expiationlogs | --give me the truth, even if it hurts [closed]

[ Three in the morning. Jouno sighs an annoyed sigh, tucking a stray strand of hair behind his ear. They would have normally only slept another few hours before getting up, both used to the early morning hours of the military, but regardless, even an hour longer would have been nice.

It isn't that Jouno isn't thinking about things, though he certainly has put more energy into resting to recover from almost dying.

Almost dying -- it bothered Jouno a lot, and he knows it must be eating at Tetchou as well. Tetchou's reaction to finding him is still fresh on Jouno's mind, the sheer anger when he'd demanded to know who had done this to Jouno. ]

Ugh, fine. Go ahead.

[ He doesn't mind some touch now and then, though he tends to avoid it due to how sensitive he can be. ]

I suppose the first thing to do is to figure out what atonement means here.

[ Jouno is not ashamed of his crime, nor does he feel particularly bad about it. Tetchou, however, is the sort to feel guilt about things. It makes Jouno curious.

He purses his lips for a moment, thinking over his question. Is it the right time to ask? Really, he'd much rather be asleep, but they're up now, so... ]

What did your parchment say? [ It inevitably has something to do with Tetchou's mood, Jouno is sure of it. ]

[ Permission was granted. Almost immediately, Tetchou shifts, seeming to be all too aware of where Jouno's wounds were, as he moves to rest his cheek against Jouno's shoulder instead of resting his chin on the back of his chair.

Touch wasn't something that Tetchou was super used to, either, but he was far more accustomed to it than Jouno. He always asked first with Jouno, where sometimes others, like Teruko or Fukuchi, wouldn't.

A touch, like this. Gentle and careful... was enough to slightly comfort Tetchou on one aspect. Jouno hadn't died. He was here. He was alive. Tetchou wouldn't have to go about this alone. ]

It said... my crime was... putting you above Justice.

[ One of his hands comes up, playing with a longer piece of his own hair, as if that would help to get him to focus on explaining the situation to Jouno. His eyes half close as he focuses on his words, on what to say next.

What could he do, but explain? ]

You went missing. We knew the vampires had gotten you. So I did what I could, to find you. I put you above justice, above everything that is good and right. I forsake everything I'd ever known... to find you.

[ Something like this shouldn't be considered a crime. Shouldn't be considered awful. But, in his heart, he could feel the guilt welling up even before he'd come here.

Their job was to protect people. To do what was right. To win in the face of injustice. And he'd put all that aside for one person.

How stupid could he be?
Their job was deadly - if Jouno was to die, that was on him. Tetchou shouldn't have searched for him.

Still... even with the guilt in his heart, he didn't regret it for even a moment. Not really.

Lifting his head from Jouno's shoulder, finally, he looks straight at Jouno, to ask a question in return. ]

What about yours?

[ Based on his own crime, Jouno had expected something else of Tetchou's. Hearing what it actually was has Jouno purse his lips and turn his head away -- it's not as if he'd been "looking" in Tetchou's direction, but all of the sudden they felt far too close.

They'd always had an understanding to never verbalize whatever it was that was between them. A relationship of some sort? Jouno didn't know nor did he want to know. Their line of work wasn't conducive to such things, nor had Jouno been particularly fond of them even before becoming a Hunting Dog.

So he scolds Tetchou instead of comforting him. ]

That was stupid. [ Then, more quietly because he's hesitant to acknowledge this change in Tetchou at all: ] We've always agreed before. The mission has to come first.

[ It's simply who they were as soldiers. If they started to put each other first, then hadn't they failed their occupation?

Jouno sighs and decides that the change of topic is a welcome one. Anything to not discuss Tetchou's stupid mistake. ]

Torturing the innocent. [ There's a quirk of his lips as he says it -- a small smile that he can't help. He may be being punished for it, but it's clear that he at least finds the situation a little amusing. ] Though in my defense, it's part of the job to investigate all suspects.

[ As right as Jouno was, there was a nagging feeling, a nagging thought in the back of his head that tried to break down all he knew, just to satisfy his singular selfish desire. It was stupid - he was stupid for doing that, for putting anything above the mission.

This was a first for him. That's why it was so difficult to understand what his next steps were, how to improve from that 'crime', that so-called sin he commit. It'd continue to eat at him in their own place back home-- but having it thrown in his face, having him on trial? that was what kept him up. That was why he was finding it hard to sleep.

Tetchou decides it wasn't going to help either of them to linger on that conversation. Instead, he allows the topic to change, to bury that conversation under the dark of the night.

Amber eyes narrow at the other man as he hears the crime.
Oh.
That... fit.
Too well, even, with how that smile came to Jouno's face.

Jouno wouldn't have time to even process the quick shift of Tetchou, the hand brought up... until he feels a small flick to his forehead. ] Torturing the innocent....

[ The corners of his lips tug down in a frown. ]
Is not part of the job.

[ Tetchou was never one to sugarcoat words, if they needed to be said. This got him into plenty of trouble, when he wasn't clear enough with what he meant with his words. Maybe this statement wouldn't get him into trouble, this time? ] ... You belong here.

Ow!

[ At least it wasn't the tip of Tetchou's sword this time, although with their added strength behind the flick, it hadn't necessarily been pleasant. Jouno grumbles under his breath, rubbing his forehead where Tetchou had flicked him. ]

It's necessary to interrogate everyone, to find the culprit. Besides, all too often, the innocent are hiding something.

[ Still, Jouno doesn't entirely disagree. If anyone needs to atone for their crimes, it is probably him. ]

I belong in Hell, but that's not what this place is. This is... something else. [ Something that punished even people as sanctimonious as Tetchou. ]

[ How many times had they been in this situation, where Tetchou harmed Jouno in some way to get him to realize he was going too far, to realize he was acting like less of a soldier and more of a cruel criminal? Too many to count by now.

For someone so honorable, it was strange that he enjoyed someone who could be so cruel through and through. Maybe it was the way they balanced each other out, without even trying. ]

Interrogation doesn't mean torture. We've been over this. [ And they would go over it again and again and again. It never sank in. He knew that. ]

You're right. You do belong in Hell.
[ Honesty was... both a curse and a blessing when it comes to Tetchou, that's for sure. ]

How do we begin to atone? I have ideas for you.

[ Jouno brushes a strand of hair behind his ear and offers up a small shrug, clearly brushing off anything Tetchou has to say on this topic. It was a simple fact that they would never agree how to conduct business. Jouno was convinced that Tetchou winning their most recent competition had just been a fluke; his way of interrogation produced better and faster results. It got under people's skin and pried out information that a more honest approach could never achieve. ]

I'm not interested in your ideas. [ Jouno waves a hand dismissively. ] Nor am I particularly interested in atoning at all.

I spoke to an old colleague who happens to be here as well. It sounds like we're in it for the long haul. I would suggest we figure out how to adjust here and then perhaps look for a way back home...

[ The world was in too much peril for Jouno to feel comfortable leaving home and forgetting about it. He may not be a good guy, but part of him wanted to be one.

More than that, though, he wanted to see Fukuchi's downfall when Jouno's plan came to fruition. ]

First things first, I intend to find a doctor tomorrow...

[ Jouno was so frustrating sometimes, never stepping back to reassess a situation once he had his mind set. It's part of why Tetchou was struggling so hard with his 'crime'. Jouno wasn't someone he could ask about it, not only because he was involved, because he was the root of it, but because Jouno didn't find atonement necessary, where Tetchou felt an obligation to atone, somehow. ]

... [ Tetchou's jaw tightens, as he grits his teeth. His hand pushes some of his hair back, palm resting a moment against his forehead.

A doctor.
They... would need one, if they stayed here. Otherwise-- ]

Got it. [ What more was there to say? Jouno was the brains of their duo, after all. He knew better, what they should do in a situation like this. ] We'll adjust, then. Try to atone some, even if you aren't interested in it.

It'll be good for you.

[ Shifting, Tetchou crosses his arms, resting them on the table. Then, he rests his cheek against them, facing Jouno and half staring him down. ]

I can't sleep, [ He reminds Jouno of their predicament, briefly, before continuing, ] until you finally tell me what happened. Who did that to you?

I'm not stupid. [ Not completely. ] You're strong. To be hurt that badly... [ Just thinking about it was making Tetchou angry again - the sight of Jouno, the labored breathing, the pain he was in-- ]

I may not have a choice. [ The specifics of this place were still an unknown, after all. Who knows how atonement was handled, or what the true weight of having a crime meant?

But Tetchou asks about that again and Jouno frowns, turning his head once more in the opposite direction. He'd have to answer eventually. Tetchou deserved to know, and they'd have to deal with the mess when they got home.

But already, Jouno could feel Tetchou tensing up. Hesitantly, Jouno moves to rest a hand on the top of Tetchou's leg, as if to calm him somewhat. ]

The mastermind we were running in circles to find was none other than our Commander himself. We were intentionally misled. The Armed Detective Agency was never guilty in the first place.

[ Jouno turns in his chair to face Tetchou now. ] The Commander wanted me to join him as a member of the Decay of Angels.

[ Judging by how Jouno had ended up, it was probably obvious the answer he'd given. ]

[ Anger as a word doesn't even begin to describe how Tetchou feels. No longer was his mind on the crimes they were accused of. It helped, somewhat, that he had a one-track mind when it came to the things he cared about, the people he cared about.

The hand on his leg did the one thing Jouno most likely hoped for-- kept Tetchou calm enough so he didn't leave to find something to take his anger out on, or to get himself in more trouble. That's how he ended up with a few broken ribs in the first place, worse for ware in his own way when he found Jouno.

His head lifts, his eyes focus completely on Jouno, inspecting his face, as if trying to find any hint of a lie within him.

... Jouno wouldn't lie about something like this.
As much as Tetchou wanted to believe it was some sick joke, some sadistic comment from Jouno to see how Tetchou would handle betrayal. Even Jouno wasn't that cruel. Not now, not anymore. Not that Tetchou knew, at least. ]

Then it's our job to make this right. Once we're home. [ Tetchou takes in a sharp breath, his hand slowly wandering down to rest over Jouno's, where it rest against his leg.

Jouno did what was right. That was easy enough to deduce. He refused to join the Decay of Angels. Tetchou's sure it's because of one thing: deep down, in his own way, Jouno was good. It's one of those things Tetchou respected about Jouno - despite his sadistic tendencies, he still had a passion for helping the innocent, as much as hurting them. ]

He didn't understand you. Not if he thought you'd join the Decay of Angels.

[ The turmoil within the man is clear, the frustration and betrayal bubbling over and threatening to consume him. At least he had an answer, now. ]

... Did he intend to kill you? Did the same thing happen to Tachihara, do you think? Does... Teruko know? [ Too many questions - too many that Jouno couldn't answer. Neither of them could. ] We should have trusted Tachihara. He- knew something. More than we did.

[ Finally, it settled in. Understanding, puzzle pieces dropping into place. ]

I agree. [ It was their responsibility to right this wrong, to make up for the trouble they'd caused. Jouno had already put a plan into motion to help -- relying on the young girl who had stumbled across them earlier in the airport.

It's what Tetchou says next that catches Jouno off guard and makes his breath catch in his throat.

He didn't understand you.

There's a tightness in Jouno's chest and he shifts his hand, lacing his fingers with Tetchou's for the moment. Was that true? Had Fukuchi just misunderstood Jouno's base desires? Jouno hopes so -- the part of him that wants to be good, that wants to be more than what he is naturally. ]

Yes, well, many people don't. [ He finally speaks up after a moment of silence. Fukuchi had recruited Jouno to the Hunting Dogs from the beginning with this plan in mind, but Jouno was better than that. If nothing else, at least Tetchou believed Jouno to be capable of being good, being better. ]

He intended to kill me and turn me into a vampire -- another mindless subservient of his. [ The mention of Tachihara has Jouno pause again, a frown gracing his lips. ] Tachihara-kun is almost assuredly dead. As for the Co-Commander, I'm afraid I don't know how much she was aware of.

But I took Tachihara-kun's warning to heart when I realized he wasn't lying. I was able to pass on a message to a civilian... I believe she'll be able to handle things on her own where we failed.

[ The feeling of fingers lacing with his own- that wasn't a feeling he expected, from the small touch. It was enough to distract him from the turbulent emotions, even with a new one coming up every other minute.

It didn't mean anything. He knew that, logically. All it happened to be was a quiet touch, shared between them to comfort the other, to keep their emotions from taking over. Right?

Whatever it was, Tetchou didn't bring attention to it. He knew, once he did, it wouldn't last. ]

I try to. [ The tiniest of admittance. He'd been doing that too much tonight, hadn't he? ]

You should have told me. I could have helped. Made sure you didn't...

[ Get hurt. Get cornered. End up... like Tachihara most likely had.

This...
It was all so fucked up, from the start, wasn't it? His hand slowly pulls away from Jouno's, only for Tetchou to shift, his arms wrapping around Jouno carefully. He'd asked permission earlier, for a small touch. Surely this crossed a line.

He couldn't bring himself to care.
They'd been through so much - still had so much to go through.]

You didn't have to try to handle this on your own.
We're partners, Jouno. We handle everything together. [ His voice lowers, to a whisper, with how close he'd gotten to the other man. ]

I had no use for your expertise yet. You're only good at taking down wild boar, remember? This required... more finesse.

[ Jouno had thought he had it all figured out, that he could handle things on his own. He was strong -- the strongest Hunting Dog, even, no matter if his colleagues disagreed. So how had he made such a(n almost) fatal mistake?

Tetchou is incredibly close now, and Jouno wrinkles his nose. ]

You smell like sweat.

[ Tetchou's natural state, really, with how much he works out -- even if Jouno had insisted he shower before they'd gone to bed. More than that, the complaint is a distraction from how close they'd gotten.

Finally, after a moment:] ... I thought I could handle it.

[ "The strongest Hunting Dog" was a lie, in truth. There was no singular strongest Hunting Dog. That was something that, despite constantly fighting with Jouno over the title.

The reality of it? "The strongest Hunting Dog" only existed when they worked together. Whether it was Tachihara and Teruko or Tetchou and Jouno - their greatest strength lied within their teamwork, within their matched movements and fighting styles. ]

...

[ What else was there to say, without outright calling Jouno weak? It would be a lie to speak like that; in no world was Jouno a weak man. He was up against someone who knew all of his weaknesses, however...

Slowly, he finally pulls back. ]

You did. You put a plan in motion. If you think that girl can handle it, I trust your judgement, Jouno.
The boy I fought, he protected her. Thought I was after her -- she had someone with her. I think you were right to choose her.

[ Not that he ever explained properly how he ended up so injured. Slowly, he stands up, his hand settling against Jouno's shoulder for only one moment. ]

Let's make tea, then we can go back to bed.

I think she can.

[ Still, it's a relief to hear that Tetchou agrees with his choice. Silently, he places his hand on Tetchou's for a moment before removing it and finally agreeing: ]

Tea would be nice.

[ He didn't, however, miss part of what Tetchou said: the boy he'd fought. Knowing their enemy well from the reports Jouno had poured over before fighting them, he knew who Tetchou must have meant. ]

Don't tell me... It was the fourteen-year-old that beat you up that badly?

[ There's no way to hide the grin on Jouno's face. He's trying not to laugh. ]

--give me the truth, even if it hurts [closed]

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