expiationlogs | (catch-all/open) seas would rise when i gave the word;

[The other boy's absence had certainly been felt. It's part of why he ended up at the dojo at all; thinking about someone on their own in a big, empty place like that... Yu's mind goes back to December -- both Decembers, actually. The silence of the little house in Aldrip. Coming home to a dark house when Dojima and Nanako were in the hospital. Quiet, empty. He had gotten used to it, over the years, but it never felt any better, really.

So he goes out to look for him. Of course he does.

When he finds Mikey sitting by the cliff, he doesn't make any big greeting. That's not really like him anyway. Instead he sinks down to sit cross-legged beside him, close enough to brush shoulders. Not saying anything -- just there.]

(he should not be surprised. yu's-- awfully like takemichi in that aspect. neither of them are okay with letting manjiro deal with anything by himself, it seems. takemichi will yell at him, stomp, fight, beg, cry to the point of sobbing, and while yu is much more muted, he knows the result is the same. neither want manjiro to be alone.

by the time yu arrives, manjiro has a stick between his lips. he doesn't smoke often, not really, only with shinjiro and when he wants to feel close to his older brother. the house is filled with packs, the man smoked too much, and the smell to manjiro feels like a hug from the person who made him into who he is, and who he aspires to be. that said, he doesn't want the smell to stick to yu, he puts it off to smoke later.

he isn't sure if yu wants him to say something. he thinks things are clear enough.

"SECOND GENERATION TOKYO MANJIKAI". bullshit.)

How did you know I was gone?

(is it because he whines for food before he leaves...)

Edited 2024-03-15 01:29 (UTC)

[The sight of the cigarette is almost nostalgic, in a way, and Yu thinks once more about his uncle, the smell of cigarettes permeating the house... It's not a pleasant habit, but it still makes him a little homesick. Naoto being here has at least made him stop worrying that people might be wondering where he is, but...he still misses his relatives dearly.

He exhales softly at the question, a sound close to a laugh -- but not quite.]

Just a hunch.

[He knows how he'd be feeling if Yosuke left, after all. He nods at the second uniform.]

That's his, right?

Takemitchy's, yeah. When he got here, he said he went behind my back and created a Second Generation to catch my attention, because they missed me. It seems like he was a couple of years into the future. I forbade him from telling me anything else.

(and there is a very interesting contrast between what mikey does and what the other teams in aldrip do. he has this sort of authority, he orders, rather than guides, leads, or even asks. his word is always final - and thus, not another word was given to him.)

I've wanted to split him in half over it but thought it'd be shitty when I didn't even know what I'd done in the first place to force his hand like that, but this is still treason. I suppose it doesn't matter now.

Edited 2024-03-15 18:12 (UTC)

[He makes a soft, thoughtful sound. Yu wasn't able to figure out everything going on between the two of them, but he gathered from Takemichi that something bad happened, something he deeply wanted to stop or change. Something Mikey doesn't know about.

It's still one hell of a way to send a message.]

Must be hard to stop thinking about it, [he says quietly. Bad enough to lose a friend, but to be left with such an ominous weight overhead...

Even if he's gone, it doesn't make that weight go away.]

Makes no difference if I think about it any.

(he can't change whatever will happen at home. he knows he'll slowly lose his mind, he senses it with each passing day, but he wonders - what exactly did he do that prompted such a strong reaction? why exactly did he leave? where the hell did he go?

if takemitchy said it wasn't just him who missed mikey, is he mad at his own people by default? should he?

he loves that boy, though. with every cell in his body, he can say that takemitchy is his hero. someone so strong, so weak, and so... special. he doesn't understand it. that makes it hurt more.)

Did you know I was here before? Vi told me. I had no idea.

Hmm, [his initial response. He's not sure he agrees, but -- he tends toward the thinking side of things anyway. Either way, he didn't come here to argue. Their relationship may not be defined by words, but it is fundamentally defined by care -- and that's why he's here.]

I remember you saying that. [And that he isn't the only one that's happened to. Astralin comes to the forefront of his mind, right now. Aragaki, too.] Most people who come back don't remember, but...it probably feels strange, hearing that for yourself.

(whether he is doing it for his comfort, yu's comfort, or simply because he likes yu's skin against his lips, he presses them against the back of the hand he fishes.)

Yeah, so I don't think anything we do here matters there, anyway.

[Yu is quiet for a moment as Mikey grabs his hand, places a kiss to it. Maybe that small gesture is why he responds the way he does, twists his hand a bit to intertwine his fingers with the other boy's.]

That's not true. [He squeezes the hand he's holding.] This matters.

It does, but you know what I mean. It matters right here, right now. I won't remember you when I go home, you won't remember me.

(this is not the point he wanted to make, but he presses another kiss, this time to the corner of yu's lips, as an apology for the grim subject.)

What I meant is, even if I knew, it's not like it changes whatever will happen at home.

Edited 2024-03-16 03:28 (UTC)

[He may be right, of course, but Yu has to wonder how much that really matters. But then...his relationship with the people he knows has always been a bit different. Even here, they're still with him. He hums softly, thoughtfully.]

The way my power works...the more people I get to know, the stronger my Personas become. [Even as he says it, he realizes this is a clumsy way to explain something he only partially understands. But the explanation isn't the point--] Even when I'm here, that power is a reminder of those bonds.

[Strength. He's not sure exactly when he pinpointed it, but it felt so fitting, at the time. It still does.]

I think...even if we leave, that'll still be true. That knowing you has made me stronger.

You're cute. Thanks for saying that, Yuchin.

(because that's a nice way to put it. he agrees that here, there are things that he knows he has changed, at least a little bit, at least regarding how he treats yu. it's the leader characteristic that he puts in a box around the other, a burden neither really need with each other.)

I think it's a matter of time before we find out, anyway.

(because, well, he knows. yu knows. and he's here. too good for his own good. it also almost feels like he's telling facts rather than from the heart. mechanical.)

I'm going to miss him though. Things went down like that, but Takemitchy is my hero.

[You're cute. Yu exhales a soft, breathy chuckle, nudging Mikey with a shoulder. It's true, after all. He's gone through his share of insecurity over the whole idea: does his ability mean he has no "true" self? Is he defined only by the people around him? It took a while to realize that part of it didn't matter, that the unbreakable bonds he forged were with people who wanted him around, whomever he might be.]

Maybe you're right. [In another time, he might add "We'll face it head on." "Let's do it together." Something like that. Right now...that's not really the point.]

The great Mikey's hero, huh. [Another soft chuckle as he moves slightly closer, finally relaxing his stance a bit, letting his legs dangle over the edge of the cliff.] Tell me about him? I didn't get to know him as well as I wanted.

(things mikey would rather not to think about. if yu's real self is defined only by the people around him, then what happens to mikey when the people who defined him are dead and each passing moment feels harder to control himself than the one before? oh, wait, that's exactly what he is here to think about it.

it's also cute that yu thinks manjiro would ever let him really deal with it. if he threw a fit about yu leaving to the island because he could die, it feels granted that manjiro would not let yu around him if he thought he could kill him. he knows that eventually, he will have to leave. it's the only way to keep these important people safe - it'd break his heart if they died, and even more so if manjiro's the cause.

right now, however, he isn't. right now, he's moving to sit between yu's legs, rest the back of his head against the other's shoulder and take in the view. the very nice toned arms yu has? well, manjiro wraps them around his waist in a hug.)

I don't know how to explain that boy to you, though. He is a huge crybaby, and also, he cries real ugly, too. He isn't strong like me, or Kenchin, or Baji, or what you'd expect from a gang higher-up... But he doesn't give up. It's a very violent life we lead, and even when he's an inch away from dying, he stands up. I'm weak when we compare it like that.

(HE IS OPENING UP 1%, YU!!!)

Edited 2024-03-18 21:02 (UTC)

[There is something about this moment that is so, so bittersweet, something Yu isn't fully grasping yet. Something about Takemichi, about the "curse" he claimed Mikey has, about the younger boy's future...

He leans his head on Mikey's shoulder, arms going around his waist. Whatever it is, it feels like Mikey is watching it come for him in real-time, like it's inching ever closer, a train that can't be avoided or derailed, waiting to crash through their lives. Is that the case? Is that how things have to be? Yu has fought gods and monsters for the power to decide his own fate. For humanity to decide their own fates. Can there really be such a thing as an unavoidable future?

... He doesn't want to think that's the case. But-- it seems like Mikey does.]

Everyone has a different strength, [he says softly, taking in those words.] That's why none of us should be alone.

[Maybe Mikey knows a little bit about that. The strengths one has as a leader are not always the strengths that the rest of the party has. That's why they're there. That's why a leader knows who to depend on, and when.]

Yeah, you're not wrong.

(his hand goes to the charm he wears beneath his uniform, with the picture of the founding members of the manji inside. yu is right, on that regard. kenchin is his moral compass, takemichi is drive, mitsuya his view of potential for their futures, pah-chin his compassion, and so the things he lacks have always been covered in the higher ups from the people he loves the most.

here, he isn't sure. he knows yu is his stability, a feeling of reliability, almost like the ground he stands on. he won't say anything about it, not exactly, but his head tilts so he can press a kiss to yu's jaw and settle more against him.)

I wish you could meet them. I really do.

[Yu could spend hours listing the Personas associated with each and every one of his friends. Chariot -- Chie Satonaka -- Atavata. High Priestess -- Yukiko Amagi -- Kikuri-Hime. Those friends aren't here with him now --and boy does he miss them, all the time-- but he still feels their presence, their strength, their conviction. Their power is still here with him even if they're not.

Strength. That's how he thinks of Mikey. If the other boy went home tomorrow, Yu is sure he'd still feel that strength.]

I do, too. [He sighs into the touch, leaning against the other boy a bit. Mikey must miss his friends as much as Yu misses his, especially now that Takemichi is gone.]

(manjiro's entire core of identity comes from the person he is in tokyo, someone he was taught to be from a young age. a small manjiro used to sit on the back of shinichiro's bike, riding with the people who smashed the tokyo underground into shape, wide, starry-eyed, and he still remembers telling his older brother the most important words that he could muster at that age - an idealistic dream.

'i'm going to be bigger than you, bro.'

and so, that's who he is. a violent man, who sets wars, wages them, protects his people through kicks and punches and blood, and yet, at most times, he yearns to be a kid. the cross he feels both fits just right on his back, but it also drags him down, combined with all the other burdens he feels are only his own. here, in aldrip, he's both these people, and now, on his own, nobody at all. he'd never stop waving the tokyo manji flag - all their fights, burdens, lives were given to manjiro. he can't take that lightly, and that's where he believes true strength lies. he can take, and he can take, and take a little bit more...

but then, he falters. his mind detaches, and he can't control himself, a fog of darkness comes clouds his vision, his feet move on their own, and he doesn't hate it. he needs it. like this, he can't falter, can't disappoint, can't be stopped... and it's horrifying, as much as he craves it.

yet, everyone is too good. yu is too good.

perhaps it's better if takemichi isn't here. god knows manjiro's hurt him enough. perhaps, just perhaps, it's better if he never sees anyone from home again. the things manjiro'd do to keep people safe from himself are nearly unspeakable. he doesn't want to. but if anyone would ever just see, without him having to talk it out, beg--

he can hold on a little longer. sleep listening to the heartbeat of a loved one, trying to commit it to memory for a lullaby when he leaves.

just a little longer. he can do that.)

Let's go home, Yuchin.

[There is something Yu is just beginning to see, here; a bigger picture coming together. Mikey the leader, the boy, the child; the darker side, something violent beneath the surface; showing strength through revenge. Yu knows that all of these can be him, the same as he, too, has many facets. It took him a long time to come to terms with that, the idea that he doesn't have just "one" persona, that he contains multitudes. Mikey is the same.

And he sees the distance in the other boy's eyes, watches him looking far into the future, waiting for something to catch up to him.

So what happens when it does? He, Yu, would try to protect his friends. He went into the TV world alone to confront Adachi; he'd do it again, even if he knows it wouldn't be right. Yosuke would sacrifice himself to save a friend. And Mikey? Would he leave them all behind, or stay and fight?... the answer seems clear, but he'd be a fool to think anyone else would allow it.

Maybe this was what Izanami meant, when she said he represented "hope." The constant need to see the best in everyone; the blind determination to look at everything as a surmountable obstacle. The obnoxious inability to give up and leave things the hell alone, as he's sure Adachi would say.

Yu watches the horizon for a few quiet moments. And yet somehow, unlike Mikey, he's looking not into the distance but at things right here and now. Let's go home. He exhales, squeezing his arms around the other boy tighter for a moment before letting go. He can't see the future and he can't get lost in the past. All he can do is deal with the things right in front of him. Be in the moment, as they say.]

Yeah. Let's go.

Edited 2024-03-26 00:00 (UTC)

(but he is a fool. perhaps a fool in many aspects - a fool to believe he could protect the ones he loves, a fool because he simply doesn't know what he's capable of. he's lived through so much, and yet, knows nothing - and when takemichi left him, on a timeline he isn't even aware of... he took the breath of everyone they ever cared about.

'when i killed the first time, i didn't feel anything and i thought that the difficulties of this world can be fixed with murder. all is well when you eliminate those who get in your way', he said, in a future that will most likely never happen. a future he would hate, a future he would fear. a future he gave in completely.

he doesn't want to here. he has a glimpse of what he can do, and he prefers to fight it on his on accord. very, very far away, so that doesn't happen. so, before they go, mikey's lips meet yu's in a kiss as breath-taking as the sunset behind them, like it could be the last.

every kiss is going to taste so bittersweet now.)

Stop getting distracted.

(bitch you kissed him)

Edited 2024-03-26 00:14 (UTC)

(catch-all/open) seas would rise when i gave the word;

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