(he has to wonder if they've lost the same people. parents, at least the peters, and their uncle, too. it also makes him wonder if the people who survived the snap are going to feel the same way as her. if they made it. it's not about him, though. he can hear it, he can understand it. his hands lock with one another as he sits on the grass, securing his knees.
that sucks so bad.)
... I'm sorry, Gwen. I'm probably definitely not helping, am I? If you want, I can... You know, leave you alone and all that. If that helps any.
[Her Peter didn't lose Ben, but the others did. Ben was still very much alive in her dimension, just Peter-less. But she lost her mom-- long ago. It was just her and her dad, now. And it was fine, their life was full when the Parkers were there, but then... after losing Peter, it wasn't the same. She could barely look at them without feeling so much guilt.]
No! No, it's not-- I mean, yeah, it's hard, but you're not the first Peter I've met since.
[He's probably the most similar, even if just in age, but still.]
After Peter died, I... isolated myself. I didn't want to lose anyone else. I didn't make any more friends. Not until that Collider pulled me into that other dimension. That was the first time I felt like I wasn't alone. That what I was going through wasn't the end, just the beginning. That.. that I had friends. [She takes a deep breath, before she continued.]
But I lost them too. They're alive, yeah, but I have no way to get to them. To see them again. So when you brought up using the Collider-- If it worked, yeah, that's great! But I know it won't, I know it's not a good idea. If it were that easy, I would have done it myself, just to see them again.
[And it feels selfish, to want them here with her, while she's dealing with whatever multidimensional force that brought her and all these other people here. No, they need to be home. With their families. Safe. Happy. Like it was supposed to be.]
(that's heartbreaking. she's too cool not to be around people, to not be, but he can't blame her. the life they lead is a difficult one, and to relate is so difficult when no one knows what is going on, developing a whole relationship that is filled with secrets and could go wrong at any minute is the hardest. he's not one to have many friends, anyway. part of him can relate, but not for the same reasons, naturally. all he can do is listen, hope that helps.
he doubts it.
and further into his thoughts, peter's pretty sure he won't be able to break through to her easily. to lose and to lose, and to lose doesn't do wonders to be open to the possibility of losing again.)
You're too awesome to do that. Isolate yourself and stuff? I think you deserve better, but I get why you think that way. I-- I died, too, with half the universe. Now I'm wondering if that's going to happen to the people who made it. I couldn't stop it, either. I get that, too.
[At first, all she's hearing is the same things Miles had said. She deserves better, she's better than that--- but then he tells her his own fate, and her head whips around to lock eyes with him again, only with a look of surprise.]
Oh my god, Peter-- [And now all she can see is her Peter again, body broken, whispering his last words to her as he dies, and she's unable to do shit---
No. No. This isn't her Peter. It's not the same. It sucks, most definitely, but she can't let herself fall into that pit of despair again, especially over something completely out of her control.]
My pity party seems stupid in comparison. I'm -- sorry. That all that happened to you. You're just a kid! The fate of the universe shouldn't be on your shoulders. [But it was. It was on all their shoulders, because with great power comes great responsibility.]
(is that how tony stark last thought of him? he couldn't possibly have made it any harder, with how he clinged to the man for dear life as it was flaking out of him. the last words he managed to get out were an apology. he did the best he could, throughout and out, and it wasn't enough. none of them were.
he just really, really wanted to help stark. help the world. and he left with half of it.)
No, it's putting things in perspective. When I jumped to it, I didn't even think that it could make someone feel like you are right now. I'm sorry, too. I just couldn't stand by.
[She can't pretend to know what his life was like, back in his dimension. Did he have May and Ben? Did he have a Gwen, or maybe an MJ? Either way, whoever he had or hadn't lost, she knew how Peter was. She could tell he was just as impactful on the ones that loved him, and how much it would hurt to lose him. It stung to her, and she just met him. It wasn't fair, but she also couldn't blame him, either.]
Honestly? I...would probably do the same. I have done the same. I just got lucky. [She got back to her dimension by the skin of her teeth. She was so freaking lucky. A lot of them were, repeatedly. But the Peter from Miles' dimension wasn't so lucky, either. He died too, paving the way for Miles to take his place as Spider-man there.]
I know the people that care about you are probably upset, but I also know they're incredibly proud. What we do-- it's not easy. But we make a difference, even if it doesn't always seem like it. [it's something she has to remind herself of, frequently. Especially since her father is literally the cop trying to take her down.]
It's...nice. To have someone to talk to about all this, again.
Yeah, I got lucky a few times, too. A wizard went through the alternate possibilities for it, and he said it was a one in fourteen million chance. That's more luck than any of us could have, right?
(and he gave the one thing that could redo everything away. he just offered it, and he remembers, he remembers it clearly - he said that if it were between peter, stark, or the time stone, he'd let both perish. he must know something, must have seen something, and hasn't explained anything due to it. some sort of time-mastery thing? don't tell the involved what will happen.
one chance. one.)
... Yeah. I don't have anyone like that, it's kinda like, my first time talking about it to someone who is like me and my age? So that's cool. I hope it helped you a little, too. Thank you.
Wait, wait, wait-- so what, Gandalf figured out if you all lived or died? And you died anyway? What the heck.
[She's barely understanding his nonsense, but she's a spidey, so she follows enough. Is it really them if they don't shittalk 90% of the time?]
You keep mentioning more and more people with powers, but no one your age? That's...lame. [She's pretty sure she would lose her mind if she had to deal with half a dozen Peter B. Parkers.]
(minus, you know, the beard, and the type of magic, and the elves, and all the rest of the movie. but he definitely appreciates that she gets him there.)
Yeah, all legal age, or Gods, or robots, or frozen in ice for 80 years and stuff.
(sorry, gwen, this is probably insane... but it is what it is! so, at the end of this conversation, he'll raise a fist for a bump.)
[A lot to take in. But hey, her team was quite interesting too.]
The team I fought with was a kid that had his power for about three days, a Peter that had been Spider-Man for fifteen years, a talking pig and a black and white Noir detective, both of which were also named Peter, and a girl from the future with a psychic link to a spider that controlled her futuristic fighting mech.
[it sounds SO insane to say it out loud, it really does. But she would give anything to find her friends again.
..but. Having this Peter isn't so bad. She smiles, raising her own fist to meet his for the fistbump.]
(how is that much better than rocket, but alas, he hasn't met that one! so it's fine, this is fine-- though, he did meet a flying cape that seemed alive? so there's also that.)
Man, guess you're just cursed by Peters. We're-- we're everywhere for you.
Yeah. We all thought it was weird too. And just to point out the completely unobvious-- He was a spider, bit by a radioactive pig. Not the other way around.
[it was so much, Peter. You don't understand. Also she's pretty sure Spider-Noir's cape was alive, too. How else did in blow like there was wind underground?]
And now you see why I was able to guess your name so quickly. It was supposed to be a joke, I swear.
Hold up-- a SpiderPerson, a Spiderman, or a tarantula spider kinda deal. You gotta explain that a lil' better.
(damn. okay, he doesn't know what's crazier. although, to be fair, her thing was definitely a little crazier, considering the meeting other hims and maybe hers and all.)
You almost gave me a heart attack! You know how it is. I've been doing a preeeetty good job at keeping a secret, you know. My friend Ned knows, and May knows, and-- I guess the Avengers know, and a guy knows, but like, other than those people, nobody knows.
I know, I know-- It's kinda confusing. Let me try again. Okay, so this spider guy is just hanging around, right? He gets bitten by a radioactive pig, and it turns him into Spider Ham. Aka, the talking pig. Name's Peter Porker, by the way.
[there was a moment where she wondered if this was really her life and questioned so many choices, but honestly, he ended up being a valuable part of the team.]
Is that so-- [Gwen starts to sass him back, but she's caught up guard when she realizes the name he just mentioned. The Avengers mean nothing to her, but Ned?
[She doesn't mean to tarnish his idea of his Ned, either. They're completely different, separated in time in space. The only thing in common might just be the name.]
He's the reason I lost Peter-- my Peter. He wanted to be special. Stronger than our bullies. So he... made a serum. He became the Lizard. I didn't even know until it was too late.
It's okay. I mean, it's not, but. It's in the past. There's nothing I can do about it now. [She has her regrets, but that won't bring Peter back. All she can do now is do everything in her power to save as many people as she can. It's what Peter would want. He was Spider-Woman's #1 fan, after all.
Shit happened, but that's what made them who they were. All the spider-people knew it, too. You can't save everyone.]
[She might not know all the details of his adventures, but it's kind of hard to hold him accountable for the fate of the entire galaxy. Especially when he keeps bringing up more, older heroes. That shouldn't be his job.]
Hey, don't say it like that! You're a great Peter Parker. If I have to be stuck here, I'm glad to have you here with me.
[would she love it if it were her friends from her previous adventures were here too? Of course. She missed them, terribly. But she isn't going to complain about this, either. This is...nice. He's nice, and so, so, so much like another dweeb she also missed terribly.]
(it's gentle, the way he nudges her with his shoulder, just as a reassurance of something they have known from the moment they set eyes on each other: they got one another. he doesn't mind that much being stuck in here with her, either.
she's... nice. and she gets him, in a way that he didn't think it was ever possible. it's important, he has to recognize that.)
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expiationmods) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
expiationlogs2024-04-14 10:44 pm
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that sucks so bad.)
... I'm sorry, Gwen. I'm probably definitely not helping, am I? If you want, I can... You know, leave you alone and all that. If that helps any.
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No! No, it's not-- I mean, yeah, it's hard, but you're not the first Peter I've met since.
[He's probably the most similar, even if just in age, but still.]
After Peter died, I... isolated myself. I didn't want to lose anyone else. I didn't make any more friends. Not until that Collider pulled me into that other dimension. That was the first time I felt like I wasn't alone. That what I was going through wasn't the end, just the beginning. That.. that I had friends. [She takes a deep breath, before she continued.]
But I lost them too. They're alive, yeah, but I have no way to get to them. To see them again. So when you brought up using the Collider-- If it worked, yeah, that's great! But I know it won't, I know it's not a good idea. If it were that easy, I would have done it myself, just to see them again.
[And it feels selfish, to want them here with her, while she's dealing with whatever multidimensional force that brought her and all these other people here. No, they need to be home. With their families. Safe. Happy. Like it was supposed to be.]
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he doubts it.
and further into his thoughts, peter's pretty sure he won't be able to break through to her easily. to lose and to lose, and to lose doesn't do wonders to be open to the possibility of losing again.)
You're too awesome to do that. Isolate yourself and stuff? I think you deserve better, but I get why you think that way. I-- I died, too, with half the universe. Now I'm wondering if that's going to happen to the people who made it. I couldn't stop it, either. I get that, too.
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Oh my god, Peter-- [And now all she can see is her Peter again, body broken, whispering his last words to her as he dies, and she's unable to do shit---
No. No. This isn't her Peter. It's not the same. It sucks, most definitely, but she can't let herself fall into that pit of despair again, especially over something completely out of her control.]
My pity party seems stupid in comparison. I'm -- sorry. That all that happened to you. You're just a kid! The fate of the universe shouldn't be on your shoulders. [But it was. It was on all their shoulders, because with great power comes great responsibility.]
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he just really, really wanted to help stark. help the world. and he left with half of it.)
No, it's putting things in perspective. When I jumped to it, I didn't even think that it could make someone feel like you are right now. I'm sorry, too. I just couldn't stand by.
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Honestly? I...would probably do the same. I have done the same. I just got lucky. [She got back to her dimension by the skin of her teeth. She was so freaking lucky. A lot of them were, repeatedly. But the Peter from Miles' dimension wasn't so lucky, either. He died too, paving the way for Miles to take his place as Spider-man there.]
I know the people that care about you are probably upset, but I also know they're incredibly proud. What we do-- it's not easy. But we make a difference, even if it doesn't always seem like it. [it's something she has to remind herself of, frequently. Especially since her father is literally the cop trying to take her down.]
It's...nice. To have someone to talk to about all this, again.
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(and he gave the one thing that could redo everything away. he just offered it, and he remembers, he remembers it clearly - he said that if it were between peter, stark, or the time stone, he'd let both perish. he must know something, must have seen something, and hasn't explained anything due to it. some sort of time-mastery thing? don't tell the involved what will happen.
one chance. one.)
... Yeah. I don't have anyone like that, it's kinda like, my first time talking about it to someone who is like me and my age? So that's cool. I hope it helped you a little, too. Thank you.
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[She's barely understanding his nonsense, but she's a spidey, so she follows enough. Is it really them if they don't shittalk 90% of the time?]
You keep mentioning more and more people with powers, but no one your age? That's...lame. [She's pretty sure she would lose her mind if she had to deal with half a dozen Peter B. Parkers.]
Well, now you have me. And you did. So. Thanks.
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(minus, you know, the beard, and the type of magic, and the elves, and all the rest of the movie. but he definitely appreciates that she gets him there.)
Yeah, all legal age, or Gods, or robots, or frozen in ice for 80 years and stuff.
(sorry, gwen, this is probably insane... but it is what it is! so, at the end of this conversation, he'll raise a fist for a bump.)
Yeah. You have me, too.
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[A lot to take in. But hey, her team was quite interesting too.]
The team I fought with was a kid that had his power for about three days, a Peter that had been Spider-Man for fifteen years, a talking pig and a black and white Noir detective, both of which were also named Peter, and a girl from the future with a psychic link to a spider that controlled her futuristic fighting mech.
[it sounds SO insane to say it out loud, it really does. But she would give anything to find her friends again.
..but. Having this Peter isn't so bad. She smiles, raising her own fist to meet his for the fistbump.]
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(how is that much better than rocket, but alas, he hasn't met that one! so it's fine, this is fine-- though, he did meet a flying cape that seemed alive? so there's also that.)
Man, guess you're just cursed by Peters. We're-- we're everywhere for you.
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[it was so much, Peter. You don't understand. Also she's pretty sure Spider-Noir's cape was alive, too. How else did in blow like there was wind underground?]
And now you see why I was able to guess your name so quickly. It was supposed to be a joke, I swear.
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(damn. okay, he doesn't know what's crazier. although, to be fair, her thing was definitely a little crazier, considering the meeting other hims and maybe hers and all.)
You almost gave me a heart attack! You know how it is. I've been doing a preeeetty good job at keeping a secret, you know. My friend Ned knows, and May knows, and-- I guess the Avengers know, and a guy knows, but like, other than those people, nobody knows.
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[there was a moment where she wondered if this was really her life and questioned so many choices, but honestly, he ended up being a valuable part of the team.]
Is that so-- [Gwen starts to sass him back, but she's caught up guard when she realizes the name he just mentioned. The Avengers mean nothing to her, but Ned?
Really?]
-- s- sorry. Wait. Ned? Ned Leeds?
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(right?? gwen??? gwen, you're joking right????
he is even slowblinking at the comment, until she gets a little taken aback by the name.)
Yeah, Ned Leeds, short, chubby, my best friend? Wait, don't tell me he's a Spider-person, too.
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[She wished she had pictures, but alas! The only picture she has printed out from those few days was her picture with Miles.]
Oh. Um. Wow. That's-- [Deep breath, Gwen. It's not your Ned. It's not your Peter.]
No, he's not. He's the school bully. Our bully. [Peter's bully.]
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(he's not bragging in any shape or form, of course, but it is a little bit of a desperate attempt to salvage her image of his ned, at least.
but then again, he is in the same boat as her. that's not his ned. he is not her peter.)
... That sucks, though. To think we can be totally different people in different places, and some that are not that great.
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[She doesn't mean to tarnish his idea of his Ned, either. They're completely different, separated in time in space. The only thing in common might just be the name.]
He's the reason I lost Peter-- my Peter. He wanted to be special. Stronger than our bullies. So he... made a serum. He became the Lizard. I didn't even know until it was too late.
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(he can imagine it, though. if someone was putting a finger on his friends, this peter would also not be able to sit still.)
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Shit happened, but that's what made them who they were. All the spider-people knew it, too. You can't save everyone.]
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Yeah. I-- I guess you're right. Sorry you're kinda stuck with me, out of all the Peter Parkers.
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Hey, don't say it like that! You're a great Peter Parker. If I have to be stuck here, I'm glad to have you here with me.
[would she love it if it were her friends from her previous adventures were here too? Of course. She missed them, terribly. But she isn't going to complain about this, either. This is...nice. He's nice, and so, so, so much like another dweeb she also missed terribly.]
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she's... nice. and she gets him, in a way that he didn't think it was ever possible. it's important, he has to recognize that.)
Thanks, Gwen. I feel that, too.