expiationlogs | [open] verdant moon catchall

Entry tags:

[open] verdant moon catchall

Who: Marianne & you
Where: Aldrip
What: August catchall
Warnings: None

i. a clean break

[ If you live at the inn, Marianne can be found going in and out of her room with a broom tidying. Having decided that she should cease shutting herself away so much, it feels like the right time to sort out the mess her room had become.

After an hour spent clanking around and moving things, her room does not look any cleaner despite her efforts. In fact, it's messier than before. How? Her real curse may be her inability to organize anything. So, she's resorted to boxing up the items she wants to part with and moving it out into the hall, with apologies to anyone who has to step around her pile. ]

Sorry about the mess. I'm doing a bit of tidying. If you'd like any of this, please, help yourself.

[ She gestures to the box of goods she's planning to rehome. There are jugs, pressed flowers, candles, books... ]

ii. uncanny admiration

[ Despite being fond of gardens, Marianne has largely avoided the botanical gardens where the statues of the Chosen are on display. She finds her own image carved in marble too embarrassing, too shameful for someone who had brought the town ruin not too long ago. With her newfound determination (and feeling plagued by it long enough), she arranges for her statue to be taken down and dismantled.

The next day, she thinks she can finally stroll the garden in peace...that is, until she sees an incredibly detailed carving of herself erected in a new location, again engraved with the words Savior of Aldrip. Oh, how those words make her hide her face in her hands. ]

It's back? I don't understand how.

iii. (don't) stop to smell the flowers

[ Marianne feels most at peace in the Aldrip meadows, though she still feels guilty whenever she comes across a strip of devastated land. She's taken to helping the fairies with their work to restore nature, bringing them seeds and whatever they request. This afternoon, however, she has trouble keeping her eyes open. The flower's sweet scent, the gentle breeze, the calmness all lull her to close her eyes and lay down in the grass. Once she's drifted off, birds gather around her still form, and one plucks at her hairband as she sleeps. ]

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[ The Marianne in stone is posed angelically, one arm outstretched to the sky, a marble bird perched on her unmoving fingertips. Her expression is serene, nothing like the mortified look the flesh and blood Marianne wears when she realizes someone else has passed by and seen her statue. It's no fault of the young woman's though, who Marianne turns to red-faced. ]

Oh, it's just. They carved these statues of us Chosen a while ago. I had mine taken down, but they've simply put up another one.

[ She'd emphasized to the townspeople that she didn't deserve the recognition - she felt so far from a hero - but they wouldn't hear of her concerns. ]

Oh.

[ At least it's a simple observational sound, without any real judgement in it. Sure, it still makes poor Marianne only look even more embarrassed next to Ange, who seems so calm and collected about all of this, but at least it doesn't seem like Ange is really questioning why Marianne had hers taken down..

She can kind of understand the mortifying ordeal of Being Known, after all. ]

Sounds like they're really dedicated to this, huh? [ .. not really helping there, Ange. But at least she doesn't leave it at that dry observation, considering Marianne really does seem flustered about all of this.

So the least she can say is a casual: ]

How about you just cover it up then?

It's impossible. What if they take the cover away, too?

[ Her pessimism shows as her gaze flicks to the grass, the cobbled path, anywhere but the statue or the young woman calmly observing the situation. Marianne's thought of throwing a cloth over the marble, or at least the part of it that hails her a hero, but would the gardener allow it? Would that draw even more attention to her statue?

Oh, the mortifying ordeal of being known.

Embarrassing as it is to have someone witness her like this, it also gives Marianne a chance to voice thoughts that had been on the back of her mind lately. She begins reluctantly, her voice quiet. ]

I don't want to seem rude because they've been nothing but kind to me, but have the locals ever seemed to act...strangely to you?

[ Ange is about to shrug, say that it's at least worth a try - not a sign of optimism as much as it's the sort of pessimism where she figures they'll probably take it away, but it's not like giving it a try would hurt.

But then Marianne asks that other question, taking Ange's thoughts away from it. In the end the entire statue thing is Marianne's own problem, anyway. It's easier to address this, especially with how often Ange has been thinking about the nature of this place and everything they've found so far. ]

You mean the way they sometimes kind of act like they're part of a cult?

[ Her tone is.. perhaps a little too casual for the topic, though maybe it's just the way it's so emotionless that gives it an air of near-nonchalance. ]

[ Marianne hadn't wanted to put it that way, but yes, what Ange said had been on her mind for a while now. At first, she had attributed it to a cultural difference. As a believer in the goddess, she understood the townspeople's devotion to their own gods and even admired their passion and benevolence. Still, as time passed, it was difficult not to notice their more zealous behaviors...especially now that she had apparently become an object of worship. ]

I believe they have good intentions at heart, but it's like I'm unable to talk them into seeing any other way.

[ She knows she's not the best at persuasion, far from it, but there had come a point when explaining her point of view felt like her words were falling on deaf ears. ]

People will believe in what they want to believe in. And the more they believe in something, the more they'll try to cling onto it, no matter what anyone else tries to tell them.

[ Maybe this is a topic Ange has considered before - whether in this particular context or not - considering the girl answers relatively quickly. There's not much of a moment for thoughts between what Marianne says and what Ange replies with.

Her gaze turns back to the statue for a moment, as if she's thinking more while looking at it. ]

I guess there's no telling for just how long the people in this place have already believed in that.. that thing they love to talk about, you know? [ Yes, she forgot the specific name, maybe since she got so tired of hearing about it. Those That Be, maybe? Something like that??

Ange supposes the specifics don't really matter, since it's really just how the locals decided to label it.. ]

Maybe the obsession with you has something to do with that obsession with them. Or maybe they're just desperate to believe in anything at all.

[ Marianne has a different perspective, though unlike Ange, she hesitates to assert it. She has had to grapple with feeling disconnected from her own faith, and voicing her thoughts was something she had never been good at to begin with. ]

That may be so...but I don't think belief is a bad thing. It's something to take strength in, and I admire how unwavering they are.

[ Even if their unrelenting faith ends up causing her distress, she doesn't want to dissuade them from their belief in Those Who Were There. But if they could just, as her friends might put it, cool it a bit? That'd be a relief. ]

If it were their own gods, I would understand their devotion, but Chosen like me...aren't we just outsiders? [ Here to be sentenced for a crime, no less. She was no goddess, smiling benevolently down on them like she is in marble. ] I don't deserve their praise.

[ At least luckily - luckily for Marianne, that is - Ange doesn't seem to bother to try and argue with her on this one. Sure, she's realising that their viewpoints might be opposites when it comes to this sort of thing, but it's not like she's going to go out of her way to tear down Marianne's belief.

That'd just be cruel to do. Besides, she has learned how important the power of belief can be for other people, even if it means nothing to her.

So rather than judging Marianne, Ange just lets it be, instead focusing on that last part with a hum. ]

How do you think people pick what to believe in?

[ It's an open question, really. The tone she's asking it with doesn't make it sound like Ange already has an answer in mind - more like she's trying to see what Marianne's answer to that is.

Ange, in the meantime, stares at the statue as she lets the question hang in the air between them. ]

...I guess I've never really thought about it.

[ Marianne starts hesitantly. Her faith wasn't something she chose. The goddess had always watched over her, and she had believed in her for as long as she can remember. But though the faith of Seiros was prevalent in Fodlan, there were also nonbelievers and those who felt obliged to practice for appearance's sake. Noblemen would go through the motions of worship only to appear pious to the people. So perhaps, in that sense, it was a choice after all.

After some reflection, she answers. ]

I was brought up with my faith, and the church would spread the goddess' teachings. I think the customs of our worlds shape our beliefs, but there's also a part of it that's personal. [ ... ] What do you think?

I think you're right.

[ She easily seems to agree, at least - and not in a way that sounds like she's just agreeing for the sake of it, like some people pleaser. Instead Ange's words sound a touch more thoughtful than that, even if the majority of her tone is still very even and emotionless.

Still, Ange turns her head to look at Marianne. ]

Some people probably believe because of some personal deep devotion. Because of.. feeling a special bond with a god, I assume. [ It's nothing Ange can relate to, given her own lack of faith in.. well, anything, even beyond just gods and religion, but it's not like she's going to talk badly about people who are just practicing faith with a spirit of good will. ]

But I think a whole lot of people just believe without really believing. Without ever really having thought about why they're doing so in the first place. They just do it because everyone does it, out of some sense of peer pressure, or something similar.

[ She pauses, twisting the ring on her finger as she thinks. ]

And some of them just get plainly lied to. Whether it's by some god of supernatural entity, or by someone making up such an entity in order to gain personal power.

[ ... ]

I wonder which one of those things it is that got the people of this place to believe so fiercely.

[ Marianne listens thoughtfully. She knows of people like herself who feel a connection to the goddess, and people who believe without really believing, but the latter - the latter makes her uncomfortable to think about. She hopes, for the gentle and faithful people of this land, that they aren't being misled.

When she gazes upon the statues, she gets a bad feeling, but maybe it's nothing more than a feeling like the many others brought on by her bleak outlook. She's not the most optimistic of persons, and she recognizes that. She would like to change herself even just a little. Maybe it would do her good to look up more, or to try to see a bit of what the townspeople see in her.

Funny enough, it's the believing that's hard. ]

You seem like you've given it much thought. [ It makes Marianne curious what the other believes in, if anything. ] Or is it that you know people like that?

[ There's the tiniest pause, just a beat. Not very long at all, but it's like Ange needs just a second to think of how exactly to word this, twisting a ring on her finger as she does. ]

I know a whole lot of entities with powers on the level of a god that suck.

[ That's the easiest way to explain it, she figures. And it's not like it isn't true. ]

So I've learned the only thing you can really trust in the world is yourself. [ Maybe.. kind of a depressing thing to say, huh.

Though Ange says it just as calmly as she says everything else, not much emotion leaking out through either her voice or her facial expression as she looks over at Marianne. ]

Else you'll just get hurt.

That's terrible. A goddess - or god should watch over their people.

[ Marianne says sadly, her expression turning somber. Sothis could be cruel and kind, but the goddess would never mislead people. She wonders if Ange had been one of the ones hurt in the past to feel so betrayed. Even though the other woman doesn't show much emotion, Marianne can't help but feel that living like that would be lonely. ]

[ Ange looks over at Marianne. ]

Is that how it is where you come from?

[ The other does seem to hold some belief in potential goodness in gods, after all. Which means there must be at least some personal experience there, Ange figures. ]

[ Marianne nods, bringing her hands together. ]

The goddess Sothis watches over the land and blesses us with her strength and protection. [ Her fingers twist together with uncertainty. ] The people here have a different faith, but I can see how devoted they are, so that's why I hope the best for them.

.. Do you really think there's something looking out for them, as they seem to think?

[ She won't question Marianne's own faith, at least. She's not that rude.

But even with everything they've already discussed, Ange feels like there's one thing they haven't touched on. Something she can't help but think about as she looks at their surroundings. ]

I mean, remember the people out in the desert? I guess I don't really have experience with actual gods, but if there was one here, shouldn't it have protected those people from turning into mindless beings?

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[open] verdant moon catchall

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