expiationlogs | [02] [open] nemesis identified

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[02] [open] nemesis identified

Who: Mizuki and YOU [open]
Where: The wilderness, a ways from Aldrip in an out-of-the-way little cave (Not Lorentia)
What: In which Mizuki finds out she's been alone all along.
Warnings: Spoilers for AI, IDK—will add if any become relevant.

[ There are thin tire tracks starting at the inn that head out and away from Aldrip today. Curious, isn't it? Were they there before? Have you even seen a motorbike here in Aldrip since you woke up here?

If you're keen to find out, you will follow a trail that is just long enough to make you wonder whether you should turn back. Keep with it, however, and you will find yourself at a small cave nestled in the mountains, the opening of which is surrounded by trees. ]

👁️ i. He was the Universe

[ Perhaps you'll see the bike first. It sticks out like a sore thumb. But walk a little further and inside the cave, there's Mizuki, asleep on the cave's dirt floor.

Her hair is messy with sleep. There is a hair piece that sticks out against her cyan locks, standing out almost as much as her bike does in the wilderness. In her hand is an empty, decorated box with a note attached that wouldn't look out of place in a trash can, as it is. Meager remnants of the few good things that have happened to her here, now that she can't go back.

A subtle, unpleasant odor lingers in the air, reminiscent of a wet dog or wild animal that's no longer there. Somewhere beside her sits her pipe, and at her waist, there is her holstered Evolver. ]

👁️ ii. Ought to Know

[ Alternatively, the trail is still going. Eventually, footprints start to appear in the dirt next to the tire track, suggesting that Mizuki has started walking. Catch up to her, you'll find that her back is to you and she is dragging her bike alongside her.

Why? ...Well, technology continues to be fickle, apparently.

Watch her for long enough and you'll see her stop and try to start it again. Instead, there's that all too familiar, insufferable buzz that makes her cover her ears. Her mouth opens, like she's groaning, but the noise that escapes, if there had been any, is easily swallowed up by the rustling of leaves and the buzzing of insects.

Once that passes, she can be seen pulling out a piece of parchment from her pocket—a map. ]

▶ ooc/wildcard

[ Due to trauma, Mizuki will be aphonic/unable to speak temporarily! Sorry about that. She will still be writing things in the dirt or on the back of her map, probably, and if I feel it's appropriate, I may give her back her voice midthread.

Enjoy the introduction of her shiny new bike, and please feel free to reach out via PM, on the Discord, or

yammdere for plotting/ideas! Thank you! ]

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[One could argue that Aerith has good intuition, which is what's led her to make such an offer. On the other hand, maybe she's projecting her own experiences of loneliness. She could likely be handling this in a far better way. Given the situation, and what very little she knows of it, however, she's handling it to the best of her ability. When she watches Mizuki take the hairpiece Aerith has given her, she takes it as a moment's reassurance.

She shifts how she sits, pulling her knees to her chest and she wears a smile, though it's subdued and light. Maybe there are worse companions for Mizuki.]

Then I'll stay with you for a little bit. Until you don't want me to stay anymore. Sometimes all we really need is some company. I'm not exempt from that either.

[ The hairpiece probably would have been safer in her hair, but being able to look at it makes her feel cozy in a way that she can't really describe. She feels Aerith's warmth as she sits next to her, and though Mizuki doesn't quite lean on the girl, it almost feels natural to do so. Her head is heavier by the second, but she resists.

Her lips twitch just short of a smile. She remembers how she felt, that night she spent at the Sagans after she found her mother, dead. She thinks it was a little like this. ]

......Thanks. [ Her voice is just a mumble. Was it a fluke? She doesn't seem to have noticed. ]

[Aerith isn't sure she can remember the last time she sat like this. Maybe when Tifa and Cloud found her in the train graveyard. Before that? She can't say. She wouldn't mind doing it more often, even in cold caves that probably aren't meant for such heartfelt and reflective moments.

She hears Mizuki speak up and for just a moment, she pauses. She decides that it is best not to draw attention to it. Others would probably not have that courtesy. They might be inclined to press her for information and answers that she just isn't ready to give. It would be better to only open the chapters to that if and when Mizuki ever decides to do so of her own volition.

That, Aerith concludes, is the right way to handle this.]

Here, may I? [She offers her hand for the hairpiece in question. The unspoken continuation of that is that she'd like to tuck it back carefully into Mizuki's hair.]

[ The continuation of that isn't obvious to Mizuki as she is now. She stares at the offered hand for a moment, not really knowing what to make of it, but then she looks at the hairpiece and at least is able to figure out what she's asking for. It was hers to begin with, wasn't it? So there's really no reason for her not to give it back.

She gently places the hairpiece in Aerith's hand. ]

[It rests in Aerith's palm for a moment and she adjusts how she sit, so she can cautiously reach over to Mizuki. With a great deal of care and reverence, not wanting to frighten her or otherwise cause her to back away, Aerith dips her chin a little as she uses a hand to carefully adjust the way Mizuki's hair falls. It's about as soft as she's thought it might be in passing. She doesn't disrupt it too much. Just enough to not completely hide Mizuki's pretty face.

With her other hand, finds where Mizuki's hair is mostly pulled back and she tucks the hairpiece right back in, trying to make it a little less conspicuous. She hasn't forgotten that it might be a little ostentatious for her liking.]

There we go! It's not pulling or anything, right?

[ Mizuki just kind of lets it happen, though she might have twitched or jerked at points out of reflex. She is really not a fan of feeling vulnerable, and it was the whole reason she'd clung to her superstrength in the first place. Fat load of good that's doing her now.

She feels like she should say something, but even now, she only brings herself to shake her head.

She does, however, lift a hand up to push back some of the hair that obscures the hairpiece. God, her hair is probably a hot mess right now. ]

[It's a touching, wordless exchange on Mizuki's part. That she doesn't want to completely hide it is a compliment in its own way. She's not completely ashamed of having it. It might not have anything to do with whether she likes it or not, and it may be a case of simply appreciating that it came from Aerith. Sometimes that's where the real value of a gift comes into play.

The thought. The intention. From the hands in which it comes into being. The memories that are created by that.]

Looks real nice! I'll have to find you some more that aren't so gaudy, I think. Should go out together and see what we can find. I don't know enough about what you like, after all.

[ Gaudy. Somehow, when Aerith puts it that way, she thinks it should suit her perfectly. What better word to describe Mizuki? Just a gaudy freak no one was ready for, not even her mother. ]

You don't... really know me at all.

[ She has to wonder if Aerith would still be here if she did. ]

Hm…

[That’s not exactly wrong either, though Aerith isn’t inclined to say it like that. There are plenty of people she’s known of that she’s pretty quickly come to conclusion over. Call that intuition or observance, or just Aerith drowning herself in hope.]

I know enough to know that I like being around you. Isn’t that all that matters? We all have things in our past. We all have our secrets. That doesn’t make us necessarily good or bad. It just makes us what we are.

[She smiles.]

People.

[ People.

If she didn't love people, she wouldn't be doing what she does, though there are some that make her question her entire world view. For a while she continues to frown, and still doesn't feel inclined to say much, but she adds in a low voice, ]

People can be shitty.

[Before she can even stop it, Aerith looses a soft laugh.]

They sure can be.

[Rocking a little back and forth in a somewhat gentle sort of fashion, her smile grows. Mizuki’s right on with that assessment. As much as Aerith wants to believe there’s hope in everyone, the fact of the matter is that it’s just not true. Some people aren’t redeemable and that has been a very hard life lesson to learn.]

But not everyone is. I don’t think you are. I’m pretty sure I’m not. But who knows. Maybe someone out there thinks I am.

[ At the very least, shifting the subject off Mizuki seems to subtly pique her curiosity. It is easier to fall back on the silence, of course, to return to that dark hole that was the center of the carousel, but instead, she finds herself looking to meet Aerith's eyes.

There may be some scrutiny behind it, like she's trying to find a tell, and when she speaks, she can't bite back the suspicion in her voice. ]

What makes you say that?

Hm… Well.

[Shifting the way she’s seated, Aerith retains that soft expression that falls across her face. She doesn’t seem offended by the notion, nor does she seem like she feels she must compromise who she is.]

Because everyone has their own heart. Their own thoughts and feelings. It’s not possible to be liked by everyone, though it might be nice to be. It makes sense that eventually someone would meet me and not like me very much for whatever reason. What’s important is that we find the people we can be honest and open with. Those people matter more. Wherever you go, someone won’t like you, Mizuki, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just keep being you.

[ It sounds like a speech a teacher would give. As she listens, she can almost picture Ms Sagan, which would probably explain why it feels like her tongue is a little less stiff now. Subtly, her lips twitch, like she is attempting to smile, although...

...... ]

It was never about... getting people to like me.

Hm... no? Not even a little?

[Or maybe Aerith's projecting. Whether she's younger or the Aerith she is at this moment, in these breaths, at Mizuki's side, she knows that she would have wanted others to like her. It's easy to step back and say that having the friendship of everyone just isn't possible. But she doesn't doubt that in whatever just toppled out of her mouth, there's a fair bit of thought that should really be applied to her own experiences.]

No. Maybe not. You don't seem to care too much what others think of you. Well, no more than you need to, anyway. That's a pretty cool skill to have. Not many do.

[ Heh. Well that tells Mizuki that she's convincing enough at least. Maybe Aerith is just humoring her, though. She seems like the type, especially since she so brilliantly picked up on the fact that Mizuki is upset. ]

Caring is exhausting. You care, and then...

And then people just leave, and you find out they were never there for you in the first place.

[Sometimes it's better not to make others feel as thought they have nothing to hide behind. That's not really Aerith's style. She can push and press and pry, but... She doesn't want to go overboard.]

That... certainly can happen.

[No sense in lying about it, right? No matter how much Aerith may seem an infinite optimist, she understands where realism is important.]

But it doesn't always happen. Sometimes that's the risk one has to take. If you think everyone is like that, you'll miss out on something that might be truly special. Things won't always work out the way we want them to or expect them to. That's okay, though. It won't feel like it, but it really is.

[ How does she know?

She can't bring herself to say it aloud, but continues to stew in the bitterness and resentment. How can she say that with such confidence? Maybe there's a part of her that can't accept the act, but until she's given a reason to do so otherwise, she just mutters noncommittally, ]

Maybe.

[ Until then, she still doesn't know what she's supposed to do. She needs to find a new place to live that's preferably not the inn, though she may not have a choice otherwise for a while. ]

Did you have something special with anyone? [ This Cloud person, maybe? ]

[Aerith has to assume that the only reason she can say things the way she does is because of what she’s personally gone through. What she’s lost. What she’s experienced. The fact that she’s here right now is a testament to something. Maybe to the idea that Aerith is unwilling to just surrender, regardless of whatever might be put up against her. Or maybe she understands what it means to be the only one of her kind and the weight of reality and expectation that comes with it.

Even if it’s just self-perceived expectation.

Her eyebrows raise at Mizuki’s question and she thinks on it for several moments before she can manage to provide what she can only hope is a marginally adequate response.]

Hm… I’d like to think I have something special with my friends. The truth is, there are people from home, like Cloud, who I haven’t known for very long. [Sort of. Technically, she’s known him for longer than he realises she has. At least, she thinks so.] Our other friends back home are kind of the same. I met them through him. There have been others, too.

[Zack, for instance, leaving her feelings a bit muddled in this place, in this time.]

Everyone I know is special in their own way. I want to think of them as special. I think they all deserve it. You fall into that, too. I think what you and I have is special. I don’t just sit with everyone like this and talk.

[ So she doesn't know him that well. Yet they live together.

Is it just because they were from the same place? She can kind of understand that. It was easy for her to flock to a familiar face, even if it ended poorly for her. Her fist tighten slightly at the thought of her being "special," but she otherwise doesn't react much. ]

You don't? [ Could have fooled Mizuki. There is perhaps a touch of disbelief in her tone, but mostly it is just flat. She is tired. ]

Hmmmmmmmnope!

[Pulling her knees a little closer to her, she wears a gentler smile.]

Not for lack of trying. The people in Midgar aren't all very nice. It's a complicated situation. My mom also worries about me, so I try not to do too many things that'll give her a reason to do that. I guess you could say that while there's people back home I help, like with errands and things like that, there aren't a lot of people that I'm close to.

[Aerith offers up a shrug.]

That's all it is. Not all situations are equal. Not all relationships are equal, either.

[ Mom.

For just a second, she can feel a brief flash of ache where she'd gotten the worst of Shoko's punishments. When Mizuki was too clingy, or when Shoko was too drunk. Her ears rang from the lectures, the rants. Hours, and for what...?

A balloon. ]

My mom never...

[ Yet she can't. She can't admit it. That he was right, that Shoko never loved her. ]

Never mind. [ Anyway. ]

[Aerith quiets when Mizuki speaks. Her mom…

What.

It’s hard not to immediately jump to the worst conclusion. There are probably shades of grey and many things that she doesn’t understand. It isn’t right to assume, however. Instead, she looks sympathetic.]

Hm… I don’t want to push you. I never do. With some people, that’s okay. But with you, I don’t want to do that. One day, I hope you feel comfortable enough with me to say anything that’s on your mind. Doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow, or even weeks or months from now. But one day, I hope you feel safe to do so.

[Her smile is small and subdued, but seemingly sincere.]

I’m here for you. However you might need me to be.

[ Safe.

It's hard to say whether she'll ever feel truly safe ever again. At least for right now, however, in this very moment, a part of her can feel safe with Aerith. She appears to have moved past the desire to push Aerith away, and no matter how small that might feel and how little Mizuki realizes it, it's progress.

It may take a little longer to get the full story, but eventually she will warn her about the imposter Kaname Date. With Cloud living with Aerith, Mizuki isn't likely to live with them, but at least she has the option open to her, making her feel a little less trapped.

All this, but she is remains quiet, dipping her chin low as she brings her knees into fetal position. ]

...Thank you.

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[02] [open] nemesis identified

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If too old, please feel free to drop. Sorry for the wait!

never! though we can probably steer both these older threads to a close soon ❤️

Sounds like a plan.

1/2

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🎀