Nikolai Gogol (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
quizpersona) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
expiationlogs2024-04-23 03:31 pm
quizpersona) wrote in expiationlogs2024-04-23 03:31 pm
Hey who the hell is this guy? (Open & Closed)
Who: A man who isn't going by "Gogol" right now
Where: Aldrip (now with better accuracy!) The Inn, an abandoned house at the edges of town, at a diner.
What: The assorted shenanigans related to a certain local murder clown who has faked his own perma-death to assume a different identity. There will be various toplevels in the comments. This is "closed-ish" because it's not 100% closed but there's a lot of ooc plotting and scheming going on so please come join in on the plotting scheming instead of blitzing in with a "hey you guys that's obviously Gogol" when other people are investigating.
Getting short-lived CR with the nice, helpful, and well-mannered salaryman is 100% open though because frankly that's funny.
Edit: now including a top level for his sentencing failure.
Warnings: Kidnapping, nsfw dialogue, law advice for the dubious, torture (includes finger trauma).
Where: Aldrip (now with better accuracy!) The Inn, an abandoned house at the edges of town, at a diner.
What: The assorted shenanigans related to a certain local murder clown who has faked his own perma-death to assume a different identity. There will be various toplevels in the comments. This is "closed-ish" because it's not 100% closed but there's a lot of ooc plotting and scheming going on so please come join in on the plotting scheming instead of blitzing in with a "hey you guys that's obviously Gogol" when other people are investigating.
Getting short-lived CR with the nice, helpful, and well-mannered salaryman is 100% open though because frankly that's funny.
Edit: now including a top level for his sentencing failure.
Warnings: Kidnapping, nsfw dialogue, law advice for the dubious, torture (includes finger trauma).
no subject
[ with NO regard for his personal boundaries or well-being, sha-ming minimizes the distance and very sleazily loops an arm around him — they’re… something now. together! and that’s all that matters, doesn’t it?
sha-ming squeezes his shoulder. ]
Oh wow, you’re kinda built for a salaryman? Bet you could get laid in no time.
[ these were priorities. the key to happiness, truly. ]
There’s no better way to get used to your surroundings than getting totally shitfaced. Yeah, that’s what all them philosophers said.
[ a beat. the barkeep slides down two glasses across the counter, both smelling strongly of alcohol. ]
Forget your sad little life and have some fun, babe!
no subject
[ By the second pass there's a disbelieving sound—somewhere caught between a scoff, a cough, and not quite the beginning of a laugh he stifles immediately. There's an effort to quickly cover up that almost blunder with a snip of the drink that the barkeep just put in front of them. Poor guy must be parched? It could easily be misconstrued as a more pure man choking on that audacity.
But there is a more internal part of him that finds this entertaining.
For what it's worth he doesn't shrug Sha-Ming off either. The posture kind of implies that he's accepting this fate because the path of non-resistance is the path to overcoming adversity. He cups this second drink in both hands like it's his emotional support in this moment of adversity. ]
I haven't heard that before... I don't mean to question you but are you sure? It doesn't sound like I can escape the accusation on the pamphlet they gave me?
no subject
but it's alright -- like a pig at a trough, he drinks up accordingly, and sha-ming takes a swig of his own drink in turn. ]
Damn, that's strong. [ thank gosh he's not paying for it. ] Yep, I'm 100% positive. They'll give you some stupid sentencing, but it'll be like... "find the goodness in your heart and help deliver a newborn baby this month!" Or some shit like that... I mean, you go crazy if you don't do it, but it could be worse? I was expecting torture. Or abuse. Or corporal punishment. Or execution. So like yeah.
[ he yanks him in juuuust a tad closer. they're practically tethered at the hip now; wow, this guy was firm around the edges. was this truly an average salaryman?
oh well. that's not his problem. ]
Let's have ourselves a boy's night! What'd they say a guy like you did anyways? Be too pathetic? Tax fraud? Have a dangerously receding hairline? Embezzlement? Partake in swagless beahavior? Either way, now's the time to forget about it!
[ he raises his glass -- to a newfound homoerotic friendship. (?) ]
no subject
[ Well gee, this guy sure goes right in on people doesn't he? When Sha-Ming begins to scrutinize his face intently he makes sure to avert his eyes in a way that should probably read as bashful. In response to the hairline dig he reaches up to touch his forehead but apparently loses the will to live halfway. It results in the arm dropping right back down accompanied by a few under the breath mumbles. Pathetic indeed. ]
Excuse me sir... But am I dead? Is this purgatory? Uh, are you a demon sent to tempt me further?
[ Trying to be subtle about it he wriggles a little bit across his bar stool to gain a few inches away from the man plastering himself to his side. Predictably he doesn't get the chance to get a word in—this stranger doesn't seem to care about what his crime actually is so he takes advantage of it by not answering at all. Although, answering with "Defenestration" and following it up with an example would've been fun, he decides. It's so unfortunate that the priority is finding the Overcoat first before he can even chuck the disguise and have his fun with this guy. ]
Please don't make me break anymore laws...!
[ There's still a really hesitant and dubious clinking of glasses as he taps his against sha-ming's. It's impolite to leave a guy hanging you see. ]
no subject
Yeah, what am I tempting you to do? You sayin’ you want me? No need to play coy… I’m really generous, yanno?
[ the stranger puts some distance between them — sha-ming let’s it be for now, but the clink lights him up from within, renews his spirits. ]
We’re just having a good time, stop worryin’. Unless you’re threatening me… you a serial killer? I bet you’re in this city for a reason. You know, some of the worst guys you’ll ever meet pretend to be super pathetic, good for nothing losers… it gets you real far, yeah?
I’m totally not gonna fight you, though. I felt you up… I’m pretty sure you’d beat my ass! Thankfully, begging is my forte, so if you try anything I’m gonna annoy you so bad you’ll wanna kill yourself.
[ now that that disclaimer is out of the way, sha-ming finishes off his drink; he lets the glass clatter against the counter, and he’s already raising a hand to gesture towards the barkeep. ]
Hey, barkeep! Another round, thanks. [ his eyes flit back to the stranger. ] Whaddya wanna do tonight, pal? Billiards? Karaoke? Shoot the shit as we get plastered? The world’s your oyster.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekL881PJMjI
[ Is the cat out of the bag? Probably not. But change of plans anyways! He's accustomed to rolling with very sudden whims; and this is classifiable as a sudden whim. Plus it turns out that this guy is probably a little sharper than he first comes off as so he very well might pick the whole thing apart eventually.
Waiting patiently while sha-ming chatters seems to be the dynamic that's being cultivated here. As that goes on he takes his glasses off to idly clean one of the lenses with a cloth. The counter underneath the lens doesn't distort. Afterwards when sha-ming is preoccupied with ordering even more alcohol he wordless sits up and reaches over to pinch the new drink the barkeep is bringing over to sha-ming. There's a flash of sharply grinning teeth hidden and distorted by the glass and a duchenne smile that peers over it as he waits for those eyes to flit back to him to take a sip. ]
I don't know. I've heard a lot of insistent begging in my life.
[ Spoken quietly—hardly audible for even sha-ming's ears—with a completely straight face. It's funny how that strong alcohol doesn't cause such a meek man to pull a face, isn't it? Must be the high tolerance being an office worker gets you. By the time he returns the glass back to sha-ming he's already returned to looking serious and disconcerted.]
Oh, I'm not sure... How about a chat? I don't have a lot of people to talk to right now.
[ A hand slides down sha-ming's thigh to grip him at the knee. Primarily so he's going to have to go through a strength contest to get away but Gogol reasons it's fine if he interprets that another way. ]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ynslUS4vvM&pp=ygUYdG9tIGplcnJ5IHNjcmVhbWluZyBtZW1l
sha-ming raises a brow; there’s a keen awareness of the way the stranger’s grave and depressive veneer mutates into something more manic for a fraction of a second. there’s a boldness there, like he’s at odds with himself, and sha-ming registers it at that exact moment: yes, this was a dangerous person indeed.
he flashes him a characteristic smile, head leaning into the palm of his hand. ]
If you wanted a smooch, all you had to do was ask. Tryin’ to cheat on your wife already? Thought it’d take a guy like you a few more days at least.
[ he digs his phone out of his pocket. boredly, his eyes flit to the screen, although he holds it at an angle where what he’s doing isn’t quiiiite visible. ]
Oh, sorry. My roommate’s some snot nosed brat, so I gotta let him know I’m hanging with my new friend tonight…❤️
[ to: minato arisato
yo if i die 2nite the salary man w the bad hairline and glasses did it
DONT THROW MY SHIT AWAY i’ll b back 😩
the phone slides back into his pocket; and then suddenly, there’s a hand on his thigh, fingers impressing into his flesh. an ironclad grip, one far stronger and more imposing than that of the average human being’s.
for a moment, sha-ming blinks — and stares. ]
Oh. Uhhhh…
[ he swallows. then smiles wolfishly, sharpened canines poking out… and then places his hand over the stranger’s. ]
Damn! I didn’t think you’d be that forward. Okayyyy, guess I gotta see what yer packin’ beneath the suit after all. Why don’t you tell me allllll about your problems. Your good pal’ll make them go away before you even know it.
[ he winks. because of course he does. ]
no subject
I don't have a wife anymore... She tragically passed on a little while ago.
[ A slow blink. Oh buddy. How many people do you think he's brutally targeted and murdered? How many of those people do you think tried to covertly call for help? Humanity's instinct to strategize a way to survive danger is always a fascinating but pretty predictable one.
The audacity of pulling out the phone to text immediately after that little display... He still let's sha-ming do it interestingly enough. He watches him go through the action with a half-lidded gaze. It's pretty much because he's interested to see how well this guy manages it without having a face crack. Now, if only it weren't for the timing.
If this was a visual novel that might've been the trigger event for one of the bad ends with the red text, though. So good thing it isn't a visual novel. ]
...Forward? Well, sir, it's because I can't help but feel a bit flattered by all your advances. But you keep saying all these naughty and provocative things when anyone could be listening. Don't you feel any shame?
no subject
[ the man before him has a more languid affect now, trickling slow like the steady crawl of honey. he’s not the only one who’s been sentenced, unfortunately; sha-ming has another swig of his drink. and then he smiles, before erupting into a small little airy fit of laughter at what the man says next.
thank god he escaped visual novel jail when he came here. ]
Pfffft. Shame? [ he laughs, fingers raking though his hair. ] Shame? Really? Uh, no. Why the hell should I care?
[ his fingers wind around his, just the slightest bit tighter. ]
You know, it’s funny. Humans kill everything around ‘em. That’s how empires were built, right? People will hurt anything for any reason. And they get rewarded for it, too. We live in a universe where you’re always at another person’s mercy… maybe because their pockets are fuller than yours, or cause they look different, or cause you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It could seriously be anything. And I’m the one who should feel shame?
Get real! [ a smile, wide and arrogant. ] I’m a pathetic coward, a good for nothin’ bastard… no shame about it. The way I am — I learned it from animals who never hurt a damn thing… and I’ll take that over being some shit for brains human any day.
Maybe if you were more like me, you wouldn’t be this miserable.
no subject
You're right. If I were more like you I wouldn't be quite so miserable.
[ ...What an interesting turn. The words coming out now are entirely genuinely his. Each one is not going through a filter that fits the image of some insignificant secretary. The mournful smile that follows along with them just might be genuine too. ]
But you are still human like me, I presume? Of course, that would mean that human nature is also being forced upon you. Every human emotion, even the ones you find the most distasteful, have some influence over every desire and thought you have.
[ One hand remains free and with it he decides to reach over to gently tap sha-ming on the forehead at the same time he calmly says the words human nature. ]
In solidarity I'll let you in on a personal motivation. I also wish to be a less human.
no subject
he cants his head, intrigued by the way honesty seeps through this man's facade. there's a sorrow there that he finds himself understanding, intrinsically -- was that what it meant to be lonely?
then comes another laugh. it's feather light and low. ]
Yeah, I am. That's why I'm so pathetic, yanno? Animals... they fight to survive, and that's it. But humans... they wanted more from the start. It's why they got so far -- but it's the source of their own sufferin', too.
Nothing's born cruel. Not even people.
[ his eyes rove up at his finger, blinking twice as he taps his forehead. human nature. what an interesting concept -- he thinks about it incessantly.
his mouth slopes down into a thin, soft little line, gaze contemplative as he looks to him. a nigh unreadable expression, but a genuine one no less. ]
You hate it, don't you? [ a beat. ] The curse of loneliness, yeah. I think that's the worst thing of all.
[ his sentencing rings in his head. a sip of his drink, hand still on the stranger's, before he returns to reality. ]
I'm scared of being alone. But it's all I know how to be, too. People will never understand you. People will always find a way to hurt you. People will die, or abandon you, or leave you where you stood. It's human nature. But I'm just too weak for humanity to start with.
no subject
Certainly, although if you wanted to be even more accurate you could say that I hate that I'm designed to hate it. I'm guilty of entertaining the thought that we can break free from that mold even if it means cultivating the very worst of humanity.
[ —it's a sudden flash of opening one's eyes to realize that although their paths couldn't diverge more the way this someone else is rationalizing and seeing the world is eerily comparable. It's a belated realization that makes Nikolai's eyes go wide and an involuntary shiver run up his spine. There's an itch to press his thumbs into sha-ming brain to pull it apart to have an even better look—it finds a place to settle and prickle at the back of his own mind. It's altogether a giddy and sickening feeling.
Embedded somewhere deeply within a soul-deep sorrow is an opposing feeling of happiness. Bringing his free hand back down to plant on the counter Gogol rests his cheek upon a palm, his mouth quivers upwards into a wide smile. Now where ever has that mousey persona gone to? It's on a 15 minute unpaid break to make way for a intense stare that surveys the unreadable expression on sha-ming's face. ]
Conversationally, is that better or worse than not knowing how to proceed with escaping those shackles?
no subject
his shoulders are firm, his eyes attentive as he listens. and he thinks, retreating into his mind, traveling from one memory to another before letting the question percolate -- not rot. ]
A long time ago, [ he starts. ] my parents were researchers. Studied intelligence in primates...monkeys: bonobos, actually. I never questioned why. Didn't matter to me. But I remember them sayin' once...that the reason they chose bonobos -- was 'cause even though our thought patterns, behaviors and instincts all originate from primates...
Bonobos were the only ones who predisposed to love and peace.
[ there is an undercurrent of sorrow there, low in his throat. ]
You said you want to be free, even if it brings out the worst in people. Does bein' free to you mean giving into those impulses -- killing, maiming, stealing, screwin' people over?
[ a sip of his drink. his fingers hover over his goggles, as if feeling for their presence. ]
...I wouldn't blame ya for that, even if I don't agree. Sounds fucked up, I know, but... [ a pause, like he's thinking. ] It's hard to spend your life pretending.
...But those impulses are things we're taught: social behaviors developed over history. Humanity'll tell you there's a difference between a serial killer and a soldier. That ain't true.
[ his fingers clasp around the stranger's once more, firm and certain -- suddenly, he brings his hand up, spreading his fingers apart so that their palms are flat against one another. thumb to thumb, index to index. ]
I think all animals are born wantin' the same thing: to live and to be seen. I dunno if freedom exists. I've been chasing after it my entire life. Was... tired of never having control...
[ a sigh, as he closes his eyes. ]
But maybe choosin' to have this conversation at all -- to touch you was somethin' born of my own free will. I'll take that for now.
1/2
Opposing God's design by fighting to lose sight of oneself... evolving past the simplicity found in the natural world to want more to the point of causing one's own suffering. Both are different ways to frame Nikolai's relationship and struggle with the human condition that have been posed to him. Both succeed in degrees at personifying what he wants most: for someone to understand.
Contrary to the popular belief that he even encourages himself, senseless violence isn't his goal. Killing heartlessly and without reason has always been a mask he wears for the victims. It feels irrational but it still makes sense to them to die at the hand of a madman because then they won't die confused. A very twisted expression of his empathy, in other words... It's easy to reminiscence about things in the past when his conversational companion does the same.
Eventually he finds his words again. ]
Impulses? No. At the end of the day the concept of good or bad don't matter when it all comes back down to the chemicals released by your brain.
I resent being controlled by anything resembling an impulse.
[ An affable correction as he commits to a new change in their point of contact. Shifting his hand to the side and curling his fingers inward he lightly captures the tips of the younger man's own in his to use as a means to bring the flat top of the hand up to his mouth. There's a complicated cocktail of emotions that flitter through his eyes as Nikolai looks through his lashes at sha-ming. A brief kiss is pressed in between the index and middle knuckle.
Barely lingering on it he soon draws away entirely. He's gay-coded and European so have fun deciphering the exact meaning of that one. Maybe the following words help? The ones he offers after a visible swallow. ]
Although we don't agree on the best way to prove that freewill—this conversation means a lot to me.
2/2
That's why it's so tragic I might have to kill you later! Like seriously, I wasn't planning on it 'cause I'm really preoccupied with something else right now. But what are the chances you're not going to get all chatty about this to someone else as soon as I leave, riiight?
[ He chirps. In a furthered act of defiance to the vulnerable feelings a moment ago he also winks in a way that comes off as pretty malevolent given the words coming out of his mouth. ]
1/3
You’re limitin’ yourself. [ he counters calmly — and he realizes how much he sounds like them. ] Those chemicals exist ‘cause somebody told ya they did. Yer awareness of how they work all comes down to that. Science was created ‘cause people took the risk of wantin’ to understand what it means to be alive.
…But there are things we can’t put into words. Things we can’t test or quantify. The brain’s one of ‘em.
[ “so lighten up — there’s more to it all than you think.” is on the tip of his tongue before it dies. good and bad were subjective standards, constructs created by people who wanted to control human behavior to their benefit.
but the heart acts of it’s own accord. fights reaction responses and instinct. will forfeit survival and reason, drive you to things that make no sense even within the realm of your own mind. doesn’t that mean something? ]
2/3
sha-ming opens his mouth like he wants to say something. it closes promptly. his tongue dries, and his cheeks flush hot, red dappling his skin. ok. this is fine. what the fuck. ]
…H-huh.
[ ??????? ]
3/3
Wouldn’t be any point in tellin’ someone. This was a risk for me too, yanno?
[ what in the world he has gotten himself into… whatever. ]
Yeah, yeah, I get it. You’re the predator and I’m the prey. I’m not gonna make it easy for you, ‘kay?
[ there’s a flash of a grin there, sharp around its edges. ]
Why don’t we smooch on it? Keep whatever came out of these mouths in between ‘em.
no subject
Haha WOW. No one, uh,
[ They're taking turns being flustered it seems. Although he is a bit of a professional so the stutter that's allowed to come out is pretty calculated. The warmth fanning across the tips of his ears is really the only thing giving him away in a more sincere way. ]
...this is usually where people stop the flirting if they even were in the first place! Guess you really were telling the truth earlier huh?
[ Problem is it's a lot of trust to let this guy off because he's being cute about it? Realistically he should kill him. ]
[ ... ]
[ or something...? ]
[ ... ]
[ The salary man slips his arm through Sha-ming's and inclines his head towards the exit. Then meekly: ]
Not here, okay?
[ Because the dark alleyway right outside is the perfect spot clearly. It's exactly where he's going to lead Sha-ming to if he doesn't resist. ]
no subject
so he smiles — his sharpened canines poke out proudly, and he cants his head, leaning in even closer. ]
If it’ll help ya save face, Mister.
[ an alleyway, huh? this would be an opportune time to kill him. or maim him and leave him to rot on the concrete jungle.
oh well. he’s here regardless, shadows bleeding long and jaundiced, enshrouding the two of them. ]
Well? Not gonna chicken out, are you?
no subject
[ For a time Nikolai actually commits to the idea that they might make out in this dirty alleyway. Wears a matching grin as he plays along. He presses in close enough to start counting the hairs found in an eyelash. ]
Chicken out? No. But I am so very sorry Sir,
[ Until the very moment he twists the younger around to face the wall violently. With some of the other methods of knocking people out being quite violent indeed he resorts to a rear-naked choke to... gently... persuade Sha-Ming to pass out. ]
...but you shouldn't walk down dark alleyways with strangers.
[ Did you know? This exists for whenever you might want it! The more u kno ]