(after event chill out lil mingle) let's understand it

[nullificates]

(cw depression)

(he hasn't exactly been doing great - much to the opposite. he spent the week in bed, he hasn't taken care of himself whatsoever, and he's exhausted. either way, it hardly matters how he feels, does it ever?

so. let's go. a text message arrives to everyone's charms and tablets, and it reads:)

this is, you guessed it, osamu dazai. it's been a week since that stupid maze, so here is what we have:

1. i need copious amounts of alcohol and food. i'll bring some to the beach in 30, i suggest we all do the same.
2. i'd like to hear what your experiences were. it's important for data building - we have a few detectives in this place, some smartpants, and some go-getters. we need to take advantage of our only resource, which is ourselves. meet me at the beach, or send me anonymously. i don't care about your shit per se.

see you, or don't see you.

many words that mean absolutely nothing here,
dazai.

(to those that come to the beach, they'll see several cocktail possibilities laid in front of dazai, as well as a good number of the food they serve in lupin - mixed nuts, pistachio, cheese tables, chocolate, dried figs, potato chips, chicken snacks, boiled sausage, asparagus with sauces, and dried fruit. a bonfire warms his hands in the chilly breeze of the night - this feels awfully needed.)

Comments

[chemex]

Oh, absolutely. He'd definitely kill me if I told you how much, but just know it's a lot. [He wonders sometimes, too. And maybe that's a lot of it, right there-- Goro makes himself so unlovable, so hard to tolerate and so easy to be pushed away from, Akira takes it as a challenge and outdoes him with affection. But then he'd get bored when Goro relented, and that certainly wasn't true, so he'll just say it's a mystery.]

[He hums, leaning on her a bit more.] You're doing plenty, right here.

[orphne]

He could try.

[He's tried before, after all! It's a joke, but not a particularly funny one as she shifts a little when he moves to dig her chin into his hair.]

I'm glad you're here with me, Akira.

[chemex]

Didn't he once already? [Another chuckle that briefly crackles into a cough, which he tries to not shake too much from.]

[He butts his head up under her chin, closing his eyes and relaxing against her, digging his heels into the sand.] Mmn, same.

[orphne]

[She huffs through her nose again, shifting her hand from his waist to comb gently into the back of his hair, like she'd done in the maze. Content to let them sit in silence for a little while, she looks out over the ocean and strokes his hair. It's only after a few moments' silence that she adds,]

The maze... sorry we got separated.

[She knows there wasn't anything she could do about it, but, well- it still feels like something she should apologize for.]

[chemex]

[Head scritches will put him to sleep, Kotone, you've seen this firsthand. His posture starts to slip a little against her when she speaks, and he opts to sit up a little straighter, even if now he definitely looks doze-y.] Mmn, 's okay. Didn't wanna be, but... I think some time on my own helped me reflect on what we talked about.

[orphne]

[Listen, Mr. "I didn't sleep enough so I got sick," if her head scritches put him to sleep, that's a positive, not a negative.]

Yeah? [Her voice is gentle as she prods further, without letting up on her attention to his hair.] Wanna talk about your reflection?

[Hopefully he knows by now that she won't judge him, whether he chooses to tell her or not.]

[chemex]

[He huffs a vaguely annoyed sound-- at himself, more than her, and leans his head into her hand.] I'm an asshole to myself and I gotta stop that. [Frank.]

[orphne]

[She laughs a little, less from humor than surprise. Yeah, it's a frank assessment, but one Akira probably does need to make for himself, huh?]

Yeah. [Not the nicest thing to agree with, but hey, when he's right, he's right!] Lemme know if you ever need a reminder to be nicer to yourself.

[chemex]

[He exhales hard enough to pouch his mask forward from his mouth a second and slumps against her, sulking.] I never really thought about it before.

[orphne]

[She hums.]

Did you tell Goro? I bet he'd say something mean like, "Of course you have a hero complex, blah blah blah~"

[said as if he's said it to her, which, he kind of has. But also she does her best imitation of a Goro Voice, so take that as you will.]

akira stop beating yourself up all the time challenge

[chemex]

[He laughs, and the sound is strained, his smile a little wounded until he shifts gears to focus on her impression.] ...yeah, he wasn't very happy with me. But he's helped... a lot. More than I ever expected. [God he's down so bad.] Your impression is pretty good. Sumire did a pretty good one, too. [Ah, he hasn't really talked about her since she left, has he. Excuse him as he flinches again.]

😩

[orphne]

Good. I'm glad.

[She can only imagine how much Akira's helped Goro. It's good to hear that it goes both ways, kind of.

But her expression falls at the mention of Violet, nodding once. It seems she's gone, just like Shinji, huh...? Kotone nudges his shoulder gently.]

It's okay to miss her, you know.

[chemex]

[He laughs quietly, shaking his head.] No, I know-- [He puts the heel of one hand against his forehead, scrunching his eyes closed and rubbing at it.] I just feel stupid for being really fragile about literally everything right now.

[orphne]

[She hums, shifting to press herself against his side and gazing out over the ocean. What would be the right thing to say...?]

I think going through really hard stuff makes everything hurt worse, [she says finally, tilting her head to bump against his.] Both little things and big things.

[chemex]

[He just grunts, sucking in a harsh breath through his nose. He's not crying, but he did get a little misty.] I worry about her, you know? She's come so far, but she had it so rough. [He loops his arm around her shoulders.] ...sorry, you don't need this from me.

[orphne]

[Oh, putting his arm around her was a mistake. It leaves his side open to pinching, which she does immediately.]

Don't bottle it all up, Akira. [It's a warning! Don't make her pinch you again!]

[chemex]

[He barks a startled sound, coughs for a minute, but grins at her as he hides behind a hand.] Hey, hey! Pinching not necessary.

[orphne]

No?

[She wiggles his fingers against his side, not-quite tickling him, but more to warn him that there are more pinches where that came from!]

You don't have to say sorry for things that are bothering you, [she continues, a little more seriously as she glances at him with the faintest of smiles.] You wouldn't want your friends to feel like they had to apologize to you, right?

[chemex]

[He squirms, scooting his butt away so he's leaned over to keep his arm over her shoulders. It does absolutely nothing to dissuade her not-tickling or pinching. Nothing. He is a fool.]

[Another huff, and he frowns at her.] Wh-- no, of course not. [He frowns harder, looking at the sand, and oozes bonelessly into the space he created between them.] ...you're right, again. I'm so bad at this.

[orphne]

Yeah, you kind of are! [she agrees cheerfully. It's not maliciousness, at least, but just an honest statement. He really, really sucks at taking care of himself. Maybe as bad as Dazai, but just for a different reason.

Her smile fades a little as she finally lets her arm return to his waist again, just to hold him.]

...It's easier to notice when someone else does it. It's harder to tell when you do it yourself.

[In short -- same hat, buddy.]

[chemex]

[He moves his arm, then, and wiggles his way into her lap like an overgrown cat, stretching in either direction to become surprisingly long. He's pretty tall, after all, even if he doesn't usually capitalize on it by virtue of horrendous posture. He doesn't say anything for a minute, digesting her words, and shifts again to loop his arms around her waist in turn.] ...in the words of you on so many occasions..., I'm tired.

[orphne]

[She lifts her arms to let him settle in however's comfortable. He really is just a big person-shaped cat, huh...? One hand falls to his side, the other to his hair to gently start combing through it again, de-tangling any knots she finds.]

Yeah, [she agrees again, more quietly this time. She closes her eyes for just a moment before she looks back out over the ocean.] We spent a lot of time helping other people. It's not like they didn't help us, too, but... it's different, huh?

[chemex]

[He folds his arms over her knee and pillows his cheek there, humming in agreement.] Don't get me wrong, I love helping people... but I'm maybe a little scared of letting people help me.

[orphne]

[She hums softly and nods once, rubbing her fingers gently into his scalp.]

Ken-kun said something important, [she says finally, a little slowly as she tries to put it into her own words.] He said... he wanted to be the one to protect me. That it was okay for me not to shoulder everything alone. When I was his leader, he was only ten years old. If he feels like that...

[She closes her eyes and exhales a soft, tired sigh through her nose.]

I know your friends will feel the same way. Yosuke, too, said that even a leader can't be expected to be okay all the time. So...

[Her next tug to his hair is accompanied by a wan little smile, but at least it's a smile.]

Maybe we should listen to our friends more, huh?