observation! ]

Kind of an understatement but ok.

[ a beat. ]

So you just wanna keep me here. [ a moment as he thinks it over. ] Honestly, I expected worse. Whatever. Can we at least do somethin’ so I don’t get bored.

Edited 2024-04-30 03:38 (UTC)

[ A solid flash of canine as he grins. ]

I don't really like it either. I'd rather have a little chat! But it is what it is. This brave face you're putting on is plenty entertaining too.

[ Gogol takes his time circling around to the back of the chair. Temporarily out of sight in other words. After a pause he taps a seven beat rhythm against one of the knuckles on his captive's bound hands. Twinkle Twinkle little star. ]

I'm busy these days so I could leave you here. Then again, I could spare some time to peel your fingers off one by one for a souvenir! What are you thoughts—does that sound less boring? I want to be accommodating.

Uh, it’s not a brave face. I don’t make those. Crying and whining and pissing myself is kind of my whole game but I already know it’s not gonna work with you so I’m not botherin’.

I think you’re just mad that I called you mad. Which you are. The ‘Kech really pissed you off, huh?

[ at the threat, he does not bother hiding his panic remotely — his face contorts like that of a kicked dog’s, and he looks to gogol with big ‘ol eyes. ]

Oh come on, don’t do that… I need those to jerk off. Can’t you put on a nature documentary or something? Get me a friend maybe?

Ohhh, you got me! I guess I'm a liiiiittle mad. Who wouldn't be after getting shot once, twice... eh-? Just twice. Anyways, the point is someone had sticky fingers.

[ Is the obvious answer really it? Akechi at it again being Gogol's #1 hater. This is a little too far this time, though. He can move on from getting shot and even killed. If it's true then stealing the Overcoat is going to have the kind of consequences Akechi hasn't faced from Gogol yet. He was playing nice.

Gogol presses up against the back of the wooden chair and leans forward. Inclining his head to the side he aims to make eye contact. The angle casts a shadow over his smiling face. ]

You can't hands-off it? That's surprising.

[ sha-ming lapses into silence, squinting ever so slightly. he remembers it well — that akechi had said minato was there. shinjiro, too. nobody had wanted to disclose the gritty details, the sequence of events that night…

but sha-ming is smarter than he seems. so he calls it as he sees it. very calmly: ]

There’s somethin’ you aren’t saying.

[ a beat. ]

I know desperation when I see it. After all, I’m one of the most desperate bastards there is. You’re in some shit. Real shit. Stinky, nasty ass shit. Plenty of people in this city, people who’ve saved the damn world, mercs and magicians and superpowered teenagers…

And you kidnapped the one guy who can’t do a damn thing? The one nobody even notices to start with? Are you for real? Come on, thunder thighs… you’re a slave to your own human weakness and it shows.

[ his ankles, bound together, swing back and forth. ]

Whatever. I really don’t care what happened that night. But it sure gotcha. Scary, ain’t it? Having to weasel around in the shadows, hoping no one’ll see you… hoping nobody notices a damn thing. I treat it like a game of hide ‘n seek. Makes it easier that way.

[ and for that final question: ]

Do I look like I got somethin’ to rub up against– ohhh, so you thought about me jerking off for a second, huh…

Edited 2024-04-30 20:44 (UTC)

[ There's an irony in it being a man who masks himself but he doesn't hate when Sha-Ming decides to have a brain instead of being a stunningly stupid rolodex for workplace sexual harassment. To be called out with an inkling of intelligence present is nostalgic in a myriad of ways.

Sighing through his nose, Nikolai leans back up so Sha-Ming doesn't have that clear view of his face.

This world. This reality. "Ṟ̸͉̓e̷̱̹̭͋̚̚â̷̛̠͔͠l̸͎̬̪̅̕͝i̸͎̳͐̊͐t̶̯̟̾̉̐y̸̤̟̌͑̍.̵̰͗͆.̸̨͍̙̂̋̒.̸̧͈̫̈́̂ I̶̪͙̪͐t̶̂͜'̴̛̍͝ͅs̶̮͛ ̴͖͍͕̑̊̕y̷̟̩̬̓-̷͔͆ō̴̻̈́͝u̵̦̯̔,̵̰͇́̆r̶͉̺͒ ̸̡̼̞̚r̴̡̝̭̒e̴̠̦̻̔ą̴͚̘̒̈́l̴̂ͅ-̸͈̖͙̓i̸̭̹̘͛́͐t̷̳̰̀͂y̶̠͗́?̸̖̳̎͐?̸̜̉́̍ ̸͉͌" were words specifically designed to haunt him. The compulsion he can't escape, the one that's nestled in deep within his mind. The growing list of powerful captives who want repentance from a bird without wings to fly away from it with. Logically, they can't be blamed for that but it's a frightening concept when he is bound to the ground by the full force of gravity.

The voice that comes out of him sounds like normal. It's rightfully blithe given the context. He realizes it's his and returns to the present because there's no one else it could be. ]

Guilty as charged. You nailed it! As we speak I can hardly stop my hands from shaking. ...Have I really given you a reason to think I'm denying it?

Ehehehe, of course, I could be lying to you at this very second.

[ From where he'd exchanged it for the goggles earlier Nikolai picks up Sha-Ming's device from the small table. A distraction. This is all a wonderful distraction from what he needs to be doing right now.

There actually is a faint tremor that runs through his hand as he pinches the square between two fingers again. It peels off by the time Nikolai presses again against the back of the chair. With a cheerful hum now he holds his arm out in front of Sha-Ming to see the screen of his own device that Gogol took from him partway through the kidnapping. ]

Maybe. Anyways, gimme your code, 'kay? Let's have a looksee.

[ the man before him is not made of stone -- he shifts between masks, playing cards splayed out across the table, a royal flush, but the heart that beats there is still human. so long as something was alive, it could be exploited, weakened to its core. that's a simple tenant of biology. ]

You're scared. [ sha-ming says with a smile, lackadaisical and easy. ] Paranoia got the better of you. You're spiralin'. That's why you were stupid enough to hold a guy who couldn't even fight back hostage.

It's okay. I'm scared too. All the time. Right now. Yesterday, and the day before... Tomorrow, if it ever comes.

[ the phone clatters against the table; he hears it pass through the stranger's fingers, and sha-ming stares up, eyes flitting closed.

he sent that text to minato. minato, who had already been hurt once by this man -- minato, who would be compromised by this. he goes back to a time when the sun shone brightly, and a blackened, calloused hand clasped over his own, tracing the lines of his palm. ]

No.

[ it's stated simply, the corners of his lips tugging up softly. his features are benign with warmth; how strange. the expression is so unnatural for him, his facial muscles can't quite process it. ]

Kill me, torture me, keep me here... I'm not doing that.

[ "that kid deserves to live more than i do." ]

The dumbest thing about all of this is that I'm not mad 'atcha. I wish I was... I'd be a stronger person if I was, wouldn't I?

[ but he's not strong. he's never been strong. ]

But I just... can't blame you for wanting somethin' more from your own birth.

It's probably good that you aren't.

[ In a way he is actively listening to the words. Gives a thoughtful but detached sounding hum even. All of it is correct after all. It's just, you know, he's been capable of switching off and being very cruel for a long time. Why disappoint here?

Still there's resignation in his voice. ]

You know they don't tell you this! But when you die here and are brought back you fall apart for a bit. The first time I...

[ ...Had hands that reached out to steady him during the deluge of incorrect feelings and memories. It's one of the first rational thoughts he'd pieced together after he woke up this second time alone.

A long time had been spent sitting on the edge of the bed then. Time ticking by as he stared out the window until his stomach hurt with hunger--wondering what it was all even for.

Those hands don't exist here anymore. None of the ones that mattered the most do.

That's the white bear effect, a recent memory from someone he knows adds, and Gogol laughs out loud. ]

Neeevermind, forget all that for now. I actually do like you enough that it really feels like a struggle to do anything more to you!? But you being this obstinate means you're probably trying to hide something relevant right? I need to know how many beans you spilled.

[ He circles back around to the front. Doesn't look him in the eyes but spares Sha-Ming a wide closed mouth grin before bending at the waist to retrieve something from underneath the chair. There's a scraping of metal against the concrete floor. ]

Pop quiz! Are you right or left handed?

Edited (Wite..... listen it's 1:30AM) 2024-05-01 05:33 (UTC)

[ he lets him speak. the hesitation doesn't fall on deaf ears. what a strange man. always at odds with himself, endlessly oscillating back and forth between his own desires and vices.

that's human nature, isn't it? to be a paradox. sha-ming, shockingly, looks to be somewhat bored; maybe it's because he's spent his entire life imagining up these scenarios, playing them out in his head, terrified...

maybe it's because for once, he's made a decision that meant something. he thinks of the kid again -- that head of blue hair, always drifting off. memories of him tugging at the tail ends of his shirt as the sun bleeds into the horizon. all fake. all fabricated. he hates this city for giving him something he could never have.

but the brain was like that, wasn't it? claimed ownership of things that weren't real, would never be real. it exists in your mind -- isn't that enough? ]

Trick question. [ he answers, unenthused. ] You'll take off the hand ya want to take off. That simple, really.

[ left. if gogol remembers which hand had grasped his, it was left. ]

Tell me somethin'.

[ a beat. ]

Is it less painful to know you're gonna get taken out -- or to live in peace up until that exact second?

[ the question isn't for himself. ]

Yeowch!! You're visualizing something pretty violent huh? It's a hammer actually.

[ One he deposits off to the side on that helpful little table for the moment. Taking off something like a hand would mean Sha-Ming would bleed out pretty quickly. In a lot of cases the swift death could serve a purpose but this time it's counterproductive for sure. ]

To answer your question... It hurts a lot less to live life unaware. But that's not the dichotomy you're posing to me, is it?

[ Taking a moment to plant a hand on a chair arm he leans down to look Sha-Ming in the eyes on the same level. Not breaking the progressively softening gaze with him Nikolai reaches down to collect his bound hands. As he allows the thought experiment to percolate in his mind he pauses, and then turns the hands so the right one is on top.

Of course a detail like which hand Sha-Ming had been using wouldn't escape his notice. But he's free to think he is. ]

Truthfully I've considered if there's a way to resist by living peacefully.

[ Let the way the light leaves his visible eye as Nikolai thumbs at the knot on the rope bounding those hands answer that one. The answer in his non-answer. ]

Now then, I'm separating your hands so don't take the opportunity to resist.

[ this guy.

somehow, this is worse — drawn out, slow and steady. it’s an attempt to chip away at his psyche. trepidation swims in his veins, eyes trained on the hammer before flickering back to gogol.

he notes the way he fiddles with his hands; right over left. he should know it was left. that was the one he’d kissed.

strange man. the knot loosens, and sha-ming’s fingers flex instinctively. ]

Live a life of peace and it’ll get cut short. Odds of survival go down. And in that final moment, you realize… that none of it ever mattered, you know?

[ a beat. ]

But when you know somethin’… [ his eyes trail over the lines of his palms, mapping out creeks of flesh. ] you can’t unknow it — it sticks with you ‘till the day you fade outta existence.

[ his hands are pliable in gogol’s, head canted. ]

Hey.

[ another moment. ]

Don’t bother lettin’ me go. Whenever you’re done torturing me, go for the kill.

[ sha-ming’s expression dulls, contemplative. ]

‘M not suicidal. I wanna live… so bad, it hurts. I’m the worst kinda guy… the type who doesn’t have a reason to to start with, but does anyways.

[ a blink of his eyes, jaw shifting. ]

But I wanna know… how they felt when they died. I wanna know if it hurt.

Edited 2024-05-01 19:31 (UTC)

That's a little naive. If none of it had meaning you'd never realize there's injustice in living in the first place.

[ The hands are pliable, and as he muses out loud. It's half in response to what's been said and half to himself. With that same mindfulness he places Sha-Ming's left hand against the chair arm to tie it in place for the time being. Muscle memory works in his favor. ]

It hurts because you want to understand and be understood. We're the same in that regard.

[ In the moment a twisted and gnarled empathy decides to fulfill that death wish his expression shifts in degrees. There's no more sign of empathy. This is the killer with no capability for remorse in his heart. ]

Ehehehe ! Oh it's gonna hurt! So let's play a game and see how fast it gets you to cry your eyes out. I ask you a question and you give me a yes or no answer! It's suuuuper simple. So, ready?

[ Better be because they're starting even before Sha-Ming can confirm. That's quite the grip strength against Sha-Ming's wrist when Nikolai slams it onto the table. Poor wooden little thing groans in protest. It's totally unnecessary to flip the hammer and catch it one handed but is it really? ]

Be honest now! Did you give a description of me?

(when gogol just dropped on him that there was a guy in his basement, it took manjiro a little while to come see. mostly because it doesn't pertain to him, so there's nothing of interest to gain him. his empathy is great either - what he cares about is much related to who he cares about caring about things, if it's not manjiro's own shit to deal with.

therefore, he first woke up, had breakfast, stretched, who gives a fuck about the poor bastard and the clown, but he can hear the talk, and, oh, right, that is definitely happening.

shaming described the brunette gay, the European gay, here is the gang leader gay who looks much like a doll, big eyes and lashes and strawberry blond hair. he arrives to hear the cracks of joints and force against muscles, and to be fair? that does nothing for him, they're recognizable noises.)

So, this is the guy. What he do again?

Edited 2024-05-01 21:21 (UTC)

[ he knows it’s coming, but he doesn’t know when — to be understood, and to understand… was that truly what he wanted? he had forfeited his investment in those concepts long ago.

the stranger’s grip is unforgiving (also, he’s really strong, which is a little hot?) and sha-ming’s glasses slide off, the fringes of his hair spilling around his face. the weight of his goggles grounds him.

he looks up to gogol and grins. ]

Yeah.

[ a beat. ]

Told them all about those thunder thighs of yours. Careful, now everyone’s gonna be ogling yer legs when you go out now.

[ ah, there’s someone else here — how funny. he doesn’t even have the energy to plead with the new gay that entered through the door. ]

Edited 2024-05-01 21:33 (UTC)

Eh. I've seen better thighs.

(just a comment, proceed.)

Edited 2024-05-01 21:35 (UTC)

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1/2 probably but no promises

2/I lied to you

3/3

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1/2

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Everyday I die a thousand deaths reading the dialogue you send my way

for what it’s worth “how to jerk off without hands or pillow” is in my google history bc of u

It's an honor

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1/2

2/2

hi

welcome to chilli’s

sorry