osamu "vodka aunt" dazai (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nullificates) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
expiationlogs2023-09-22 10:53 pm
nullificates) wrote in expiationlogs2023-09-22 10:53 pm
(after event chill out lil mingle) let's understand it
(cw depression)
(he hasn't exactly been doing great - much to the opposite. he spent the week in bed, he hasn't taken care of himself whatsoever, and he's exhausted. either way, it hardly matters how he feels, does it ever?
so. let's go. a text message arrives to everyone's charms and tablets, and it reads:)
this is, you guessed it, osamu dazai. it's been a week since that stupid maze, so here is what we have:
1. i need copious amounts of alcohol and food. i'll bring some to the beach in 30, i suggest we all do the same.
2. i'd like to hear what your experiences were. it's important for data building - we have a few detectives in this place, some smartpants, and some go-getters. we need to take advantage of our only resource, which is ourselves. meet me at the beach, or send me anonymously. i don't care about your shit per se.
see you, or don't see you.
many words that mean absolutely nothing here,
dazai.
(to those that come to the beach, they'll see several cocktail possibilities laid in front of dazai, as well as a good number of the food they serve in lupin - mixed nuts, pistachio, cheese tables, chocolate, dried figs, potato chips, chicken snacks, boiled sausage, asparagus with sauces, and dried fruit. a bonfire warms his hands in the chilly breeze of the night - this feels awfully needed.)
(he hasn't exactly been doing great - much to the opposite. he spent the week in bed, he hasn't taken care of himself whatsoever, and he's exhausted. either way, it hardly matters how he feels, does it ever?
so. let's go. a text message arrives to everyone's charms and tablets, and it reads:)
this is, you guessed it, osamu dazai. it's been a week since that stupid maze, so here is what we have:
1. i need copious amounts of alcohol and food. i'll bring some to the beach in 30, i suggest we all do the same.
2. i'd like to hear what your experiences were. it's important for data building - we have a few detectives in this place, some smartpants, and some go-getters. we need to take advantage of our only resource, which is ourselves. meet me at the beach, or send me anonymously. i don't care about your shit per se.
see you, or don't see you.
many words that mean absolutely nothing here,
dazai.
(to those that come to the beach, they'll see several cocktail possibilities laid in front of dazai, as well as a good number of the food they serve in lupin - mixed nuts, pistachio, cheese tables, chocolate, dried figs, potato chips, chicken snacks, boiled sausage, asparagus with sauces, and dried fruit. a bonfire warms his hands in the chilly breeze of the night - this feels awfully needed.)
no subject
The things Shiomi is saying...they make sense. They sound like things he could hear his friends say, or Hound Dog-sensei, or his mother. Izuku knows, in his heart, that she's right. But sometimes bad habits are the hardest to shake, especially when they've been cultivated for his entire life.]
Everybody just went through something awful. I should be helping them, not... [...being a burden. A liability.
He has to be the best hero he can possibly be right now. He has to. He can't afford to not be good enough at the only thing in his life he's ever wanted to do.
(He's never been very good at remembering that even heroes need to cry sometimes)]
no subject
Hey, doesn't it help you when people tell you about their problems? [she asks, mostly rhetorically, because she doesn't wait for him to answer before continuing like a bulldozer,] 'Cause I know that I like helping people. And you went through something awful too, didn't you?
no subject
I--
[He swallows, practically chocking on his own words, suddenly deeply unsure what's actually the right thing to say. He's being pulled between two completely opposed lines of thought. He wants to believe so badly that it's okay to ask for help, that he deserves it just as much as anyone. It's so hard not to believe that he doesn't deserve it, that wanting it makes him bad somehow, that he's stealing help away from people who actually matter.
He doesn't want to be a burden. He doesn't want to break his promise to his classmates. He wants to power through this with a smile. He wants to cry until he feels better. He wants to hide someplace where he won't bother anyone. He wants to help everyone. He's so, so tired.]
...I don't want to feel like this anymore...