expiationlogs | april catch-all!

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april catch-all!

Who: Claude & Various
Where: Around Aldrip!
What: Claude and his encounters around town.
Warnings: None anticipated! If you'd like to hop in on a log, however, please feel free to PM/DM me or hit me up on plurk (here!), and I'd be happy to whip up a starter for you, or you can just wildcard me in here! Claude will be going about his business exploring the new Aldrip, fumbling around with new technology, running the apothecary, training, riding his wyvern, etc., etc., so if any of those appeal, feel free to jump on in. :)

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[ Toph's not about to verbalize how dependent her mental sense of self-worth is on her bending mastery, but she sure is aware of it. It would be mortifying to admit out loud that the peace she's made with who she is depends completely on being able to kick anyone's ass that questions it. Without the ability to defend herself and navigate independently, who is she?

Turns out it makes her a weepy helpless girl and she resents that unlooked-for self-knowledge greatly. True to how she remembers Claude, his admission that he was made embarrassingly incompetent, too, helps soothe her self-consciousness on it. ]

Yeah, [ she admits, a little quieter. ] That happened to a friend of mine. I'm okay. It was pretty confusing at first, but the whole world feels different when I have my bending back for real. Kinda hard to ignore.

[ That sounds nicely factual, although it's plenty revealing on its own. Toph pushes on with, ] Did you get your arm healed already?

[ Poor Toph, Claude thinks. She doesn't need or want his pity, of course, but it's impossible for him not to feel a deep twinge of sympathy just considering her circumstances. What happened was hard on all of them; knowing that they could have their memories and very lives seized from them in an instant is something that will haunt the Chosen for a long, long time. But there's something different, more sinister about them taking the very thing that Toph uses as a sense in its own right. For all that Claude was rid of his fighting prowess, it's not like they took away his ability to hear or see. It's almost enough to make Claude think that Toph needs to be prepared for this happening again.

But... how? It's not like she can just turn her earthbending off. If it's taken from her again, there's no way to truly prepare for it. ]

I'm glad you're at least back to normal, [ he says with a frown. ] Once everything was back to normal, my arm was back to normal too. You're not the only one who had some physical changes -- this other guy I know was my age back in that other reality, but now he's back to being teenaged again.

[ He taps through the phone, frowning as he scrolls through the various accents the robot narrator can accommodate. ]

They've messed with our minds before. This is the first time in my memory that they've messed with our bodies too.

... Huh. I don't think I knew that.

[ She hadn't noticed any physical differences, but hers weren't nearly so dramatic as a broken arm healing or her age changing. She's nonplussed by this knowledge. Toph doesn't have any experience with that kind of physical manipulation -- at least she knows how memory alteration works from the Dai Li. ]

Maybe the reason there isn't a spirit world here is because we're in one? [ she muses to herself, drawn into the line of reasoning. In the spirit world, all kinds of things can happen to someone's physical form, at least according to the way Aang tells it. ] Not that I know anything about the spirit world. I was wondering if what happened to us happened to Jerry and the people on the Council, too.

Some people theorize that this is some sort of... simulation? But I think we've all had quite enough existential crises for one month, [ Claude says, jovial as ever, though there's a thread of gentleness tempering his tone. He knows Toph had gone through it and there's no point in getting worked up about baseless speculation when they've got a whole new world to get used to. He cycles through a few of the robotic voices in different accents for Toph, letting her choose her favourite of the bunch before continuing on. ]

I actually had the luxury of speaking to Jerry personally this month. For my sentencing, [ he adds with a roll of his eyes. ] Which was a bunch of bullshit, pardon my language, but that's neither here nor there.

He was frustratingly tight-lipped about the whole thing, but he did let loose the fact that these changes were apparently in the works for a long time. They weren't changed because they were the one making the changes.

Can't argue with that, [ Toph returns in a slight drawl, honestly relieved to have the next existential crisis pushed off. She has a pretty rough understanding of what a 'simulation' is, evidenced by the fact that here she is asking for another medieval fantasy club member to help her figure out her phone's accessibility features.

For the record, she picks the Russian accent because it sounds like Miller and he has the most distinctive accent she's ever heard. ]

You actually met Jerry? [ That's interesting news -- Toph hasn't spoken to too many people who've met him personally, and none that she trusts even to the small amount she's already grown to trust Claude. ] So they meant to do this but not the way it happened. Maybe that does mean all the memory stuff was a mistake, [ she muses. ]

And don't think I'm gonna just forget that you said you got sentenced. I wanna know what you got stuck with.

[ Out of concern and curiosity. ]

Maybe it was a mistake, maybe it was meant as a show of power, that they can mess with our minds whenever they so please. [ Claude shrugs. ] I couldn't get a straight answer out of the guy; no matter how charming I was, and I am deeply charming, he failed to fall for my charms. Apparently my handsome face wasn't enough to steal his heart, [ he laments with a dramatic sigh. ]

Still, the revelation that this was a planned event isn't nothing. And for the record, I think he's chattier if you play nice. In case you're ever unlucky enough to get called in.

[ As for his sentencing... he blanches. ]

Apparently I have to find out how to express my true self. Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.

[ He's right, it could be a show of power, and it does mean something that it was planned. Claude's confident claim that he is deeply charming garners a flicker of a smile and a softening expression from Toph, in approval and in amusement. She has no patience for people who don't recognize their own strengths, even if they are ones she doesn't share. And even if she has no idea what his face looks like, whether handsome or not. ]

Okay, good to know. I can tell people what they want to hear if it'll get me what I want.

[ She's certainly lied in affect and attitude plenty of times, and sometimes explicitly in words. ]

Your true self? [ she repeats skeptically. ] Is this not your true self? You being deeply charming to me, too? [ This is a joke and an expression of camaraderie. Toph agrees: what the heck is that supposed to mean? ]

That's the spirit.

[ He appreciates that for all that Toph may be youthful, she's still got some pragmatism in her. He's met far too many people who refuse to lie - or to even keep their cards close to their chest - out of some sense of honour, which Claude personally believes to be synonymous with stupidity. Why not manipulate a situation to your liking, even if that means being nice to some odious little man? He hopes that Toph doesn't get a sentencing anytime soon -- but if she does, perhaps she'll be luckier than him in managing to milk Jerry for more information. ]

That's what I said! [ He shoots back at her as she assesses his punishment, suddenly full of righteous belligerence. He'd gotten his sentencing not too long ago, and still finds the entire thing to be flummoxing. ] I appreciate the vote of confidence, by the way. So many people around here try to deny my good points, which is very rude of them.

[ It turns out that walking up to other people and declaring that you're handsome isn't popular. Who knew? He rests his chin on the heel of his hand, a smile still playing around the corners of his mouth. ]

To be honest... I'm not sure exactly what they expect of me. Who are they to dictate what my true self is or isn't anyway? [ He has many true selves, he thinks, none more or less genuine than the others. Don't most people change a little depending on the day, what they're dealing with, who they're dealing with? To think otherwise is naive. ]

...hey, if you don't mind sharing, what did they decide you were guilty of?

[ Iron-clad rules and morals just lead to needless problems. Toph has always had a flexible sense of what she's willing to do paired with a whole-hearted clarity on what is a step too far. Lying to their captors is a no-brainer; they aren't exactly playing fair with them, so why shouldn't they return the favor?

But she lets that topic go in favor of listening to Claude vent about his predicament. Toph always encourages other people having self-confidence, so of course she's going to agree with his 'good points' as he put it, especially since she has basically no way to assess them herself. He's easy to talk to and get along with, that counts as charming, right? Beyond that... he can tell Toph how handsome he is all he likes, she has no clue. ]

Oh, they gave me swindling, which is totally true, [ Toph answers readily without an ounce of shame or hesitation. ] And I've been doing plenty of swindling since I got here, so it's kinda funny they haven't hauled me in yet.

[ But back to Claude's sentencing. ]

What was your crime, if your 'true self' is supposed to be the fix? Lying? [ They'd just been talking about it, so that seems plausible. And since she'd just shared her own, she's not going to be shy about asking. ]

Pretty much. The word they used was deception, but that's just them fancying it up.

[ Claude's voice is openly unrepentant. It's deception of another sort, he would know, if he were to do any sort of self-reflection; he presents himself as a conniving schemer to those back home as a cover for his true goals, as though telling everyone that he's untrustworthy will make it hurt less when they can't follow where he goes. ]

Which I suppose isn't that different from swindling. These crimes, as it were, seem pretty small potatoes in comparison to the sentence we're supposed to be serving for them. Even swindlers back home rarely get more than a swat on the wrist. There are bigger fish to fry than con artists and liars, don't you think?

[ He leans forward, resting his chin on interlaced fingers. ]

I'm a politician. If I didn't massage the truth, nothing would get done. [ He grins. ] I refuse to apologize for it, but they didn't take that stance particularly well.

[ Deception... and he says he's a politician who regularly stretches the truth. Toph is actually starting to get a picture here, largely because she is pretty familiar with how upper class society works, and it involves a whole lot of pretending to be someone you aren't. ]

Sure, they're small potatoes, [ she agrees, because Toph has thought that this whole time. ] But it sounds like they want you to learn something out of this.

[ Are they actually sincere in their rhetoric about rehabilitation???? She can't really credit that yet but this kind of sentencing makes her wonder if there's at least a drop of sincerity in there. Huh. ]

Not to get all sentimental on you, but do you actually like who you are when you're being a politician?

[ Trust Toph to ask straight out. ]

Hah!

[ The noise is louder and more forceful than Claude's smooth mellifluous voice, as though the laugh was simply punched out of him, sharp and genuinely amused. ]

You don't pull any punches, do you, Toph? [ He says, the humour glittering in his eyes reflected in his voice. God save him from precocious girls. They'll be the death of him. ]

I think the answer people want out of me is that no, it corrodes away at my soul. But...

[ He shrugs. The truth is, it's not that he likes who he is when he's being a politician, but he doesn't particularly like himself when he's being earnest. This is not the mark of any sort of deep self-loathing on his part either. What he is is largely ambivalent towards himself. Who he is, what he is, how he views himself is irrelevant, an aside; what he is is a means to an end, and he's never thought to question that. ]

I like to be useful. I like to make sure that I can turn the world in the right direction. If I'm lying to the Count to make sure some of his food stores get redirected to Ordelia lands because he thinks he'll get something out of it later, I like myself just fine. If I'm lying just to mollify a cad, I like myself less.

[ For all of his talks of duplicity, it's an honest answer. There is a certain satisfaction in the manipulation, the schemes, the wrapping of people around his pinky. It is not an emotion that speaks well of him, he's sure. ]

Lying in and of itself is less important than what the lie is, I think.

[ Toph's pretty satisfied with herself for making him laugh so loud and so sincerely, especially amid a conversation about how routinely Claude is acting a part to others. She settles back in her chair and finally returns to taking a sip of her iced tea while she listens. (A great future invention she is all about.)

She's not about to contradict his answer -- as a general rule, Toph finds it highly offensive when people question her about her capabilities and self-knowledge, so she's not about to turn that on someone else -- and, true to her word earlier, she doesn't find anything morally objectionable in what he's saying. Truthfully, Zuko and Aang would both have much easier times if they were more flexible about who they presented themselves as, rather than being the immutable, predictable, loveable idiots they are.

If that's what he has to do for his position, that's what he has to do. Toph mentally applauds him for finding a way to live with it that works for him, if anything.

But at the same time... ]

You don't need me to pull my punches, [ she answers with a slight smirk. That's how she shows respect. ] Anyway, you're right. It's not as simple as all lying is bad. I don't know what you're doing at home, but if it's helping people, who cares if it bends some rules?

But it is important that we have somewhere or someone we don't have to pretend for. When I was playing good little doll for my parents, I used to sneak out all the time to fight in earthbending tournaments. It was the one place I felt like I could be myself -- and I knew who that was: someone who loves fighting.

You sneak out to do anything just for yourself lately?

I would prefer you not pull your punches. Metaphorically speaking. Please pull your punches if you're about to pummel me with a pillar of Earth, [ Claude says archly, a little pleasantly surprised by Toph's pragmatic approach to the conversation. He knows several people feel that anything short of absolute, radical honesty is somehow an inherently evil thing to do. And yes, Claude will admit in the privacy of his own mind that he's taking advantage of his friends and comrades, that he's having people follow him that would never even tolerate him otherwise, that one day the veil will be pulled from his deceit and he'll pay for it dearly...

But that doesn't make it wrong. If he thought for a moment that he was doing the wrong thing, he'd lose his gumption. He has to believe he's doing the right thing to move forward and truly, he does; it's not as though he would have maintained this if not for war coming to his doorstep.

The corners of his eyes crease as he listens to Toph. A good little doll. He can hardly imagine it. ]

I fly, [ he says promptly. ] With Zafeera. That's who I've always been myself around.

[ Is only being yourself around an animal cheating? He doesn't particularly care. ]

But hold on, go back to that last bit. What do you mean, playing good little doll? Are you actually of noble birth too?

[ It's the only logical conclusion. Commoner girls may be married off in business deals here and there, but rarely are they treated like porcelain dolls; they're off working in the fields, participating in the hunt, patrolling their lands. ]

[ Toph feels further validated by Claude agreeing she shouldn't pull her conversational punches, and she waves a careless hand to indicate agreement with the joke about literal earth punches. ]

Of course you fly, [ she returns dryly. She just cannot stop making friends with people who fly. ] Who's Zafeera? [ She's expecting this to be some kind of mythical animal companion already, based on her experience with Aang.

Then she wrinkles her nose at the question, but they are being honest and she likes him enough not to couch her response. She doesn't mind revealing to Claude that she can directly empathize with some of what he's saying. ]

Not exactly. I'm not a princess or anything. [ Her tone implies God forbid. ] But the Beifongs are the wealthiest and best-connected merchant family in the Earth Kingdom, and I'm my parents' only child. [ Toph lets out a gusty sigh, slumping a little and fiddling with the straw in her iced tea. Glumly: ] It's fine that I'm an earthbender, but it's not fine that I'm a kick-ass renowned master who goes cavorting around the world.

So... I kind of get what you're saying.

My wyvern. I raised her since she was just an egg. They're not common around here, but back where I'm from, they're everywhere -- not quite so common as horses, considering how difficult they are to handle, but just about. I'll introduce you two one day.

[ People around here seem to think Zafeera is exceptional. And she is, for a wyvern; with her ivory scales and impeccable breeding, she's truly a steed worthy of a prince. But none of that means anything to anyone here. Far from having entire batallions filled with wyvern warriors, they see her mere existence as extraordinary. It's puzzling.

Toph being the daughter of a noble, though... ]

I have to admit, Toph, I didn't expect that of you. And I can typically sniff out a noble as soon as I meet one. [ He flaps one hand. ] Noble, merchant -- once you have enough success, the difference is negligible. [ His lip curls into a half-smile. ] But I figure that that's precisely the sort of impression you'd like to give off.

[ Not unremarkable, no. Quite the contrary, She presents herself as remarkable, but not through wealth, not through the nature of her birth, but by virtue of her own achievements. It's a hope many children of nobility have, but few ever bring to fruition, corralled by their parents' wishes for them and the narrowness of a society that doesn't foster success in any realm but the one you were born to. ]

It sounds... stifling. I imagine that they would have far preferred for you to stay home and show off your social graces -- or to get married to some other merchant's son?

[ Toph has no idea what a wyvern is and doesn't feel compelled to ask, but she does look subtly agreeable and open as she responds, ] I'd like that. I've done a lot of flying, actually. [ Not that she necessarily enjoys it, but she loves Appa as much as the next Gaang member, and she trusts him absolutely. In that kind of context she doesn't mind flying even if she doesn't love it. ]

It is, so I'll take that as a compliment, [ she drawls, meaning his inability to sniff her out as a noble. Toph doesn't disagree that inherited titles aren't needed to count as a noble, she just wants to be clear that she's not inheriting anything more than money and a successful trading business.

To demonstrate that it is a deliberate, considered affect she puts across as he suspects, Toph straightens out of her slump and tucks her scraggly, loose hair properly back behind her ears and into her headband. Her voice turns measured and respectful, posture absolutely correct with her hands clasped calmly on the table surface. ] I couldn't be expected to run the family business myself, of course, [ she demures. ] Not in my condition. Father would select a husband for me.

[ The whole act breaks abruptly. ] So -- you know, I ran away, [ she shrugs, careless, like it was the only logical course of action and meant nothing to her. ]

What about you? You're obviously somebody if you're in a position to manipulate land owners.

Duke von Riegan, leader of the Leicester Alliance at your service, Lady Toph, [ Claude says, something a little sardonic in the twist of his lips. Even now, the title of Duke feels wrong, like he slipped into someone else's shoes only to find them a little too big for him. Duke is technically a lesser ranking than his true one to be sure, but he had never before had to seriously tackle the idea of leading an entire country, and after spending a lifetime as Prince Khalid, becoming Duke von Riegan in a world where he still felt he was learning its customs and culture had been... trying. ]

In another world, I may have well been one of those awful men your father had picked out for you. [ His tone slips, turned cheeky, still a little charmed by the little performance that Toph gave, prim and proper and ladylike and everything that Claude's had to put on himself in the past few years. (Maybe not the ladylike part, though certainly ladylike compared to Almyra's customs). They are, Claude realizes, more alike than they are dissimilar in many ways.

Claude had run too. ]

The Leicester Alliance is what my country is called, by the way. True to its name, it's ruled by a confederacy, though I'm the one at its head. [ He taps his fingers on the table in an uneasy rhythm, feeling comfortable enough to admit: ] Honestly, it's not a role I saw myself adopting. But my grandfather passed almost as soon as war broke out, and leaving Leicester's fate to the other nobles... well, I didn't believe that would be in anyone's best interest. So Duke von Riegan it was.

[ Some may think Claude wished to shirk his duties and run rampant, a joyful little lordling enjoying the blessings of his class. The truth is quite the opposite: Claude doesn't want to be Duke. He wants to be King. ]

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april catch-all!

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